Pain does not exist...
wrote a new poem, absolutely LOVING this one... but it needs more love, cuz no one has cmmented it yet, or fav'dNever Enough Magic
My room is always a mess, even when it looks clean, things are shoved in corners and drawers like memories and monsters waiting to pop out at any moment. My mind looks the same, but you can't see that. You can't see my room either, I don't let anyone in.
You're completely crazy, but adorable and funny, and I never have the courage to tell you things like that, because I'm afraid you'll run. I'm also terrified that I'm too much of a mess for you to really want. We stated our feelings and now, we're circling, staring each other down, trying to gauge each others next moves.
I'm afraid of dying alone, but not of dying. I'm afraid of living, really. Living is hard, and my regrets are always popping out of drawers, oozing and dribbling all across the floors of my mind. I want someone to help me clean, and finally throw out these old fears. Will you, will you please?
I'm trying to protect everyone I love. I take on too many responsibilities. You want me to talk to you, and you say you won't get annoyed, but they all say that, and look where I am today. Virtually friendless, and frightened to leave the disarray in my mind. I want to be confident and I want to be courageous enough to say how I feel about you, but i did that once already.
I can't protect everyone. I can't protect anyone, I'm more likely to just stop the first bullet, but the second will fire soon as I'm down. I wish I was more, and could take all your pain. Maybe you don't want that anyway?
I decided I would clean my room tonight. But then I just laid in bed and wrote poetry scattered like bread crumbs, but really large crumbs cause sometimes I just want the ducks to choke on my words. Then they can feel how I feel when I speak. I am silent too often, resulting in waterfalls and breaking dams every so often. I am still in disarray. Clean me, clean me please.
My kisses are magic, remember, but they're not quite enough.
...in my dojo
