AFG Sallies

[FogSage]

Krissim Klaw

Red August

So really... am I going to have to settle for ugly men in order to find someone who respects the individual and knows that sex is best when love is involved?

This line right here is making it really hard for me to have much empathy for you. So if someone's looks aren't up to your standards they are somehow beneath you and would just be settling? Perhaps you can't find a mate because your being too picky and a wee bit arrogant.

I'd have to say I concur. While looks play a part in courtship, if you're starved for being close, take a chance and try to look past the ugliness you seem to see. Also, if you dislike excessively feminine gay men, you're going to have a rough time of it, because all the other ones will be just like you: they act straight, making it difficult to tell otherwise.

Also, a tip; it's not cute when you say sex is sacred. Sex is a vehicle for bonding and for pleasure. There's nothing mystical about it. Saying there is isn't going to fool anyone.

Out of sheer curiosity, how ugly are we talking here? Are we saying a couple pimples or do they look like their face was flattened with a brick?  

[Selene Aries]

Krissim Klaw

Red August

So really... am I going to have to settle for ugly men in order to find someone who respects the individual and knows that sex is best when love is involved?

This line right here is making it really hard for me to have much empathy for you. So if someone's looks aren't up to your standards they are somehow beneath you and would just be settling? Perhaps you can't find a mate because your being too picky and a wee bit arrogant.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

True beauty is not skin deep.  

[Red August]

FogSage

Krissim Klaw

Red August

So really... am I going to have to settle for ugly men in order to find someone who respects the individual and knows that sex is best when love is involved?

This line right here is making it really hard for me to have much empathy for you. So if someone's looks aren't up to your standards they are somehow beneath you and would just be settling? Perhaps you can't find a mate because your being too picky and a wee bit arrogant.

I'd have to say I concur. While looks play a part in courtship, if you're starved for being close, take a chance and try to look past the ugliness you seem to see. Also, if you dislike excessively feminine gay men, you're going to have a rough time of it, because all the other ones will be just like you: they act straight, making it difficult to tell otherwise.

Also, a tip; it's not cute when you say sex is sacred. Sex is a vehicle for bonding and for pleasure. There's nothing mystical about it. Saying there is isn't going to fool anyone.

Out of sheer curiosity, how ugly are we talking here? Are we saying a couple pimples or do they look like their face was flattened with a brick?

Good point, "sacred" was the wrong word. I meant more that it's meant for you and your partner (i.e. no casual sex or cheating). I'll remove that.

But how am I being "picky" by not wanting ugly guys? That's not arrogance. That's not being picky. That's being realistic. How can you possibly have a relationship with someone you don't find physically attractive? Trust me, I'm not at all picky with looks. I get told I have bad taste all the time so guys that most people call "ugly" have a chance... But I'm not going to settle for an obese monster who doesn't bathe, a grease-ball with oozing acne, or someone I just find unappealing.

That's not picky at all and it's wrong of you to criticize me for wanting what I want. There's no "arrogance" involved. If I was arrogant I would be posting this. I don't think anyone if below my physical standards but there are a lot of ugly (inside and outside of the skin) people out there who aren't worth my time. If you're ugly on the outside, hey, you'll make a great friend if you're a great person but I can't change what I'm attracted to and I'd be unhappy in a relationship based purely on personality. I've been there, I've done it... I hated it.



This is the internet anyway... where everyone thinks you're cocky. In the real-world I'm told I have confidence issues and need to work on liking myself more. The things listed about myself in the "good" section are praises from other people while the "bad" things are things I dislike about myself so you might want to take that into consideration before calling me "arrogant".

You might also want to take notice of the very first post in this thread before replying again. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for somewhere to rant. If you don't have a nice response, don't respond. This goes for any and all potential posters.  

[Selene Aries]

@Red August:

I think most of us are just turned off at your choice of words. sweatdrop Ugly is a pretty harsh word and you use it in such a "matter of fact" manner.

What is and what is not considered attractive is a matter of opinion. I believe that most of us here would not so poorly of you if you had chosen to say that you do not wish to end up with someone you do not find attractive rather than bluntly saying someone that is ugly.

No one here is going to disagree with the fact that if one is not sexually attracted to someone than they are not likely to stay in a relationship with them. However, you kind of gave an impression you cared more about physical beauty than personality. Trust me, the former may be important, but the latter is even more so.  

[Red August]

Diana Vulpes

@Red August:

I think most of us are just turned off at your choice of words. sweatdrop Ugly is a pretty harsh word and you use it in such a "matter of fact" manner.

