[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki felt better as Tony ran his hand down his back and sent comfort, love and reassurance through their bond. He didn't protest when the man said that he needed to tell his mother everything. He knew it was true and now that he had started the avalanche he needed to finish it. Pulling away from Tony just enough so he could speak he started. "I do not remember what happened but when I became aware we had been captured the three of us on Vanahiem still. Both Vali and Narfi were tied across from me, myself bound as well and two Vanir dancing around them. They wanted me to choose between my children. One to be turned into a wolf and the other to die by his brothers hands. I tried to resist mother, I swear, but they threatened to kill them both. I could not lose both of them, so I chose Narfi. They turned him into a wolf and released him disappearing just after. I tried to get him to attack me instead but their magic only had one purpose and would not be shifted. By the time I got free, Narfi had torn his brother apart. I caged him and went to Vali; he wasn't dead and I had no magic to mend him then, no way to call for help, Heimdall was not answering my pleas. I was not even sure where we were, I did not understand how Heimdall had not seen this and sent someone to help nor why he was not answering me. I thought Asgard had forsaken us. I could not let Vali suffer, he was in so much pain." Loki spoke tearing up as he did until he was crying against Tony. "When Vali was gone I turned to Narfi hoping he would come back to me. Change back into the brilliant child he was. Days I tried, waited but their magic was unchangeable, stuck as a wolf without a mind; a feral beast. As I sat there waiting I realized that even if he did change back he would not handle the death of his brother. He would hate me for choosing him over his brother to be the one to survive." Loki continued. "I buried them both where ever we were and I can not even find my way back to them." Loki finished. "I could free Fenrir if Odin knew that prophecy might have come about at Narfi's teeth but he would condemn me to death mother. At the time I feared for Sleepnir and then later for the rest of my children."

Thor went to his mother as she reached out for him. Wrapping his mother in his arms he watched as Tony convinced Loki to tell the whole story. He had never heard it from Loki's lips but he knew Tony had not lied to him. "You were on Vanahiem when Heimdall's eyes found you once more. You were in their deserts when I came for you." Thor spoke.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony kept his arms wrapped around the god as he spoke, massaging his back gently. Remaining silent as Loki spoke, he just lifted a hand to pet the man’s hair as he began to cry. When he was finished, he curled more around Loki, kissing him every place that he could. “You did good. You’ll be okay….You did everything you could Loki.” he whispered, trying to comfort him. Opening his mind for Loki, he let him feel how much he loved him and know that he didn’t hold him responsible in any way.

Frigga began to cry as she listened to Loki, hiding her face against Thor as the story began to unfold. She was thankful for her eldest’s presence and comfort. Her tears weren’t of anger or blame, but of sadness and pain. She had long wondered what had happened to her grandchildren, tried to figure it out in any way that she could. And now to know the truth and know that Loki had carried this for so many years. Hearing Tony beginning to comfort her son, she slowly turned her head. Seeing her son crying, she slowly moved out of Thor’s arms and sat on the bed on Loki’s other side. Wrapping her arms around him as well, she shook her head. “Oh Loki…..I am so sorry…..I am so so sorry.” She whispered.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki clung tighter to Tony as he finished his story giving hiccupped sobs as Tony rubbed his back and ran his ha d through the god's hair. The words were comforting but it wasn't who he needed to hear it from. Even with the the mans mind open he still felt panic starting to seize him. He could hear his mother sobbing. He knew he was going to upset her by this but it didn't mean he liked it one bit. When Loki felt the bed dip behind him he froze giving a choked sob. It wasn't until his mothers arms wrapped around him did he start crying in earnest again. He could hear her apologies and he felt relief but it hadn't been her fault. It had been his, he had taken his children into danger and been unable to protect them.

Thor held his mother gently and yet tightly as Loki told the story, feeling the woman crying and watching Loki doing the same made his heartache. His family had been so torn he could see it now as they begun to heal. It was hard to understand how he had not seen it before. He released his mother as she moved to comfort Loki, after a moment he joined her wrapping his arms around the both of them.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

It hurt Tony a little to think that he was unable to comfort Loki in this moment. He understood that it wasn't really something that he could do in this situation, but he continued to try all the same. When he saw Frigga move to the bed, he loosened his grip a little to allow her to hold Loki as well. When Thor moved to hold his family, Tony suddenly felt distinctly out of place. 'Turn to your mother Loki, she needs you as much you need her.' He whisperer in Loki's mind as he moved out of his arms, trying to turn him towards Frigga and moving away as she hugged him close.

