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 Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 5:53 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 5:53 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 6:01 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 6:07 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 6:08 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 7:11 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:47 am
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 4:30 am
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 11:47 am
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 5:18 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:11 pm
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Dear Dronze,
My brothers a complete moron-Threatening me just because I won't get off the computer fast enough, punching me because I was just standing there, etc.
Any clues on what to do?
-Agitated in Arkansas
P.S. Hopefully something violent...
Dear Agitated,
While there are many ways to deal with an annoying sibling, fratricide included, sometimes the best thing to do is ignore it. That's right, ignore it. Let those angry emotions bottle up until, one day, you snap, and go on a murderous rampage, bludgeoning people to death with something completely random... like a garden gnome.
Now, while on your killing-spree of gnomely death, remember to take out your primary target in the most public, grusome, and demeaning way possible... and then display him somewhere that will cause even more collateral damage. Since it is the holiday season, you could do this in a truly festive manner, intertwining his still-warm intestinal tract with some garland and christmas lights, and stringing him up from a highway overpass. If he's particularly heavy set (read: a fat, gluttonous pig), then you could even do some service for the kiddies, dressing him up like the jolly old elf, himself.
Imagine the joy in all the little children's faces when they see your "Santa Claus", in full decemberween regalia, hanging limp from the side of the overpass. This should keep emergency crews busy for a while, given the imminent 36 car pile up that such a festive scene would be bound to cause. This will further allow you to go free on your gnomey killing spree... and the best part? you can get off scott-free, since only a truly insane psychopath would be able to do such a horrid thing. Spend a few months in the state psychiatric ward, popping free pills and not having to pay any rent, and then they let you off, return you to society, and you can go about your merry way.
Just let me know when you're about to snap, so I can tape it on the evening news.
Here's to your 15 minutes!
-Dronze
Dear Dronze,
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? And supposing that this woochuck was throwing the wood and the said wood was trees where did that woodchuck come from and why isnt doing some superhero crap?
-Some Woodchuck's Father.
Dear Chuck Senior
To answer your first question... 3 cords an hour.
As far as your second question goes, I think he's busy impressing all the woodchicks, and getting some mammalian love on his chucked wood if you get what I mean.
Superheros are boring, kids these days know that. Boring, and just a little bit gay. Do you want to see your son in spandex, chucking his wood for the benefit of the city? No, I didn't think so. He's probably off at some gay porn production house, chucking wood to get through college, or just for the fun of chucking someones wood besides his own.
Best of luck getting back in touch with your gay son, Chuck.
Maybe he wouldn't be in the industry if you hadn't made him chuck your wood so many times.
Pervert...
-Dronze
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 5:59 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 8:12 pm
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Dear Dronze,
My friend is a sadist. He believes that satan is the true god and that god does not exist. I asked him why he thinks god doesnt exist and he gave me a simple answer. "Evil can exist without good." I believe that is a lie. I myself dont practice religion that much But I know that for every evil there is a good and vice versa. My question is What can I do to make my friend at least believe that god does exist?
-Angry Man of the Holy Land
Dear Angry Dude,
Your friend seems like a real stand-up guy... *stifles giggles*
"Evil can exist without good"... that's a laugh. Evil cannot exist without good, as such, good cannot exist without evil. Both of these words are relative, and entirely dependant upon personal and societal views.
Given his Christian views on the matter, and his personification of Satan (anathema to a true satanist's belief), it would just seem like he's an ignorant p***k who likes to hurt people.
That said, at least he has a hobby...
-Dronze
Dear Dronze,
You say that your rants are supported by the FSM, however, it is a well known fact that midgets are the FSM's chosen ones. So I wonder, are you a midget? How tall are you really?
-Pastafarian Fundamentalist
Dear Pastafarian,
Nope, not a midget... Just taller than you.
-Dronze
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 9:30 pm
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Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 3:01 pm
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Dear dronze,
how can i control my sexual appitite?
-Random Horny Fangirl
Dear Insatiable Fangirl,
Not by having sex with me.... I've found, from past experience that i'm no good at getting the female libido under control, having almost been raped on several occasions.
I say "almost" because you can't rape the willing.
-Dronze
Dear Dronze,
Do you REALLY have an oar that you use to hit n00bs? And, if you do, how do you keep from going to jail via the law which I forget the name of... (Forgive my randomly placed words, please...)
-Dronze Fearing n00b
Dear n00b,
To answer your first question... yes.
To answer your second question... They're still looking for the bodies.
In response to your request for forgiveness... Que Sunt Remus?
-Dronze
Dear dronze,
I just broke my guitar while playing it and now I am using my teeth to bite it and tune it! Do you have any make shift home recipes for tuning utensils?
-The Starving Musician
Dear Musician,
If you can't afford a chromatic tuner, you probably can't afford dental work... just a thought.
Onto your question, no, I don't.
My spoons have never once needed to be tuned, and my forks and knives haven't needed it either.
-Dronze
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