Lines You'll Never Hear

[Nelowulf]

Cont. From DA:

Vader: Ugh... I hate quickenings. Even though the first death star was destroyed, I finally destroyed Echinn Sin-Junn. I hated that guy.

Connery: Well Done, Highlander.

Vader: Who the ******** are you?

Connery: Why, I'm the immortal who taught you. *walks in*

Vader: Didn't you die in Highlander, the Gathering? (copywrite)

Connery: I came back in Highlander II, the Quickening. (copywrite)

Vader: But didn't you use all of your life force stopping the fan from chopping off Connor's head?

Connery: Umm...

*Schwartzenegger walks in*

Ahnold: Did somebody say Connor?

Vader: ******** man. Didn't you die?

Ahnold: It is impossible for me to die. They vill just recreate me again, especially in my new movie, Terminator 4, The machines get bored.

Vader: I see dead people!

Bruce Willis: Hey, you stole that kids line! *points to little kid*

Vader: AH!!!!!!!!!!!  

[TesticularCancerisFunYA!!]

now thats funny.  

[Mademoiselle Kit]

Palpy: Did you ever hear the story of Darth Plagous?

Anakin: *snort* xd Darth Plagous? What is he, some kinda disese?

Palpy: It's not funny. stare

Anakin: whee What next, Darth Tyranus? A dinosaur? He's old enough to be one!

Palpy: stressed This is really getting annoying...

Anakin: blaugh And...Darth Maul right? A vampire now?

Palpy: scream I'm getting angry!!!

Anakin: rofl But Darth Sidious! That sounds like constipation medicine!!!!

Palpy: evil THAT'S IT!!! *force chokes Anakin* Damn. Now I need to find a new apprentice...

*Everyone in studio glares at george*

GL: WHAT? I THOUGHT THE NAMES WERE GOOD!!!  

[Missing00]

*Vader rushes into the command room on the death star*

Vader: guys, name the best thing that has three words
Palpy:desroying enemy planet?
Admiral: ordering around troops?
Stormie: shooting my gun?
Vader: Nope. *reaches into paper bag and pulles out a DVD* Twilekes gone wild!  

[Darkened Angel]

missing nin itachi

*Vader rushes into the command room on the death star*

Vader: guys, name the best thing that has three words
Palpy:desroying enemy planet?
Admiral: ordering around troops?
Stormie: shooting my gun?
Vader: Nope. *reaches into paper bag and pulles out a DVD* Twilekes gone wild!

Cont.

Stormie: Wait, is that last year's special one with that REALLY obese one that ruins the mood 5 minutes into it?
Palpy: I dunno. I don't mind that one.
Vader: Oooo... Palpy likes 'em chunky!
Palpy: I do not!
Vader: You like to super size everything, don't you?
Palpy: SHUT UP!
* everyone there laughs at Palpy *
Palpy: Well, Vader, what's YOUR fave?
Vader: Uh...
Palpy: Well?
Vader: Ewok on Jawa action...
Admiral: Dude, you're sick!
Stormie: Dude, where's my... Oh wait, someone owns the rights to that line...  

[Capn Deep Blusi]

((oh, dont make fun of my midget army!))
Cont.
Stormie:HAHA!! You guys all like ugly chicks!
Vader:Who do you like?
Stromie:Han Solo!
Vader:Uhh....
Stormie:And im damn proud!
Palpy:I like big butts!  

[FrozenPhoenix32]

Scene: Leia, Mara, Mirax Horn, and Jaina are waiting for their respective partners to return from their guys night out on Mon Calamari

Leia: I'm booooooooored
Mara: If i Hear that one more time, I am going to take this lightsaber out and i am going to slowly severe your limbs and digits.
Leia: Ow.
Mirax: I'm booooored. Hey let's play truth or dare. Jaina, truth or dare.
Jaina: I dont wanna play.
Mara: PLAY SO YOUR MOTHER SHUTS UP!
Jaina: uh. truth.
Mirax: why do you always go into the really dirty locker in the lockerroom after missions?
Jaina: ...uh...you don't need to know that.
*mara lights saber*
Jaina: s**t s**t, okay, it has a turbolift to a suite under the makeshift senate hall
Leia: I don't get it..
Jaina: whew..safe.
*Mara waves saber threatningly*
Jaina: s**t DAMMIT! Me in underwear, underwater suite, huge bed, Jag. do the math.
Leia: OOOOH MY VIRGIN EARS!
*mirax cracks up*
Mara: Hahaha, your ears may be virgin, but your daughter isn't.  

