Welcome to Gaia! ::

▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ Camil 'Rye' Falkov Dragonkin
❛Sometimes you have to give up, not because you didn't try to move mountains to be with someone.
You give up because they didn't try to move mountains to be with you.
They settled for their life and the people in it, even when it isn't what they really want.
You weren't meant to live a lie.
Hold your head high and know that you won't ever settle for that misery.

Let go.❜
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○I'm feeling delightful.
●I'm speaking to Casey at the moment.
○I'm currently wearing something casual.
●I have $190 on me and $800 stashed in the bank.
○I currently have feelings for no one.

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This time, Camil was able to notice the blush upon Casey's cheeks, the way it darkened noticeable. He laughed, "I can see you blushing." it wasn't the first time he's saw such a thing, but it was the first time he was actually sure. The first time he trusted what he saw. Camil didn't say anything else when he was accused of saying something embarrassing. It wasn't now, was it? He knew Casey would say something similar if they were to switch places. He laughed and simply shrugged. He narrowed his gaze, trying to focus in on what he was signing. His vision was still a blur, and he couldn't quite see anything to be precise, let alone make out the words properly. He wanted to reply, but his words were cut short and instead, his thoughts would be replaced with something else. With something that seemed a little horrifying to Camil. He seemed panicked, he seemed.. worried.

"Hey, Casey..? Do you think I'll lose my sight?" he asked, reaching forth for his hand while he leaned against the bed frame. He was worried because it wasn't the first time he was told such a thing, and with such a thing striking his body all of a sudden, he was worried that his health may just deteriorate, he was worried that he may have lost his vision. "I will recover.. won't I? I can't see very clearly.. to be honest." he stated but soon enough, he shook his head and dismissed what he had said earlier with a wave of his hand. He was overthinking, wasn't he? He was always an overthinker and he desperately hoped what he had been worrying about wouldn't happen to him. At least not anytime soon.

He woulds smile over how Chet has a nice voice, and he'd appear more surprised than happy when his own voice was addressed. He'd point at himself with an expression filled with sheer confusion. "M-Mine..?" he asked, and he'd quickly duck his head, feeling his cheeks burn from embarrassment. "You're saying something embarrassing again.." he murmured sheepishly, feeling himself getting even more shy in his current situation. Never has he met anyone who was so straightforward, as straightforward as he had been. He lowered his gaze, looking at the violin he settled upon his lap, and he'd caress its less than smooth surface. It had became a little rough from all the years it has been existing, and he could tell it had fallen into a couple of wrong hands at the marks and dents upon its surface. Such a shame, but Camil still thought it was beautiful despite its flaws. He hoped his performance hadn't been too loud, or it didn't disturb any patients who were resting. It has become quite late, after all yet his exhaustion seem to disappear when he's around Casey. He's a pleasant company, after all.

Angry and hurt? Camil chuckled. He has been, but he's learned how to live with it, how to step out of its shadow. He had learned that not everyone would be equally as understanding, which was probably why people assumed that he was 'cold'. Because he stayed away. Because he became a lone wolf. He no longer hung around in groups, save the few friends he hangs around from time to time. Everything was in the past, and as long as it didn't come in between his love for music, it would be fine. The one thing he was often told, was that he neglected people over music. Perhaps that was true, and perhaps that was something he could never change. "It's fine, really.. I've grown used to such comments." such words still go around, and he was often addressed as an 'icicle', like a rose full of thorns. A person who could only be admired from afar. He shook his head and chuckled, but at Casey's next set of comments, he'd raise an eyebrow. Through music perhaps. "Really..?" he asked, curious. "I guess.. I'm just bad at social interaction.. that's all. I'm not good with people." he murmured. The only people he could handle were reporters, and that was about it. As for casual conversations.. he wasn't too big a fan of it.

His nodded in approval when Casey would agree upon the violin's beauty. It had flaws, but it was the most beautiful thing he has ever laid eyes upon. He remembered seeing it in the auction, how it was calling out to him. He remembered the feeling, how his heart clenched so painfully at the sight of it. How eager he was to get his hands upon its feminine form. He had never been more in love than he was back then. The performance took quite an amount of time, but he was quick to finish it. There was another: Devil's Thrill. One of the songs he composed, one of his own, but he'd save that for a later date. Or for tomorrow morning when he'd take a stroll in the hospital garden up front. He returned his gaze to his companion, taking notice of how awestruck he appeared to be, and Camil was very sure that his music had touched his heart, that his emotions had gotten through. The small applause that followed after would make Camil laugh. "You're exaggerating.." he lowered his gaze, stifling his chuckle with the back of his hand. "It's an honour to have you listen to my performance, Casey, and I would play for you any day at all." he smiled, a light shade of pink dusting his features. He'd keep his violin back into its case and set it aside. It felt great. It felt so amazing.

