[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked quite guilty when his mother said that he should have told her long ago. He knew he should have told her when he came back from Vanahiem but he had been afraid. He never thought he would be forced into such a form again until Thanos started tearing through his mind. He was glad to hear that it was possible to remove the curse but that it would take some time. He didn't know how long he had but he could try to hide the memory from thanos. *I have not shifted to that form willing since Vanahiem.* Loki admitted softly. He had promised himself he would not take that form willing until he was sure he would not harm anyone. He had thought that the curse would disapated over the years but it hadnt. It was still as hungry and angry as ever. He was unsure about not being forced into that form for a long while. He was sure Thanos would have no trouble doing it to him if he wanted to break Loki like he said he did. *Any magic I have goes to the babies or to protecting them right now. There is some magic in me, but it is waiting to protect. Could it latch onto that?* Loki questioned. Then Loki had a thought. *mother if it was my magic that was cursed it would effect my other forms would it not?* he asked.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga gave a hum of thought. “It could latch onto that, but my instincts would say that you still have so little magic, there wouldn’t be enough of the curse to be pulled in.” she answered slowly. When questioned about Loki’s other forms, Frigga shook her head. “Vanir magic is a fickle thing. Why do you think that much of my magic takes such great concentration? If the curse was placed quickly, or by someone inexperienced or weak, it could have latched only onto magic tied to that form. That is why I need to find out more about this curse to know how to approach ridding you of it.” She explained.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded when his mother seemed sure that the curse wouldn't latch onto what little magic he had. It was a relief to know that the magic stored the protect the babies wouldn't be affected. *It was the same people that cursed Narfi to the form of a wolf mother, I don't know when they placed the curse on me. The magic is the same however and I was out for a long time when we were initially captured. I think, perhaps they had meant me to shift to a wolf and do what Narfi did to his brother. I knew how to shift however, maybe that is why I had so little magic when I awoke. I was fighting the spell, Vali and Narfi had not been taught how to shift yet.* Loki speculated. He didn't like what that meant. If his magic had not resisted they would have set him loose to kill his own children and when he had found out what he had done he would have killed himself. Loki knew he would not have been able to live with himself for such a thing. He still had trouble living with what had happened anyway but killing his own children without a thought of them would have devastated him.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga’s eyes softened. She knew how badly this hurt Loki. It hurt her too. She’d loved Vali and Narfi as dearly as all of her grandchildren, but she’d had longer with them than she’d had with the triplets. “Loki….you mustn’t think of the could have beens and the what ifs. You faced an unimaginable tragedy, and it will always hurt. But you survived. And because of that, you gave birth to three beautiful, strong children. You will give birth to more, and you have found love and companionship.” She said gently. As she spoke, Fenrir cuddled closer to Loki, feeling his mother’s distress. “Now, we will try to fix what we can so that you may live a better life with your family.”

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked up to his mother with sad regretful eyes when she said that he must not think of the what if or what could have been. He listened and understood her words but only her statement of having borne three healthy children with more on the way helped press away his regrets. He held Fenrir close and breathed as he buried his regrets once more. *Thank you mother that will help a lot. If there is anything I can do to help let me know. I will try to write what I know of it down in case what I think will happen does.* Loki informed her. Even with her thoughts on things he would still prepare for the worst. Nothing bad had ever come from being over prepared.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga nodded slightly. She would not begrudge her some making precautions. “Tell me though my dear, are you alright? Honestly?” she asked softly. “It has been a difficult several months for you, and I know it’s not easy right now either. Should I make arrangements for you to be able to stay somewhere else?” she continued. She was sure it was good for Loki to be in the mansion with his friends, but she was still concerned for him. Perhaps he needed time alone before trying to transition back into this way of life.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki blinked when his mother asked if he was truly alright. *I am better that I have been in the last few months. Today with tony helped some too but I am not completely alright. Bruce is looking our for my diet right now and had been giving me different things. Today, today he started me on something to help with what Midgard calls depression. He thinks I have it.* Loki stated softly the shame from earlier flaring up again. *I do not think I need to go somewhere else though. This will be hard but I think I can get through it. Provided of course that Thanos doesn't cause me too much trouble and I start to gst my magic back.* Loki continued. He didn't want to be away from his son or Tony either but he knew that would not matter if his mother thought he needed some time away.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga listened closely, giving a small nod. If Loki felt that he was better there, then she’d leave him there. Hearing his tone, she sighed. “Loki, do not be ashamed. Never be ashamed of illness.” She said softly. “One can not help when they are ill, especially someone who is carrying a child. You wouldn’t be ashamed if you had a fever would you? Besides, even if Midgardian medicine is not Asgardian healing, I trust it when Dr. Banner is the one behind it. He is more than capable of helping you if you let him.” She murmured. “Have you been able to sleep these past few nights?” she asked then, hoping her magic had worked as intended.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked up to his mother when she told him not to be ashamed. *I did not know it is an illness, bruce said that the treatment might help but it might not.* Loki stated. It hadn't been clear to him that the depression was an illness. He didn't answer her question about a fever because he knew she knew that he had often hid fevers from everyone. *I trust Bruce.* Loki agreed. When the subject turned to his sleeping he nodded. *Yes thank you and I have slept well and been able to rebuild some of my defense but I fear it will not be enough.* Loki responded.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

