[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki slumped a but as his mother agreed that he could not speak with Tony now. She suggested that he should spend time with the man so that he could make Tony see that he still loved him and wanted to be in his life. He didn't know if Tony would allow him such things but he could try that he supposed. Show Tony that he still desired him, still wanted to be around him. Red eyes glanced up when she said that both herself and Eir would leave him some magic before they left, that could help him. He wouldn't be so drained that all he wanted to do was sleep. When Frigga continued and told him he hadn't stolen his magic because that babies had needed it. He shrugged, Tony's magic had still been taken from him and he had to guess it wasn't willingly considering Tony didn't really know how to transfer magic between two people.

The fact that someone could be taught mind healing caused Loki to frown. He hadn't sensed any magic in anyone but Tony. How would someone reach into his mind to help him without the magic to do it. Before he could question his mother about that she declared that he seemed to have very poor opinion of his friends. But that wasn't it, he knew the Avengers cared for him and had looked him in the eye after he had told them of how the twins had died. Still that had never been all that he had done. He knew they cared for him and had their own demons. But Loki had hundreds of more years to screw up. Even he would lock himself up if he had met someone else who had done all he had. Still thought he shook that away. *How can they even begin to help my mind without the magic?* he questioned.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

“Mind healing can be done without magic. The process is a little different though. It’s a much longer and slower process, it takes weeks, maybe months. But both you and the healer must be completely open to this process. You cannot resist or hold back Loki. You have to be willing to let this healer help you.” Frigga said slowly. Slipping her fingers through Loki’s hair again, the queen looked down at Loki gently. “Will you at least let someone try to help you before you give up on it all?” she asked softly. “I think if you let someone heal you even a little, so many of your problems will begin to solve themselves. You know how a healthy, clear mind affects everything, makes it all better.” She said gently.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki frowned at the implications that mind healing could be done without magic. He wasn't sure he believed it but he did believe his mother, she had never. No strike that thought he had been lied to by her, she had hidden his heritage just like everyone else. Still, besides that she had never lied to him and she was asking him to trust her judgement on this. To allow someone to try and help him. Could he truly open up everything that had happened to him with someone. Who would be the most willing to understand, Natasha seemed the likely choice but he could not do that to her when she too had a baby on the way. He would not put that stress on her. *Steven or Bruce...* he finally answered. He didn't want Clint because the archer while they were friends could use things against him. Even if most of the time he had regretted it later and he couldn't imagine talking to Thor about such things. He didn't know if it would help considering a clear mind had not helped him with Tony.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga gave a small nod. “We can see if either of them have the skills necessary.” She agreed. She’d thought those two would be amongst those who could do this, but she still had to make sure. Lifted the corner of the sheet Loki laid under, Frigga carefully dried his eyes, smiling at him. “It’s a relief to see you again. I was so worried for you.” She said softly. Straightening up a little, she glanced around, and then back to Loki. “will you let me help you in the short term? If you allow me into your mind, I can set up a shield to protect your mind. It will only last for a few days, but you’ll be able to sleep soundly for a few nights. And if you want, I can help you with just a little mind healing. Nothing invasive, just the barebones of rebuilding.” She wanted desperately to stay and heal her son completely, but she couldn’t. And though she knew a little mind healing, she was far from an expert. Midwifing was the specialty of her skills, always had been, and she knew the limits of her abilities.