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 Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 4:47 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 7:30 pm
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Hmm... hope this doesn't sound bad but I'm reconsidering my choice on gender, I dunno, I hope I don't sound like I'm just spewing out bullshit now since I said I was sure on that choice, but I had certain influences then ^^; I'm not really sure if I fit the female OR male category, so yeah for now, call me as you wish, whatever you see me as or think me as =q I don't mind. My fursona is probably going to be somewhat of an adrogynus appearance now. Hope this isn't faultering anyone's belief in me or anything. ^^;
Anyway, on a different happier note, I'm moving out soon =D Hopefully very very soon, like the end of this month soon, gonna be rooming with my mate <3 So yeah, I'm like totally anxious about it~ <3 The only thing is I gotta learn how to drive by the end of this month >>;; (Yes I've waited this long u.u) I'm a bit queasy about it, but I'm told everyone is, and it's easy once you get the hang of it and all, anyway, I'm rambling just felt like sharing the news and good news... ^^
Gee... I need to hang around here more often ; ; I miss you guys... <3
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Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 7:49 pm
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OmegaDragon Hmm... hope this doesn't sound bad but I'm reconsidering my choice on gender, I dunno, I hope I don't sound like I'm just spewing out bullshit now since I said I was sure on that choice, but I had certain influences then ^^; I'm not really sure if I fit the female OR male category, so yeah for now, call me as you wish, whatever you see me as or think me as =q I don't mind. My fursona is probably going to be somewhat of an adrogynus appearance now. Hope this isn't faultering anyone's belief in me or anything. ^^; Anyway, on a different happier note, I'm moving out soon =D Hopefully very very soon, like the end of this month soon, gonna be rooming with my mate <3 So yeah, I'm like totally anxious about it~ <3 The only thing is I gotta learn how to drive by the end of this month >>;; (Yes I've waited this long u.u) I'm a bit queasy about it, but I'm told everyone is, and it's easy once you get the hang of it and all, anyway, I'm rambling just felt like sharing the news and good news... ^^ Gee... I need to hang around here more often ; ; I miss you guys... <3 |
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Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 7:52 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 8:04 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 8:15 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 8:16 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 10:39 pm
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Copy-pasting this from where i posted on another forum
May 27
So I get home from work on Friday, and overhear my grandmother downstairs having a loud discussion with her ex-husband/my grandfather. I listen in, and shes telling him that "Since I obviously dont wan't to be part of the family anymore, I'm moving down there with him". Its loud because, A: Hes deaf, and B: He's bitching loudly about it, and shes getting annoyed in return.
"Down There" being the basement area that my disabled grandfather lives in. Basement is misleading, its like a regular room. Basically, before the house was remodelled a long time ago, it used to be a garage. The house is above grade, blah blah, so the garage is the 'basement'. Its one room the size of a largish living room, with a walk in closet, corner kitchen, two beds in one corner, a bathroom and a tiny side room, and front sliding doors going onto the small patio on the driveway. It was done as a 'disabled room' so my grandfather, who is paralyzed on the left side, deaf, etc could be self suffiencient and have everything he needed without having to climb stairs. And, to also keep him downstairs and away from my grandmother (she holds a huge grudge against him, he made her life miserable for decades, and shes only taking care of him for financial reasons).
I hear that, and I'm like....FUUUCK NOOOO.
My current room used to be my grandmothers 'office' until she gave it to me about 10 years ago. Its a relativly nice room, however I don't really like it too much. One, I'm limited in redecorating stuff, because the room is pretty much as it was in 1974 when the former occupant, her son, was killed. Posters on the wall, toys on the top shelf, pictures, etc. Two, its sandwiched right between my grandmothers bedroom, and her bathroom, and visible from her current 'office' area, which means neither of us have much privacy at all. My room is also considered 'just another part of the house', and shes always coming in and using my recliner to hang out, read, rest, whatever. It's annoying, and I can't close the door, cuz if I do, I'm 'shutting myself off from the rest of the family'. I also haven't felt that I could suggest moving rooms, because she'd complain that I was 'not wanting to be part of the family'. *bangs head*
So, while I would LIKE to have a way to move to a different room in the house, and I know my grandmother would like her office back (because her current office space is just a corner of the kitchen), theres NO WAY IN ******** I'm moving downstairs. My grandfather is a nnoying, complaining, criticizing, overly nosy, etc person. General pain to be around.
