[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony let out a breathy moan at the feel of the nails on his skin, fingers reflexively curling against Loki’s skin, scratching at the markings he’d been tracing. Eyes staying closed as Loki moved to nuzzle his mark, he bit his lip, pleasure sparking across the bond. The god’s words took a moment to sink in but when they did, Tony let out a slow breath. He knew why Loki was saying it, and his head spun slightly. He wasn’t sure that he was ready to be intimate, but he wanted Loki as well, needed him as much as Loki seemed to need him. “Maybe….maybe we can go slow.” He offered, trying sort his mind out.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki arched again feeling Tony's nails scratch at the markings on his back. Pleasure and wanted zipping through the bond as he felt Tony's pleasure sparking. Loki however paused in all movement when he heard the slow breath from Tony, his mind already questioning if he had pushed too much. Still he didn't move till Tony spoke and then he only lifted his head red eyes looking into the brown ones before him. After a moment he leaned into kiss Tony again for a brief moment before pulling away and moving off of the man's lap despite how much he didn't want to. There was a gentle understanding and soothing smile on Loki's face as he watched Tony. "I can and will wait. Until your sure, until there are no more doubts in your mind. I never want to ruin anything between us again."  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony whined slightly as Loki moved away from him, suddenly feeling like something was empty without Loki pressed close to him. Watching the god as he spoke, Tony fought the urge to pull Loki back, fingers twitching where they’d dropped to his lap. Scrubbing a hand over his face he tried to sort his mind out, struggling with his desires, concerns, and emotions. He honestly didn’t know what he wanted or what he was uncomfortable with. Groaning in frustration, he let himself drop back against the bed, covering his face. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled into his hands.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki smiled more at the whine he received when he pulled away it was a noise he liked hearing. It meant tony did want him and that was a comforting thought. "Don't be sorry, I just don't want to rush this. Rush you, I already broke us once and we could have died from it. If we screw up again by rushing into something without being sure. Well I don't know enough about our bond to know what effects it will take. I want to make sure we never go through that again. So please don't be sorry you did nothing wrong." Loki promised settling back into the bed.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony stayed where he was as Loki spoke, staring at the ceiling. “I still love you and want you. You know that right?” he asked quietly, tilting his head to look at Loki, hand moving to the god’s knee, seeking out the contact. He didn’t want Loki to think he didn’t want him or thought any less of him in any way. He was just nervous about it all.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked to tony as the man spoke proclaiming that he still wanted and loved him. "I do know that and I don't doubt it. But we can't screw this up somehow and not know because we had doubts about intimacy. We don't know what that will do. We'll have to talk to my brothers and find out everything we can to make sure we don't damage it like we did. Unless you want to get rid of it?" Loki stated and then suggested. His suggestion about getting rid of the bond seemed so casual but the bond showed the panic and fear about such a thing despite Loki's attempts to clamp down on those feelings. But he knew they either had to keep it or destroy it completely because Loki was sure neither of them could take the damage that had been again. Even if they didn't know what would happen breaking it, at least if it was completely broken there would be no hope. They could move on if they wanted at that point but Loki hoped that was not the case. He didn't want the bond broken, didn't want to be separated from tony in anyway.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Loki’s offer brought Tony’s mind to a screeching halt. He could feel Loki’s dislike of the offer, but he’d still made it. Squeezing Loki’s knee tightly, almost bruising, he sat up quickly, looking at the god. “Break the bond….” He said quietly, frowning. “Loki…if you love me at all, you will never even think about such things, let alone mention it.” He said firmly, voice almost dangerously quiet. “The next time I hear you mention it, I’ll assume you’re done with me and with everything we have. Do you understand?”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki gave a startled gasp at the almost bruising grip on his knee. "Tony what the..." Loki started to question as Tony shot back into a sitting position. The look on the man's face however stopped his words and he sat still. Tony's words both relieved and scared him. At the question of understanding he nodded. "I won't mention it again. I'm sorry..." Loki stated biting off more words about making sure that if Tony had wanted a way out he could have it. But he didn't want to lose tony at all and if Tony didn't want to hear about it then Loki would never mention it again.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony registered the fear coming from Loki blinked, mind catching up to him. Snatching his hand from Loki’s knee like he’d been burned, he instantly looked sheepish. “Sorry….” He mumbled. “I just…I….” Shaking his head, he anxiously ran his hand through his hair. “Sorry.” He repeated again when he couldn’t get out any words. His mind was spinning again, anxiety sparking up and down his spine. Turning, he slowly moved to drop his legs off of the bed. He wasn’t completely sure that he had the strength back to be up and moving properly, but he also felt the urge to retreat again.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki flinched back as Tony suddenly moved. It wasn't that he thought that the man would hurt him but the sudden movement and unexpected turn of everything startled him. He relaxed in the next instant as tony apologized and tried to form some explanation. Then there was anxiety flooding through the bond and Tony was moving as if to run away. "No!" Loki shouted grabbing Tony's arm and holding tight. "Don't leave, it's okay. It's okay... I'm not hurt. I just didn't expect that. I think... I think we need to talk to my brothers. We walked into this bond blind, we need to know everything. loki frantic at first trying to assure tony and then calming as he talked about needing to figure out their bond.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony stiffened slightly when Loki reached out and grabbed his arm, eyes darting to his fingers as if worried they were there to do more than hold him in place. The frantic tone in the god’s voice only heightened his anxiety for a moment and he almost pulled away to escape out of the room. But he took a slow breath, listening to Loki and closing his eyes as he tried to calm his racing heart and mind, swaying slightly as he moved back and forth between staying and going. When he’d finally managed to beat down his anxiety slightly, his shoulders slumped and he slowly let himself lay back again, putting his head in Loki’s lap, pressing a cheek and an ear against Loki's belly. “Yeah….some advice wouldn’t hurt….” He agreed quietly. He didn’t know how much it was the bond, and how much it was just their own problems, but the bond certainly exacerbated the problem.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki didn't let go as Tony stiffened under his hold. He knew the man wanted to bolt, could feel the anxiety through the bond that the man had but still he didn't let go. They were just starting to figure out how to handle things between them well, he didn't want to be set back. He didn't want Tony avoiding him when the man had done no harm. When Tony's shoulders finally slumped Loki relaxed his hold though kept close incase it was a ploy. His worries about that were unfounded though as Tony lay in his lap and said advice wouldn't hurt. "I'll ask my mother to contact them then." Loki assured Tony running fingers through the man's hair in attempts to soothe him further and calm him.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony closed his eyes as he felt Loki’s fingers slip into his hair. Sitting in silence for a moment as he began trying to sort out his thoughts properly, his hands fluttered over the bed sheets, trying to find something to fiddle with to channel some portion of his energy. “I didn’t mean to react so strongly.” He finely mumbled. “I just….that idea…” he shook his head slightly. “I don’t want to lose you too….not again….” The idea of being cutting off from someone else that he cared about hurt to his core.

 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki continued to run his fingers through Tony's hair giving as much comfort as he could while the man sorted his thoughts out. He saw Tony's hands fluttering and reached his free hand down to take one if the man would let him. When Tony finally spoke Loki just listened for a moment not saying anything until he was sure Tony had gotten out what he needed to say. "I don't want to lose you either. Never, do I want to be seperated from you." Loki promised. "The very thought of such a thing hurts me deeply." he continued.