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((that was a good one Nelo..Monty Python meets SW...good stuff))

((cont.))

Anakin: I summon Bahamut!

Obi: Hey you can't do that!

Anakin: Yuh huh!

*Padme enters wearing ridiculous Bahamut costume*

Vador:no i am your farther

out of no where cameras and journlists appear

media man1:so you admit to haveing an affair with padme
Media 2: do you plan to resign
Media3:is that why you killed all the jedi
media4:do you think this will hurt you in your nex rebel anilation campain
Vador:no comment no comment get out of the way

(Scene: A holo-bookshop. Talon Karrde, dressed as a Bookseller is standing behind the counter. A bearded Man enters the shot and goes up to the counter. The Bookseller jumps and looks around furtively.)
Karrde: Er... oh!
Man: Ol'val, I'd like to buy a holobook please.
Karrde: Oh, well I'm afraid we don't have any. (trying to hide them)
Man: I'm sorry?
Karrde: We don't have any holobooks. We're fresh out of them. Clear skies.
Man: Well what are all these?
Karrde: All what? Oh! All these, ah ah ha ha. Your referring to these ... holo ...books.
Man: Yes.
Karrde: They're um ... they're all sold. Clear skies.
Man: What all of them?
Karrde: Every single man Jack of them. Not a single one of them in an unsold state. Clear skies.
Man: Who to?
Karrde: What?
Man: Who are they sold to?
Karrde: Oh ... various ... good space is that the time? Oh my goodness I must close for lunch.
Man: It's only half past ten.
Karrde: Ah yes, well I feel rather peckish ... very peckish actually, I don't expect I'll open again today. I think I'll have a really good feed. I say! Look at that lovely holo-bookshop just across the road there, they've got a much better selection than we've got, probably at ridiculously low prices ... just across the road there. (he has the door open) Clear skies.
Man: But I was told to come here.
Karrde: (bundling him back in) Well. Well, I see. Er ... (very, carefully) hear the aleudrupe berries are doing well this year... and so is the Namana. (winks)
Man: I'm sorry?
Karrde: Er .,. oh . .. I was just saying ... thinking of the weather.. I hear the aleudrupe berries are doing well this year... and so is the namana.
Man: Mine aren't.
Karrde: (nodding keenly, with anticipation) Go on...
Man: What?
Karrde: Go on - mine aren't ... but...
Man: What?
Karrde: Aren't you going to say something about 'mine aren't but the Big Slug gets his at low tide tonight'?
Man: No.
Karrde: Oh, ah, clear skies, (starts to bundle him out then stops) Wait. Who sent you?
Man: A fellow I met at the Spaceport.
Karrde: He didn't have a duelling scar just here ... and a cybornetic hand?
Man: No.
Karrde: Of course not, I was thinkimg of somebody else. Clear skies.
Man: Hold up, there's something going on here.
Karrde: (spinning round.) What, where? You didn't see anything did you?
Man: No, but I think there's something going on here.
Karrde: No no, well there's nothing going on here at all (shouts off) and he didn't see anything. Clear Skies.
Man: (coming back into shop) There is something going on.
Karrde: Look there is nothing going on. Please believe me, there is abso... (an alien claw comes into view behind the man's back; Karrde frantically waves at it to disappear; it does so) . . . lutely nothing going on. Is there anything going on?
(A man appears, fleetingly: he is Kirtan Loor)
Loor: No there's nothing going on. (disappears)
Karrde: See there's nothing going on.
Man: Who was that??
Karrde: That was my ...aunt, look what was this holo-book you wanted then? Quickly! Quickly!
Man: Oh, well, I'd like to buy a copy of a ' Complete History of Prosthetic Teeth'.
Karrde: Phwoar, you've got guts.
Man: huh?
Karrde: (pulls a blaster pistol) Just how much do you know??
Man: About what?
Karrde: Are you from the Corellian Dental Association?
Man: No I'm a Spice Merchant!
Karrde: Get away from that door.
Man: I'll just go over the other...
Karrde: Stay where you are! You'll never leave this holo-bookshop alive.
Man: Why not?
Karrde: You know too much, my dental friend.
Man: I don't know anything! I swear!
Karrde: Come clean. You're a dentist aren't you.
Man: I told you I'm a Spice Merchant!
Karrde: A 'spice merchant' who just happens to be buying a book on ...teeth?
Man: Yes.
Karrde: Ha ha ha ha...
(Ysanne Isard enters room with a DL-44.)
Isard: Drop that blaster, Karrde.
Karrde: Isard! (he drops the gun)
Man: There is something going on.
Karrde: No there isn't.
Isard: OK Karrde, this is it. Where's Xisor hidden the fillings?