Theres also no place down there thats 'private'. Its just one big room. If theres anything I need, its ******** PERSONAL SPACE. The combination of not having any privacy, personal space, and being in such close quarters with my grandfather would make life ******** MISERABLE for me. I know what I'm talking about, because I've had to spend weeks down there on countless occasions in the past when my grandmother would get pissed off and send me down there.
Anyhow, she says she isn't going to tell me until 'next week'. So I start thinking about the best way to turn this to my advantage and stuff.
At the other end of the house, separated by our living room, theres an extension that was put on after the house was built, its two bedrooms and a bathroom. Hasnt been occupied since the early 80's. Fairly nice, with its own furnace and such. The one room would be perfect for me. Its a bit smaller than my current room, but it has a big closet, a bed, room for a desk, a chest of drawers, and a large bookshelf to move my books to. The bathroom is also the one I use anyway, because its the only bathroom in the house that has a shower. Basically, it would be perfect. Privacy, personal space, everything.
I decide I gotta convince her to let me move in there. Theres no reason I can't. Anyway I plan the conversation so what I'm suggesting benefits both of us.
So, were in the car this morning, and the conversation goes like this. I say, "You know, I've been thinking. You need room to do your paperwork, you dont have enough space at all, so it must be inconvenient. Also, my room being between your bathroom and bedroom makes it so neither of us have any privacy.
I think it would be best if I moved out of that room and let you have it back as your office, and I moved someplace else in the house, the bedroom in the wing for instance.
*at this point shes agreeing with me rather enthusiastically*
That room would be perfect for me. I can move my books in there no problem, get a desk off Craigslist to put in the end there for my computer, my clothes in the closet, and the bathroom that I use anyway is right there, it couldnt be more perfect. Youve got the door leading into the wing area to close if you dont want me coming into the main house, and I can go out the side door and downstairs to eat breakfast and dinner downstairs with grandfather, which is what I do anyway. It gives us both privacy and personal space, makes it so Im not 'messing up the house' as you put it, and you'll have a regular office space like youve been wanting."
She then goes off 'Well let me suggest something I think would be better. Why dont you move downstairs with grandfather? etc etc"
I'm like, no, that woudnt work at all, sorry. I need my personal space.
The conversation dies, and thats it. Im surprised that weve had a relatively open and polite serious conversation.
Later on in the day, we're back in the car, and the topic comes up again.
Shes like "You're gonna be downstairs, it'll be fine, your grandfather is deaf and cant move around much anyway, hes as close to a non-person as you can get (seriously, thats what she said), you can play your music, and he wont hear it, and he wont be coming around to see what youre doing, yadda yadda".
I try to explain that I need my personal space for chrissakes, theres no way its going to work.
Shes like, 'Youre away at work most of the time, and when youre home and not busy all you ever do is spend time on the computer, we can stick a desk in that side room and you can have your computer in there. Youll be distanced, and its all you ever do anyway when youre home, so I dont see why it wouldnt work.'
Blah blah. Back and forth it went. A 4x5 room open on one side to the main room does not qualify as personal space. And so what if I spend a lot of time on the computer, I still want my personal space with my books, stereo, knick knacks, posters, bed, closet, desk, with a door I can close, etc. And its not like theres not any other place in the house for me to be.
And then shes also like "Well being down there you can pay for your own phone line and internet, clothes, food etc" and Im like, what does that have to do with anything, and besides I thought it was taken for granted that once I got a job Id start paying for my own s**t.
