[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki didn't drop his resistance as Tony made a face when he argued. He held back a snort when Tony said that he knew he wanted to fix things but that he needed to let his mind rest. There was no time to rest. He had done so little in the comparison of what he needed to finish. The resistance faded a bit when Tony asked him how much of a fight could he put up if he was mentally exhausted. Tony was right of course, sleep meant magic, strength and the ability to think clearer. The walls would be stronger but would they be strong enough to hold against Thanos. He looked a bit uneasy in his thoughts as Tony shifted to face him fully. *He'll tear them apart again...* Loki murmured giving a slight shiver of fear. He had no defense with his mind still broken and his memories floating around as they were. Some that had buried so long in the palace of his mind now sought out to attack him. He could barely stand being in his own mind but it was what he needed to do. If he stopped to sleep now he was scared that he wouldn't start again.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony shook his head. “Thanos will tear your mind apart if you let fear be the only thing driving you. If you’re smart, and do everything you can to be ready, meaning you also sleep and heal, and let yourself be ready beyond just a wall, then he won’t be able to hurt you.” He said firmly. “Loki…you need sleep. You need all of your strength.” Tilting his head, he looked down for a moment, considering his next words. “You are so desperate because you’re scared. I know. You have every right to be scared. But acting solely on that fear is not good. That has never worked out for you Loki….You know that.”

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki frowned again when Tony told him that Thanos would tear his mind apart if he let fear be the only thing driving him. That wasn't it, yes he was afraid that Thanos was going to obliterate his mind once more perhaps even worse than before. But he was forcing himself to such exhaustion for tony, for their twins and everyone else he cared about. If he did not and Thanos took his mind from him he had the potential to do great harm to everyone he loved. How could Tony not understand that. He was doing all he could to be ready for when the protection failed. Building walls and defenses and ignoring trying to put his mind completely in order so that he might be able to speak again just so he could fight thanos. *I am scared but not for that and Thanos has torn everything apart before. My mind which took me so long to construct he tore apart like paper one wall will not be enough to stop him. Not be enough to protect all of you.* Loki snapped.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony took the switch of mood in stride. Letting Loki respond, he didn’t look away from the god. “And you’d be able to protect us better if you were actually rested. And we’d be able to help you more. Me, Steve, the healer, it would be easier for all of us to help you.” He pointed out. He knew there were other problems, other things Loki would like to do and probably needed to be doing. Maybe if others could enter his mind and he wasn’t in such a bad mood they could divide the work. “You know I’m just trying to look after you right?” he asked after a moment, not wanting this to dissolve into another argument.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki slumped when Tony said that he would be better able to protect them if he was rested. That and they would be able to help him more, because it would be easier. He had been quite terrible about letting them all into his mind. Even though that was what the healer had been brought down to Midgard for and Steve was supposed to be learning. However in his exhausted mind it felt like too much to have all those people invading the one thing he couldn't control at the moment. He nodded solemnly when Tony asked if he knew that the man was merely trying to look after him. *I just can't, even if I wanted to. They come after me, torment me if I am not working and sometimes even then.* Loki murmured. He was of course talking about the memories loose in his mind, the darker more violent ones.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Looking down to their hands, Tony frowned at his words, trying to figure out how to help. He knew having Loki take back the good memories he’d said he had hidden away was the best option, but he doubted Loki would be willing to do that. “Maybe…..maybe you should try sleeping on my cot in my lab.” He suggested. “It was the only way I could get any sleep…It feels safer there. And I could be there working, be close for you.” He added. He knew it was a long shot, and the cot wasn’t exactly the most comfortable or safest place for a heavily pregnant person to be, but it had to be worth a shot. Loki had fallen asleep while Tony had been working several times, maybe memories of those times would help.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked up to Tony surprised by the suggestion. The cot in the lab was Tony's place, the lab and everything in it was Tony's. Sure he had spent time in there with the man but above all it was Tony's. It wasn't like the study which was Loki's or their room, the lab was Tony's and this was the first time he had been invited to it since he had been back. Tony was offering him, his safe place. *I would be willing to try.* Loki said softly. He didn't know if it would work but he would try it. It wasn't what he wanted to sleep but if Tony was close and watching, even if he was working on something then maybe he could manage Loki thought. Natasha from her seat rolled her eyes at the two men, she knew of course what was needed to give both men a full night sleep but there seemed to be too much distance still to do such things.