The Girl Behind the Curtain

[Daughter of Hades]

wow! congrats for your cousin!

 

[Deadly Nightshayde]

If I went to sleep RIGHT NOW I'd get four hours before I had to get up for work.

 

[Deadly Nightshayde]

Well, I've just had a very enlightening conversation with a certain someone.
I'm very, very angry.
And I'm done with him.

I don't like being messed with.
I don't like people who play games, however unintentional it might be.
I don't like not knowing for certain where I stand in relationships.
I don't like feeling stupid because other people can't make up their damn minds.

So I'm done. For real, for good.
And it feels really really good to be justifiably angry at someone else, rather than at my own mistakes and pathetic inability to have a normal adult relationship. Now I realize I'm not the only one to blame.

And I know he's only human, and that everyone screws up, and that it he can't read my mind, and he thought everything was clear and okay. Well, now it is.

I'm very relieved.

Maybe I'll actually get some sleep tonight.

 

[Dr4g0nH34rt]

aww poor you, i wish i could say something supporting but idk what to say since ive been there and i still want to kill the b***h who used me¬_¬ sorry but god i hate that woman¬_¬  

[Deadly Nightshayde]

I don't want to kill him
He didn't use me or anything.
He just can't seem to keep in one emotional state long enough for me to catch up.
That's the best way I can describe it.

I'm not even that angry anymore.
I'm a little bit angry at the situation, and that it wasted so much time coming to this.
But I'm not angry with him.

 

[Deadly Nightshayde]

Juno is SUCH a good movie.
I've got a couple songs from it on my playlist.
They're at the bottom, starting with All I Want is You.
I didn't put them in order yet.
Everything else right now is chaotic.
Why should my be playlist be orderly when nothing else is?

 

[Deadly Nightshayde]

Tree Hugger Lyrics
By Kimya Dawson and Antsy Pants

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.

And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.

And the rattlesnake said,
"I wish I had hands so
I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said,
"Don't you understand,
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice,
But hug my flower with your eyes."

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.

And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.

 

[Daughter of Hades]

I recently saw the movie Rambo, the newest one that just came out and its awesome! Lots of blood and gore and awesomness!!  

[Deadly Nightshayde]

I think I'm going to see that soon.
It's not my normal idea of a good movie, but I hang out with a lot of guys, most of which don't have cars, therefore I'll be driving them to go see it xD.

 

[Deadly Nightshayde]

Oh. My. God.
I just had the best time. Doing nothing.
Seriously. The Ninja 'kidnapped' me at ten, we drove around for three hours talking about everything and nothing, and then he brought me home. It's amazing. I'm not really usually all that talkative. And he bought me a ninja bear. He has a thing for ninjas, no matter how often I tell him that pirates are better. So yeah, from here on after I shall be referring to him as 'The Ninja'. This is the best Valentines Day I've ever had. I mean, that's not really saying much, but it means a lot to me.

It's strange, seeing someone I care about, more than like once a month.
I've spent the past year and a half of my life missing someone.
Every day. All the time.
Even when I was with him I was missing him,
because I knew he was leaving again in a day or two.
It's weird, and wonderful, and amazing.
This knowing that I can see The Ninja pretty much any day I want.
We live like 10-15 minutes apart.
It might as well be a second. It's nothing. It's magnificent.
I'm happier than I've been in a long, long time.

 

[Deadly Nightshayde]

I've seen The Ninja like every day this week.
I can't get enough.
He taught me to drive his car today.
We went to this military base-turned low income housing/construction zone place and drove around.
I'm fairly proud of myself. I didn't stall out at all.
Granted I was only behind the wheel for like maybe half an hour, didn't get past 2nd gear.
But still. Machines and I don't tend to mix well.

As for The Ninja, I mix exceedingly well with him.

 

[Deadly Nightshayde]

(Skip to the bottom if you don't want to read the wall of text.)

Argh, why do people have to be silly?
My best friend who I'm with all the time is really jealous of me and The Ninja.
I mean, she's happy for me, and he's way too old for her anyway, so I don't really feel bad about being with him, even though I know she thinks he's one of the hottest guys she knows and has about half a crush on him.

(She's 14, I'm 19, he's 22. Yeah, I know it's weird for my best friend to be only 14, but we live right next to each other, and we're really close, and I can't and don't want to help it.)

Anyway. We go do things just us girls sometimes, other times it's the three of us, and then sometimes I want alone time with the boy. But lately after the three of us have been together, after he leaves, all she talks about is the boy she likes, and how next time she sees him she's just going to make out with him and tell him she likes him, and screw her parents (no dating til she's 16), and on and on and on. It's not like I'm making out with The Ninja right in front of her or anything either. I'm a little weird about PDA. He kissed me goodnight last night before he left and that's the first time she's even seen us kiss. She spent the night, so she was there.

So yeah, I feel like a really bad influence, but there's not much I can think of to do about it. She is only 14, and there's no way in hell that child is ready to date yet, and I don't want to keep showing her what she's missing and making her more determined to defy her parents. But we spend a lot of time together, and I'm not too happy with the idea of distancing myself from The Ninja when she's around. It's a no-win situation. Less time with the best friend, or less cuddly times with the boyfriend. How do I choose? Should I have to choose? I mean, she's going to see it everywhere anyway. Movies, t.v., when we walk through the mall and see a million and one couples holding hands. I know I'm not in any position to judge parenting skills, but maybe if they kept a better handle on her in other aspects it wouldn't be so hard to curb her boy craziness now.

So, in summation:
I like The Ninja.
We're both cuddly people, and it shows.
Best friend wants her own boy to cuddle.
I feel bad about making it worse.
I don't know how to balance best friend emotional needs and boyfriend time.

 

[Deadly Nightshayde]

Wow, almost a month without an entry.
I fail.
I read somewhere that keeping a journal or blog is good for your mental health.
I guess my mental health is doomed.
Oh well, it's not like I didn't already know that. xD

Anyway, not much to report.
I'm ridiculously happy with The Ninja.
I get to see him for at least a few hours almost every day.
I'm still marveling at how wonderful that is.

I saw The Boy this past weekend at work.
It was... slightly awkward, kind of sad, but I survived.
I love this one lady I work with.
She told me she was talking about me and The Ninja with The Boy.
Asking if he heard about us and all that.
He said he had, and he'd know even if he hadn't because we were "all over each other".
Pssh, yeah right.
I'm weird about PDA as it is.
I might have like hugged him once in The Boy's presence.

I almost wish there was some way to skip all the difficult parts of life.
But then I guess we wouldn't appreciate all the good times.

Ah well. C'est la vie.
 

[Deadly Nightshayde]

I got a bunny!
I went to the pet store looking for a pet mouse and they didn't have any.
Sooooo, I looked around for a couple minutes and started playing with the guinea pigs and bunnies.
And one bunny caught my eye. He's real cute. White and brown.
Actually I don't know if it's a girl or boy yet. Too young to tell for sure.
I named it Jack.
Cause I like that name, and even if it turns out to be a girl, it's not like the rabbit is going to care that it has a boy name.

My parents aren't happy, but I don't care.
It's going to live in my room.
They'll never have to see, hear, smell, or spend money on it.
I'm really happy. I've missed having a rabbit.
I had one that died about five years ago named Bunnicula, and I've wanted another one ever since then.
Pics coming soon.