It's such a shame he's stuck in this room. But then again..

He'd look at Casey, and he'd attempt to get out of bed, but of course, he'd need a little help with that. His body was still weak, after all. The drip that was hooked onto his hand isn't exactly helping him much either. "Casey..? Do you think you can help me outside? I'd like to get some fresh air.." he murmured, and if it was possible.. "Can you.. show me the constellations again..?"

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▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ Camil 'Rye' Falkov Dragonkin
❛Sometimes you have to give up, not because you didn't try to move mountains to be with someone.
You give up because they didn't try to move mountains to be with you.
They settled for their life and the people in it, even when it isn't what they really want.
You weren't meant to live a lie.
Hold your head high and know that you won't ever settle for that misery.

Let go.❜
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○I'm feeling delightful.
●I'm speaking to Casey at the moment.
○I'm currently wearing something casual.
●I have $190 on me and $800 stashed in the bank.
○I currently have feelings for no one.

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So he wouldn't lose his sight? He managed a wry smile, returning the squeeze upon his hand with his trembling fingers. The doctors would tell him that there's a chance, if his body was acting up with the drug overdose, that he would lose his eye sight altogether. But somehow, with his reassurance, he felt as if it'd be fine, and he'd feel himself relax for once, believing that everything would be alright, that it would be okay. "It's been keeping up for days.. I'm just a little worried, that's all." he answered. He should have asked for help back then, but for some reason, for some stupid reason he decided it would be best to have everything solved on his own. He heaved a sigh, "If you say so.. I'll take your word for that.." he answered, chuckling in return. What was he doing? Letting his thoughts wander like that? Now he's had Casey worrying about his well-being, too.

The topic was quick to change after that, and Camil couldn't be more thankful for it. He never really liked speaking about such depressing topics. If anything, he'd refrain from speaking of it at all. "I-It's embarrassing! Y-you don't say things like that-.. I-I don't have a beautiful voice.." he huffed and puffed as he placed a hand against his chest. Oh, Casey's bound to give him a heart attack some day. Camil frowned and eyed him from the side. Strangely, it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, though. His voice was deep, and he supposed that was the only thing that was masculine about him despite his feminine appearance. But to say his voice was beautiful? That was the first time he's heard such a thing.

There was one other thing that surprised him, how Casey seemed to be feeling rather bitter over what he, himself have been experiencing. The musician doesn't seem to mind but it seems, that wasn't the case for his companion. "It's really fine. It doesn't hurt any longer." he chuckled, it stopped hurting long ago. When his easy-going attitude was pointed out whenever he spoke to Casey, Camil would fall silent, and instead of speaking, he decided to speak in sign language. "That's because you're different.. you're different from the rest. You're.. special, Casey." he's special, so very special. At least to Camil, he is.

So he's good in playing? Camil laughed and nodded, giving him his gratitude. It felt nice, being acknowledged. The goofy grin that followed after his request would once again, make the musician chuckle in return. He supposed it was the least he could do, listen to his companion speak of the things he enjoy. He disappeared out of the room shortly after, looking for a wheel chair for the musician. That's nice of him. He grabbed the drip and wheeled it closer, just in case he had tugged it by accident. It happened once a few days back, and it certainly wasn't a pleasant feeling at all. Not too long after, he came back in wheeling a wheelchair, and Camil would push himself off the bed, though his companion was quick to catch him by the arm. His cheeks would light up, and he'd simply stare at his companion in silence. He still has yet to grow accustomed to touch, and perhaps he'll never grow used to it at all. He quickly averted his gaze away from Casey, and he'd take his seat on the wheelchair.

"Uh-.. um- I'm sorry if it takes a while for me to see the constellations you tell me about- I can't really see.."

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▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ Camil 'Rye' Falkov Dragonkin
❛Sometimes you have to give up, not because you didn't try to move mountains to be with someone.
You give up because they didn't try to move mountains to be with you.
They settled for their life and the people in it, even when it isn't what they really want.
You weren't meant to live a lie.
Hold your head high and know that you won't ever settle for that misery.

Let go.❜
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○I'm feeling surprised and confused.
●I'm speaking to Casey at the moment.
○I'm currently wearing something casual.
●I have $190 on me and $800 stashed in the bank.
○I currently have feelings for no one.