I'm just so frustrated. I'm going to be so damned miserable down there, and I can't understand why she wont let me be in the wing. I'll try convincing her more, but if that doesnt work, all I can do is flatly refuse.
I'm just going to go batshit. ********. *sigh*
Not really requesting advice, per se, just ranting.
June 4
Goddamn.
I'm really ******** pissed right now, so bear with me.
So shes like, 'Okay, you can sleep and shower down there, but your books and computer is going downstairs"
Thats great, I dont really care where the hell I sleep or shower, compared to where I have my stuff, because where my stuff is is where I spend my time.
So today I'm like 'I'm not moving down there, in any shape or form'. She starts giving me bullshit and arguing, and I'm like 'Listen to me. I'm not moving anything down there, we are not debating this, we are not arguing about this, I am not moving myself or any of my stuff down there no matter what you say and thats final, so stop trying to change my mind'.
She keeps bullshitting me, and I'm like 'WHY DO YOU NOT WANT MY STUFF DOWN THERE, TELL ME'. At first, shes like 'BECAUSE I WANT IT THAT WAY', but then she goes 'Because I don't want that room messed up by your computer stuff, wires, blah blah blah'. I'm like, 'Its not that big of a mess for christs sake. thats ridiculous.'
Anyway, she keeps going on, 'I dont want you having your stuff down there and messing up that end of the house. You already make a mess or your bathroom and bedroom here, why would that be any different, I want that end staying like it is, its the only part of the house thats not messed up, blah blah'
And shes goes on about 'I DESERVE TO HAVE MY WAY ONCE IN A WHILE, AND I WANT IT THIS WAY AND THATS HOW ITS GONNA BE. I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THE STRESS OF THIS'
Nevermind that its causing more stress because shes being a**l about this.
Shes like 'YOUR COMPUTER IS EITHER GOING DOWNSTAIRS, YOU WITH IT OR NOT, OR ITS GOING OUT ON THE PATIO AND YOU CAN DO WITHOUT IT'
Jesus christ.
I'm like, Fine, for christs sake, I'll pay you a hundred bucks or whatever, ******** hell. (swearing my emphasis for this story).
And shes like. No. I dont want the stress of this. Blah blah blah.
I could ******** punch some ******** holes in some ******** walls right ******** now. ********. Pity my keyboard, Im pounding the keys so hard. ********: Granted this conversation was very heated (no swearing tho), but I did start it out politely, but as soon as we started she got all bullshitty and it escalated.
June 5
Great, great, ******** guilt trips.
This morning, after my grandmother being up all night because her blood pressure was through the roof and being stressed out as ******** had to spend SIX YEARS downstairs when you were a baby, because the house was being remodelled, sleeping in a RECLINER CHAIR and having to come upstairs to use the bathroom, and you REFUSE to be down there so I can have LESS STRESS, because YOU DONT LIKE IT. Theres a bathroom, a bed, and a room for a desk and YOU DONT LIKE IT. Its NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
You NEVER think of anybody ELSES needs or wants, only yourself. Im trying to get paparwork and work around the house done before you start college in te fall and all you can think about is going SKATEBOARDING for an hour after work. Shows where your priorities are. How sad is that. Feels like I wasted my life.'
And so on.
Jesus christ, I understand shes stressed out, depressed, and emotionally messed up from stuff that happened in the past, and shes not thinking rationally a lot of the time, but this is just ******** *bangs head*
Moving out is starting to look like my only option. I thought Id put up with a certain amount of bullshit so I could stay home for another year maybe and save money, but ******** that, my mental stability is more important. I seem to be the only person thinking rationally in this situation.
June 5
Okay. Update.
