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 Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:26 pm
((Continued))
(Cale comes back from his errand and begins looking around the stardock for SSD)
Cale: Now where did I park that thing?!
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Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:54 pm
*somewhere on Ord Mantell*
Tow-truck driver: Hey, Manny, where do you want this thing?
Manny: Wow, Bubba! That's an SSD!
Bubba: Yea. Its going to get impounded though. Found it parked illegally in a handicap spot.
Manny: Tough luck. Put it over there next to the rest of them.
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Darkened Angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 8:34 pm
( Somewhere else on Ord Mantell )
Imp Admiral: Excellent. This plan will work perfectly. Soon the galaxy will bow to us once again! Quickly, to the ship!
Imp Officer: Uh, sir?
Admiral: What is it?
Officer: Our SD's been towed.
Admiral: Oh sith!
Officer: The Dark Lord's gonna LOVE hearing this one.
Admiral: You know, piracy suddenly doesn't seem so bad a career right now...
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 8:29 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Darkened Angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:43 pm
(( You left out the part that Endor has Ewoks. Other than that though, you nailed it. ))
( Back in SOFT when the Eclipdra went boom )
System: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
Imperious: Where's the boom?
System: Windows Critical Error has occured. Please restart your computer.
Valycia: ... I told you to go with Linux...
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:26 pm
((Cale's Dancing about the corridors of the Heroine's Assault, I-pod in Hand))
Cale: (singing)My backpack's got jets!
I'm Boba, the Fett!
I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt
to finance my vette!
I chill in deep space!
A mask is over my face!
I deliver the prize
but still narrow my eyes
because my time I don't like to waste!
Get down!
((Does the Space Pirate Boogie))
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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:30 pm
*cont*
Cambot: *watching cale* Is he having a seizure?
Rain: Nah. He's just trying to dance.
Cambot: Is spasming a kind of dance.
Rain: We cant' really expect much out of him. He is Corellian after all.
Cambot: What do you mean?
Rain: He'll get lucky and win at DDR, but other than that, he'll get served.
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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 7:12 pm
(Cont.)
( Some time later, when Cale is among his crew. )
Pirate: Mornin' Fancy Steps.
Cale: ... What?
Pirate: * mimicing Cale's moves * Look at me! I'm hot stuff!
Cale: * grabs the pirate by the neck of his shirt * WHERE'D YOU GET THAT!?
Cambot: * slowly floats away from Cale's view *
Cale: Cambot?
Cambot: ... * continues to slowly float away *
Cale: Cambot!
Cambot: ... I had to record it sir, it was just too good to pass up. * darts off *
Cale: YOU'RE SCRAP METAL! * gives chase, runs into Rain *
Rain: Captain, I saw that video.
Cale: Not you too... Jeez...
Rain: The way you move makes me... HOT! * grabs Cale, drags him off to his quarters *
Cale: Why are we here?
Rain: * shuts and locks the door * Take a guess.
Cale: ... I seem have had this situation happen a lot recently...
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Darkened Angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 8:24 pm
*cont.*
Rain: I think you know why we're here.
Cale: I have a good Idea...
Rain: You know, you're making me hot so....*whisper* turn on *whisper* hot *whisper* I'll do it for you *whisper* how large *whisper* nuts.
*later that night*
Pirate: What'd she ask?
Cale: Apparantly she wants me to turn on the Air Conditioner, because she's hot and sweaty. Also, If i don't do it myself, she'll do it for me, or she'll shoot me pride and joy, no matter how large I think it is. Oh, and she wants some more peanuts.
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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 9:52 pm
Cambot: Peanuts?! On it sir!
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 1:56 pm
The Tale of Sir Anakin:
((Lightning flashes and thunder rolls as a tired and muddy Anakin Akywalker staggers up a hill. He looks out across the Vale and spies a castle, o'er which glows a large jedi holocron. Angels sing as the Holocron glows. Anakin surges towards the castle and pounds on the Blast Door.))