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He has the right to feel worried, yes. How many people has told him that up until now? That he has the right to do this, to do that, to request for this and that. How many times has he been denied it in the end? Camil fell silent, his lips curved into a small frown but nonetheless, he didn’t let it bother him too much. He has friends that would be there for him. Friends that he could count on, and that was enough for him to calm his nerves. He felt a little anxious regarding the violin he left so abruptly in the room but he supposed it wouldn’t be stolen. It does look nothing more like an old violin, after all. When he was pushed out the door, he could feel the gentle breeze of the air, the soft fragrance the flower held in the garden out front. He loved being outside. He loved.. being free.

”It feels nice. It feels so good to be outside-” he chuckled, feeling the gentle breeze as if fingers running through his hair, like his mother’s kisses that would plant itself upon his cheeks. As if they were simply.. soothing his worries.

Casey would insist that the musician had a nice voice, however, he’d deny the claim. He didn’t. He didn’t think his voice would be any where near beautiful. He just couldn’t bring himself to believe it. However, he’d still answer with a ”Thank you..”. A thank you that sounded so hollow and empty. A thank you that couldn’t sound anymore dead than it is. He was not normal. His body doesn’t function normally like others would. He wasn’t beautiful. He was far from that. He’d simply sit quietly, allowing his gaze to adjust to the view, to the night sky. But just as he wqs about to make himself comfortable, he felt someone’s breath against his ear, and he’d let out a yelp, ducking away almost immediately. What was he doing? He stared at Casey, his face filled with confusion while his hands covered his ear that tingled still. ”W-what are you doing-!” he cried out, his cheeks flushed red completely. ”D-d-did you s-say something?” he asked, feeling his cheeks heating up even further.

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▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ Camil 'Rye' Falkov Dragonkin
❛Sometimes you have to give up, not because you didn't try to move mountains to be with someone.
You give up because they didn't try to move mountains to be with you.
They settled for their life and the people in it, even when it isn't what they really want.
You weren't meant to live a lie.
Hold your head high and know that you won't ever settle for that misery.

Let go.❜
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○I'm feeling melancholic and in mourning.
●I'm speaking to no one at the moment.
○I'm currently wearing a patient's robe.
●I have $190 on me and $800 stashed in the bank.
○I currently have feelings for no one.

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Yesterday night was pleasant. Sitting outside, star gazing and knowing which star belonged to which. Even though Camil couldn't see very well, Casey had been patient with him, carefully pointing out which star he was talking about, carefully explaining the colour it had even though the young musician was fully colour blind. He was thankful, nonetheless for showing him such kindness. Casey was kind, so very kind, and it's people like him that keeps the musician going with his life. He makes this world a better place for Camil, and the young musician will always be thankful for his presence, as the many other people he was thankful for.

However, as pleasant as his sleep has been, Camil had woken up fairly gloomy. It's the ninth month since his brother's wife had died. Since Aria left this world. She was the only person who took enough effort to get to know Camil, despite how horrible he may have treated her at first in fear of rejection and betrayal. However, he got to know her as the woman who held the kindest soul, the sweetest smile, and how painful and unbearable it was for him when the tragedy struck him. He couldn't imagine just how much Rigel had to shoulder alone. He dropped by this morning, and he seemed as chipper as ever, but Camil knew better than to believe the facade he has on. Camil had requested for his brother to push him outside before he left, and there he is again, at the same spot a few days back, gazing at the flower bed, at the flower that seems to bloom without a single care in the world. He still thought it was a beautiful sight, despite it being in monochrome. He'd cast a glance to the side, taking notice of those who were chattering about, laughing and smiling, and Camil would frown. Did they not know that everything is not right? How could they still smile in such a way when the world is so wrong at the moment? He tore his gaze away, setting it upon the violin upon his lap. The violin he so desperately loved. Mary Portman. It was the only way for him to express his emotions, his feelings that he bottled up. It was the only means of communication. Through music. He rested his chin against the violin, the bow gently pressed against the surface. It was a song he composed for the death of a loved one, the death of Aria. Sad Romance, it was called. Everyone had thought it was composed for Rigel and his wife, but only Camil wqs aware of the truth. The truth he so desperately kept hidden. It was written for himself. His love for Aria. He recalled the question Casey asked him last night. Has he ever fallen in love? Camil answered 'no', but truthfully, if he had given it some thought. The anticipation whenever Aria came to visit, whenever she was there to soothe his anxiousness. He supposed, in the midst of all those conversations they shared, he had fell for who she is. He genuinely cared for a person he shouldn't have. Whether it be love or not, Camil still genuinely cared for her. It was the first time, he supposed. His first unrequitted love. "Aria.." he murmured, voice full of pain and sorrow. He played his song, and which each stroke he made, his heart ached painfully and his brows would furrow into knots. He was in his own world, oblivious to the rest who had stopped in their footsteps to watch where the melody came from. The next time he opened his eyes, came an applause, to which he had taken notice out the corner of his eyes. He turned to the side, his golden orbs wide with surprise over the few who had tears in their eyes. Warmth clouded upon his cheeks, and he turned away. They.. liked it? A small smile crept across his features though they were quick to disappear.

