Vampire Vending

[MadxHatterxTeapot]

>o> You may HAVE them.I dun' want' 'em.*imitates Raziel* 'Please...take it away from me...D:'

--

-___- Way to handle child support EG.Way to handle Child support....

--

You receive A six pack of V-Juice. Obviously some blackmarket company is trying to marketblood products to vampires. Good think it's not 4Loko V-Juice.
*inserts coin*  

[Seraphim Skye]

I don't even drink blood...
>.>
Maybe Rel will want it...


Aw!
You get a LoK themed coloring book and a box of crayons!
Who doesn't love coloring books?


*inserts coin*

 

[MadxHatterxTeapot]

YAAAY! 8D Coloring books! Crayons! Whoot!

--

You receive some Spider-Repellent and a lighter, have fun torching Zephonims with your own homemade flamethrower. >:3

*inserts coin*  

[Scrab Demon]

*snerk* Actually, by technicality, they'd be my siblings! Anyways Hatter, I think I have a plan!
You know one of those bottles that say 'Drink Me'? Well, Mortanius should have one that says 'Don't Drink Me'. If you take it before you go to sleep, that should separate your soul for a brief moment, and while you're wandering around in the spectral realm all confused, I'll nab the eggs and stuff you back into your body, and you'll wake up like nothing happened! You might wake up with a few scars and hallucinate for a while afterward though...

-----

You receive a chunk of active glowing warpgate. I bet if you throw it at someone's head, not only do they suffer brain damage, but they get teleported to a random location! Neat!

*inserts coin*  

[Lieutenant Turel]

You receive a note from your dad explaining you are going to be a big sister now Scrab and to be a good role model for them. He also sends the child support money.

*inserts coin*  

[MadxHatterxTeapot]

>___> For thed last time Rel. I ain't raisin' no babies.

YES. SCRAB. That would be wonderful. I think I'd rather deal with the hallucinations. .__. Might have to switch to pot for a while to dull the terrible hallucinations. Oh well. Anyways...DO EET.

-

@Rel: You receive...A NEW CAR! It's the latest in powered technology straight out of the city of Meridian from the Canyons! Enjoy...oh, on the downside it's a loaner you paid $10,000 for.

*inserts coin*  

[Lieutenant Turel]

You receive a baby shower for the squiddy babies you will soon be raising. I have no idea who is hosting it or what happens as I am not in attendance.

*inserts coin*  

[MadxHatterxTeapot]

<____< I'm NOT raising these squiddles!

Sullivan: D< NO! *flails* SHE'S GOT US! She doesn't need any babies!

--

Congratulations you receive a lawsuit filed against you by the Sarafan Order for violating terms of contract, you became a vampire after death while you were entombed in the Sarafan Crypt. D: Oh noes!

*inserts coin*  

[Lieutenant Turel]

Contracts cease upon death of the individual who was a part of it, to be taken up by the estate if that was stated in the original contract. But because Lily was not a designated heir at the time of the contract formation it is no longer valid. The undead do not fall under legal jurisdiction of the living and have their own separate judicial system. The contract was voided at the instance of my death and cannot be reinstated at my undeath. Screw you sarafan. *shows legal documentation*

And fine now you won't get any gifts from me for the squidlings. I was gonna give you money too.

The coin machine spurts out some baked goods. Except they don't aim for you. They aim for Sulli.

*inserts coin*  

[Scrab Demon]

Don't worry Hatter, I'll take the squiddies~ *pats her shoulder* They should all be out of you and nestled safe within their own recuperacoons by the end of the week. :3

'Sides, I highly doubt you'd like the sight of one of these excitedly greeting you every morning. Isn't it adoooorable~? 4laugh

You receive what appears to be a giant ball of webbing. Maybe it's a Zephonim's leftovers? Whatever's in there still appears to be alive.

*inserts coin*  

[MadxHatterxTeapot]

-___- No Scrab, sadly I do not find it as adorable as you do. OoO *VOMITS* BLEEEH!!!!

And Damn you and your legal jargon Rel...

D: *whines* Scraaaaab, Rel keeps giving me things and WANTS me to raise your siblings. D< I DO NOT WANT 'EM! Forgive me for saying this but these little bastards need to come out of me before I EAT Rel to feed them... >___>

--

Yuck. Live Zephonim leftovers.

You receive a giant ham-

Fred: 8D *Swoops down and takes a big chunk out of it and leaves the rest in Scrabs hands*

-__- Aw damn it. My other alien forgot to tell me he was hungry. FRED!

Fred: 4laugh *warbles*

*inserts coin*  

[Bluetabbycat]

eek So who's pregnant with a squidlett(s)? I seem to have missed out on something here! Damn you Fable3 for distracting me so much! *shakes fist*

You receive a subsidy from the government to aid you with your impending guardianship of a minor.

*inserts coin*  

[MadxHatterxTeapot]

>__> I am...UGH. DO NOT WANT, WILL NOT HAVE.

-___- For some reason I feel like Rel and Razzle were in on this the whole time.

SCRAB! Come get your siblings.

>o> Also, you can give that subsidy to Scrab. I will not be raising these...sushi morsels. -__-

--

Fred: D: *garbles in agreement, does not want*

You receive an issued notice of eviction, the landlord of your Meridian apartment claims you will have to repay him with some form of sexual services, you have the option of committing murder upon him or any other act of violence. May I suggest sodomy? Bou lately my mind's been in the gutter on the vending machine. xD

*inserts coin*  

[Scrab Demon]

Huh? They've been gone since last night! And they are the most adorable little horrorterrors I've ever seen! heart They have your cheeks Hatter~ 4laugh If you feel like they're still there, that's a part of the side-effects I've mentioned. Please don't be alarmed if one night you have a rather violent chestburster dream.

You receive a rather fat, ratty looking notebook. It appears to be years worth of notes from only the most dedicated of stalkers, regarding every last detail in the life of the vampire Sebastian. If you've ever wanted to know about his fondness for ferrets, or about his vast collection of pilfered paper plates, you're in luck! It even has in-depth techniques on how to be an effective stalker, should you ever undertake the task.

*inserts coin*  

[MadxHatterxTeapot]

Yaaaay! I am preggers no longer! Whoo! Thanks Scrab. >o>

o.o Ooh. Interesting. 8D Sebastian's diary! *squeals* I can has it! >w<

Fantastic. For the record I'm not sure what Squiddlets eat either. So...I think I'd be a terrible squid mother.

Fred: >__> *growls at them*

D: Now Fred. Don't be that way. They are no longer a threat to your being fed.

Fred: *gurgles and coos at Hatter* 8D

XD Aww. My little Alien Garbage disposal...he was jealous. *pets*

--

You receive a guide on how to Feed Baby Squidlets. Even if you are an expert at handraising them, this guidebook still helps. :3

*inserts coin*