Karrde: What fillings?
Isard: You know which fillings, Karrde. Upper right two and four, lower right three and two lower left one. Come on. (she threatens with the heavy pistol) Remember what happened to Guri.
Man: What happened to Guri?
Karrde: Orthodontic Lando gave him a gelignite mouth wash.
Man: I knew there was something going on.
Karrde: Well there isn't.
Isard: Come on Vorru. The fillings!
Karrde: They're at 22 Wicket Street.
Isard: Don't play games with me! (pokes Karrde in eye with Blaster)
Karrde: OW! Sithspit! 22A Wicket Street.
Isard: That's better.
Karrde: But you'll need an appointment.
Isard: OK (shouting out of shop) Garindan! Make with the appointment baby. No gas.
(Kirtan Loor appears with E-11 and a nurse, he is basically dressed as a dentist. But with many rings, chains, writlets, cravats, buckled shoes and an ear-ring.)
Loor: Not so fast Isard!
Isard: Loor!
Loor: Yes. Now drop the blastech.
Man: There is something going on.
Karrde: No there isn't.
Loor: Get the guns.
(The nurse runs forward, picks up the gun and puts it on steel surgeon's tray, and covers it with a white cloth, returning it to Loor.)
Man: Who's that?
Karrde: That's Kirtan Loor. He's on our side.
Loor: All right, get up against the wall Isard, and you too Karrde.
Karrde: Me?
Loor: Yes, you!
Karrde: You dirty double-crossing Vrelt!
Man: (going with Karrde) What's happened?
Karrde: He's two-timed me.
Man: Bad luck.
Loor: All right ... where are the fillings? Answer me, where are they?
Man: This is quite exciting.
(Garindan enters carrying a PLX. Garindan is dressed in operating-theatre clothes, gown, cap, with a surgical mask over his snout, and rubber gloves and white wellingtons.)
Garindan: Not so fast.
All: Garindan!
Man: Ooh, what's that?
The Others: It's a PLEX.
Garindan: All right. Get against the wall Loor ... and you nurse. And the first one to try anything moves to a practice six feet underground ... this is an anti-tank gun ... and it's loaded ...and you've just got five seconds to tell me ... whatever happened to Tank, Luke's friend who was breifly mentioned once in Episode 4?
All: What?!
Garindan: Oh ... I'm sorry ... my mind was wandering ... I've had a terrible day... I really have ... you've got five seconds to tell me... I've forgotten. I've forgotten.
Karrde: The five seconds haven't started yet have they?
Loor: Only we don't know the question.
Man: Was it about Thrawn?
Garindan: No, no... no ... you've got five seconds to tell me...
Loor: About Tarkin?
Garindan: No.
Isard: C-3PX?
Garindan: No. No.
Man: The fillings!
Garindan: Oh yes, the fillings, of course. How stupid of me. Right, you've got five seconds ... (clears throat) Where are the fillings? Five, four, three, two, one, Zero! (there is a long pause, Garindan has forgotten to fire the Plex but he can't put his finger on what has gone wrong) Zero! (looks at gun) Oh! I've forgotten to fire it. Sorry. Silly day. Very well. (quite rapidly) Five, four, three, two, one.
(A panel slides back and Jabba the Hutt appears in sight seated on a moving platform stroking a rabbit lying on his lap.)
Jabba:
All: The Big Slug!
(Garindan drops the Plex.)
Jabba:< I'm glad you could all come to my little ... party.> Hooo hoo hoo! (he holds rabbit up as it does not reply) (no reply again so he pulls a Disintegrator out and fires at rabbit from point-blank range) (the crowd start to hiss him)
Man: lt's one o'clock.
Jabba: So it is. Lunch break, everyone back here at two.
(They, all happily relax and walk off. The Man surreptitiously goes to telephone and, making sure nobody is looking, calls)
Man: Ol'Val ... give me the Corellian Dental Association ... and fast.
(Cut to Man dressed normally as dentist leaning over patient in chair. He looks up to camera.)
Man: You see, I knew there was something going on. Of course, the Big Slug made two mistakes. First of all he didn't recognize me: Madine, Crix Madine, Special Investigator, Corellian Dental Association, and second ... (to patient) spit ... by the time I got back from lunch I had every dental surgeon in Coronat waiting for them all in the broom cupboard. Funny isn't it, how naughty dentists always make that one fatal mistake. Bye for now ... keep your teeth clean.
(Cut to photo of Crix Madine, with superimposed caption on screen: 'MADINE OF THE CDA' Over this we hear a song.)
Song: (Voice over pre-recorded) Madine, Madine ... Madine of the CDA .. Madine, Madine ... Madine of the CD ...Madine of the CD ... CD, CDA!

