[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony gave a small shrug in response. “Frigga will be there and I imagine that Thor will come along as well, beyond that I don’t think there is anyone else we can take. Everyone that could be useful in protecting us has to remain here to protect Earth. I honestly hope we won’t be there very long. You know I don’t like being away from my suits and from JARVIS long.” He said slowly. Of course he’d take his portable suit with him, but that was only really useful in emergencies. He doubted that it would hold up well in an extended battle and he didn’t have the means on Asgard to fix it.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Natasha frowned when Tony assured him that the queen would be there. She had no doubt the woman would be there as she could but a queen had duties she could not be there all the time. Thor too as the prince would have duties."Bruce?" she questioned looking to the doctor. The man had become good friends with Loki and was already great friend with Tony. "Bruce would be the best to explain the effects of what Sif did and he would be there the whole time. I can contact other heros to help if something happens while your gone and if its as you say than the two of you can be beamed back in an instant." Natasha argued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony glanced at Bruce, who seemed a little surprised by the idea of him tagging along. “Do you think that the team can handle that? If Thor and Bruce are gone, you’re losing almost all of the sheer muscle we have. I mean Cap can throw a punch, but not like they can.” He said slowly. He wasn’t opposed to the idea of Bruce tagging along, quite the opposite in fact, but he still had to put the safety of earth first. “And it depends on what you want as well Bruce.” He added.

Bruce listened to Tony’s argument and when the genius turned to him, he gave a small smile. “You know I’d love to see Asgard, to run a few tests. And I think Asgard might be a little harder to break than New York, so it might be safer as well…..but like you said, it kind of depends on how we handle my absence here.”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

"I think we have enough people within Shields' databases that can do similar things to Thor and the Hulk." Natasha assured the genius and doctor. She needed... No wanted them both protected. And as far as she could tell nothing had yet to hurt the hulk permanently.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony smiled slightly at Natasha. It was nice to think that the assassin want to protect the both of them. Giving a small nod, he rubbed Loki's back carefully. "Make sure you look into that over the next few days, and warn Steve, you know how he is about new people he hasn't trained with before." He said with a smirk. Looking to Bruce, he smiled. "And it looks like you gotta pack up." He chuckled, kissing the top of Loki's head. He really did love having the god in his arms, even if Loki was doing nothing.

Bruce smiled slightly at Tony's words. "I'll be sure to do that when we get back to the tower." He said softly. Watching Tony cuddle Loki, he chuckled to himself. "And I'll be sure to pack plenty of experiments so you and Loki don't have to worry about entertaining me." He smirked.

"Oh don't be like that, you know we love you." Tony smiled at his friend, restraining himself from cuddling into Loki again.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki gave a soft sigh in his sleep she Tony rubbed his back. "I'll tell Steve but I'm sure he will happy enough to know he doesn't need to continue playing the spy." Natasha stated."I'll take my leave now and get everything situated. Rhodey will probably show up here, bt everything else I'll take care of besides telling Pepper." Natasha stated before she left.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony laughed softly at Natasha’s words. “I imagine he will be. He was so freaking uncomfortable the entire time he was doing this. Maybe I’ll buy him something nice for it.” He smiled. Nodding at her words, Tony slowly looked back to Bruce. “So you up for it, really?” he asked softly.

Bruce smiled as he came over to check on Loki once more. “I think so.” He said softly, carefully changing the god’s IV. “I’ve been getting anxious here, in New York, I was going to have to leave for a while soon anyway. Maybe this will help a bit.” He admitted. With that he gave a little shrug and turned to Frigga. “Perhaps you would like to go see the rest of the ship? Give these two some privacy again.” He said lightly, offering a hand to the queen. The woman just smiled sweetly and nodded her assent, Taking Bruce’s arm and letting him escort her out.

Sighing heavily, Tony drank in the silence for a moment before nuzzling Loki again. “We’ll have this all figured out soon Lo, I promise.” He murmured. “And then you can have your family and be safe….I’ll make sure of it.” He continued, relaxing as he carefully reached out to touch Loki’s mind again, unable to stop himself now that it was becoming so easy. Falling silent again, he closed his eyes and began to let himself doze, content to stay there with his lover for a while. He figured he’d see about getting them moved back to the tower when he woke again, knowing Loki would be more comfortable there and would probably recover better in a place he knew and liked.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Natasha smiled when Tony said that he would have to buy Steve something. She was gone by the time Tony turned back to Bruce to ask the man if he was really up for going to Asgard. Loki gave a soft murmur of discomfort when Bruce changed the IV but did not do more than that besides snuggle into Tony a bit more. He was almost completely curled against the man as if clinging to the only thing that was safe was the man. As the man pressed against the god's mind Loki's responded pressing back almost tentatively at first before figuring out it was Tony and then pressing more firmly. Loki slept curled against Tony peacefully for a while until his mind turned against him knowing he wasn't in a familiar place.