He leaned back against his wheelchair, and he'd fiddle with the music sheets he had upon his lap. The sky was clear, yet his mood felt so heavy. If only, if only he need not feel such a guilt of betraying his younger sibling. He closed his eyes, resting his sore eyes for a short moment, until the wind decided it was great timing to blow his music sheets away, his hard work. His eyes jolted open, and he'd curse under his breath. His legs were still weak, and requesting for help would be the last thing he'd do at the moment. All he could do was try his best to retrieve his lost music sheets on his own desperate attempt.

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▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ Camil 'Rye' Falkov Dragonkin
❛Sometimes you have to give up, not because you didn't try to move mountains to be with someone.
You give up because they didn't try to move mountains to be with you.
They settled for their life and the people in it, even when it isn't what they really want.
You weren't meant to live a lie.
Hold your head high and know that you won't ever settle for that misery.

Let go.❜
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○I'm feeling melancholic and in mourning.
●I'm speaking to a stranger? at the moment.
○I'm currently wearing a patient's robe.
●I have $190 on me and $800 stashed in the bank.
○I currently have feelings for no one.

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The wind wasn't any help at all. It seems everything was against him today. Then again, everything had been against him long before. He wouldn't request for help, let alone cast a glance at people who'd ask him if he was alright. He simply nodded, and spoke nothing else as he carried on collecting his music sheets with a pair of wobbly legs that would give themselves out anytime soon. Eventually, he managed to retrive the few that were spread out within the flower beds and he'd start getting exhausted over his less than cooperative legs. Up until this day, the doctor still couldn't understand why his body had such a strange side effect towards medication, and the symptoms that followed after would add to the risks he had been experiencing. The possibility of losing his sight. The only means of connection to this monochrome world of his. He found his body collapsing back onto the wheelchair, and he'd give his thigh a solid squeeze. They had been weak ever since he came down with a strange fever and he had prayed hard that he'll be able to return to his house soon enough, to be returned to his safe haven where he'd be left alone with his musical instruments. The only thing he deemed dear to him, save his family members, of course.

He arranged the pages, furrowing his brows when he noticed a few had gone missing. He could always rewrite them, but without the original composition, he had nothing to work with, nothing to guide him back to the original sets of notes. With his inability to hear, he could only navigate around his notes based off the vibration that resonated within his ears, and even then, it wouldn't exactly be completely accurate either. He heaved a heavy sigh, as he rubbed his temples with his index finger. What could he do? What should he do? The next time his golden orbs fluttered open, he'd take notice of the remaining set of music sheets displayed before him, and he'd notice a pair of pale, slender fingers tightly latched onto the papers that seemed to be held down by a.. cherry blossom pin? Confusion clouded his features, but the plain sight of the cute pin was enough to trigger a small snicker out of him. Who still uses pins like these? The last time he saw anyone use such accessories were his younger siblings. A smile curved his lips, and Camil was undeniably thrilled to retrieve his remaining music sheets. His gaze flicked upwards, taking notice of the woman who was smiling down at him with a cheerful smile, and his expression tensed up noticeably. His face fell ever so slightly, and his lips curved downwards into a light frown. However, despite the cold front he tried to put up, the light pink that dusted his cheeks still gave him away, and it certainly wasn't hard to tell that he appreciated the help. The young composer just wasn't.. too experienced in showing such emotions. At least not towards strangers. "T-thank you.." he murmured, and he'd tear his gaze away from the young lady as he took the music sheets and rearranged them accordingly. He fell silent, not knowing what else to say until his gaze somehow fell upon the cherry blossom pin once more. He reached forth, gently removing the pin from his sheet music, and with quivering fingers, he'd hold it up and offer it to its rightful owner, or who he assumed was the rightful owner.

"Y-your pin-.. thanks for the help.." he paused and his lips would inevitably part once more in attempt to speak, "You didn't have to. I-.. could have gotten it on my own." and how dishonest he was being with his feelings, when in reality he was relieved and grateful for his kind soul who'd give him a helping hand, albeit something trivial. For such a thing to happen to Camil, it was something worth being happy over the next few days. Something more than enough to lift his heavy spirits.

