[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki could hardly breath as the letter was read. It was all so personal and carried so much pain. From the corner of his eye he saw Tony reach for the reactor and tensed as he thought that may have invaded something he should not have. When the letter was finally done Loki was read to fly apart at the seams waiting for some reaction from anyone. The silence was terrifying and the breath Tony let out almost seemed worse. When the man proclaimed that it was alot and he needed time to piece through it loki nodded. It wasn't like he could say anything to change things now even if he wanted to. What was there to say? The hand that reached into his vision was startling and loki lifted his gaze to tony unsure for a moment as he hesitantly put his hand in the man's. It was the first contact that was unnecessary that Tony had initiated and loki was unsure how to take it.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony gently held Loki’s hand, giving it a small squeeze. It was odd, such a hesitant contact when they’d essentially been joined at the hip before. But it was also a relief, the contact felt right. “Loki…” he finally started, finding what seemed to be the best words. “I am still upset with you….you know how hard it is for me to trust someone….but I still love you. You have still been the one person in my life that I have really felt comfortable around….I don’t want to lose that….I don’t want to lose us.” He said slowly. “and I still want to be your mate, I do….” He added. He was just struggling to figure out how to let Loki back in, struggling to put his trust back in the god after he abused that trust for months.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki watched Tony's hand trying to figure the man out. The small squeeze made everything more unclear to him. They were both so hesitant with the contact, loki knew his was because he was afraid of what might be coming. He could only speculate on Tony's and with the way things were his mind raced to the more terrible option. What if Tony was only allowing to contact, offering it as a last piece of peace before he let Loki go. Loki did want to let go and hearing his name from Tony made his heart skip a few beats in his fear. The words were coming he knew, and then there they were. The fact that Tony was still upset with him, he had known that would not change but added on top of how he had broken the trust he had gained made Loki want to pull away and just disappear. Tony proclaiming that he still loved him could be taken either way. He loved Thor but there were times when he hated his brother despite loving him. Listening to tony continue he couldn't help thinking that he wasn't that such person now, not I'd he couldn't be trusted. It was the fact that Tony said he didn't want to lose that, to lose them that had Loki glance up to tony in confusion. Then Tony was saying that he still wanted to be his mate and loki couldnt understand it. So many had left him after so little and he had done so much to tony yet still the man seemed to want to stay. It baffled him. *Why?* Loki questioned.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony’s eyes flickered to Frigga when she translated the question, remaining silent beyond that. It was not her place to interfere right now. “Why do you want to stay with me?” Tony asked in response. “I’m far from perfect and I’ve screwed up too.” He continued, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked away. He still felt that he in no way matched to the god beside him, despite how much they wanted to be together. “I was part of the reason you left. We both know that, but you still want me.” Looking back to Loki, he studied his face closely. “Besides….I know we’re supposed to be together. Just like I know Pepper and Rhodey are supposed to be my friends, even if they’ve hurt me too.” He said softly.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki didn't look to his mother as she tranlated only watching Tony. When Tony clarified his question he nodded. Why did Tony want to stay with him when it would be so easy to just be done. It didn't matter that Tony thought he wasn't perfect, Loki had caused so much pain and had lied about so much. Tony had not screweed up as Loki had there was no reason he should stay with him and yet he was. Loki wanted to argue that Tony hadn't really been the reason he left. It was a bit of the final blow when emotions had been high but Tony hadn't been the reason still he remained silent. He frowned when the man said that he knew they were supposed to be together. He still didn't understand why Tony would stay with him when feelings were not always accurate. Loki's leaving was proof of that.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony saw Loki’s expression and knew the god still wanted a different explanation. Sighing, he made a face. He didn’t know how else to explain his decision. “Loki…you know I’m not good at this stuff.” He said softly, making a vague motion. He was horrible at talking about his emotions and thoughts. “I love you Loki…..what other explanation can I offer you. Love is stupid, it doesn’t make sense. And I love you enough not to want to give up.”