[S] Don't push me

[Alikia Tsuki]

Keon suppressed the urge to lean into Shen wanting to let the tears building at the edge of his eyes fall but he wouldn't let them. "Then how did you find out?" Keon questioned. "If you thought she didn't want to hear from you anymore how did you find out she was dead?" Keon questioned. It didn't make sense for them to come back if they thought his mother wanted nothing more to do with them, there would have been no notice then if they moved. His father didn't read the mail after his mother died, except the bills, all the rest had gone into the trash there would have been no way for him to have known.  

[Broken_Uke]

"For a long time we were roughing it, bills and all. By the time we were settled in mom was talking to a friend and she mentioned it. We found out about a year ago. It took us that long to track you down to figure out where you had gone. Since you changed schools so often. We've been talking to that old woman down at the orphanage for months now, finally we got everything straightened out to where we could come and get you." He sighed as he continued rubbing the others back comfortingly. "If we had known Keon, we would have been here sooner."  

[Alikia Tsuki]

Keon nodded understanding. That would explain why they hadn't known his mother had died and hadn't come to find him before that. He wondered vaguely what it would have been like if they hadn't moved away, they would have taken him and then he wouldn't have had all the problems and maybe he'd still be like he was then. Weak and naive about the world. "I moved around alot because no one wanted to keep me, schools kicked me out and a bunch of things." Keon said.  

[Broken_Uke]

He wrapped his arms around the other and smiled weakly. "I'm sorry Keon," he whispered as he held him close. "I thought about you everyday, cried to come back, but we couldn't." His voice was starting to show some emotion, but he didnt care. He just hugged the other sweetly. He had missed him so much, didn't want to leave him but he didnt have a choice. "I hope that you'll want to stay with us, me and my mom. And if you dont want to share my room with me, mom is having the attic turned into a bedroom that you could have. You'll fit here with us."  

[Alikia Tsuki]

Keon was surprised when Shen suddenly hugged him. Hearing the words Keon felt tears began to slide down his cheeks. It felt so weird to him since he hadn't cried in two years. The salty burn and the clogged felling of his throat it was all weird to him now. "No, I won't." Keon said trying to keep his crying out of his voice. "She'll send to me back, when everything starts she'll send me back she won't want to deal with me." Keon said unable to keep his crying from his voice this time. He tried to wipe his tears away desperately but they were just being replaced.  

[Broken_Uke]

He held the other close to him, tears threatened to escape his own eyes, but he held them back. He rubbed the others back gently, trying to offer comfort and support. He whispered to him. "No Keon, no she won't," he replied. "She read your record before we even started, you know what she said to me." He pulled back and looked into his eyes and wiped some tears away with gentle fingers. "She said that your probably going to think she won't be able to handle you, and that she would send you back. But she said she won't. And its not because she promised. Its because she has always thought of you as her son." He pulled the other back against him hugging him sweetly, "your not going anywhere Keon," he whispered. "Your stuck with us. I'm not losing my best friend twice."  

[Alikia Tsuki]

"You can't say that you don't know for sure. They've all said that, they said they wanted to help me. That they'd be different, that they wouldn't abandon me or send me back like the others. But they do they always do, they always send me back. They can't handle me, no one can. It doesn't matter if your mother thinks i'm her son or if she made a promise to my mother. It doesn't matter she'll send me back all the same." Keon said pulling away from Shen. "It won't matter in the end if your my best friend, you'll leave like you did the first time." Keon said then suddenly he left the room. Quickly getting up from his bed and running out.  

[Broken_Uke]

He listened to the other rant and rave, with a serene look on his face, even though evry word the other said, tore at his chest. He wanted nothing more than to run after him, but that wouldn't work. So instead he got up from Keons bed and grabbed a notebook from under his own. It was his journal, and on the first page was a picture of them together. He looked at it and smiled, tracing Keons face in the picture. Where had his best friend gone, the nice boy who was easy to play with, and easier to talk to. He sighed and sat on the bed, and ripped a blank sheet of paper from the notebook. He began writing on it.

