Welcome to Gaia! ::

I don't exactly know where I'm going to go with this.. I'm not used to dumping out how I feel in public places, but I feel like I have to tell someone, and it feels more comfortable telling someone who's not.. looking at me.. I don't know. x:

I don't know where I'm going with this whole college thing. I feel like I'm wasting my time and money here. I mean, I'm getting to make all these pictures using college resources, and it's nice to think about getting a degree and all and having a good job.. but.. I don't know.

It's really hard for me to go to class. I know one or two people, but having to work among all these people and have them be able to see me in my process.. unnerves me. I have trouble working in a room with a lot of people. And then having to critique my own work in front of my peers? It's.. stressful. Sometimes I can't bring myself to go to class, which is affecting my grades. I mean, I do the work outside of class, and get decent marks, but I'm missing demos, and I'm pretty sure all my teachers think I'm a slacker..

I'm going to have to pay back thousands of dollars in loans after this is done. At the rate I'm going, I might even have to stay an extra year or two. And I don't even have enough confidence to be sure that I AM going to get a good paying job after this. I mean, my dream job is to be a penciller for a comic book series. I don't know how much they make, or how to get an "in".. I'm not even sure my drawing style is something someone's going to want to serialize.

There's a lot of doubt and self-criticism floating around in my head, and it makes me sick sometimes. I get crippling headaches sometimes, and have trouble sleeping.. not knowing what happens next is unsettling.

In short.. I don't know what I'm doing/what I'm going to do, both in general and with myself and my life. My future is a great big question mark.

*sighs* I'm sure this is a common feeling, but I can't help but stress over it. Anyway, thank you for your time.

Sometime during the day, my cable company decided to fix my internet, so it's all good...well, except for the 170 Euro payment...(Which, for those of you that's wondering, is a little over 200 bucks US. The cable company on base has a freaken monopoly...V_V)

In other news...

I just found out that the funky noise that my car (A European spec 1991 Nissan 200SX) has been making for a while wasn't what I thought it was. Turns out that the turbo's fine after all. Instead, it's an exhaust leak, which, with any luck, will turn out to be a relatively easy and cheap fix. I should have known that, given that my truck back in the States had one, too...I guess I didn't think it was that because it sounded like somebody threw a bunch of marbles into my car's engine, which, as it turns out, was the turbo trying to build up pressure when there was hardly any there thanks to the leak.

Fog's got pain in his groin again. God DAMMIT. >_< I hate this....it makes walking around a right b***h to do.....

The Piebald Situation:

So we were told we need to pay $700- we couldn't of course. He payed $400 we payed $300. Moms boyfriend paid for it, and because of the stress of the sitatuion-he flipped out and nearly broke up with her.

Now we're told we need to pay an aditional $500 for fees.

Funny thing?

The airport the snake is being held at? has a @yahoo.com e-mail. Also, its not spelled the same as the airport.

We can't get ahold of the airport via phone number.

We have to pay threw this guy.

funny thing is- he claimed Camroon dosen't have paypal- yet paypal says they do.

Why wouldn't he have paypal if he could have it? because paypal gives you a money back garentee.

I really want to give up,say ******** it, and never even consider snakes. I really don't want to anymore. neutral

Total scam. Don't buy from him.

ick..any way to report?

I am so teh awsome. I just found out that I have more stanima/strength/something then I thought I did. Cause i just walked 4 or 5 miles from my apt. to my college. (although, it was snowing and cold out, so it felt like 6 or 7 miles to me xD)

my roomates stayed home, and didn't tell me where the bus picks us up to go to school, and I tried calling them this morning to tell then I was lost and couldn't find hte place, but no one would answer. and I wasn't going to walk all the way back (I had already gone like 30 minutes of walking by then.) so, I decidd to just walk the rest of hte wayt o school.

I called my one friend and talked to her for a while, she was on her wayt o school too (although driving, of course xD) and we talked for a while and then she had to let me go. and like 50 feet from the intersection where you turn to go into the school's driveway she caught up to me and drove me the remaining way (like....200 feet, maybe? Maybe a little more, not sure exactly. It's just a steep hill, so that alone would hav eprobably killed me after walking so far) so I was thankful for that xD


but yeah, I'm tired, but I feel oddly accomplished xD


and it's just another reason why people are evil. cause noone even bothered to see if I was okay or needed a ride or antyhing (although, it kinda makes me happy too, cause I wouldn't have wanted to be picked up by some weirdo xD) the only human reaction I got to it was some jerk honking at me as he passed, probably tryig to scare me.


anyway, all in all, I made it all to school in one piece. Don't know how I did it, but I did. awsome xD