Lines You'll Never Hear

[Darkened Angel]

Palpy: Yeah... Batman leaves everytime he sees the Bat Signal and... * sees a Palpy Signal in mid-space * Gotta go!

* Batman scene switch, replace the Bat icon with a Palpy head *

Nananananana!

Emperor Man: What's the problem, Chief?
Police Chief: Bank robbers, Palpy. Bank robbers...
Emperor Man: * gasp * You know who I am? Boy Vader, how is this possible?
Boy Vader: Because we don't switch costumes, you incompetent ninny! Jeez, you're stupid.
Police Chief: Oh wait, our boys caught the perps. We don't need your help after all.
Emperor Man: Well Hell! What are we gonna do now?
Boy Vader: Talk show host?
Emperor Man: Hmm...

( Later )

Announcer: Hello viewers, you're watching " Palpy " The talk show that brings families together.
Luke: And... * sobbing * we never got any attention from our parents... Dad was all evil and mom died after giving birth...
Vader: Oh cry me a river. You never cared about your mother.
Luke: SHUT UP! scream * throws the chair at Vader, fight breaks out *
Palpy: We'll see if this family can get to be more understanding right after these messages.
Announcer: " Palpy " is brought to you by " Biggun's Breast Enhancement. " Want breast enlargement? get Biggun's!  

[kyomuffins]

Anakin: "I sense a disturbance in the force!"
Obi-wan: "Thats called puberty my young padawan."


O_______________O  

[Nospai Deathous]

(that gives me an idea)

12-year old padawan anakin approaches obi-wan.
Anakin: Master! I think i have become deeper in the force! and forming a force bond with padme!
Obi: why might that be?
annie: i have dreams about her, at night. strange dreams. and when I wake up, i feel like i am one with the force... there's a strange feeling in the core of my body, a kind of wonderful tingly sensation... especially in my lower body.
Obi: .......Anakin, i think it's time we talked about the birds and the bees.
Annie: what are birds and bees?  

[Missing00]

Cont.

Obi: nevermind that its just when.....a youngling starts to have certian feelings for a woman he gets a feeling called sexuall attraction. But we are jedi and are not supposed to have such fellings so we just have to bottle it up inside ourselfs and relive it through........stroking our sabers. (opens cloak and stares at an alluring picture of Allya for a little bit)
Annie:......What?  

[Darkened Angel]

Cont.

( Sometime later, Anakin approaches Yoda about the matter )

Yoda: Right, that is. Sex for the Jedi, there is none.
Anakin: Screw you guys! I quit!

( Later )

Palpy: Join me, and the Dark Side, Anakin.
Anakin: Will I be able to... have sex?
Palpy: I ain't gonna stop you.
Anakin: AWESOME! Sign me up!  

[Nospai Deathous]

Yoda trains Luke while riding on his back.

Yoda: Yes! Feel the force flooow through you! (blah blah blah)
Luke: Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No! No. Only stronger in your mind. Now, ....to the supermarket we must go.
Luke: Is that a place strong in the dark side where i am to test myself?
Yoda: Uh... Yes. There you must go.

Luke runs to the Degobah supermarket. It's basically a cave with sludgy stuff in it.

Yoda: Lean over you must. This gruel I can't reach.
Luke: Yes, master. *does so* Ooh, I can feel the dark side here! It's stifling my ability to aid you!
Yoda: Yes, yes. *pays for it* Now to the dry cleaners we must go.
Luke: Did I pass the test?
Yoda: Yes, yes. Quickly! Go we must!
Luke: Another test! Yes, master.

Yoda shakes his head.

Yoda: *thinking* Miss those Republic gunships I do. Less annoying they were. But faster than walking on my stubby legs this is.  

[Darkened Angel]

Mace: He's bad now, and wears all black. All them Dark Jedi are associated with the color black. Are you trying to say something there?
Obi-Wan: ... What? No.
Mace: And why is it only those who can use magic powers get to be accepted into the Order? That's discrimination, dawg!
Obi-Wan: But it's not my deci-
Mace: Oh Hell yes it is! You can easily go to Yoda and tell him things betters change.
Obi-Wan: But we can't change our most sacred tradi-
Mace: Oh Hell yes you will!
Obi-Wan: I can't just-
Mace: Oh, that's how it is, huh? Screw you man! I'm taking this to court.

