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 Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 1:42 am
I totally love you guys, in case I hadn't gotten that message across before.
Okay, drama stuff:
So I failed three classes, my financial aid got dropped, I owe the school $9000, I can't register for/drop classes I need/can't take because there's a hold on my advisor account, it just hit me that my "friends" don't actually care at all, there is a person who I know loves me but I'm not sure I love him back at this point, I have this knot in my stomach the size and shape of washington, and holidays were crap. December 26th I almost tried to kill myself but didn't because I'm a fecking coward.
But that's all okay! Because:
Life is worth living again. Because I have a way out. The deal is, me, Addie, and Marcella are going to get an apartment together and split the rent three ways, starting in July. If worse comes to worse and I do poorly again this semester, it's okay, because even if my parents kick me out I'll still have a place to live. I figure I'd get a full time job and work until I'm mature/whatever enough to handle college again, and then I'll give it another shot. I know it kind of seems like a waste of money for this first year, bvut.. there really isn't much I can do about last semester at this point, and anyway I'm not sure if I was ready for this whole "dedicate your whole life to various kinds of art" thing. I don't know, it kills the magic and makes me feel kind of dead inside. A full-time job should give me enough of a kick in the a** to start taking things seriously again. I haven't taken drugs since.. well, probably early december.. I honestly can't remember, but it's been a while (considering I had only really been doing them for two months) and I'm not craving the experience anymore. Also, even if I don't love him back the same way right now, I'm still loved by SOMEONE, which is a definite change!
For the first time in.. months.. I'm not depressed. It's almost 5 am and I haven't felt the urge to throw up once.
..it's probably the caffeine. (:
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 2:44 am
http://img74.imageshack.us/img74/3720/commissionski9.jpgDoing s**t like this for only $20 each isn't worth it anymore..........I hate all three of them.......I've been working on these 3 god damn things for almost a year. I'm sick of realism! It takes too long and is all crap! I'm raising my prices..if they want stuff like they better be paying me more than $20..... I'm changing my style once I get these done if I ever done. I'm no longer offering "realistic" commissions anymore. Not to people on Furbid.. Not to people on Gaia. Only if it's for something special..otherwise..no..I'm not doing it anymore. It's burned me out. It feels like if I make them wait any longer I'll proke their wrath. The pressure to make it look good can be overwelming..I can't force myself to do it, it will only make me not to do it farther.. I don't know what to do anymore... sorry..for the rant..I needed to get it off my chest..
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:08 am
Nekoyaki I totally love you guys, in case I hadn't gotten that message across before. Okay, drama stuff: So I failed three classes, my financial aid got dropped, I owe the school $9000, I can't register for/drop classes I need/can't take because there's a hold on my advisor account, it just hit me that my "friends" don't actually care at all, there is a person who I know loves me but I'm not sure I love him back at this point, I have this knot in my stomach the size and shape of washington, and holidays were crap. December 26th I almost tried to kill myself but didn't because I'm a fecking coward.But that's all okay! Because: Life is worth living again. Because I have a way out. The deal is, me, Addie, and Marcella are going to get an apartment together and split the rent three ways, starting in July. If worse comes to worse and I do poorly again this semester, it's okay, because even if my parents kick me out I'll still have a place to live. I figure I'd get a full time job and work until I'm mature/whatever enough to handle college again, and then I'll give it another shot. I know it kind of seems like a waste of money for this first year, bvut.. there really isn't much I can do about last semester at this point, and anyway I'm not sure if I was ready for this whole "dedicate your whole life to various kinds of art" thing. I don't know, it kills the magic and makes me feel kind of dead inside. A full-time job should give me enough of a kick in the a** to start taking things seriously again. I haven't taken drugs since.. well, probably early december.. I honestly can't remember, but it's been a while (considering I had only really been doing them for two months) and I'm not craving the experience anymore. Also, even if I don't love him back the same way right now, I'm still loved by SOMEONE, which is a definite change!For the first time in.. months.. I'm not depressed. It's almost 5 am and I haven't felt the urge to throw up once. ..it's probably the caffeine. (:
Nice to see you trying to turn your life around. Hope things work out well for you. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:19 am
Crenn Leyla Giselle Crenn Leyla Giselle Spent $50 on a router to connect our PC and Laptop to the internet at once. It won't even work. I've reset it several times, and the password won't work. The disk won't work with my laptop (for some stupid a** reason. My disk drive just shows empty on it). I am getting so frustrated and pissed off and I'm about to kill somebody scream Need a bit of help? I've done everything the stupid site said to do. The password won't read at all v.v Brand and Model? Linksys BEFSR41
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:21 am
Iron-_-Wolf Hey AFG. Remember me? Formerly Garou_Jinketsu, I dissappeared many many months ago. But now I'm finally back. I've been going through a rough year, and I completely lost my heart to talk on the AFG, or Gaia, or really anything for the last half a year or so. But now I'm finally starting to revive up from my deep sulk. I started going back to school, and I'm in a financial mess, I've had four family deaths within the last year (of course it was good family members, not dickhead ones like my heroine addict uncle, no he gets to live a long life.) Plus since Sirus left me, I have been a social and emotional mess. But I'm finally starting to look up, I have a new job, I've started making some new friends, and I joined the Army on delayed deployment. I ship out in September. So on this New Year, I want everything to start anew. This shithole of a year is now well behind me, and I get to start fresh, and damnit, this year's gonna be a good one. Well, I'm sure glad to be back, I miss talking to all the veterens I used to talk to, and I can't wait to meet the new blood that's moved in in the last few months. Are you the one who commissioned me under the name Alexei something?