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded when his mother said they could see if either had the available skills. He hoped they would, but if it was his luck he was sure they wouldn't. His luck would put the skills into the hands of Clint or worse Tony before he had a chance to make amends. Allowing his mother to dry the last of his tears from his eyes he gave a shuddered breath. *I missed you as well, I didn't have time to grab the bowl when I left.* Loki said his tone apologizing. He had missed his mother greatly, talking with her every week had helped him not miss her presence so much but without those talks he had longed for Asgard. Longed for something familar and safe. Red eyes glanced up when she asked if he would let her help him. He listened as she asked him to let her into his mind and he almost instantly protested against until she spoke of a shield that would let him sleep for a few nights. Keep Thanos from plaguing him and tearing away what remained of the palace in his mind. Keep the ancient god from scattering more of his mind and making him more and more unstable. Finally he nodded when she was done assuring him it would be nothing invasive. *It is chaos in there mother, there are times I can not find myself.* he warned not wanting her to harm herself in the process.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga nodded her understanding of Loki’ words. She was upset that he left in the first place in his condition, but she would not lecture him now, not when he was in such precarious state of mind. Letting him think over her offer. She was pleased to see his acceptance. “Don’t you worry about me Loki.” She said lightly. She knew it would be a bad sight, but she was stronger than most credited her for. “Now let’s get you sitting up.” She said, helping Loki shift and propping him up with pillows, making sure he was comfortable. “now I cannot tell you how long this shield will last. I would say two nights at least, but beyond that I can promise nothing.” She explained, carefully reaching out and placing her fingers on his temples. “Just breathe my dear.” She murmured, closing her eyes and carefully using her magic to reach out to his mind. Using magic to enter another’s mind was much harder and more complicated than the seemingly effortless access afforded by Loki and Tony’s bond. A moment later Frigga’s warm magic was stretching out over Loki’s mind, reaching every corner and slowly forming a solid shield against entry, other than Tony. Frigga took her time in making sure it was as strong as it could be, that there were no weak points or holes, only then did she venture fully into Loki’s mind. It hurt to see what had become of Loki’s once pristine and carefully kept mind, but she didn’t allow herself to linger, beginning to work on Loki’s mind. She didn’t look at anything or take any real notice of Loki’s thoughts, memories, or emotions, just tidying the ruins of Loki’s mind palace and allowing her magic to carefully erase most of the traces of Thanos’ presence. To distract Loki, Frigga offered up memories, images, and stories of things that had happened to her over the past months, enjoyable evenings riding and walking with Sleepnir, the usual frustrations she had with new mothers coming to her for advice and blessings just to contradict or argue with her, a visit to Hela, all light, relatively peaceful moments that Loki could enjoy.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded when Frigga told him not to worry about her. He would of course worry about her but he knew there was no use in arguing that point so he merely nodded. Moving to sit up as she requested he was glad for the help, despite his leg being healed he still felt almost too weak to do anything and happily leaned into the pillows. *It is alright mother I will take what I can get and perhaps build my own defenses back up enough to give myself a bit more time.* he answered her. When she reached for his temples he had to fight the urge to flinch back away from her and managed taking a breath as she told him to breathe. When she entered his mind he followed wanting to watch and also see what she saw to know what to do when she was done. The warm magic spreading over his mind was like a instant relief on his nerves. He could feel the protection it offered and knew Thanos would not be able to get to him for two days at least. He would be able to sleep without his mind being torn apart. That could almost be enough to send him back to sleep then but he stayed awake watching his mother work. When she moved into his mind fully he followed but was soon quite distracted by the memories she showed him. He was glad that his son looked so well taken care of and he was pleased to see his daughter too was alright. He had seen Jormungandr whilst in Alaska but his other children had been an absent presence.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