Frigga felt more than saw Loki continuing to cry. Letting out a shuddered gasp as she felt Thor move behind her and wrap them both in his arms, she let herself cry, not worried about being anything but a mother and a grandmother at the moment. Feeling Loki being moved in her direction, she loosened her arms until he was facing her more and then she hugged him close again. Kissing Loki's cheeks and petting his hair. "My dear, sweet boy....I'm so sorry....you never should have been put through that." She murmured to him.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked up as Tony's arms loosened but the man didn't pull away so the god fell into his mother's embrace. Hesitating when Tony told him to turn towards his mother he nodded. Doing so when Tony continued saying that she needed him as much as he needed her. He still felt reluctant to let Tony move away but when he turned to his mother seeing her crying and Thor embracing them both calmed him. He was loved at the very least by his mother, Thor and Tony. Tears still fell but he felt better as his mother kissed his cheek and took over stroking his hair. "it is not your fault mother, I should have been more careful mother. If i had been you would still have two grandchildren you could see." Loki sobbed.

Thor looked up to Tony when the man moved away to give the family some space. He sent a grateful look the mans way with almost a promise to owe a favor for his help.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony relaxed a little as Loki seemed to accept Frigga’s hold. Nodding slightly when Thor looked to him, he moved away and stepped out of the room after a moment’s thought, leaning against the wall in the hallway where Bruce was also waiting, having decided to not go into the room when he had seen Loki and Frigga upset earlier. When he got a curious look from the doctor, he shook his head. “It’s alright, just some stuff that needed to be worked out.” He said softly. “Just give them a few more minutes.”

Frigga shook her head as Loki spoke. “It is not your fault Loki. Please, please don’t blame yourself.” She said softly. “The blame belongs to those horrendous people that captured you. You did everything you could, I know you did. And I am proud of you, that you had enough strength to keep the boys from hurting any more….I am so sorry that I couldn’t do something to protect you though…..that you’ve felt the need to carry this all alone for all this time.” She said softly, still crying for the memory of her sweet grandchildren, but relieved to finally know what had happened to them.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Thor watched as Tony left the room and then moved to the spot the man had vacated on the other side of his brother. Loki barely paid attention to Thor as the man moved but did glance up as Tony left. His attention however was quickly drawn back to his mother as she spoke to him asking him not to blame himself. Shaking his head he couldn't understand, how could she be proud of him. "It should have been my life over theirs. They were just children mother, the Vanir were out to hurt me and I should have let them but saved Vali and Narfi." Loki argued. He wanted to continue to tell her that she could not always protect him but he didn't want to remind her of recent events either with New York and with Sif and Fandrall. "I did not think I could risk such things without the Allfather finding out. Tony however has made me realize that even though there are few I can trust you are one of them." Loki admitted. He didn't mention that he had a hard time caring what the Allfather did to him now as long as he left Tony alone.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga cupped Loki’s cheek, making him meet her eyes as she spoke. “You could not have done anything more than you did. The Vanir are ancient and powerful….if they wanted something to unfold in a certain way, that is the way that it would unfold. If you had tried to do anything else, the simply would have knocked you unconscious and turned one of the boys anyway, and then they would have suffered that much longer while they had to wait for you to awake.” She said softly. “And you were strong enough to end their suffering. I cannot imagine that the Vanir even spared Narfi really. He was probably in pain, just hidden behind the appearance of a wolf.” She continued. “You are not at fault my son. You did more than even I would have been able. I wouldn’t have been able to end either of your suffering if it was you and Thor.”  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki's eyes rose as his mother cupped his cheek and had him meet her eyes. His own were still filled with tears that remained unshed for the moment. Loki winced when she explained that if he had tried to change things he may have been knocked unconscious and his boys would have suffered that much longer. Hearing that the Vanir had probably not spared Narfi his side of suffering even as a wolf made Loki choke on his own breath. He had waited days before coming to his realizations that his son was not coming back. Had the boy suffered the whole time and what if he had still really been in there? Tears began to fall again as Frigga said that he was not at fault and that she would not have been able to do the same. "The court will not feel the same, nor I doubt the Allfather. The laws on this are not forgiving, I can not free Fenrir without telling the Allfather of my crime and if I did Fenrir would have no where to go."  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga frowned at Loki’s words. Slowly wiping her own tears away, she took a few slow breaths. Loki was right. It wouldn’t work……not if he tried to get Fenrir back alone. Taking Loki’s hand in hers, she held it in her lap as she thought. “Loki, you trust me right? And Thor and Anthony as well? I think I may have a way for you to get Fenrir back and not face punishment……but it will take time and your trust in all three of us.” She said slowly, looking meeting Loki’s eyes before looking to Thor. “And it will require you to stand up to your father Thor…..not fight him, but not to back down.” She added, the arm she still had wrapped around Loki moving to touch Thor’s arm as well.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked back up to his mother as the woman took his hand. He could see her mind working and he remained quiet to let her think. Nodding when asked if he trusted her he looked confused. Even more so when asked if he trusted Tony and Thor but nodded once more. He looked hopeful about being able to get Fenrir back. "I have waited this long, I can wait a bit more if I can have my son." Loki assured.

