Lines You'll Never Hear

[Nospai Deathous]

*stolen from...somewhere, don't remember*

Yoda: *looking at an approaching, famous, couple* Think some kind of big secret, their relationship is.
Windu: They have no idea that they're the subject of the hottest gossip in the temple.
Yoda: Yes, always together are they. And know better, /he/ should. Not doing what a Jedi should, he is.
Windu: True. It is not befitting a member of the council. I think we should reconsider our giving him a position on it.
Yoda: Quiet! Approach, they do!

*Anakin and Obi-Wan get near*
Anakin: Hey guys! Obi-Wan and I just went on the nicest picnic!  

[Darkened Angel]

Seeing how popular the Star Wars series is, good old GL has decided to make more movies, and some new shows. Some of them are:

Honey, I shrunk the Death Star
Honey, I blew up the Death Star
Two Rodians, a Wookie, and a Star Destroyer
Whose AT-AT is it anyway
The Cantina of the damned
Where in the world is Emperor Palpatine
I know what you did last parsec
The life and times of Darth Vader
Power Troopers
Romancing the Cortosis
Heart of Durasteel
The Emperor and I
Outlaw Busters
That's my Sith Lord
Revenge of the Nerf Herders
Revenge of the Nerf Herders 2: Nerf Herders on Manaan
Star Trek Wars: The Collision of 2 different shows
Star Wars Trek: The Journey to get away from the other show
Luke Skywalker and the Chamber of Selkath

And last but not least, the one most likely to become the biggest hit with the kids:

Wookie-Doo, Where Are You?  

[Mademoiselle Kit]

GL: I announce that as of today, I am making a new prequel. Star Wars I.5: The Adventures of Jar Jar

(Lucas gets pelted with rotten tomatoes)

GL: Uh...I mean...Star Wars III.5: The bloody and painful death of Jar Jar

(The crowd goes wild)  

[Darkened Angel]

While channel surfing the HoloNet, Luke comes across a commercial.

Guy 1: Who delivered?
Guy 2: It's not delivery.
Guy 1: No way, man. This is delivery.
Guy 2: It's not delivery. It's Bantha Poodoo.
Guy 1: ... eek ... * vomits *  

[AFK Masturbating]

Scene: Bespin swordfight, near the end of ESB

Vader: Luke, I am your father.
Luke: No way!
Vader: Yes way.
Luke: Then why didn't I get a corvette for my 16th birthday? You suck, old man! xp
Vader: Do you even know how much a Sith Lord makes, sonny? eek
Luke: And you even cut off my hand! How do you expect me to realize my dreams of playing rock guitar? gonk
Vader: Where did I go wrong? crying  

[Nelowulf]

Random Stormtrooper: I wonder if Vader ever needs to change his air filter... Maybe once every 40,000 parsecs or something...  

[Nospai Deathous]

con't
Stormie2: 40,000 what? Okay, man, are you talking units of distance or units of space-time?  

[Mademoiselle Kit]

Han: She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts.

Luke: Does that mean the bathrooms are real nice?

Han: That's not what I meant, kid.

---------

Anakin: Hey, George said there's no underwear in space, right?

Obi-Wan: Yeah, your point?

Anakin: So that means that...Oh god! eek

Obi-Wan: What? What is it?

Anakin: I had a vision, master?

Obi-Wan: A vision? Of what?

Anakin: It was horrible...Palpy going commando!  

[Nelowulf]

Nospai Deathous

con't
Stormie2: 40,000 what? Okay, man, are you talking units of distance or units of space-time?

Stormie 1: Well, the air filter on my airspeeder needs changing once every 30,000 parsecs, unless on tatooine... but what about vader? And what about oil changes and tune-ups?  

[Darkened Angel]

* Vader comes in, with all kinds of bling and a pimp coat over his black suit *

Vader: Yo, dig it! I pimped out my look! I'm stylin'!
Stormie: Uh... I believe the afro coming out of your helmet is a bit much, Lord Vader.
Vader: Don't be dissin' the hair, bi-atch! * Force Chokes Stormie to death *
Admiral: Lord Vader, your requested modifications to the Executor have been completed. It has been transformed into a low-rider with power-steering, a chain link steering wheel, fuzzy dice hanging on the rear-view mirror, and we suped up the hydrolics.
Vader: Awesome yo! But... what are hydrolics?  

[Mademoiselle Kit]

Anakin: WHOA!!! eek

*Sees hot padawan chick*

Hot Padawan Chick: Hey, big boy, how about you an' me get together sometime and discover the myseries of the force, hmm...?

Anakin: Uh...eh heh...yeah, about that... *Turns around, sees Padme*

Padme: evil

Anakin: Um...it wasn't me! I swear!

*Smack!*

Padme: *Drags Ani away by his ear*  

[The Prince of oranges]

Chewbacca: What?  

[Missing00]

Vader: Obi-wan never told you about your father.
Luke: He told me enough, he told me you killed him.
Vader: No luke, I am you father.
Luke: Really? Awsome! So this means we can like rule the universe as father and son right?
Vader: Uhh...yhea. Oh I have one more thing to say, Miller lite has more taste than Bud lite.
Luke: NNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnooooooo!!!! *Jumps*  

[Nospai Deathous]

Nelowulf

Stormie 1: Well, the air filter on my airspeeder needs changing once every 30,000 parsecs, unless on tatooine... but what about vader? And what about oil changes and tune-ups?

Stormie 2: Ah, you mean /that/. Oh 50,000 at the least i'd say. I mean, he probably uses that high-class stuff in the red package. But considering he goes in that little egg all the time, I think it's hard to say exactly when he needs tune-ups. I mean, we need to know what he's doing in there, and I personally am not sure if I want to know.  

[Darkened Angel]

Palpy: I don't like deceiving everyone like this... * removes ugly face mask, reveals he's actually Bush, and has the Ring of Power * ... But if anyone finds out, I won't win the re-election for galactic emperor...

( In another room )

Vader: My service to the emperor is a sham. * removes helmet, showing he's actually Kerry * It's all just to make him look bad so I can win the next election.