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:46 am
I had such a werid dream. My teeth had grown funny, along with a character of mine (yay for getting to meet one of my creations in dream land) Anyways, they were growing extra parts that bent backward into our mouths, so my dad decided to take us to the vet to get them filed down. And I didn't want to go cause it was the vet... and it sounded painful. But we were both forced and the vet messed up on me and pulled out one of my canine teeth. Well I am a complete freak when it comes to my teeth. Brushing, flossing, using those gum pokers to strenghthen your gums, mouth wash, not a single cavity ever. As one can expect, I freaked out when my tooth plopped out. Tried sticking it back in... that didn't work.
So, suddenly my mom was there and she was like lets run over to my dad's sisters, cause she is a vet. <.< Don't ask what was with all the vets. So we jumped in our car..golfcart. And sped over their at a whooping five miles per an hour. Anyways we arrive at the mall food court of all places and she very relaxedly proceeds to stick my tooth back in place and start shaving off the excess. And that was only the first half f my dream. O.O
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 10:38 am
I had an equally weird dream, but because of how lengthy it was and the plot, I'm going to write it into a book blaugh Of course, it's gonna be a horror book. (My dreams aren't nightmares to me, just interesting stories. I always want to see the end and always get dissapointed when I don't emo )
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 1:23 pm
Nothing wrong with pot brownies. If you don't like 'em, abstain. I wouldn't eat one, but that's just me.
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 1:55 pm
Shaviv Nothing wrong with pot brownies. If you don't like 'em, abstain. I wouldn't eat one, but that's just me.
Better than smoking it in my opinion, though I have done neither. whee
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 2:21 pm
Krissim Klaw I had such a werid dream. My teeth had grown funny, along with a character of mine (yay for getting to meet one of my creations in dream land) Anyways, they were growing extra parts that bent backward into our mouths, so my dad decided to take us to the vet to get them filed down. And I didn't want to go cause it was the vet... and it sounded painful. But we were both forced and the vet messed up on me and pulled out one of my canine teeth. Well I am a complete freak when it comes to my teeth. Brushing, flossing, using those gum pokers to strenghthen your gums, mouth wash, not a single cavity ever. As one can expect, I freaked out when my tooth plopped out. Tried sticking it back in... that didn't work. So, suddenly my mom was there and she was like lets run over to my dad's sisters, cause she is a vet. <.< Don't ask what was with all the vets. So we jumped in our car..golfcart. And sped over their at a whooping five miles per an hour. Anyways we arrive at the mall food court of all places and she very relaxedly proceeds to stick my tooth back in place and start shaving off the excess. And that was only the first half f my dream. O.O XD..and I thought I had weird dreams. *wonders why they took you to the vet* >.>
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 2:25 pm
Fog's been in a weird music mood lately.
He's developed tastes for Evanescence, Paulina Rubio, and Ace of Base.
Something is definitely wrong with me. I'm sposed to be a harcore emo music child! T.T
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 2:28 pm
Nothing wrong with a little Evanescence in one's music diet!
Now, after the hardcore emo music child thing, if you said, say Rammstein, I'd be a little worried...
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 2:29 pm
Davin_Nightwind Nothing wrong with a little Evanescence in one's music diet! Now, after the hardcore emo music child thing, if you said, say Rammstein, I'd be a little worried... Or Korn lawl
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 2:39 pm
Leyla Giselle Davin_Nightwind Nothing wrong with a little Evanescence in one's music diet! Now, after the hardcore emo music child thing, if you said, say Rammstein, I'd be a little worried... Or Korn lawl That's the kinda thing that I listen to...*shrugs*
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 2:40 pm
Davin_Nightwind Leyla Giselle Davin_Nightwind Nothing wrong with a little Evanescence in one's music diet! Now, after the hardcore emo music child thing, if you said, say Rammstein, I'd be a little worried... Or Korn lawl That's the kinda thing that I listen to...*shrugs* Same here razz
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