Anakin: Open the Blast Door! Open the Blast Door! In the name of the Jedi Council open the Blast Door!
((The Door opens. Anakin stumbles inside. The Door shuts behind him as he is greeted by Twi'lek girls))
Twi'lek Girls: Hello!
Lead twi'lek girl: Welcome gentle sir jedi knight. Welcome to the Fortress Krytos!
Anakin: ...Fortress Krytos?
LtG: Yes...Its not a very good name...Oh but we are nice, and will attend to your every, every, need!
Anakin: You are the keepers of the Jedi Holocron?
LtG: The what?
Anakin: The Holocron! Is it here?!
LtG: Oh but you are tired! Vape-bate! Mutant!
Twi'lek girls: Yes sir Mute!
Mute: Prepare a bed for our guest.
TG: Oh thank you, thank you thank you!
Mute: Get going! Now! (turns to Anakin) The beds here are warm and soft- and very big!
Anakin: well look I um-
Mute: What is your name Sir Jedi Knight?
Anakin: Anakin... the Skywalker.
Mute: (Gets uncomfortably close to Anakin and flirts) Mine's Mute. Just Mute. Oh but come!
Anakin: Look, in the name of the Force show me the Holocron!
Mute: Oh you have suffered much. You're delirious!
Anakin: Look I have seen it! It is here!
Mute: Sir Anakin! You would not be so rude as to ignore our hospitality?
Anakin: Well...I...Um...
Mute: Oh, I fear our life must seem incredibly dull and quiet compared to yours.(leads a confused Anakin through the castle) We are but eight score young twi'lek girls, all between 16 and 19.5, cut off in this fortress with no one to protect us! oh, it is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome jedi! (leads him to a bed) Come come! Lie here. Oh! but you are wounded!
Anakin: No-no, its nothing!
Mute: Oh but you must see the medics immediately! Please lie down!
(Claps. two more Twi'lek girls appear))
1st TG: well now what seems to be the trouble?
Anakin: They're medics?!
Mute: Well they've had a basic medical training. (stops anakin from getting up) Oh but do try to relax! Doctor Nerf-Herder, Doctor Power Core, Practice your Art.
((The doctors proceed to crall all over Anakin like barely contained fangirls. They undo his belt))
Dr. Nerf-herder: Try to relax.
Anakin: Are you sure thats absolutely necessary?
Dr. NH: We must examine you.
((They begin removing his pants. Anakin stops them.))
Anakin: Theres nothing wrong with that!
Dr. NH: We are doctors.
Anakin: (Stands suddenly and buckles pants) Ok, get back! Torment me no longer! I have seen the Holocron!
Dr. NH: theres no Holocron here...
Anakin: I have seen it! I have seen it! (Flees down a corridor and into another room. He stops and his eyes go wide as he has stumbled upon the bathing room, currently occupied by at least twenty Twi'lek Girls)
TG sad in unison) Hello!! (they begin to press around him as Anakin tries to move towards the back exit.)
Anakin: (Suddenly stopped by a Mute look-alike) Mute!
Vornksyr: No, I am Mute's Identical twin sister Vornksyr.
Anakin: whatever, just let me out of here!
Vornksyr: Where are you going?!
Anakin: I seek the Holocron! It is here, in this Fortress!
Vornksyr: Oh no. Oh No! Oh bad Mute!
Anakin: What is it?
Vornksyr: Oh wicked, bad, Naughty Mute! She has powered up our beacon, which I just remembered, is Holocron shaped! Not the first time this has happened...
Anakin: Its not the real Holocron?!
Vornksyr: Oh wicked, bad, naughty, evil Mute! Oh she is a bad seed, and she must pay the penalty! And here at Fortress Krytos we have but one punishment for powering up the Holocron shaped beacon: You must tie her down to a bed and spank her!
Twi'lek Girls: A spanking! A spanking!
Vornksyr: You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like. and then, when you are done with her...Spank Me!