((These Python Sketches are worth it,but they're killing me. now I know how Graham Chapman felt. xd ))

((A Fresher is heard flushing. Thrawn walks in from the bathroom, a copy of Sun Tzu under his arm. He sits down at the desk in the Bookstore and looks to the camera.))
Thrawn: And now for something completly different.

[Han is writing graffiti on the Imperial palace wall. A Stormtrooper catches him in the act]

Stormtrooper: What's this, then? "Imperies eunt domus"? People called Imperies, they go, the house?
Han: It says, "Imperials go home. "
Stormtrooper: No it doesn't! What's the basic for "Imperial"? Come on, come on!
Han: Er, "Imperial"!
Stormtrooper: Vocative plural of "Imperial" is?
Han: Er, er, "Imperials" !
Stormtrooper: [Writes "Imperials" over Han's graffiti] "Eunt"? What is "eunt"? Conjugate the verb, "to go" !
Han: Er, "Ire". Er, "eo", "is", "it", "imus", "itis", "eunt".
Stormtrooper: So, "eunt" is...?
Han: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
Stormtrooper: But, "Imperials, go home" is an order. So you must use...?
[He twists Han's ear]
Han: Aaagh! The imperative !
Stormtrooper: Which is...?
Han: Aaaagh! Er, er, "i" !
Stormtrooper: How many Imperials?
Han: Aaaaagh! Plural, plural, er, "ite" !
Stormtrooper: [Writes "ite"] "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home" is motion towards, isn't it?
Han: Dative !
[the Stormtrooper holds a blaster to his throat]
Han: Aaagh! Not the dative, not the dative! Er, er, accusative, "Domum"!
Stormtrooper: But "Domus" takes the locative, which is...?
Han: Er, "Domum"!
Stormtrooper: [Writes "Domum"] Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times.
Han: Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Palpatine, sir.
Stormtrooper: Hail Palpatine! And if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.

*Darth vader with Leia in prison chambers*
Darth: Ill get to you shortly Princess.
*Darth goes up to two stormtroopers at the door to the cell*
D: make sure the princess dosent leave the room untill I come and get her.
Stormie1: Not..to leave the room...even if you you come and get her.
D: No. Until I come and get her.
S2: Hic
S1: Untill you come and get her, we're not to enter the room.
D: No...You stay in the room and make sure she doesn't leave.
S1: ...and you'll come and get her.
S2: Hic
D: thats right
S1: we dont need to do anything apart from just stop her entering the room
D: leaving the room
S1: leaving the room... yes
D; Got it?
S2: hic.
*Darth starts to leave*
S1: Er...if...we...er...
D: yes?
S1: If we...er...
D: Look, it's simple. Just stay here and make sure she doesn't leave the room.
S2: hic
D: right?
S1: Oh I remember...can she leave the room with us?
D: No...Keep her in here...and make sure she doesn't...
S1: Oh, yes! well keep her in here, obviously. But if she had to leave...and we were with her.
D: No... just keep her in here.
S1; Untill you, or anyone else...
D: Just me.
S1: Just you.
D: Get back.
S1: Get back.
D: Right.
S1: Ok we'll stay here untill you get back.
D: and make sure she doesnt leave.
S1: What?
D: make sure she dosent leave.
S1: The princess?
D: yes...make sure...
S1: Oh yes of corse! I thought you ment him!
*Points to S2*
You know it seemeda bit daft guarding him when he's a guard.
D: Is that clear?
S2: hic
S1: Oh yes quite clear. No problem.
*D starts to go and guards follow*
D: Where are you going?
S1: Were coming with you.
D: No, I want you to stay here and make sure she dosent leave the room until I get back.
S1: Oh I see right.