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony gave a small smile, nodding when Loki agreed to try. Trying was all he could hope for. Taking a deep breath, he looked around. “Well I think it’s time for lunch. Better get the two of you down there before Betty comes to chase us down.” He said lightly, looking between Loki and Natasha. Betty was taking her job of keeping both of them on healthy diets seriously. Standing, he helped Loki to his feet and taking a moment to tuck a bit of hair behind the god’s hair. “If you want, you can try to take a nap after.” He suggested softly.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki returned the small smile still a bit unsure of if the idea would work. He was glad at least his flare of temper hadn't damaged their conversation. When Tony announced it was time for lunch and that he and Natasha had bester get down there before she came to chase them down Loki nodded. The one good thing that had happened in the couple of days was that he was eating regurarly and therefore had put on a bit of weight that he had been missing. He looked a bit more healthy now, not like he should yet but better. Of course as a result his belly had swelled some to when made doing things harder. It was why he readily accepted the help from Tony to his feet as Clint helped Natasha up. He paused and blinked at Tony when the man pushed back some of his hair, it made him smile gently. He nodded when tony continued to say that he could try for a nap after lunch. A nap sounded good.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony followed Clint and Natasha from the study, a hand resting lightly on Loki’s back. “Are the babies happy?” he asked slowly. He had accepted that Loki had more of a connection with the babies than he did. He was a little jealous of it, but it was also one of the benefits of being a mother he supposed. Bruce had kept a close eye on the babies’ health and development and had to regularly reassure Tony that they were perfectly fine. It was part of why Tony liked feeling the babies kicking, he figured that if they were sick or something, they wouldn’t kick or move.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki smiled more to himself as Tony kept a hand on his back as they walked from the study. He nodded when Tony asked if the babies were happy. *They haven't been pulling at our magic so much. So I think they've been getting what they want.* Loki responded. The babies were happy there wasn't an hour that he didnt feel them kick at least once. They were happier than he was at least getting as much attention from Tony as they wanted. The man always seemed to want to feel the twins out. He himself felt jealous of the twins for that, he wanted Tony's attention, wanted to be held by him. Still he knew that was not possible now and that was what made him unhappy.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony grinned at the response. “Good. Hopefully they’ll be strong and healthy.” He said slowly. “Maybe they’ve grown enough that they’re starting to actually make some magic of their own.” He added after a moment, sounding honestly curious. There was a moment of realization then and Tony looked to him quickly. “Are they going to be born with magic? Like are they going to be able to use magic from day one?” he asked. What would the twins be able to do with magic so young? Would they just shift forms, or would they be able to do more, too young to control their abilities?

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki smiled at Tony when the man said he hoped their children would be strong and healthy. From what he felt in some of their kicks Loki had no doubt that that was the case. *If they weren't still taking our magics I would say that they were obtaining their own now but I do not think so. Not yet at least.* Loki responded shaking his head. He would like their children to make their own magic already and give him back his so that he might fight off Thanos. He also knew that they would always keep part of his for their own protection at least until they were borne and separated from his body. Looking to Tony when he asked if their children would have magic from day one he shrugged. *They will be borne with magic, but I am unsure when it will manifest for them. Hela manifested from the day she was borne where as Fenrir manifested a couple of years later.* Loki stated. *If they do have magic from day one it will be little things and they will have no control over it. Hela's used to manifest when she cried by amplifying her cries.* Loki continued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony listened to Loki’s explanation closely. Having children with magic was definitely not something any of the books or experts would be able to explain to him. “Well Hela does seem the most prone to magic out of all of your kids.” He said slowly. “I’m sure that made those first few months absolutely thrilling…” he added with a smirk. The last thing a baby really needed was even louder cries. “If their magic shows up….poorly, it’s doing things that aren’t safe….is there a way we can, I don’t know, dampen it until they’re old enough to start controlling it?” he asked slowly. HE didn’t want to sound bad, but it was an honest concern that just popped into his head. What if one of the twins started levitating things or turned invisible? They could get hurt and Tony really didn’t want that. Maybe he’d talk to Xavier. Maybe handling mutant babies would be similar in some way. One of the mutants had to have experience, right? As they turned into the dining room, half of the mansion was already there, talking and laughing. Tony walking in beside Loki did draw a few curious looks though.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded when Tony stated that Hela had seemed the most probe to magic. He laughed at the idea of the first few months of Hela's life having been thrilling. His laugh died away when Tony continued and loki titled his head confused. Loki stopped in place after they entered the dinning room facing Tony fully. Loki didn't look upset yet but he was unsure. *You mean like the collar or this?* Loki questioned raising the arm with the bracelet that allowed Tony to order him around. It still puzzled Loki why Tony had never tried to use it to bring him back after he had run.