Twi'lek Girls sad one after another) and me! and Me! and me!
Vornksyr: Yes! you must give us all a good spanking! and then the Oral sex!
Anakin sad consideres it) well I supose I could stay a bit longer...
(Mace Windu, flanked by two clone troopers, bursts into the room)
Mace: Sir Anakin!
Anakin: What?
Mace: Quick quick! you are in great peril!
Vornksyr: No he isn't!
Mace: silence foul temptress!
Anakin: hold on a damn second!
Mace: Come quickly we will cover your escape! (hustles anakin towards the door as the Clones flank them and keep the amorous alien babes back with their rifles)
Anakin: No wait! I can take them myself!
Vornksyr: Yes! he can take us single handedly!
Mace: No sir Anakin!
Anakin: Really I can handle this easily!
Vornksyr: Yes! he can handle us easily!
Anakin: C'mon let me at them! theres only 150 of 'em!
Vornksyr:Yes! he'll defeat us easy! we havent a chance!
(Blast door shuts behind the jedi and clones as they escape the fortress)
Vornksyr: Oh Sithspit!
(outside, the band creeps around the fortress's perimeter)
Mace: We were in the nick of time! you were in great peril!
Anakin: I don't think I was.
Mace: yes you were! you were in terrible peril!
Anakin: Look, let me go back in and face the Peril!
Mace: No, No, its too perilous!
Anakin: ....Cockblocker. I bet you're gay.
Mace: No I'm not.
Anakin: oh come on, you have a purple lightsaber for pity's sake! as if that wasn't a big clue!
Mace: oh shut up. you're married anyway.
Anakin:...wait how did you know that?
Narrator: Sir Mace had saved Sir Anakin, from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer to the holocron...
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:02 pm
(( rofl Great monty python ripoff. Better than some which have come before it.. I can't remember what I was supposed to post now I'm laughing so hard..))
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:05 pm
Nelowulf (( rofl Great monty python ripoff. Better than some which have come before it.. I can't remember what I was supposed to post now I'm laughing so hard..)) ((Thank yew thank yew. Next will feature Obi-wan as Bedivere and Yoda as Arthur. And the Sith who say Ni. But after I recover of course.))
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:17 pm
((inspiration strikes!))
From beyond the cave of death, one must cross the gourge of eternal peril....
Master Windu: Look! Its the Gorge of eternal peril! Legend has it that a bridgekeeper stands guard and asks you five.
Sir Plo: three sir.
Master Windu: Three questions. If you answer correctly, you will be allowed to pass. answer incorrectly, and you will fall to your doom.
(since my memory fades what exactly happens, we shall have sir kenobi volunteer first...)
Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Kenobi: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Kenobi: My name is Sir Kenobi of Coruscant.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Kenobi: To seek the Holocron.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Sir Kenobi: Blue.
Bridgekeeper: Go on. Off you go.
Sir Kenobi: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Sir Anakin: That's easy!
Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Anakin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Anakin: Sir Anakin of Tatooine.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Anakin: To seek the Holocron.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the Jedi Code?
[pause]
Sir Anakin: I don't know that.
[he is thrown over the edge into the volcano]
Sir Anakin: Auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name?
Sir Yoda: Sir Yoda of Coruscant.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Yoda: Seek the Holocron, I do.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your species?
Sir Yoda: Whill... no Tera...
[he is also thrown over the edge]
Sir Yoda:: auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?
Master Windu: It is 'Windu', Master of the Jedi.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Master Windu: To seek the Holocron.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the name of Fett's ship?
Master Windu: What do you mean? Boba or Jango?
Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.
[he is thrown over]
Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.
Sir Plo: How do know so much about Bounty Hunters?
Master Windu:: Well, you have to know these things when you're a Master, you know.
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:46 pm
Anikan: are you all right your trembling Padme: i have something to tell you anikan, im a cylon Anikan:what (meanwhile)  oh in case you didnt notice im also a battlestar galatica fan xd
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