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▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ Camil 'Rye' Falkov Dragonkin
❛Sometimes you have to give up, not because you didn't try to move mountains to be with someone.
You give up because they didn't try to move mountains to be with you.
They settled for their life and the people in it, even when it isn't what they really want.
You weren't meant to live a lie.
Hold your head high and know that you won't ever settle for that misery.

Let go.❜
▇ ▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇

○I'm feeling melancholic and in mourning.
●I'm speaking to a stranger? at the moment.
○I'm currently wearing a patient's robe.
●I have $190 on me and $800 stashed in the bank.
○I currently have feelings for no one.

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His face would inevitably be clouded with sheer confusion when she wouldn't take the pin from his hand. Instead, she seemed to be gazing up at the sky, to which he would follow her gaze and cringe at the pain the light brought to his eyes. Oh, how foolish he was. His eyes were sensitive to light, and to look directly at the sky itself was as if a suicide attempt itself. He closed his eyes, his fingers rubbing at his temporarily blinded sight, to which his hands were quick to react when he felt the music sheets slip from his thigh. His eyelids fluttered open eventually, and his teary golden orbs soon fell upon the young lady once more, who held his sheet music within the confinements of her fingers. He couldn't properly see her face earlier when the sun shone at her directly from behind, but with the woman now kneeling down, he could finally catch a glimpse of her features. She had light coloured eyes, and light coloured hair. That was all he could make out of her. Her eyes were big, and they seemed to glisten beneath the soft rays of sunlight. She had pale skin in comparison to his, and when she first handed him his sheet music, in that split second, she had no doubt looked like an angel sent from above. Camil had the sight engraved into his mind, remembering perfectly what she had looked like. It wasn't everyday that Camil was fond of the sight of a person, and this one seemed a little.. different from the rest. He wondered what the reason was.

When she would return the neatly compiled papers to him once more with the addition of the pin he attempted to return to her earlier, that was when a small chuckle would escape his lips once more. This one was a stubborn one. He took the papers from her, and he'd flip through the pages one by one, making sure none had gone missing. "..stubborn." he murmured under his breath, but despite so, he still kept it attached onto the papers, making no attempt to have it removed. It was quite a cute clip, after all. The young lady from earlier seemed to be busy with her phone, to which had once again confused the young man. Why did she still linger about? It felt a little.. awkward. By the time she had her phone flipped over -in which he'd once again squint at the light upon the screen-, realization had dawned upon the man chiseled features, and he somehow understood what she was doing. His expression seemed more surprised than anything, and his golden orbs were opened as wide as they could be. "A-ah, you can't.. speak?" he thought aloud, but he was quick to cover his lips when he realized how rude he was being. Before he could apologize, the woman seemed to be typing yet another message on her device, to which read: 'Your music was beautiful though, it would be a shame to lose it.'

A faint blush would once again dust his cheeks and he'd look away sheepishly. "Thank you.." was all he could manage before she stood up. He was prepared to see her leave, until the flower bed seemed to have caught her attention and once again, he would be stuck in her company for a little while longer. He was quiet at first, deciding to ignore her presence, until he found himself finally unable to remain quiet any longer, he'd attempt to call out to her. "U-um-..!" he stuttered, unsure as to what he should address her as. "T-the clip.. I won't throw it away so-.." he fidgeted about, his index finger gently scratching at his slowly reddening cheeks. Since when had conversing with other people became so hard? He had been alright with performers and lecturers, but never with a random stranger. He seemed to always falter whenever it came to such a situation. "Your compliment means a lot-..! S-so-.. thank you- for your honest opinion.." countered the man shortly after his small pause in between. The young composer had always wished to compose a song that could touch other people, and he hoped it had touched her in some way. He, himself has become a well-known composer and a young conductor of orchestras but what fame was not what he wanted. All he wanted was for people to understand him through music, that it's much more than just meaningless harmonies. Each note told a story. Each note was special in its own way but he wasn't expecting anyone to understand something so deep any time soon. He would part his lips once more, but no words seem to be coming out of his vocal chords. He was too shy to speak any further, too afraid of rejection to converse. Instead, he'd revert to using sign language instead, assuming she could understand what he needed to say. "You have a very kind soul.. thank you for helping me earlier. I appreciate it a lot." answered the man as he tried to find his voice.

"I-I can speak s-sign language s-so.. if it's easier for you-.."

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