[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony couldn't help the relief that washed over him when Loki agreed to stay. Feeling Loki lay behind him, he instantly pressed back into him, fitting himself against Loki. He barely registered, the god's soft song at first, but when he did, he clung to it as a way of avoiding thoughts on his pain. Ever so slowly his shaking lessened and eventually stopped and the pain faded until the usual throb in his chest was the only thing remaining, just significantly worse than normal. Taking a few calming breaths, Tony loosened his grip on Loki's hand. "I'm sorry....." he finally mumbled, not moving to look at his lover, both not wanting to see Loki's reaction and not having enough energy at the moment to move.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Relief flooded the god when Tony pressed firmly against him as he lay down not releasing the grip on his hand. Loki did not stop singing, he merely began a new song when another ended watching Tony the whole time. When the genius began to relax bit by bit he smiled. Even more so when the grip on his hand loosened and Tony apologized. "There is nothing for you to be sorry for love. It is nothing you can control and I am quite content to remain here with you. Even if I can be no more help than this." Loki assured the man.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony heard Loki’s words and gave a heavy sigh, running a hand over his face, as if trying to forget what had just happened. “But I upset you……I didn’t want to do that.” He mumbled hand finding Loki’s again, he held it tightly, not out of pain, but worry. “I never wanted you to have to see me like that…..” he mumbled, free hand moving to rub at his aching chest, trying to get the sensation to go away, even if he knew it wouldn’t for a day or two.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

"You upset me no more than I have done the same to you." Loki reminded smiling softly as he placed a soft kiss to the top of Tony's head. "I never wanted anyone to see me in my Jotun form." he continued to rebut Tony's arguments. "JARVIS will you turn off the jammer please?" Loki questioned to the open air. Once he had control of his magic once more he paced a hand over Tony's and sent a warmth of magic into the man's chest. He didn't know if it would help but he wanted to do something still. He figured at the very least it would soothe stiff muscles from Tony's body having tightened in pain.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony shook his head slightly. “But you are still beautiful and powerful in that form…..I’m a wreck……” he muttered. When he felt a sudden warmth flood his chest, Tony shivered again before relaxing. Though it didn’t help the pain all that much, it took the edge off and made him relax even more. Closing his eyes as he took slow, even breaths, he let his hand continue to massage around the edge of the reactor. “Can I tell you something without you getting upset?” he asked slowly, sounding almost like a child, and in some senses he was at the moment. He was completely vulnerable, tired and hurting, just wanting Loki’s attention and care.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki smiled softly when Tony said that he was beautiful and powerful in his other form. Even if he was only really beginning to accept it, knowing that Tony did made things better. "How about the mess I was when I first fell onto your tower?" Loki questioned he knew he looked less than pleasant then and he hadn't wanted anyone to see him. "Of course love, you can tell me anything." Loki said curiosity in his tone. He wondered what the man thought he could say that would upset him.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony made a face at the memory of Loki so bloodied and beaten, but gave a small nod. It was similar, but he never intended on allowing someone to put Loki in such a state again. Letting out a shaky breath when Loki agreed to listen, Tony didn’t speak at first. “I’m glad I got of that cave…..got a chance to right my wrongs and help people, find friends and people I love…..I didn’t have that before.” He said slowly, pausing for a moment, unsure if he wanted to go on. “But there are times that I wish I hadn’t…..” he finally admitted. “I get so tired of hurting…..of remembering. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t remember Yinsin dying for me…..that I don’t remember the torture we both went through, the faces of the Ten Rings…..I haven’t had a good dream since I escaped…..and I constantly feel the pressure for me to be good and fix things, protect people. It makes me so tired…..” he said softly, holding Loki’s hand tightly as if scared he’d be disgusted and leave him.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki luckily did not see the look on Tony's face as the man thought about the state the god had recently fallen to earth in. If he had loki would have spent more time trying to soothe the man. Instead he remained quiet as he waited for Tony to explain his thoughts. Hearing the man's words loki couldn't help the look of sympathy on his face. He understood all too well what it was like. To wish things had ended despite what had come of the situation or to wish everything had ended because of how it had ended up. He understood Tony not wanting to experience the nightmares either, the pain that came with the memories. Shivering at the thought of the those nightmares and knew how much Tony had suffered while he slept. He didn't want to think about what it would be like if someone had died for him that had saved him and he in turn made friends with that person. In other ways he wished he could take all away for Tony, bring Yinsen back and obliterate the Ten Rings."I understand Tony," Loki assured squeezing the man's hand gently. "You wish that despite all good you have done that you could make it all go away. Despite everyone telling you how much of a better person you have become coming out the otherwise, you wish that you could get that person back to save the pain. Be that naive idiot, or even wish you had died instead of being saved so you could escape further pain." Loki continued. He understood all to well, it was the main reason he had let go when hanging from the Bifrost, he hadn't seen a way out. A disgraced prince, once king, trying to kill a whole other race. It hadn't looked well for him, it had seemed the smart thing to do at the time. Now he forever regretted it and the actions before it that he had made in anger. "There is nothing wrong with that. I can not imagine anyone who has not thought of such things." he finished  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony closed his eyes in relief when Loki didn’t pull away, didn’t argue with him. Slowly turning over, he wrapped his arms around Loki and hid his face against the god. “But I’m supposed to be the good guy, the one who knows better and is better…..I’m not supposed to think like that…..I’m so tired Loki….” he mumbled, voice still soft, none of his usual snark and bravado in his tone. Taking in a deep breath, he let Loki’s scent calm him and ground him. “Would you still love me if I decided to stop one day? To say I’ve had enough and not try to be a hero anymore?”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki shifted when the man moved and wrapped his arms around them again when Tony tucked his head against him. Smiling indulgently when the man said he was supposed to be the good guy, supposed to be so many things. Loki made soft soothing noises running a hand through the man's hair as Tony said that he was tired. "I would love you always, no matter what side you are on." Loki assured the man. He truly wouldn't care if the man was siding with Thanos, he would follow him to the ends of the realms at this point.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony gave a small nod at Loki’s words. “Thank you Lo…..” he murmured. Falling silent after that, he just kept himself pressed close to Loki, hands clutched at his back. With a few moments of silence and peace he began to doze, exhausted from his wake-up, and just trusting himself to Loki’s care.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