Nightmares began to plague the god but they were more than nightmares this time more memories than anything else. With Loki's mind pressed against Tony's images pressed through. At first it wasn't very clear, blurry images then it became clearer and it was like Tony could see through Loki's eyes and feel what he was. The scene that pushed through was of two boys caged in the same cage before him with the feeling of his hands and legs being bound. Images flashed past two people crossed in them one by the cage one before Loki's prone form. "Chose one." the voice of the being before him stated. "No." Loki protested his voice harsh as if it wasn't the first time he had protested against the being. "Then we'll kill them both." the being shrugged moving forward. The other grabbed one child who yelled against it, the twin yelling too. "No wait, please." Loki pleaded eyes wet with tears. The being looked to Loki awaiting an answer. "Narfi I chose Narfi." Loki's voice came out as defeated looking to his sons. He continued to apologize as he watched the two being walk to his sons. Even more so when they performed the spell to change the one he had chosen.

The memory broke apart into violent images then, when it next became a constant stream Loki was free of his bonds. His son turned wolf held in magical bindings while the god held the other in his arms. The child looked exactly as one would if a beast had torn into someone. The problem was the child was still alive, Loki and the boy crying even as he choked for breath. In the dream Tony could feel Loki try to reach for more of his magic only for it to not heed his call, too exhausted and diminished. Loki could not heal his son and the guilt and anguish came with that was all encompassing even as he ended the child's pain and then dug a grave for which he buried him. Again the dream broke into images but the passage of time still seemed to weigh heavily as the passed. Through the dream one could tell how Loki had sat vigilant for days talking with the beast that had once been his son. Pleading and begging for the boy to come back to himself. Finally something clicked and Loki realized his hope would not come to be and he ended the pain of the second boy burying him next to his brother. More images as Loki walked across desert lands growing weaker as he went. Finally collapsing just as it seem the Bifrost opened before him to allow Thor through.

The scene faded and changed to one where Loki was bound once more, this time in the halls of Asgard facing many men including his father. Someone approached with a tray that held on it the collar Loki had returned to Midgard wearing and thread and a needle. Images again as pain broke across the dream along with betrayal. The he was in a cell figures all around.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony was confused at first when images began to come to him, but his mind was swept up in them. Watching Loki’s memories, he felt the fear, the pain, the sadness and grew angry for Loki. How could anyone be expected to carry such a burden with him? If Tony had been in Loki’s place, he probably wouldn’t have survived, he probably would have lain over his children’s graves and let himself die there. Yet Loki had continued on, had moved on, of course there didn’t seem to be any purpose, any real point , other than the need to move. Something Tony could empathize with. He knew that blind, reckless need. He’d jetted off in his suit or in his car more times than he could count, as if moving, never staying in one place would keep the pain away, keep it from finding him and ending him. Unknown to him, tears had begun to fall as he witnessed his lover’s suffering.

When Loki’s mind switched to a new memory though, Tony finally had enough control to figure out that Loki was dreaming, that this wasn’t a good thing. Dragging himself into wakefulness, he found he could still see the images, Loki’s mind too firmly pressed against his for him to not see them, and he had no idea how to block Loki. He knew the god needed rest, but he couldn’t let Loki continue to suffer in his sleep. Shifting around to lay directly in front of Loki, he made his head level to his lover’s, foreheads touching. Remembering the last time Loki had been caught in bad dreams, he didn’t try to restrain him. Instead, he began to run a hand along Loki’s side and back, pressing a little more firmly than might be considered sweet and enjoyable, like he was trying to warm the god up. “Alright Loki…..it’s time to wake up.” He said, voice firm and strong even as he tentatively pushed the thought that it wasn’t real, that it was all a dream into Loki’s mind. “Come on Loki. You’re dreaming.”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Jerking at the firm touch to his body Loki whimpered through closed lips like his mouth was sewn shut as it was in his nightmare. The images continued to flick as if from one memory to the next and then back again as if unable to decide what was worse. Sometimes it would be Loki in the cell collared and mute, then in the next surrounded by the Chitauri or even falling through the void. Some instances he was watching Odin banish his children, or trying to hide Hela only to watch her be torn from him. Loki couldn't stop them, everything seemed so real as it happened like he had just been thrown once more into the void.

