[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki glanced to his mother when she asked him what was wrong. He didn't know what she would say about this subject but he didn't want to load more of his problems on her. He had no doubt she would need to return to Asgard now that everything was dealt with. *It's nothing I need to talk about mother. I... there is just alot that I need to do. It's overwhelming.* Loki diverted. It wasn't a lie, in fact it was truth he had a lot to do to fix things. It however was not what made him upset but the truth he put forward would be a reasonable explanation. *I should get back to my mind. When do you leave?* he asked.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga tilted her head slightly, unsure if Loki was telling the truth to her. She’d rarely doubted Loki before, but ever since he’d become pregnant, he’d kept more and more things to himself. “Loki…remember that shutting yourself off, not allowing help and not letting things out, that’s what caused many of your problems.” She said slowly, placing a hand on Loki’s knee. Sighing as Loki asked when she would leave, she glanced back at Skadi. We should be leaving as shortly after we are certain that you need nothing else. I left with relatively little preparation on Asgard.”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded but didn't open up about what was really bothering him. He knew now there was nothing his mother could do to assuage his guilt and self hate. If anyone was able to alleviate it, it would be Tony but loki was unsure he wanted him to. He was prone to holding onto the hurt even at his own detriment and it was hard habit to break. Especially when it was one long established. He finally looked to his mother fully when she placed a hand on his knee. *I think you have brought me all the care you could without remaining here yourself.* Loki assured his mother.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga nodded slightly. She knew he was telling the truth. There was little else she could truly do, as much as she might want to. “I would stay if I could Loki. There is little more that I desire.” She said softly. If Odin were still ruling or if Thor had the throne, she would have come to stay with Loki before he even left. Her son needed her and she could do little to help. She was a mother and she wanted nothing more than to be with and aid her children, yet she couldn’t do so. “Are you sure there is nothing else I can do for you Loki?” she asked softly.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded when his mother said that she would stay of she could. He knew if she had a choice, if she truly had a choice she would stay with him the whole time he needed her. Unfortunately Odin prevented that from happening once again. *You have healed me, prevented SHIELD from coming after me again, and provided a healer to help my mind. That and preventing Thanos from tearing me to pieces long enough that I might mount a defense. I think you have done plenty mother, thank you.* Loki thanked giving his mother a small grateful smile. *I won't keep you any longer mother, besides I have a defense to mount.* Loki continued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga knew Loki was dismissing her on some level, but she couldn’t argue. There was little else she could do and she had to get back to Asgard. Looking down, she was silent for a moment before nodding. “Then I will say goodbye to Fenrir and Thor and take my leave.” Frigga said slowly. Standing, she leaned down to kiss Loki’s forehead. “I love you my dear.” She murmured, petting his hair. “And when Tony wakes, let him help you, invite him to help….it will aid you in building a better defense more quickly, something that will help both of you.” She advised him softly. Stepping back, she looked Loki over again. “Do try and get a little more rest tonight as well.” She added. “You can always use the bowls to call and talk to me Loki.” she reminded before she moved towards the door, saying a goodbye before she left.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

(Hey I wanna do a few day time skip is that okay with you?)

Loki watched his mother when she was silent. Silence was always a mystery with his mother, he never knew if she would have something wonderful to say or merely scold him for something he had done. However when she nodded proclaiming that she would say goodbye to Thor and Fenrir he nodded too. He relaxed as a he placed a kiss on his forehead and pet his hair. The motions were soothing and familiar, something he missed greatly. He blinked when she bid him to ask Tony for help to build his defenses. *But if he is in my mind and Thanos comes back the god will have access to him and the memories I gave him.* Loki argued. Those memories would only be kept safe if Tony stayed out of his mind. He nodded at the idea of getting more rest but he doubted he would follow through with it. The ice had given him strength and he would use it while he had it to start on what he needed to do. He bid her goodbye as she left and hugged his knees close as he could again. He could feel the weight of everything upon him once more, and it was almost suffocating. Still it was a bit less now that he had gotten things out to tony.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

((Sure. Go right ahead. I was thinking about a time skip soon myself.))

