[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Fenrir looked up to Loki curiously when he was told to go play. He hadn’t been complaining about the conversation, and he was more than happy to be with his mother and listen to his grandmother. But he also knew that him being sent away was code for there being conversations he wasn’t allowed to listen to. “Alright.” He grumbled, slowly climbing off of Loki’s lap and heading for the door. Frigga smiled at the pup then. “Good-bye my sweet.” She said gently, Fenrir mumbling a good-bye in return.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked to his son apologetic when he heard the his son grumble. He wanted to promise to come and play with fenrir later but he had a project, no projects to do. He couldn't make a promise he couldn't fulfill and he didn't know how he would play with his son at all. *I love you my son, I will see you later today.* Loki called after Fenrir when the pup left. He waited until he was sure Fenrir was gone before looking to his mother again with a soft sad smile. He hadn't meant to upset his son but he knew what he was going to say would only do so in a worse way. *Mother if Thanos does come after me tonight and I can hardly form sentences I want both you and Tony to understand why I ran. Why I was so afraid of him leaving me by myself even though all evidence pointed otherwise. Everyone I have ever been in a relationship has left me, including Angroboda. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I told him and he left. He left and I didn't know what to do, he only came back right before I gave birth and he almost left when he saw the triplets again. I begged him to stay but he left again for a few days. I thought he was gone for good mother, I still don't know why he came back. He wanted nothing to do with his children until they were older.* Loki explained.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Looking to Loki as he spoke, eyes never leaving his face, seeing the truth of his words and seeing the pain of these memories. Frowning, she tilted her head. She hadn’t thought Angroboda had done such a thing. From the way Loki had described him, the man was a loving, devoted father, if not a little stoic. “I’m sorry Loki…..I’m so sorry.” She said softly. “I didn’t know you had suffered through that.” She murmured. Loki’s hesitancy and worry made a little more sense now. It was still inexcusable for Loki to have left like he had, but it made a little more sense. “I know it is not an option at the moment, but as soon as you can explain it to Tony where he can understand, you need to tell him this. It may help him come to terms with your disappearance.” She said slowly.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki didn't meet his mother's eyes as he told her what he needed to. He knew he should have explained such things long ago, but his secrets had always been carefully guarded. *It is not your fault mother there is nothing you could have done and I didn't know until too late.* he rebutted. *That is what I am afraid of mother that I won't be able to tell him anytime soon and I fear that if I can't say anything at all then it may drive a bigger wedge between us. If I can't say anything will you tell him?* he asked. *It has to be done in such a way that my children don't find out. I never wanted them to know.* Loki continued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga nodded slightly. “I will tell him. If needed, I will make time to visit again sooner and sit down with the two of you.” She said slowly. She didn’t argue about the children finding out. She understood better than most about trying to protect children from the truth of their parents. “I hope you see now that Tony won’t do that to you. Even if he doesn’t want children, he loves you too much to leave. And he will find his footing as a father, he just hasn’t had the opportunity yet.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki breathed in relief when his mother agreed to tell Tony if he could notand that she would make time to come down again soon. *I would like that mother thank you, thank you so much.* Loki thanked his relief in hips voice. He knew with his mother telling Tony if he couldn’t there would be no misunderstanding. *I do see mother, I won't doubt him again in this. He has promised that he will be here and not to leave. I trust him even if we aren't really talking but he seems to be a bit better.* Loki promised. He believed in Tony now, believed that Tony would try to be the father Loki knew he could be.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga shook her head. “I love you Loki, I will do everything I can to help you be happy.” She said gently. She had failed spectacularly in that category so far, but she would never stop trying. Loki had as much right to be happy as anyone, perhaps more so after what he’d been through. Smiling when Loki said that he wouldn’t doubt Tony again. “Better? He wasn’t mean to you when you came back was he?” she asked softly.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki smiled at his mother's words and promise. He knew she thought she had alot to make up for but loki had always thought the best of her. She had always tried to understand him, something practically no one else had tried to do. When she continued on asking if Tony had been mean to him he shook his head. *He wasn't mean mother, just not there. The others say he hasn't really been himself since I left and I saw it. He was trying to work on some project but he couldn't remember what. Today after breakfast he seemed to be getting back to normal on that front.* Loki explained.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga frowned, shaking her head slightly. “Tony is…..eccentric. He processes and handles things on a different level than others. Much like you in many ways.” She murmured. “I’ve seen you shut down when hurt or worried. I imagine it’s much the same for him. It doesn’t help that both of you can be rather….obsessive with the other. Having you back and having you reassure him that you still love him will bring him around eventually.”

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki shook his slightly. *I wonder how much of his shut down was due to the mate bond I forced on him. I didn't know I was doing it but neither did he. I know he said he was fine with it but it was still forced mother. Maybe I should have asked my brothers if there was a way to break it.* Loki fretted wanting to pace but knowing his legs wouldn't hold him for long. *I hurt him so much... Oh Yggdrasil, pepper is going to kill me when she finds out I am back.* Loki realized.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga gave a small shrug. “It’s certainly possible that the bond was a factor. There is no telling exactly how the bond affects Tony, but we do know that it affects him. And honestly Loki….I don’t think Tony would have let you break the bond, even if you wanted to. He’s enjoyed it just as much as you. I’ve seen the two of you together, he doesn’t regret it.” She said softly. She knew it wasn’t likely Loki would believe her, but she spoke the truth. Tony had been more than happy with what they had. When Loki talked about Pepper killing him, she gave a small smile. “I would expect a lecture from her.” She agreed. “Though I think Bruce might protect you from it for a time. Since you can’t defend yourself or your actions at the moment.”

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki listened to his mother knowing she was right that Tony wouldn't have let him break the bond. It didn't mean that he didn't still feel bad about the way it had happened. He had never wanted to take choice away from his mate and yet he had multiple time now. He liked the thought of Tony enjoying the bond as much as he had until he had run, now he wasn't sure how Tony felt about the bond seeing as the man had only used it when he had had a panic attack when he learned that the babies were twins. Looking up when his mother said that he could expect a lecture though that Bruce might protect him for a time. *I promised to lay myself at her feet if I ever hurt him.*  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

“Perhaps you should refrain from laying yourself at someone’s mercy for a few months.” Frigga smiled slightly. “Besides, if Tony has endured years of her lectures and reprimands, I’m sure you will be fine.” She added. “I know it may not seem like it, but you will be fine. Or have you forgotten my vision of you happy and healthy holding a happy, healthy child? I doubt you’d look that way if things did not turn out well.”

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki frowned at his mother when she suggested that he refrain himself from putting g himself at someone's mercy for a few months. He would not put his children in danger and he didn't think pepper would do anything to hurt the children either. That didn't mean he couldn't be at her mercy in other ways. At her saying that Tony had been at peppers mercy for years and survived he chuckled. The mention of the vision didn't quite take his smile but he nodded softly. *The future is not always set in stone mother, you saw me holding one child not two.* Loki reminded.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga laughed softly at Loki’s words. “You do not need to remind me of how the future changes. Yet I have seen nothing to suggest that it will. She said softly. “And the fact that you held one child means little. Another could’ve been holding the twin. After all, how often was it that you got to hold Vali and Narfi at the same time? Someone else was always eager to hold them. And these children will be in a house full of aunts and uncles.”