Thor looked to his mother just as confused as his brother when she questioned the younger go if he trusted them. "I shall have no problem standing against father. To long has my nephew been chained." Thor promised.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga nodded slightly at Loki and Thor’s words. “When we go back to Asgard to finish dealing with Sif and Fandral, do not mention this matter, and make sure Anthony does not either.” She said, looking to Loki. She knew that his lover was hot headed enough to snap at Odin on this matter and ruin it all. “But Thor, you will need to put an official claim on Earth, officially place your protection over this planet. Your father will not think anything of giving you that right….and then anything that is done on Midgard will have to go through you. And Loki…..I assume that you have the intention of staying on Midgard with Anthony for some time, not returning to Asgard to live. Especially should you end up having Fenrir returned to you? If so….you should make that clear to Odin as well.” She said. “When the both of you leave again, I will approach the subject with him on my own…..give him no real choice in the matter. He will come to confront you Loki, but Thor’s protection will keep him from demanding your return to Asgard…..and Anthony’s protection will keep him from doing anything to you here. He is smart enough to no an attack on Anthony could lead to war with Midgard, a war that he would not win due to sheer numbers. I will ensure that he returns Fenrir to you Loki…..Just be strong until then.” She said, her eyes showing complete confidence. She would leave Odin with no choice. Odin may be the Allfather, but she was a grandmother who wanted and needed her grandchild back. There was no force in the universe that could stop her.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki listened to his mother intently desperate to learn the plan of how to acquire his son. He nodded agreeing not to mention the matter to Odin when they returned to Asgard and that Tony could not either. Looking to his brother when Frigga stated that Thor would need to place an official claim on Midgard. "I have no intention of returning to Asgard except for more than to visit Sleepnir and yourself." Loki confirmed. Asgard had ceased to be his home ages ago even if he had still lived there at the time. He had in some ways been homeless for decades. He still didn't know if Midgard was his home but it felt more like somewhere he could call home than Asgard could. "If Fenrir is returned to me I will not ever seek to bring him to Asgard and the persecution he would face there. I would take all my children would I be able, however I doubt the Allfather would give up my first son." Loki sneered. "I will be strong mother, I have Thor but most of all I have Anthony. He told me earlier that he had thoughts of giving me me children earlier. He fears it though, he is not one for children and though I do appreciate the thought I would never force him into something that he does not want." Loki stated with a soft sigh.

Thor listened to his mother nodding. He had already been planning on staking his claim on Midgard. It was no problem to do such and confronting his father over his brother was something he would happily do right now. By doing it he hoped he would regain some of Loki's trust in him but it mattered not if he did. He was not seeking to gain anything by it than his nephews back into their mother's arms. "Tony offered children?" Thor questioned surprised. He knew quite well of Tony's previous ways and could only agree with Loki that he did not think the man would want children. It made Thor realize how much the genius did indeed love his brother that he would be willing to do such a thing. He knew Loki would not accept however unless he knew for sure that Tony wanted the children not just because Loki did.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Frigga sighed at the mention of Sleepnir. She knew Loki would want him, but Sleepnir was Odin’s steed, and in all honesty, the boy seemed to love his job. If Loki still felt the need to have Sleepnir, she could work on that later, but Fenrir needed the attention more at this time. Arching a surprised brow at the notion that Anthony had offered to start a family with Loki, she shook her head a little at both of her sons. “You shouldn’t be so surprised. Binding yourself to someone through a family is a strong urge.” She smiled. “You have already experienced this Loki….and I’m sure you will too Thor, if you end up marrying Jane. And perhaps the both of you shouldn’t doubt Tony’s offer. Question him on why he is reluctant to have children otherwise.” She added, a little sparkle in her eyes that could only mean she knew something they didn’t. “But even if he does not father any children with you, should you get Fenrir, then you will be giving him a child in a way. Be patient and teach him Loki.” she said, patting his hand. “Now if this matter is settled, we should bring Anthony and the doctor back in so that we can get you to this tower and to bed. You still need your rest Loki….and I would appreciate the time with Jane. She is a fascinating young woman…..and her reactions to me are rather amusing.” She smiled, reveling in the chance to watch the humans in her sons’ lives try to figure out how to interact with an ancient queen.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

"I have already bonded us mother." Loki stated when Frigga argued that bonding through a family was a strong urge. He wasn't going to tell her precisely how or that his side of the bond was more permanent than Tony's until he was sure the man would not change his mind on the bond. The had yet to put real strain on it or each other so he hesitated on completing it. He nodded when his mother said that he had experienced the urge to bond through family but it had been a harsh reality afterwards. Living without each of the children's fathers, he did not wish to add Tony to that list. "I shall mother." Loki assured answering the woman in her need for him to question Tony about why he may not actually want children and about being patient whilst teaching him. He nodded once more agreeing that the matter was settled and that they should be heading back to the tower. Pushing reassurance into the bond in hopes that Tony realized they were finished he settled back in the bed with a yawn finding himself exhausted once more.