Frigga frowned slightly at his arguments, but she didn’t reply. They were safe for a few days, they needed to work together, and Loki couldn’t keep holding Tony at arm’s length. It was hurting them both. But Loki wasn’t in the state to say anything yet. She left Loki and took a few minutes to insure that the healer was comfortable and ready for a long stay on Midgard before she said goodbye to Thor and Fenrir, making sure that the boy knew to be patient and gentle with Loki and Tony. Finally she left with Skadi.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~

The next few days passed in much of a blur for Loki seeing as he spent most of his time in his mind trying to repair it. There were of course meals, exercises with Bruce and sessions with the healer. Beyond that Loki stayed mostly to himself which suited him as it seemed the mansion turned into a flurry of activity around Natasha. From what he had gathered the team was working to throw some form of party for her. He didn't know if it was her birthday or not but the idea of the party made him think of the gifts he had never given the team for Christmas seeing as he had not been around. It made him feel even worse about things, something which had only increased seeing as he wasn't sleeping in exchange for the time to rush and fix his mind before Thanos broke through his mother's shield again. His body was resting of course when he did such, that plus the addition of the ice from Jotunhiem had gotten Loki back onto his feet a bit. He could walk now for short periods without over exerting himself. He had taken advantage of it one night when everyone was asleep to leave the gifts he had gotten for the team at their doors to find in the morning. He didn't leave a name on them but he was sure they would know who they came from and the next day Loki hid away in the study refusing to come out.

He had not tried to interact with the team beyond the exercises and meals they shared. With everyone planning things for Natasha and him working on his mind as much as he could he felt like an outsider once more. More so now seeing as that Kalani and her grandmother lived with them but the girl whom had been his companion before seemed to have forgotten him as she circulated among the avengers learning all she could. The caused Loki to seclude himself to the study even further and the lack of true sleep made him irritable.

Loki's mood didn't really go unnoticed by Thor but at first he thought it merely the frustration at not being able to communicate still or that he had a project to complete before Thanos regained access to his brother's mind. However the more he paid attention the more Thor realized that was not it. He could see the lost and hurt looks that Loki tried to hide through meals and the mechanicalness that he used when going through exercises with Bruce. Then there was the fact that Loki seemed to becoming more irritable everyday. That was something with which Thor was familiar, when Loki forgoed sleep in favor of a spell he was trying to learn he had been much the same. Thor knew he would have to deal with the situation at some point but for now he was helping to 'arrange' Natasha's baby shower. "I admit my friends I have never seen to one of these feasts before." Thor declared when he was carrying some more supplies into the main room.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony’s behavior changed a little over the following days. The initial drain that the twins put on his magic lessened as they were able to pull equally from both Loki and Tony, allowing the genius more energy. And he made the effort to sleep. Even though Loki didn’t sleep much and Tony was still having nightmares, he went through the effort of coming and laying down in bed with him. He didn’t invite any cuddling, and after being at the receiving end of Loki’s annoyance once, he didn’t try for much conversation. He held the god’s hand sometimes, other times, laid a hand on his stomach, seemingly entranced by the movements he felt underneath, but more often than not he’d fall asleep, Loki’s presence giving him an extra hour or two of sleep before a nightmare sent him bolting for the safety of his lab. Tony had tried to help Loki in his mind once or twice as well, but Loki clearly wasn’t comfortable with him there and he wasn’t really sure how to help much, so he’d given it up, though he’d been unwilling to let the door between their minds close.

As the mansion got prepared to host a baby shower for Natasha, Tony got pulled into it a little, when he wasn’t absorbed in manically building something in his lab. He was largely used as a bank to fund it all, but they were able to pull him in to arrange for a handful of guests and in deciding on certain gifts for the assassin. He’d been dragged out of his lab to help Bruce with packing gift bags today. Glancing at Thor as he came in, as loud as ever. “Does Asgard not celebrate pregnancies and childbirth?” he asked absently, picking up a party horn, he gave it a rather obnoxious honk on it and continued to bite on it as he went back to what he was doing.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki was never aware of if the gifts he had dropped at doors had been opened but he hoped they had seeing as he had put alot of thought behind them for everyone. He wondered the most if Tony had found his. He had taken it down to the lab but had been too uncertain whether or not he was allowed within now that he had left it by the door. He had stood there for a few minutes after setting down the present watching Tony work through the glass walls. They had seemed to grow no closer in the last few days and Loki knew it was his fault. His testy behavior made it harder than normal to communicate with him. The lack of awareness when he was trying to fix his mind helped none either. He was sure though that it was from trying to not keep Tony in his mind that had done it. After a few times of the man trying to help he had finally seemed to get it but still Loki missed his presence. Loki sat forward on the chair in the study in front of the desk he had been working at and just held his head in his hands. He wanted to cry but all the emotions besides the irritation at everything seemed buried too deep to reach.