What is and what is not considered attractive is a matter of opinion. I believe that most of us here would not so poorly of you if you had chosen to say that you do not wish to end up with someone you do not find attractive rather than bluntly saying someone that is ugly.

No one here is going to disagree with the fact that if one is not sexually attracted to someone than they are not likely to stay in a relationship with them. However, you kind of gave an impression you cared more about physical beauty than personality. Trust me, the former may be important, but the latter is even more so.

"Ugly" refers to both personality and looks in the way I used/meant it. I feel that I'm constantly having to sacrifice one in exchange for the other... but I'm finding it harder to find people who are attractive on the inside than I am finding someone who's attractive on the outside.

I'm a good person, I promise. I come across as arrogant to people who don't know me but it's really just a joke to hide the fact that I'm missing someone.

I met a guy who seems just about perfect but he's 30 (which isn't bad... it's the top of my age limit) and he's a little bit more sociable than I am (goes to clubs, parties... ew) and we haven't met yet. Meeting over the net has been OK thus far.

I dated a stay-at-home nerd for 3 years (met him in the Chatterbox actually).... I was happy with that. If it hadn't become an abusive situation I'd still be happy with it... and everyone tells me he's too ugly for me so that's the best clue that I'm not picky with looks... I find him to be incredibly attractive.

::edit:: I'm 18 by the way.  

[Selene Aries]

Red August

"Ugly" refers to both personality and looks in the way I used/meant it. I feel that I'm constantly having to sacrifice one in exchange for the other... but I'm finding it harder to find people who are attractive on the inside than I am finding someone who's attractive on the outside.

I'm a good person, I promise. I come across as arrogant to people who don't know me but it's really just a joke to hide the fact that I'm missing someone.

I met a guy who seems just about perfect but he's 30 (which isn't bad... it's the top of my age limit) and he's a little bit more sociable than I am (goes to clubs, parties... ew) and we haven't met yet. Meeting over the net has been OK thus far.

I dated a stay-at-home nerd for 3 years (met him in the Chatterbox actually).... I was happy with that. If it hadn't become an abusive situation I'd still be happy with it... and everyone tells me he's too ugly for me so that's the best clue that I'm not picky with looks... I find him to be incredibly attractive.

::edit:: I'm 18 by the way.

Had guessed your age from your photos, so no surprise you are that young. In any case, I am pleased to know you are a deeper person than you originally seemed.

I note, I have yet to think of you as an arrogant person.  

[Red August]

Diana Vulpes

Red August

"Ugly" refers to both personality and looks in the way I used/meant it. I feel that I'm constantly having to sacrifice one in exchange for the other... but I'm finding it harder to find people who are attractive on the inside than I am finding someone who's attractive on the outside.

I'm a good person, I promise. I come across as arrogant to people who don't know me but it's really just a joke to hide the fact that I'm missing someone.

I met a guy who seems just about perfect but he's 30 (which isn't bad... it's the top of my age limit) and he's a little bit more sociable than I am (goes to clubs, parties... ew) and we haven't met yet. Meeting over the net has been OK thus far.

I dated a stay-at-home nerd for 3 years (met him in the Chatterbox actually).... I was happy with that. If it hadn't become an abusive situation I'd still be happy with it... and everyone tells me he's too ugly for me so that's the best clue that I'm not picky with looks... I find him to be incredibly attractive.

::edit:: I'm 18 by the way.

Had guessed your age from your photos, so no surprise you are that young. In any case, I am pleased to know you are a deeper person than you originally seemed.

I note, I have yet to think of you as an arrogant person.

It's just ******** ridiculous really... I've lost all hope for the gay community.
It seems like all they want is sex, drugs, sex, and more sex.

When I have more time I'll tell you the story of how my grandpa, a gay man himself, was brutally criticized and hated by gay people for promoting something that they're now promoting themselves.  

[Krissim Klaw]

@Red August:

Like Di said, it is not what you said but how you said it. Clearly physical attraction plays some part in love or we wouldn't have gay and straight to begin with since looks, thus gender would have no role in who people pair up with. Not going to harp more on that since Di pretty much already posted everything I would have said.  

[Selene Aries]

Red August

It's just ******** ridiculous really... I've lost all hope for the gay community.
It seems like all they want is sex, drugs, sex, and more sex.

When I have more time I'll tell you the story of how my grandpa, a gay man himself, was brutally criticized and hated by gay people for promoting something that they're now promoting themselves.