When Frigga reached the end of what she could do, Frigga stopped showing Loki the memories and let him see what she had done. It wasn’t a huge change, but Loki’s mind no longer really felt like a disaster area. “This is as much as I can do for you my dear….but I hope it helps a little.” She said gently, letting Loki feel her love before she carefully pulled herself from his mind. Slowly sitting back, she took her fingers from his temples and waited patiently for Loki to open his eyes, to tell her if she’d done well, if he was alright for the moment.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki blinked in confusion when the memories stopped and he was in his ruined mind again. He looked around as his mother spoke seeing what she had done. The ruins of his palace were not so scattered now and if he took an evaluation of himself he noted that his head felt a bit clearer. Not that all his memories were put back in place or that his palace was back together but like perhaps things weren't as dire as he thought. That maybe with the shield his mother had given him he could rebuild and bring everything to order again. Opening his eyes he gave his mother a gentle thankful smile. *Thank you, I think I can start on fixing it now.* Loki thanked.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga smiled at Loki’s thanks. “I’m glad to hear it.” She said softly. “And I really think it will help, rebuilding your mind. But you have to remember to rest, and to eat, and to listen to Dr. Banner. He may not be an Asgardian healer, but he seems to be doing a good job of helping you. And he cares for you.” She said gently. Reaching out, she smoothed Loki’s hair, tucking it behind his ear. “Now you need to rest again. I woke you up, and I apologize for that.” She murmured. Leaning forward and kissing his forehead, she smiled again. “I love you my dear….” She said softly. “And you contact me if you need anything.”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded when his mother said that rebuilding his mind would help him. That and resting, eating and listening to Bruce. Loki couldn't help but smile at that. *He is a good friend.* Loki agreed. When she reached out to smooth some of his hair he closed his eyes enjoying the feeling only to open them again when she said that he needed to rest again. *You're leaving?* Loki questioned panic almost clear in his tone. He wasn't ready for his mother to leave again. He almost felt like if she left everything would fall apart again. Quickly his mind was searching for some way to get her to stay if only for a little while longer. *Food, I want something to eat.* he stated quickly latching onto what she had said before about what he needed to do.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga blinked and then gave Loki a look. She knew what he was doing. It tugged at her heart, knowing how desperately Loki wanted her to stay and knowing that she couldn’t remain here when Loki needed her. Still, she could stretch out her visit a little longer. “Alright. Food.” She agreed. “I’ll get Skadi to see if anyone has anything you can stomach.” She said, standing and moving to the door to speak to Skadi. She needed to be back to Asgard, but she’d been months without so much as speaking with Loki. she could focus on her son for a while longer.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki didn't falter under the look that his mother gave him. He knew she was needed in Asgard but he didn't want her to go back. When his mother agreed to food he breathed in relief. He nodded when she continued to say that she would get Skadi to see if anyone had something he could stomach. Skadi of course was happy to find something to eat for the prince and queen and went in search of Bruce knowing the doctor would have something he wished to do about such things.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga returned to Loki as soon as Skadi slipped off. Taking a seat in the chair beside the bed, she took his hand between hers. Giving a mischievous smile, she leaned forward slightly. “I think I have something for you.” She said. Lifting a hand, a small box appeared in it and she held it out to Loki. It was full of a type of Asgardian cracker that was just slightly sweetened. They were often baked by midwifes from Asgard, and these were clearly made by Frigga. When Loki was pregnant with Vali and Narfi these had been one of the few things Loki had been able to stomach nearly every time he ate them. “I’ll have Thor bring some more from time to time, but don’t eat them all too fast.” She warned.

Bruce came down not too long after, carrying a tray of food, Skadi following behind him with his own tray. Carefully placing the tray on a moving table, Bruce moved it over to Loki before setting up another table for Frigga. There was a small bowl of mixed fruit and berries and a plate of a chilled and lightly dressed noodle salad filled with vegetables and shrimp. “that medicine you took earlier should help you keep everything down, but I wanted you to try this. I think it may be easy enough for you to keep down. And if that’s so, and we find a few more dishes like it, then maybe we can take you off the nausea medicine.” Bruce explained. “And this,” he started, pointing at one of the two cups on the tray, “is a juice smoothie that I’ve added some extra nutrients into. But you have to drink it slowly and you have to drink all of your water. Understand?”

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki watched his mother as she dealt with Skadi smiling gently when she returned to him. When she said she thought she had something for him he titled his head in a curious gesture. He took the box as it appeared looking a bit more confused until he opened it. When he saw what they were he smiled brightly and hugged his mother. Nodding at her words he dug one of the crackers out of the box and nibbled on it. He was still nibbling on it when Bruce appeared and he smiled at the man. He looked over the food finishing the cracker so he could partake of what had been brought. It looked good but that didn't always mean much to his stomach. He hoped like Bruce did that the medicine he had taken earlier would help him keep it down. Nodding in agreement to try the food, he looked over to the two glasses Bruce pointed at. He was quite intrigued by the idea of the smoothie though not by the idea that he had to drink it slowly. The water he could handle however and nodded to the man. He didn't know what else to do seeing that it wasn't like bruce could understand him so instead he started picking at the food. He started with the new dish knowing his body liked fruit just fine.