Thor grinned when he spotted Tony after the man had spoken. "We do my friend but the feasts of such a few and far between. I have never been invited to one and there have been none held at the palace since my conception." Thor declared.

Clint looked up from the box he was digging through at Thor's words seeming confused. "What about Loki's pregnancies before this one. Wouldn't there have been a party for those. I mean at least one right, the one with the twins before this set." Clint stated.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony gave a little hum at Thor’s response. Being with Loki it was easy to forget that Asgardians didn’t have children as often as humans. Clint’s words drew his attention though and made him start wondering. Perhaps he should do something for Loki. The god might brighten up a little if he got a few gifts for the babies. Maybe he could try and finish the nursery. It needed some work and rearranging now that he knew there would two babies. “Loki didn’t want to broadcast his pregnancy.” Tony said slowly. Dropping the goody bag in a box beside him, Tony looked to Thor for a moment. “Is there anything special that is done for these celebrations on Asgard, at least that you know of?”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Thor frowned at the thoughts Clint had started. Loki had had three sets of children and while it was true that two of the sets had been borne away from the palace of Asgard the third had happened right in its walls. He remember his mother having posted guards all around Loki's room to keep him from running. Or had that been his father's doing? The question was why had they never celebrated the twins as they would have with any other child. "Neh my friend, Loki was within the palace and the servants spread word quickly. It was not long before the whole kingdom knew. I never heard talk of a celebration for Loki though, from his mouth or another's. I am sure my mother would have planned one even if Loki had not wished it, at least a small one." Thor frowned forming thoughts into suspicion. This had his father's secrets written all over it. "As far as I can understand it is much like your celebration here on Midgard, but it lasts for days." Thor stated grinning at the last fact.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony frowned slightly as Thor contradicted his words. He’d thought Loki wouldn’t want something like this. Perhaps it was yet another sign of Odin’s anger at Loki though. “All Asgardian celebrations go for days.” He remarked, giving the horn another honk as he thought. “Maybe Loki would like to get a few gifts….not to Take away from Nat of course….I don’t think he’s even close to being in the mood for a party anyway.” He mused out loud. There had been little recognition of Loki’s pregnancy around the mansion, largely due to his health and mood, but perhaps getting a little attention for it would put him in a better mood. He was sure Natasha wouldn’t mind it if everyone in the mansion got something for Loki as well.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Thor grinned again when Tony remarked that all celebrations went on for days. It was true of course but highly entertaining. Thor hummed in thought when Tony pondered the though of getting Loki gifts. He was sure that would indeed lift his brother's mood. That and a little proper sleep but that he would take care of by the end of the day. "My brother needs rest, I believe that will put him in a more celebratory mood. I will handle him later." Thor stated.

"Are you kidding me, I think Nat would be thrilled to include Loki in this. Shes been trying to figure out a way to pin him down after they exercises and just speak together. Of course he runs off and its been frusterating her. But hell tell her Loki has never had a baby shower and short of adding him to hers she'll plan another one just for him. She hates being taken off missions and needs something to do." Clint argued. He hummed when Tony talked about Loki getting a few gifts. "Did you get his christmas gift. He got me a little potion that rubbed on certain arrows will return them to the quiver the bottle is in as long as they are whole. He got Nat a set of throwing knives more balanced then anything i've seen sold." Clint spoke his voice holding a little awe. He then of course looked to Thor when the god said that Loki needed sleep. He could have sworn the god was sleeping, he knew the god had been in bed for a few days by Bruce's orders. The way he was acting suggested that he had had very little sleep since he had been rescued.

"Ai, my brother gave myself a new cloak with more protection upon it and he even got lady Jane a dress from Asgard. The knives he gave lady Natasha were most likely made by his hands. He has always been gifted in crafting small weapons seeing as those are the ones he uses." Thor replied.