Lines You'll Never Hear

[Darkened Angel]

Luke: * waking up in horror * GAH! I just had a nightmare. I dreamed I did my sister, then R2, then old Ben...
C3P0: Shh, shh, shh... It was only a bad dream.
Luke: Yeah... Yeah...
C3P0: Want me to hold you?  

[Sol Walker]

Copy: May I introduce the our new light reconnaissance vehicle! It has four-inch armour plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.
Doc: Why Warthog, sir?
Copy: Because "M12LRV' is too hard to say in conversation, son.
Theta: No, but... Why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
Copy: Say that again.
Theta: I think it looks more like a puma.
Copy: What in Sam Hell is a puma?
Doc: You mean like the shoe company?
Theta: No. Like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion.
Copy: You're makin' that up.
Theta: I'm telling you, it's a real animal.
Copy: Doc, I want you to poison Psycho's next meal.
Doc: Yes, sir!
Copy: [Points at front of the Warthog] Look, see these two tailhooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?
Theta: A walrus.
Copy: [Shoots Theta in the head, then empties the rest of his ammo into the dead man's chest.] Ive been waiting too long to do that. And it was worth every shot.  

[Darkened Angel]

( Con.t )

Iota: Oops, I crashed it. * presses X on one of her devices and it magically flips upright *  

[Nelowulf]

cont.

*ten seconds later- aka respawn*

Theta: You know, just because you don't get a good punchline doesn't mean that you have to ruin the sketch. Now the BBC is going to go broke since they have to pay someone 50 pounds to pull a stunt like that...  

[Darkened Angel]

( Cont. Think back to original Halo )

* Iota quits the game, then starts playing the Campaign *

Captain: I don't keep it loaded so you'll have to find ammo as you go. * hands Iota a blaster pistol *

* Iota's newly obatined blaster pistol magically has a charged clip *  

[Missing00]

*Meanwhile on a nearby cliff*

Sigma: What is that thing?
Omikron: I dunno, looks like they got some kinda car down there. We better get back to base and report it.
Sigma: How come they get a car?
Omikron: What are you complaining about man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop.
Sigma: You cant pick up chicks in a tank.
Omikron: you could b***h about anything couldnt you? We're about to get a tank and your worried about chicks, what chicks are we going to pick up man? Secondly what chicks are we going to pick up in a car that looks like that?
Sigma: What kind of car is it?
Omikron: Dunno, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a big cat of some kind.
Sigma: What like a puma?
Omikron: Yeah there you go.  

[FrozenPhoenix32]

**cont**

Sigma: Dude let's steal that s**t.

Omikron: How?

Sigma: Hello? I have a friggin EMP cannon I lug around on my back. I'll fry the thing, they'll freak out and leave, we jack it and drive it around again!  

[Missing00]

*cont.*

Omikron: How are we going to drive it again if you already blew it up with an EMP cannon?

Sigma: We can fix it later.

Omikron: With what?

Sigma: ....With.....stuff.

Omikron: ..........

Sigma: What?  

[FrozenPhoenix32]

cont.

Sigma: Shut up man, I have a frickin Jetpack.

Omikron : *narrows eyes*

Sigma: Fine, what's your plan?

Omikron: ... EMP cannon it is.  

[Darkened Angel]

Star Wars: The Musical

( Everything they say is done in sing-song voice. )

Vader: Luke, I am your fa-a-ther!
Luke: No! How can this be? You can't be related to me!
Vader: It's true! Don't be blue!
Stormies: * come in, doing the can can * He's your daddy. He's your daddy. He's your daddy, boy!
Luke: No! That's impossible! And very improbable!
Vader: Don't deny it. I wouldn't lie it.
Luke: But it just can't be true. Who did you screw?
Vader: Pa-a-dme, your mo-o-ther!
Luke: * lights dim, spotlight just on him * Nooooo! * falls to knees * How can it be this bad? Why does he have to be.... MMYYYYYY DAAAAAAAAD?

* spotlight on Luke fades, dramatic closing music *  

[Sol Walker]

Cont.
(Applause comming from the audience. In the furthest most seats Cale and Rain watch in a mix of confusion and disapproval.)
Cale: Wow...they did take Artistic Liscence with this.

Rain: What do you expect from the musical adaptation of Luke Skywalker's unofficial Biography?

Cale: No, no, they got the "Luke was a whiny b***h" part down. But Dancing and singing Stormies?

Rain: Dont forget Vader.

Cale: Yeah. Thats a horrible presintation of him. Vader wasnt a big scarry black guy. He was a whiny blond guy. Thats where luke got it from.

Rain: ....are you still the only guy who doesnt know that Vader and that black scary dude are the same person?  

[Shinn Matsunaga]

Cont.
(Solms standing in the Front Row Applauding)
Solms: Brilliant! Magnificent! a Tour de Force! What writing! What talent! This musical stirs the heart and soul with its power!
(Loads his gun)
Solms: and anyone who disagrees with me gets a faceful of Hot Tibanna!  

[Missing00]

Cont.

(FP and Nelo in the balcony seats)

Nelo: Yay that was amazing!
FP: Glorious.
Nelo: Stupendous.
FP: Not half bad.
Nelo: It was good.
FP: It was okay.
Nelo: It was alright.
FP: Well there were some parts I didnt like.
Nelo: It was bad.
FP: It was awful.
Nelo: Terrible.
FP: Waste of twenty bucks.
Nelo: Booo!
FP: Boo!

((If anyone can guess what this is a parody of gets major props.))  

[Darkened Angel]

(( Monty Python? * shrug * ))

* GL comes running down the ailse, gets on stage *

GL: Thank you. I'm pleased that my renditi-

* DA pops up from behind a random row of seats with a laser cannon *

DA: OH HELL NO! You are NOT taking credit for this one, bi-atch! * lasers GL good *  

[Nelowulf]

((actually, it sounds like those muppets in the balcony. Can never remember their names))

Act three:

3P0: When in tattooine, I heard and seen, a hutt with an angry glance. He'd kill and steal, and is for real, and I think, he stole Han's Pants....

R2: Beep Beepbeep boop, beep boop bwop blurp, beep doop *whistle*

3P0: I know that godsend, my little friend, but the chicks there are *chickatt*