[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony listened to Loki’s response, eyes never leaving Loki’s stomach. Wasn’t the god supposed to be….bigger with twins? And how did they know that Bruce had seen the monitor correctly? He was still new to it all right? But there was no way to explain two heartbeats. A logical part of Tony’s brain told him he shouldn’t be surprised by it considering Loki’s history with multiples, but he hadn’t thought fate would give him one child, let alone two. He was pulled from his thoughts by another voice. Looking up he wasn’t sure if it was a relief or annoyance to find Clint outside. “Two…..” was all he could manage before looking back down to Loki. “And-And are you…..okay with that? Two from me?” he said, some part of him still disbelieving that Loki could really want children with him. “Are they healthy?”

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Clint looked more confused than before when Tony stated two and looked back down at Loki. Not quite sure what the man meant and seeing the shaking Loki was doing Clint called to Bruce figuring the man would know what to do. The silence in answer to him confirming the status that yes there were two children within him was driving Loki crazy. The Clint was there and Tony was repeating words again and Loki couldn't hold back the stuttering in his breathing. The questions Tony finally posed to him had the god almost slumping in defeat, he didn't know what to do with that question. Yes he was happy to have children from Tony but was he okay with the fact that he had twins, no. He was scared, scared he had been cursed, scared that they would be taken from him again. *They're healthy.* Loki choked out. He wanted to crawl into a corner and disappear for awhile now. His stomach hurt with how tight it felt, and he couldn't stand the atmosphere around him right now. But he was stuck, no magic and relying on others to take him places.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony wasn’t too shocked to notice Loki not answering his first line of questions and it hand him backtracking quickly, jaw clenching a bit. So Loki wasn’t okay with this. Well he had an answer to those thoughts that had been plaguing him for the past few months. But at least the babies were healthy. “Good….that's good” Tony said slowly. The babies deserved to be healthy, Loki deserved that.

Bruce slowly came when Clint called, not realizing what was going on. Blinking at the archer, he only glanced at the elevator after he had come to the man’s side. He frowned a little at the sight of Tony and Loki in the elevator, the god looking sick and scared, and Tony with a death grip on the handles of the wheelchair. It was good to see them together, but to see them in that state was concerning. Clint’s explanation had him taking a slow breath. “He told Tony about the twins.” He told Clint quietly.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded when Tony said that it was good that the babies were healthy. *Bruce said that they look human.* Loki said softly. *Like....like Vali and Narfi...* he choked out. His heart was pounding quickly. The man thought that the babies being healthy was good but good was acceptance not want. Loki was beginning to fear that he would be alone again with children to take care of, again.

Clint watched as the situation seemed to grow worse as Bruce made his way over. He was quick to explain to Bruce what he had heard and frowned when the man explained that Loki must have told Tony about having twins. "He's having twins?" Clint questioned a bit shocked. He had not heard that news but then again he wasn't really being kept in the loop lately. "Why do they look like that then?" he continued shaking his head as he gestured to the two men.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony froze at Loki’s words. He was connecting these twins to Vali and Narfi somehow? Frowning, Tony clasped Loki’s shoulder tightly and leaned slightly to make Loki look at him. “These kids are not Vali and Narfi.” He said firmly. “You may not think much of me, but I am not Hodur, I’m never killing these kids, and while it may not be long, they are not going to die while I’m alive.” He added, a little anger flaring up that he was being tossed into that position. He may not be handling things well, but he wasn’t going to hurt Loki or these twins, directly or indirectly.

Bruce crossed his arms, rolling his eyes at Clint’s question. “They look like that because it’s Loki and Tony. When has big news ever been easy with them?” he said slowly. “But they aren’t fighting, and they are talking for the moment…..so that has to be an improvement….right?” he asked, looking to Clint. The finer points of what was and wasn’t good between Loki and Tony completely escaped him now.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki's gaze darted up quickly when he felt Tony hand clasp his shoulder tightly. He didn't know what he had said to make the man upset with him but that was what he perceived from Tony currently. He listened when Tony told him that the twins that lay in his belly were not Vali and Narfi. Loki was going to protest when Tony continued and confusion flooded Loki for a moment. *I never thought that you would hurt them and I think more of you than you think.* Loki said softly when he saw the anger in Tony. He was still trying to figure out where he went wrong to make the man angry this time. Why had Tony thought that he was comparing him to Hodur? What had he said that would make the man think such a thing? Tony was nothing like Hodur, if Tony was like any of his children's fathers he was most like Angroboda and Loki was a bit scared of that.