But then there was a push against his mind, Tony. He knew it had to be the genius no one else would be able to find him in such a place. He latched onto the feeling of the other instead of just being pressed against. He could feel the thoughts of everything not being real, a voice telling him he was just dreaming. It was then he knew Tony was seeing all he was, all he had been trying to hide and still was. He had to wake before Tony saw more before the man could see what he had done.

Green eyes flew open and Loki scrambled back nearly falling off the bed, chest heaving with raged breaths as the heart rate monitor beep quickly in alarm. Taking in his surroundings quickly he tried to force himself to calm but it was not an easy task. Everything was too close to the surface and with no way to bury it without magic he was vulnerable. His body was trembling at the memories and fear of what Tony had seen.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony knew he was getting through to Loki when he jerked and whimpered and continued his touch, not wanting the god to continue to suffer. He flinched slightly when Loki latched onto his mind so quickly, not expecting it, but not complaining. Of course with Loki’s mind so close to his, he knew when Loki realized he was sleeping, and with that realization began to panic. It hurt on some level to think that his lover wanted so badly to keep these things hidden from him. He didn’t understand why. He knew he had kept some things hidden from Loki thus far, but it was because he personally couldn’t talk about them yet, like some of his torture, or he knew Loki didn’t want to hear him, like some of his past relationships. Yet Loki seemed to think he’d hate him for whatever he was hiding.

Gasping as Loki woke and moved away, he instinctively reached out and grabbed Loki’s elbow to keep him from falling and there they stayed for a moment, Loki clearly scared and Tony unsure of what to do. Finally he released Loki’s elbow and slid his hand up Loki’s arm and then back down his back, trying to coax him close again. “Loki…..babe, you need to calm down, breathe. You’re safe, we both are. I am not upset, I’m just worried.” He said slowly, making his words clear as he kept eye contact with Loki. “You were just having nightmares babe…..no need to get upset.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki almost tore away from Tony when the man grasped his arm to keep hi from falling but he recognized the help to keep him stable. They stared at each other for the moment that they stayed that way Loki unsure what Tony had seen, The problem with memories being dreams was that he hardly remembered what he had seen when he had awoken so quickly. Finally when Tony moved it was't to pull away instead the hand moved up his arms and down his back. His body hadn't stopped trembling but he felt a bit more sure of himself than before. "What did you see?" Loki questioned softly. He had fully pulled away from Tony's mind now and clamped down on the bond so that nothing was sent through. "They weren't just nightmares. What did you see?" Loki questioned more firmly.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

It was so strange, feeling Loki shut him out so completely. Sure, they hadn’t had the bond for long, but Tony had become used to having a little part of Loki’s mind in his, feeling some emotion from him, receiving an image or thought. Being blocked like this was rather upsetting. Jaw tightening at Loki’s words and tone, he shook his head. “What are you so scared I’m going to see Loki? What on earth do you think will make me so upset with you that you hide it from me? And more importantly, what makes you think that it will affect anything that’s between us? What have I done to give you that opinion?” he asked quickly, sounding a little annoyed, but not overly upset.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki watched as Tony's jaw tightened and the man shook his head. The questions posed to the god had him reeling. In no way was he sure of what had been seen and to try and answer could reveal to much. "Nothing you've done would make me think such things but you know not. Not what I did or offered to try and make the pain stop." Loki stated. He hadn't had words but he had been able to answer simple simple questions and blood with which to write with. He could understand why Tony was annoyed, it seemed as though Loki didn't trust him but he couldn't bear losing him. The god was too close to the edge now though that any form of pressure might have him spilling what he had done. Having kept it bottled for so long the regret, guilt and pain had only increased. More so especially seeing Hela for the first time after his actions. Vaguely he wondered if she knew what he had bargained when he had offered in his place.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony sighed at Loki’s words, running a hand over his face as he tried to think of what to say to Loki. after a moment of silence he spoke slowly. “Loki….I know that whatever you offered, whatever you did, you didn’t want to do it, that in any normal situation, you wouldn’t have done it.” He stated clearly. “On earth, in law, we have a defense for people….it’s called duress. If anyone feels that they or someone hey care for is in imminent danger, or they are being hurt, or threatened, they are considered to be under duress and they are not responsible for anything that they do…..” he said, trying to find some explanation for this that could make Loki understand that he wouldn’t be upset with him. “I could not possibly be angry at you for whatever happened. I almost built a bomb that could destroy all of New York for the terrorists who held me captive.” He said softly.