Keon,
You probably don't remember this do you, the journal I carried with me everywhere when we were little. Well, I still do. I thought you should look at it, read it if you want. Its starts about a year before I moved away, and ends this morning, before we came and got you. I thought you should see it. Theres a picture of us together on the first page, we're at your old house. Your moms the one that took the picture. I have more pictures scattered through it, of me and you, you and your mom, you and my mom, and so on. Before you say I'm like everyone else, read what I've written. Im not good at speaking my emotions, I do it better in writing. I probably will never be able to explain to you how much it hurt me to leave, and how much I missed you. Maybe this will help.

Your friend always,
Shen

P.S. I didn't chase you because I figured you wanted some time alone, your probably up on the roof like you used to do at your house when your upset. When your ready, Im here. I'll probably be asleep when you come back, if you want to talk, feel free to wake me.

When he had finished the letter, he sat the notebook on Keons bed, on the pillow, and folded the letter once and sat it on top of it, with his name. He sighed and touched the book he had left there. He could remember how his mom, and Keons mom used to read it to them. He left it alone though, and went to his bed. He slid out of his jeans and shirt and let his hair down. He slept in his boxers. He climbe din under the covers and faced the wall away from Keon's bed as he fell asleep. But his dreams wouldn't be peaeful, they hadnt been since he moved away.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

Keon had indeed run up to the attic and escaped onto the roof where he finished wiping away all the tears he had cried. He couldn't believe he had been so weak to cry again, he hadn't cried over anything in two years yet there he had been bawling like a child. It made him angry that all his defenses had been broken. He wasn't sure how to deal with it or with anything at this house.

Keon sat up on the roof for an hour or more before carefully coming back inside he was surprised that he hadn't heard Shen calling for him or trying to find him. He walked back to their room peeking around the corner. He was a bit surprised and angry to find Shen asleep, he hadn't tried to find him. Keon walked into the room with all intent of waking the other and yelling but was stopped when he saw the journal and note on his bed. Distracted, he went and sat on his bed picking up the note.

Keon was surprised at the note and the post script at the bottom explained why Shen hadn't followed him but it meant he also knew where he had gone. He remembered that Shen had never been good at expressing his emotions but he knew his own eyes were very expressive. He also remembered that when they were young their mothers had joked that Keon had been the translator to Shen because whenever Shen was upset so had been Keon. He had been like a mood ring so easy to read with just a change of a look they could tell exactly what he was feeling.

Vaguely he wondered if he could still do the same thing with Shen but then he shook that thought out of his head. So much had changed that the only thing he showed now was anger and a couple of other things because that was what he felt. Keon sighed picking up the journal he started reading from the last entry. He only got a few entrys in before he felt bad but he didn't believe that he wouldn't be sent back yet. He picked up the note and a pen, down at the bottom under the post script he wrote his own note.

Sorry but I can't believe that I won't be sent back yet. After all its not you who decides to send me back or not. Your mother hasn't seen me the way I am. And I can be far worse than my file.

He set the note and the journal on the stand by Shen's bed before climbing into his bed and going to sleep also.  

[Broken_Uke]

He slept for a few hours before the nightmares started.

In a room full of people he was alone. People were pushing and hitting him and he continued to walk through them as if there blows, even though you could see the pain on his face, didnt really connect, he was searching again. Searching for what he had lost. He didn't have long hair anymore, it was short, and he hadn't grown to his heighth yet. It was easy to look over him, as he searched for something. And there it was, even though it wasn't an it anymore. It was a him. There in the middle of the room, sitting alone in the chair, as if no one around could see him was Keon, he was angry, his eyes full of hatred and his fists balled. He screamed his name, but nothing came out of his mouth. When he tried to get to him, hands to big for him to fight off grabbed him by the shoulders and lead him away. He was forced in a car and driven off. He looked out the back window to see the crowd pressing in on Keon, who sat there, still quite in his fury. Before the car turned a corner, Keon was gone.