"They need to figure this stuff out." Clint grumbled shaking his head. He couldn't figure out why the two men were upset over having kids, he had been thrilled and Tony had already been preparing a nursery. "I am not sure with the way they look right now that not fighting is a good thing. At least if they were fighting they would be yelling and expressing what was wrong. Right now they both kind of look like kicked puppies." Clint sighed.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony frowned at Loki’s response, not letting go of his shoulder. “If that’s true, then why are you acting like these babies are Vali and Narfi, like the situation is the same?” he asked tightly. “These are our children, they’re going to be born on Earth and live on Earth. I’m not Hodur and this is not the Asgardian court. I know you miss them, I know you’ll never heal from that, I relived those memories with you, I know. But you have to know it’s not the same.” He said, ranting a little by that point.

Bruce shook his head. “Last time they yelled at each other Loki ended up disappearing for six months.” He pointed out. “No, yelling for them means not thinking, and that’s not what we want or they need.” He saw Tony getting angry about something, but he didn’t move to intervene just yet. Perhaps short exchanges would move this all along. He doubted many of their talks would be peaceful, for a while at least. Too many emotions were left between them for calm chats.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki felt the desire to disappear grow as Tony asked him why he was acting like the children in his belly were Vali and Narfi. He perked a bit when Tony declared the children theirs but shrunk again when he sought to bring up when he had relived the memories of Vali and Narfi with him. *They were cursed, I was cursed. It is possible it could be them reborn. But I am scared I can not protect them, I screwed up last time. I never took Fenrir and his siblings anywhere because of what happened. I kept them at Angroboda's home until he was killed and then they returned to Asgard with me. Still I couldn't protect them there, they were taken from me. I am afraid that I will lose these ones too. That because they are twins, they will meet the same fate as Vali and Narfi. If it is them reborn, will they hate me for not protecting them?* Loki started slowly but as he continued he started to cry and then rushed through the last parts expressing his fears.

"I thought he disappeared because of a misunderstanding and its not like Loki can go anywhere now hes got no magic." Clint shrugged. He looked back to the two men when he heard Tony's rant and Loki's rushed jumble. He sighed as he saw the god crying and shook his head. "I have to deal with Nat doing that." Clint grumbled.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony blinked, brow furrowing. “You actually believe in that whole reincarnation thing?” he asked slowly, disbelief clear in his tone. There was Tony’s famed disregard for the possibility of anything more again. Shaking his head of the idea that his mate could believe something like that, he sighed. “Loki, you were tricked and Hodur was insane and out for blood. I’m not doing anything like that. I may not be stable, but I don’t want you or the babies hurt.” He said slowly, trying to figure out how to say things now that Loki was crying. “And these babies are not going to be hurt or taken from you. You live in a house with some of the most powerful people on the planet, you are a phone call away from dozens more, and all of them would lay down their lives before they let anything happen to children.” Pinching the bridge of his nose as a headache began to form, he tried to focus. “And they won’t hate you. I don’t think it’s possible for your children to hate you with the lengths you go for them.”

Bruce shrugged slightly. “A misunderstanding that came because they weren’t thinking, because they were yelling.” He replied. “And even if Loki is stuck, I hope he doesn’t end up feeling trapped.” He added. Clint’s grumble had Bruce smirking. Most of Natasha’s meltdowns had happened away from most of the mansion’s inhabitants thankfully, but he had glimpsed one or two. He almost felt bad for Clint. “Just think, three more months and you exchange that for a small person that’s always crying and screams as well.” He said lightly.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Red eyes blinked in surprise at Tony's question and the god nodded. The disbelief in Tony's face and tone however hurt, it hurt that Tony didn't believe in this matter. He listened to Tony new words and frowned. *I never said you were doing anything of the sort. I am not blaming you for my fears. It is not you where the problem would lie.* Loki protested. He wanted to continue to protest that Tony could not make the promise that his children would not be taken from him. Tony could not control the fates and he certainly couldn't control Thanos who would take him mind and cause him to do who knew what. When Tony continued to say that he didn't think that his children would hate him because of the lengths he would go to for them. *I hate myself for it.* Loki muttered quietly to himself.