( Later )

Han: ALL RISE! HIS HONOR, JUDGE FETT RESIDING!
Jury of Stormies: HERE COMES THE JUDGE! HERE COMES THE JUDGE! EVERYBODY, COME ON NOW! HERE COMES THE JUDGE!
* Boba takes his seat as the judge *
Boba: Let the case of Windu VS The Jedi Order begin. ( God, what the Hell is up with these idiots? )

( Later, Mace wins the case )

News Man: In today's news, the Jedi Order has changed it's name to " Equal Opportunity Seekers " in response to court demands, allowing anyone to join regardless who or what they are, or what their abilities are. A new law has been passed that a mandatory 50% of their members must be the less-fortune non-Force-sensitives of the galaxy. ... And this just in... The Jedi Enclave has been destroyed by rampaging Sith due to the lack of able Jedi Knights with Force powers. If you ask me, I'd say that new law is total bull.

( Moments later, the news man gets sued for being discriminatory for that last remark. )

GL: See people? THIS is why I didn't want politics in the movie. It screws everything up all the way to Hell. But did you listen? NOOOOOOO!  

[Kittensaurex]

(At a bar... somewhere...)
Boba:...*sigh* I wish I could be a Jedi.
Vader: Yeah... me too... *sighs*
Boba: Wait. Weren't you a Jedi once?
Vader:...well, yeah. But you know the story. I only wish I stayed... the crazy fan girls drooled all over me then. Sexy body and all. *takes a long drink from cup* Now, all that they want from me is my armor, and my deep-heavy breathing voice...
Boba:Yeah, well... at least you were a Jedi once. I'm just some cloned freak.
Faye: *disguised as the bartender* I wouldn't say that. You've got cool armor... and... a sexy voice.
Vader: See what I mean.  

[Sol Walker]

*Fett Crawls wounded but alive from the smoldering remains of the sarlacc.*
Fett: At Last, I finally made it! now to take vengence on Han Solo!
*Fett sees he's staring at a pair of boots. looking up he sees that he's staring up at Cale Darksun.
Fett: Who the hell are you?
*Cale smiles. he kicks Fett in the helmit and back into the Sarlacc*
Cale: Ive always wanted to do that. xd  

[Kittensaurex]

(Cont.)

Faye: (In a crazy fan girl rage pushes Cale aside and dives in after Boba) scream Boba! I love you! Don't die!
Boba: Kill me faster you giant hole creature! She's going to get me! gonk  

[Capn Deep Blusi]

Cont.

Fangirl:I give up.*leaves*
??: I will eat you, fett!
Boba: You aint the sarlaac!
Robin williams:YOU ARE CORRECT!
Boba:A BOGGART!!
(just had to throw HP in there)  

[Darkened Angel]

Palpy: How many Jedi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Vader: I dunno. How many?
Palpy: None. They'll all just debate on whether or not the Jedi Order should even get involved, until someone else comes along and does it.  

[Kittensaurex]

cont

Yoda: *laughs* Good one, that is! ^-^ Have one I do, want to hear it?
Vader: *in a bored voice* Does this one have to do with something about JarJar? We're tired of hearing those corny jokes.
Palpy: Yeah...
Yoda: Well it starts off with this little green guy it does... then-
Boba: *Steps on him* What's up guys- EW! WTF is on my boot? Gross!!!
Palpy: *laughs* Great punchline.  

[NickCpointless]

Master C`baoth:remmember admiral you still prommisted me the capture of the jedi luke and liea.
Grand admiral Thrawn:dont worry i have a plan so cleaver then tell never even suppect it untill its to late.
meanwhile on coursantLuke:hay liea weve been invited to a party on the planet Wayland.
Liea:huh will there be cake.
Luke:it says so.
Liea:cool lets go.
Luke: should we tell Han
Liea:Nah lets sneek out it will be fun.
Luke surprised k  

[Demon Days]

Anakin: "Master, I feel the Force in my pants!"

Obi Wan: "...That's not the Force..."

Anakin: O_O;