He sat up in bed and looked around the room, it was later than it had been when he had fallen asleep and Keon was in his bed. He got up very quietly and slipped a shirt on before he tiptoed over to Keons bed. He pulled the covers up sweetly, tucking the other in before he noticed the journal. He picked it up and left the room. He didn't go to the roof to hide like he did when he woke up. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and sat down. He read Keon's note and shook his head as he began to write again. It would be a short message this time. He had thought about it before, had even tried to but he was caught.

If your sent away this time, I'm going with you.

Was all he wrote, he folded it once and went back to the bedroom. He put the note inside the others book. He wouldn't tell the other that it was there, it fit in the book like an extra page. Maybe he would find it on his own. He climbed back into bed, slid out of his shirt and tucked himself in, he drifted off again, only to be tormented by dreams again.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

Keon slept soundly seeing as though he was exhausted ans had only taken a short nap. He wasn't plagued by his normal night terrors that usually haunted him and got him picked on. He awoke in the early morning feeling refreshed, more refreshed than he had in awhile. He sat up rubbing his eyes, giving a glance over to Shen to see he was still sleeping Keon slid out of bed and walked quietly from the room.

Keon walked down the stairs seeing Shen's mother wasn't up yet either. He decided then that since he had explored the house he would explore around the house and down the street. He went to the front door opening it he looked out. It didn't look like the sun had been up for every long, so he walked out. He walked down the street a bit guessing at what types of people lived in the houses he passed. He had found one alleyway that he would have to explore.  

[Broken_Uke]

He finally woke up rolling over to look at Keon. He wasn't there. He shook his head and climbed out of bed throwing a shirt on, and some pants, he grabbed his sandals and left the room. He saw that the front door was unlocked, and his mother was still in bed so he assumed that Keon had went for a walk. He sighed and yawned as he stretched. He shielded his eyes from the recently risen sun and looked around. When he didnt see Keon anymore he figured he would wait for him on the front porch.

He went in and started a pot of coffee like he did everymorning and made himself a cup. You live in the city, even for a little while, you grow to like coffee. He filled it with cream and sugar and went out on the deck to sit. It was a pretty morning, and from the way his street was set up you could hear just about anything that was going on.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

Keon was walking back to the house when he spotted Shen on the porch. He wasn't quite sure what to do, seeing as though the other knew he was up since they had been in the same room. In truth Keon was kind of nervous, he wasn't sure what the others response to his note would be. If he would be angry or if he would just try to argue with him. Keon gave a sigh knowing that their confrontation really couldn't be avoided.

He walked up to the steps and stopped not sure whether to say something or wait for Shen to say something. He looked at the cup in Shen's hand curiously before carefully picking up the distinct smell of coffee. He didn't like coffee, to strong for him and it made him sleepy instead of waking him up like everyone else. He supposed it was okay with a bunch or cream and sugar but he preferred not to drink it.  

[Broken_Uke]

He saw Keon coming up the street and hid a smile. He waited until the other was close and on the porch. He noticed that the other seemed a bit apprehensive about speaking so he figured he would start. "Good morning, did you sleep well?" His voice was still a bit rough from sleep, and the coffee. He took another sip as he waited for him to respond. He doubted that the other had found the note he had slipped into his book. "Want some breakfast," he asked sweetly as he got up and went into the house, hoping that the other would follow.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

Keon nodded to the question of him sleeping well. He had slept quite well without his normal night terrors. Keon didn't answer the question about breakfast but he did follow Shen albeit cautiously into the house though he felt ready to bolt if something weird happen. He always followed his instincts now and his fight or flight was always incredibly strong. The smell of coffee was stronger in the house less dissipated.