Trust me, I am as disappointed as you are. sweatdrop I am, however, one of the lucky ones. I am a male who was raised with very old school beliefs when it comes to relationships, that they are exclusive and one is to be truly committed to their partner and loyal. I am fortunate that I found a lover that was raised with similar beliefs.

Sex is an important part of a relationship, but it is not the most important. It really saddens me to come across people in general that seem to be more concerned with having as many sexual partners as possible, rather than having an actual solid relationship with someone. Now, I have nothing against casual sex amongst friends, but those that date people and get their hopes up that there might be something real between them only to turn out to only be using them for sex sicken me. This is one of the big reasons I am whole heartedly against poly-relationships, because they are complete lies.

I would probably not be so irritated with them if those involved in poly-relationships were honest with each other and realized that none of them are actually in love and are in fact nothing more than a group of friends with benefits. This is why they are even more prone to fall apart than normal relationships, because they are plagued with jealousy amongst their members. It is beyond the human condition to care for more than one person the same exact way, you are going to care more for one over the other. Though, if any of them actually were in love than they wouldn't need to have multiple partners in the first place.

Honestly, do people now a days just not care about love and commitment anymore, or are parents just not teaching these concepts to their children anymore?  

[FogSage]

Only people who teach commitment in a relationship are probably religious types. The rest of the population teach their kids about marriages gone wrong, about Jerry Springer-esque romances that ended when Daddy found out he was gay, about divorce, about alimony, about custody battles.

We're teaching our kids that love is dangerous, that it's dangerous to get close, to fall in love, because there's so much to lose.  

[Selene Aries]

FogSage

Only people who teach commitment in a relationship are probably religious types. The rest of the population teach their kids about marriages gone wrong, about Jerry Springer-esque romances that ended when Daddy found out he was gay, about divorce, about alimony, about custody battles.

We're teaching our kids that love is dangerous, that it's dangerous to get close, to fall in love, because there's so much to lose.

My parents are far from religious and I am ever further from such things. sweatdrop However you bring up the point that a lot of people's apprehension come from a fear of commitment. People do not like being hurt so they avoid getting too involved and attached. This is, however, a very lonely way to treat relationships. In my opinion the risks are worth the reward, at least I feel it is better to at least try and be in a serious relation and hope it works out rather than forever being alone.  

[FogSage]

Diana Vulpes

FogSage

Only people who teach commitment in a relationship are probably religious types. The rest of the population teach their kids about marriages gone wrong, about Jerry Springer-esque romances that ended when Daddy found out he was gay, about divorce, about alimony, about custody battles.

We're teaching our kids that love is dangerous, that it's dangerous to get close, to fall in love, because there's so much to lose.

My parents are far from religious and I am ever further from such things. sweatdrop However you bring up the point that a lot of people's apprehension come from a fear of commitment. People do not like being hurt so they avoid getting too involved and attached. This is, however, a very lonely way to treat relationships. In my opinion the risks are worth the reward, at least I feel it is better to at least try and be in a serious relation and hope it works out rather than forever being alone.

I'm not like you then. Relationships require a large, if not total amount of trust between partners. I can't trust anyone except for myself, because I feel trusting other people is the easiest way for you to make yourself feel like an idiot. I'd rather be miserable and happy in knowing that I was right not to trust them than twice as miserable after my trust in them has been destroyed totally.  

[Selene Aries]

FogSage

I'm not like you then. Relationships require a large, if not total amount of trust between partners. I can't trust anyone except for myself, because I feel trusting other people is the easiest way for you to make yourself feel like an idiot. I'd rather be miserable and happy in knowing that I was right not to trust them than twice as miserable after my trust in them has been destroyed totally.

Yes, relationships take an intense amount of trust. If you cannot trust the person you are with than the relationship is doomed from the beginning.  

[Leyla Giselle]

I think me and my mate ******** up big time.

I had stopped taking my birth control because I was out, and we didn't have sex for almost three weeks..

WELL yesterday we had sex. And for the first time in over a year, he uh...You can figure it out (a bit too graphic to post, But I'm sure you get the gist)

Now we're scared that I might be pregnant again. Well we ******** up if I am. I dunno if we can handle another kid.  

[Af Mas]

Leyla Giselle

I think me and my mate ******** up big time.

I had stopped taking my birth control because I was out, and we didn't have sex for almost three weeks..

WELL yesterday we had sex. And for the first time in over a year, he uh...You can figure it out (a bit too graphic to post, But I'm sure you get the gist)

Now we're scared that I might be pregnant again. Well we ******** up if I am. I dunno if we can handle another kid.

Well, let's just hope you aren't and that were still careful enough