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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 4:32 pm
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 5:08 pm
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:32 pm
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 7:34 pm
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 8:46 pm
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So, we got back from my grandma's house an hour or so ago; were gone for a couple days for Thanksgiving. The trip itself was long and by no means super-fun. No one really likes grandma's boyfriend and she was sorta depressed, though no wonder since the anniversary of my grandfather's death was a few days ago. But really, I have such a hard time seeing why my grandma enjoys this guy's company; he's really conservative, REALLY catholic (there are fewer Jesus' in a church then in his house <__<), he's so commanding in a conversation she can hardly get a word in, he won't let her have any pets(she had to get rid of them all..), he's bossy, and I think he has OCD. He spent a good amount of time trying to convince me I should go into nursing because of the demand and salary, without knowing a thing about me. I would make a horrible nurse, for many reasons including I have this thing about germs; being around sick people all day is not my thing. But he knows best, apparently, since he also picked out a career for my brother. << Also, on the (loooong) drive there (eight hours!) there was this car with an interesting message on it. You know how you can get lettering on your window? Not like washable car markers, but relatively permanent labeling? Yeah, some jackass had "The Book of Mormon is FICTION" in big-a** letters on his/her back window. We were like "WTF?" Seriously, who is so hateful of another person's religion that they pay money and get something like that? Anyway, more fun when we got home because for some reason, the heat was off. So, it's really ******** cold in the house, and one of our faucets needs to be replaced 'cause the pipe froze. gonk :: shivers::
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 10:03 pm
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 11:15 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 1:30 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 3:22 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 4:54 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:28 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:57 pm
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:00 pm
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 11:31 pm
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Well, mandatory long arse post of whinage, seeing this is the appropriate thread for it.
December's coming fast, and I'm dreading it with every instant of the last week left before that accursed month. Sure it's gonna be Christmas time and all, but for me all the holidays bring back to me are thoughts of a time last year where, throughout everything that's happened to me in 2006, I almost crossed over into going suicidal.
It's hard not to think about it, especially with how everything's happening all over again. Well, okay, maybe not everything. I don't have to watch Pat mistreat my lovers anymore and things are stable, if distant, with Caitlin since I don't have constant net access and problems are making me emotionally distant, but once again work has gotten very, very slim to the point where I'm having trouble affording rent, and now I'm just plain jobless.
Temperatures are steadily dropping and I'm still broke. I've taken appointments to try and get help from financial aid, but I'm afraid they'll turn me out again telling me it should be my parents' responsibility when they clearly aren't helping me. Sure, yes, it's supposedly their job, but they aren't doing it, and it's gonna be -30 soon, and I want a ******** roof over my head, and walls to keep the wind out. ><
I've also started going around town looking for work, but no place has hired me. A lot of them ask me for info, and the just throw the paper out when I tell them I don't have a phone number. What the hell? I'm looking for a job so I can pay the damn phone bill, gents. (among other things) Can't exactly blame Bell for cutting me off for being 4 months late. Can' exactly keep using the phone if I can't pay for it.
The year crossing over is also extremely depressing, since it means I've spent another year not getting anywhere. 11 months ago, I was expecting a callback from the gender specialists at the CHUM for a follow-up on getting me to the right clinic so I could progress on my condition. It's been almost an entire year, and I'll I've managed to get is a prescription, and I can't even pay for it. So now it's just sitting there, all packed up at the local pharmacy, just waiting to be paid for and picked up. Mocking my inability to get it.
Urf, all in all, December's going to be Hell. At this point I don't even care about Christmas anymore. I just want a goddamn job so I can pay the goddamn bills. Something stable, so I don't have to go to bed every night, unable to sleep right because I'm too worked up thinking about what's going on, or going to happen -- wondering even if I'll be able to strive for another month.
Granted I'm nowhere near suicidal again, and I never want to get anywhere near there ever again, but there's only so much a person can take before they get emotionally out of hand.
Life's a unforgiving b***h. I'm not even 20, trying to make a living on my own without any kind of parental help other than the occasional visit for free dinner and checking up on net stuffs, unable to get more than a highshcool education because neither me or my parents could afford my going to college. I've got mental problems, diagnosed. I've got dreams and fears, and the inability to get anything settled is turning me into an emotional train-wreck the size of the Grand Canyon. I'm living off my own stubborness and will to carry own, but someday I'll run out of that. In the meantime I drown my worries and sorrows in videogames, keeping me from having to think too much on these things, but I'm running out of games.
I know I won't have someone hold me by the hand for the rest of my life, but is it such a crime for me to recognize that right now, I just can't make it on my own?
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