[Darkened Angel]

Palpy: I'm thinking of going over to a brown outfit instead of this color.
Vader: Why's that?
Palpy: Because my a** leaks and I don't want anyone to be able to tell. They still believe the smell is because I don't shower.
Vader: THAT'S what that is? Oh God, and I accidentally ended up with a pair of YOUR underwear on...
Palpy: I don't wear underwear.
Vader: Then whose...?

* Stormies walk by *

Stormie: Man, I lost my underwear while doing laundry. I need it too, because theis suit's irritating my a** warts and when they ooze out it gets sticky.
Vader: Oh no...
Palpy: What's wrong?
Vader: Well, I know why the rear of them felt sticky...

GL: Who the HELL rewrote the script to include bathroom humor? Jeez, you people are stupid. * goes off and kicks random people in the crotch *  

[Nelowulf]

The true superweapon of the Second death star: Palpentine's singing...

I like big guns and I cannot lie,
All you other troopers can't deny,
When an empire walks in with an itty bitty base and a big round moon in your face,
I get sung!

Cause Vader got Black!
Take it away Vader!

*begins breakdancing*  

[Darkened Angel]

Cont.

Palpy: Yeah... Ugh! * loud crack sound * AGH! MY BACK! * falls over *
Vader: Yo, dat is whack, B!
Palpy: * turns off " Street Mode " * Dude, seriously, I'm in immense pain.
Vader: Well it's your own damn fault, so shut the Hell up! * walks away *
* random stormies leave, except for one, who is about to leave *
Palpy: Et tu... Uh... Which one are you...?
Stormie: Up yours, gramps! * leaves *

( Time passes, Palpy's all alone )

Palpy: Well, I am bored. Maybe I'll go blow up a... nah. Been there, done that. Hmm... I know. LIMBO! * sets up a limbo game * How low can you go? * tries, loud crack sound * AGH! NOT AGAIN!  

[Kittensaurex]

cont.

Vader: *Walks in carrying coke slurpy with his face on the cup* Yo Palpy, check out this sweet cup I just got from 7- something another...
Palpy: Not now Vader, *cringes on the floor and winces* Can't you see I'm in pain?!
Vader:...yeah, sure... but seriously, how do they do that? It's even dishwasher safe!  

[Darkened Angel]

Cont.

( Elsewhere )

Obi-Wan: Check out this bag of chips, Luke.
Luke: Hey, there's a picture of Yoda on it.
Obi-Wan: ( reading it ) " Star Wars Trivia on the back... " * flips it over * " How old is Yoda when he dies? "
Luke: Yoda's gonna die!? WHAAAAA! crying
Obi-wan: " About 900 years old... " Something's not right here. Whoever made this must be able to see into the future.

( Obi-Wan goes to show Yoda )

Yoda: Sucks, this does. Get laid before my time's up, I need to. Leia, where is?  

[TesticularCancerisFunYA!!]

Yoda: A jedi can feel the force flowing through him
Luke: LIke blood?
Yoda:No, not like blood dumbass.[to himself]they keep getting dumber and dumber everyyear, its like trying to teach a pig to sing


I am not going to type like yoda, because i just woke up...and it hurts my brain  

[Capn Deep Blusi]

Fighter:Hi guys!
Vader: What the- You're, 8-bit!
Fighter:Cause...I like big swords and I cannot lie!
The blackbelt will deny!
BlackBelt:yo!
Fighter: Black mage comes with a knife in his hand he stab me in the back i say,
"Yo! That knife is weak, sword is the way, or so to spea-
Vader sabers em all!
Yoda:Miss something, did I?
Vader:Order 68-bit!
Yoda: s**t, ahhh....  

[Nospai Deathous]

Jarjar mysteriously approaches padawan Anikin.

Jar: Shmi never told you what happened to your father
Anikin: She told me enough. She told me he didn't exist.
Jar: No, Anikin. I am your father!
Annie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Jar: Search your feelings, you know it to be true!!
Annie: No! no! Well, ok, I do! But guess what! When I have kids, i'm gonna turn all evil and stuff and abandon them, so i can come back 20 years later and tell them i'm they're father, ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU'RE SUCH A BAD EXAMPLE! I HATE YOU!!!! *runs off crying*

Jar: *shifty eyes* mission accomplished.