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki didn't know what to make of the sigh but he did feel guilty for asking more of Tony when the man said that it was hard for him. Still he needed more and yet he felt terrible for asking it of tony. He was asking too much, pushing too much. When Tony merely proclaimed love again and that he didnt want to give him up he nodded. He wanted to convey the same and was struck with a silly childish thing. He formed his hands into a heart but then pulled one hand away leaving half a heart out towards Tony.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony blinked at the gesture Loki gave, but a small smile pulled at his lips and he took Loki’s hand again. “got it.” He murmured. “now I understand most of the rest of what you had in that letter, but we need to get you talking properly again so we can sit down with Thor and you can talk me through it Make sure I understand exactly what you were saying.” He said slowly. He had questions, but he’d have to live with that until Loki could try explaining more.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki blinked when Tony took his hand again instigating another unnecessary touch. Tony felt so warm compared to him but loki didn't care, he wanted the man to touch him, to hold him even. But he would not push what he was getting to receive none at all. Instead he listened to Tony speak saying that he now understood most of the letter. He didn't know what the man had nor understood but if Tony wanted to talk about it when they had fixed him he would and he nodded his ascent. *Tell..Fenrir...not.* Loki questioned with a slight pleading in his tone. He didn't want to hurt his son with the knowledge that his father had not wanted him.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony frowned slightly at the question, but nodded. He was still of the opinion that Loki should share everything with Fenrir and his other children. And even if Angrboda had not originally wanted the triplets, he’d come to love them, that’s what was important wasn’t it? “I won’t tell him….” He agreed. It was still Loki’s place to decide what Fenrir did and didn’t know. “You know…you could have told me about angrboda a long time ago, even before you got pregnant. I kept bringing him up….I didn’t know things had gone sour between the two of you.”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki saw Tony's frown and grew worried for a moment but when the man nodded he breathed in relief. He knew Tony thought he should tell his children and he might with Jormungandr and He but Fenrir was too young to understand right now. When Tony agreed aloud Loki have a nod of thanks. When man continued to say that Loki could have told him about Angroboda a long time ago he shook his head. *came...after...back...better.* Loki took a pause there hoping to keep his brain from running the two things he wanted to say from running together in a jumbled mess. *want...remember...to...didn't.* Loki continued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony gave a small nod. He supposed that he could understand that, though he still wished he’d been told. Letting go of Loki’s hand, he pointed to the god’s plate. “Eat….you have to be hungry, I know the babies probably are.” He said slowly, beginning to eat his own food again. Looking to Frigga, he gave her a small smile. “Thank you for being here and helping.” He said slowly. The queen just gave a soft smile, waving off the thanks. “I am always happy to help my sons and those they care for.” She said simply. She was just relieved that this had seemingly gone well, even though she’d told Loki it would in the first place. He put too little faith in the man he’d chosen as a mate.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki held back a look of sadness when Tony released his hand. However when Tony pointed at his plate he gave a small nod and his lips quirks a bit. He was indeed hungry and now that everything seemed to be over for the moment his stomach and children let him know. Loki begin eating with more enthusiasm then he had just a bit before. He glanced up when Tony spoke to his mother and gave a soft smile of thanks to her as well. He could see the I told you so in her gaze but ignored it. She may have been a seer bUT he doubted that she could have predicted how well this had gone.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony watched Loki eat, looking satisfied with the sight. Seeing Loki eating and knowing his children were being taken care of soothed some anxious part of his mind and he relaxed ever so slightly where he sat. Absently, Frigga moved her hand as her magic reached out to inspect the twins, unable to help herself. “They’re happy.” She said softly, tilting her head. Tony blinked, looking at Frigga. “You can tell?” he asked slowly. Frigga grinned. “I’m the Goddess of Childbirth and pregnancy.” She replied simply. “I think you’ll have two very happy babies on your hands….”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki glanced up to his mother when she reached out towards him. He could sense her magic and knew she was checking on the children. When she said that the babies were happy he looked up surprised. Tony seemed as surprised as he was and asked his mother if she could tell. He was more surprised when she continued to say that he would have two very happy babies on their hands. Slowly Loki looked to his belly and placed a hand on it feeling out his children there. He could feel the small thumps of them kicking every once in awhile. They would be happy he was sure, they would have a home a people that loved them. Siblings that loved the as well.