“Why would Bruce treat you for something that wasn’t an illness?” Frigga pointed out gently. When Loki said he’d been able to sleep, Frigga nodded. “I’d hoped so. My magic may linger for another night maybe two still. Depends on how forceful Thanos decides to be. And I’ll have a mind healer sent down by this evening so Steve can begin helping you soon. I’ve also been in contact with your brothers on Jotunheim. They’re sending along a gift as well. It’s a box, enchanted to keep cold. Inside is some ice that Jotuns apparently eat during pregnancy. They said a piece or two a day is supposed to help, though I was never really able to understand its purpose.” She continued.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki gave a soft huff in acknowledgment. He supposed that he should have known depression was an illness with everything Bruce was doing with him. *I hope your magic will last another few days, Steve, Thor and a few others are heading back to Alaska to help Kalani collect her things from her and her grandmother's home. If it lasts a few more days they will have time to return.* Loki stated softly. He nodded at the knowledge that a mind healer would be coming down he hoped that it was at least someone who could be polite or at least amiable with him. He looked up a bit surprised when his mother said that she had been speaking with his brothers from Jotunhiem and that they were sending something for him. *really? I have been craving ice, perhaps it has something to do with that.* Loki stated blinking softly.He had not expected such a thing from his brothers he had believed their want to have a relationship, but this only seemed to prove it. *Will you send them my thanks?* Loki asked.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga smiled slightly. She hoped her magic lingered as well. Loki need and deserved rest. But she was confident that with the help of a mind healer, Loki would make a relatively quick recovery. When Loki looked up in surprise, she let out a soft laugh. “I will send your thanks. They were rather eager to send this to you when I spoke to them of your condition. Almost forceful. They seemed rather confused that you’d made it through three pregnancies without.” She explained, shaking her head. “But perhaps, after the babies are born….you should consider a visit to Jotunheim.”

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

He nodded still stunned when his mother said that she would send his thanks to his brothers. He came back to himself when his mother said that his brothers had been rather eager almost forceful to send the ice to him. That they were confused that he had made it through his previous pregnancies without it. *What is it supposed to do exactly?* Loki questioned now a bit confused. He had always craved cold things when he was pregnant but he hadn't understood it. Now that he knew of his heritage and the fact that his brother's were sending him a special sort of ice it made more sense. *I think I just might, but I think only if Tony and I are back to normal.* Loki sighed.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

When asked what the ice did, Frigga could only shrug slightly. “I honestly don’t know dear. They weren’t very eloquent in their rush to offer the ice, and I’ve never even heard of such a thing. Hear I thought I knew everything that was involved in pregnancy and birth.” She admitted. Hearing Loki say that he might take a trip to JOtunheim, Frigga smiled. “I’m sure your brothers will meet you with open arms and have a place for you in their home. And I have no doubt that you and Tony will be back to normal by the time you are willing and able to travel. Babies have a way of settling things.” She assured him.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki frowned when his mother said she wasn't sure what the ice. *Perhaps when you give them my thanks you might ask them.* Loki suggested with a slight smile. When she continued to say that she was sure his brothers would welcome him with open arms and that Tony would surely would be back to normal by then he gave another slight smile. *I hope so mother, Fenrir perhaps you should go play now. Your grandmother and I are going to talk some more and I do not wish you bored.* Loki stated unwrapping his arms from around the pup.