"I hate to tell ya Bruce but he probably does feel trapped. Loki runs from his problems instead of dealing with them. The fact that he can't disappear now probably makes him feel that way." Clint sighed. He knew he would feel trapped in such a situation. When Bruce joked about him exchange a crying Natasha for a crying child in three months he grinned broadly. "Oh no, in three months I have a little assassin baby, she'll be as quiet as the night." Clint stated.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony rubbed his forehead slightly, letting out a slow breath. “Loki, coming from an expert on the matter, hating yourself does not make other people feel the same, even you wish they would.” He said slowly. Pausing, he let his eyes drift from Loki’s face down to his stomach. After a moment he carefully reached out, pausing once to allow Loki to push him away if he wanted before he finally brushed his fingers over Loki’s stomach, imagining the twins inside, their twins. “I know you don’t trust me when I tell you nothing will happen, you never do, and perhaps you’re right to on some level…..but I spent months combing through even a hint of something that could link to Fenrir for you. I went half way around the world for him despite knowing that the likelihood of finding him was almost zero. And that was all for someone I’d never known, I’m not related to, all simply for you. What do you think I’d do for our kids?” he said softly.

Bruce made a face as Clint spoke. He knew Loki probably did feel trapped, but there was a difference between completely trapped, and moments of wishing to run. When Clint grinned at him though, Bruce smirked. “Keep telling yourself that Clint.” He replied lightly. “You seem to be forgetting that you’re included in those genes. Maybe if it was just Natasha, but not with you.” He added jokingly. As he spoke, Bruce continued to keep a close eye on Tony and Loki. Part of him felt bad for witnessing something that really should be a private moment between the two, but it was better to be safe right now.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki hadn't expected JARVIS to translate his last words but then again no one but his son, JARVIS and his brother could understand him so he should have expected it. Tony's words were not a surprise either. Loki did not look up until a hand came into his view. He looked up surprised and hopeful to tony but made no move to stop him. When fingers touched his belly Loki swallowed hard, relief and joy flooding him. He had not expected Tony to touch him at all unless necessary and certainly not where the children lay. As if reacting to their father's touch Loki felt the babies kick against him and he was sure tony could feel it too. Loki hadn't known that Tony had spent months on looking for Fenrir when the pup wasn't related to him. He nodded to tony words but he laid his hand over Tony's pressing it more firmly to his belly. He didn't have enough pressure on the man's hand that he couldn't pull it away but he made sure that Tony could feel the babies being active. *They know it's you.* Lokistated.

Clint grinned mischievously at bruce but accepted his words.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony didn’t know why he’d reached out. Actually he did know if he was honest. He was curious, he wanted to feel, wanted to see. He hadn’t really even interacted with Natasha all too much these past months, and he’d never reached out to feel her stomach, even when all the others swarmed around to feel the baby kick. When he felt the babies begin moving under his touch, Tony jumped slightly, not expecting that. Loki hadn’t spoken about the babies being particularly active so he hadn’t expected much. Allowing Loki to press his hand against his belly, Tony glanced up at Loki with wide eyes before looking back to where his hand was. “Does it hurt?” he asked, not sure if the idea of some small person kicking against the inside of his stomach was something that was particularly appealing.

Bruce gave Clint a smirk. Glancing at Tony and Loki, he was surprised to see Tony touching Loki’s stomach the two seeming to talk softly with one another. Elbowing Clint and nodding at the scene, he bit his lip. “Come on….I think they’re good for now.” He said slowly, pulling Clint toward the dining room and giving them a little privacy.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

When Tony jumped Loki watched him with cautious and wary eyes unsure what the man would so. When he finally asked if the babies kicking hurt Loki smiled and shook his head. *It feels a bit strange to me. But then it would because I have not felt a child kick within me in many centuries. This is the first time I can remember them kicking me, perhaps it is because they now have access to you.* Loki suggested looking up to Tony's eyes.

Clint looked back to tony and loki curiously when bruce said that they should leave them be and that it seemed they had worked things out. Sure enough it looked like it, they were talking quietly and Tony's hand was on Loki's belly. Nodding to bruce he followed the man away.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony continued to stare at Loki’s stomach for a long minute, mind obviously racing, trying to figure something out. “They haven’t kicked before?” he asked softly, mostly to himself. He carefully rubbed his thumb over Loki’s stomach for a moment, waiting for the flurry of kicks to settle before he finally pulled his hand away and straightened up. “We should get to breakfast. Fenrir’s probably wondering what happened to you.” He said, pushing Loki out of the elevator, he slowly made their way to the dining room and pushed Loki to the empty spot. Bruce was already setting a glass of water and a few pills on the table, including a very mild anti-depressant.