"No thanks needed." he replied shaking his head. Laying a soft kiss the Tony's head he continued running his fingers through the man's hair pleased when the genius began dozing. Loki didn't release the man when that happened but he still held him as he decided to finish his protective magic over Tony's arc reactor. When he had finished no one was able to pull the reactor from Tony's chest without his permission. Not with flesh, machine or magic. It had taken more out of loki than he thought it would but he was pleased. Next he began to work on protecting the room so that they would not have any unwanted visitors.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony barely reacted to Loki's magic, starting to grow used to the sensation. Staying close to Loki as he slept, he barely twitched, body making up for the stress it had just been through. Eventually he did begin to wake up again, shifting, and stretching. Looking to Loki's face finally, he gave a small smile. Shifting to peck his lip, he rubbed the god's back slightly. "How on earth did I manage to get you?" He asked lightly.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

loki kept watch on Tony while he worked magic, he had nearly finished protecting the room when Tony began to stir again. When the man did awaken Loki finished his magic and looked to the man smiling softly. "You gave me a chance where no one else would. That my love is how you managed to get me." Loki laughed.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony smiled at Loki’s response. “Best decision I’ve made in a while.” He said lightly. Letting a hand come up to cup Loki’s cheek, he leaned in for a sweet, slow kiss, just wanting to enjoy Loki for a moment. Peppering kisses over Loki’s face when they had to break for air, he smiled slightly. “I wish you’d been on Earth longer. I keep wanting to buy you things, but I don’t know what you like.” He said lightly. Spending money on people was Tony’s usual mode of affection, not knowing what to buy for someone was strange for him.