I came back from taking a shower, and my grandmothers moving s**t out of my room.
im like, fine but its not going downstairs. and she starts going on about how she needs to be away from me and the stress for 6 months, and if im on this level, it wont be the same blah blah. and shes like I DONT CARE BUT YOURE MOVING SOMEWHERE. And i said Fine. I'll move out. And shes like 'FINE, LIKE YOU CAN AFFORD IT'.
Then she went to her bedroom and called my half-sister (the one whos like joined at the hip to her) and started having a mental breakdown.
_------------------------
Anyway, I dunno. Yeah, I could move out, but itd be a major PITA, and I really would like not to if I could in any way avoid it, at least for right now. Ill try offering money again, try my damndest to get this to work.....moving out is the trump card I really dont want to have to use for real
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Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 11:06 pm
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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 10:50 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:56 am
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 7:07 am
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I need to get out of here. For an extended period of time. I need to leave, and not have to come back. I don't want to EVER go back, but it can't be helped I guess.
I'm having trouble finding a job, and They dont' believe me when I've been saying I've been trying. God.. that guy from the commission didn't show up yesterday, and hasn't emailed me back yet. I need money, but I'm too NERVOUS to get a job that involves people. I KNOW I'll just be making my emotional state worse. I need to talk to my shrink, but I can't do that without going through Them. I don't think I really have ADD, or if I do it's not the main problem. All the ritalin does is fog my brain a bit, so it's harder to focus on anything, and then I stop thinking about the things that make me anxious and nervous. I think what I need is something to kill the anxiousness without fogging my brain. And They keep pushing me to apply to someplace else this fall. They yell at me, and try to push me, and I leave before I start getting violent (I almost threw my book at my father today) and They just snort and go "typical Erin" like I'm some child having a tantrum. It's the most frustrating thing in the world. I didn't think I could, but I'm starting to Hate Them. If that commission guy had shown up.. I'd have enough to maybe put my things in storage, or ship them off to someone who'll take care of them for me, or SOMETHING.. and just stay at people's houses (if they'd have me) until I got a job and had enough to get an apartment and just be DONE with Them.
And my sore throat is only getting worse. I tasted blood today after one of my coughing fits, but it was only a little, so I'm not Worried yet.
God, She's calling me.
It's like I don't even get a say in using the house's utilities. I have to get off the phone line at Their every whim, and God Forbid I want to watch something on the TV.
I'm sick of being treated as less than human. If they can't respect me... I don't know what. But when I think of something, so help me, when I leave, I'm taking something expensive of theirs out. Maybe Dad's camera. Throw it right off the waterfall. *eyes glitter, reflecting off the scales just under them*
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 7:59 am
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Wow. It's been forever since I've posted here. But that's what happened when life takes over. Lots of...well bad, but some good stuff happening. Okay scratch that, it's all good now, but before it was looking like hell.
Basically what's happening now is that I'm going to a diffrent school, closer to him, dealing with some problems in my life, and hopefully following something that I can do. THAT and finally getting some comission's done, and work at the same time. I'm still working at the movie theater, sucky job, but eh, it pays and I get free moives. I got to cancle all the stuff from my old school, and apply for the new one, and now deal with my problems.
SO hopefully all will be well now! Since I'm home and I have my family again :3
That, and I came back from the beach...major fun X3
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:53 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 7:06 pm
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Sirus Jin Wow. It's been forever since I've posted here. But that's what happened when life takes over. Lots of...well bad, but some good stuff happening. Okay scratch that, it's all good now, but before it was looking like hell. Basically what's happening now is that I'm going to a diffrent school, closer to him, dealing with some problems in my life, and hopefully following something that I can do. THAT and finally getting some comission's done, and work at the same time. I'm still working at the movie theater, sucky job, but eh, it pays and I get free moives. I got to cancle all the stuff from my old school, and apply for the new one, and now deal with my problems. SO hopefully all will be well now! Since I'm home and I have my family again :3 That, and I came back from the beach...major fun X3
Welcome back then. ^_^
Him? Did I miss something? surprised |
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