Zorlock's Epic Battle of Epicness

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D22A1

MISS! 37 HP remaining!

Running out of Xmas gear, Z pulls out a Tiny Christmas Head-Tree and attempts to put it on Gambino's head. Gambino narrows his eyes, and Zorlock stops midway, putting it on his own head instead.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D22A2

HIT! 2 damage! 35 HP remaining!

In an act of desperation, Zorlock pulls out what he considers the oddest Xmas event item he's ever come across: Water Meat. He flops it onto the mantle over the fireplace, not really expecting it to have any effect on Gambino.

To his surprise, the big man starts chuckling. Z isn't sure what could be going through Gambino's head, but he doesn't question it. If it works, it works.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D23A1

MISS! 35 HP remaining!

Deciding to capitalize on Gambino's unexpected reaction, Zorlock follows up with another strange item. He puts some Long Bull Horns on his head and stands before Gambino, waiting.

But, no luck. Gambino apparently doesn't appreciate bovine headgear as much as he does fish with funny names.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D23A2

MISS! 35 HP remaining!

"Alright, how about I let you pick which item you like? I won't even look." Z produces the Carol of Ol' Nick and the Carol of Ol' Ebenezer. He closes his eyes and holds them both out to Gambino.

When he opens his eyes, both items are gone, and he now holds a pile of Grunny poo in each hand. Gambino appears not to have moved an inch.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D24A1

MISS! 35 HP remaining!

Grimacing, Zorlock tosses the pellets into the fire and wipes his hands off on Gambino's couch. "You're a tough nut to crack, big guy. But I've still got a few ideas." With a flourish, he tosses his hat into the air, and out flies a Holiday Cardinal. The red bird perches on Gambino's shoulder and starts chirping merrily.

Gambino responds by swatting at the bird with his hand. The cardinal flees and lands on a lamp, then speaks in a gruff voice, "Sorry, kid. Tried my best."

Zorlock shakes his head. "It's alright. Thanks anyway, Gary."

"We still up for poker tonight?"

"Yeah, sure. See ya then."

After the brief exchange, the bird flies out the window. Gambino blinks in confusion, but says nothing.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D24A2

HIT! 1 damage! 34 HP remaining!

Zorlock ponders. Most of his old Xmas items have been tried already, but he has yet to attempt filling Gambino with Xmas spirit using some of his newly acquired gear. He produces an Xmas 2k10 Event Gingerbread House and sets it on an end table.

Gambino's gaze flicks briefly to the delicious-looking house, but he makes no other move. Still, his interest is evident. Z chalks up another victory for food-based items.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

*headdesk* Dice.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D25A1

MISS! 34 HP remaining!

Reaching into his hat once more, Zorlock pulls out the Xmas 2k10 Santa is Watching Sweater. He stares at it a moment, then stuffs it back into his hat. "Forget it. Even I wouldn't wear that thing."  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

D25A2

HIT! 19 damage! 15 HP remaining!

Yeah, great hit. Too bad I'm out of turns...

With a frown, Zorlock looks into his hat one last time. This would be it. His final attempt. Sighing, he brings forth Noel's Gift and sets it on the ground before Gambino.

Gambino stares at it. He stares at it for a long time. Then, he does an odd thing: he kneels down, picks up the Gift, and hands it back to Zorlock.

Zorlock blinks, confused. "Why are you...?"

Gambino smiles. "This is yours. These are all yours. You shouldn't have to give them up just for me." He sighs. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it isn't going to work."

The big man turns around and walks over to the fireplace. He gazes into the flames for a while before speaking again. "I'll call off the attack. The Grunnies and Labtechs will cease their rampaging. I don't think Gaia will forget me anytime soon."

Zorlock gathers up his items, returning everything to his hat, while Gambino stares at the fire. He turns to leave, but he pauses at the door. "You wanna join our poker game? With Gary and me, and some other guys?"

Gambino remains motionless for a moment, then he faces Z and grins. "Well, I do love to gamble. Did I ever tell you how I got to be so rich?"

The two of them leave the estate, if not as friends, then at least not as enemies. It isn't quite the victory Zorlock was hoping for, but he still considers it a victory. Maybe next year, he could bring down Gambino's Grinchitude Wall™ completely.  

[Zorlock Darksoul]

So, there's my Epic Battle. I didn't quite defeat Gambino, but I came really close.

I hope you enjoyed the read. I tried to make it entertaining and mix up the style of combat for each battle. I know how boring it can get when every fight is the same.

Kind of a funny side note: You may have noticed many of my rolls against Gambino featured low accuracy but high damage. I did some math, and if all of my rolls in that fight had been reversed (high accuracy but low damage), I would have defeated him. I'm tempted to enter the Worst Luck simply for that, but I actually did pretty well, overall.

Anyway, thank you mods for hosting this event. It was a lot of fun, and I look forward to participating in whatever you might have planned for next year. Hope everyone had a pleasant holiday season!