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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:32 pm
I'm really not feeling like myself lately. I've been really irritable, edgy, impatient, etc. lately. Too much s**t going on. I just got a second job, and I honestly think I've made the wrong choice. I can do 40+ hours a week, but I think I'd prefer them being 5 days in a row, 9-5, instead of all over the board, with only one day off a week for sure. That, and my second job starts way too early in the morning than I'm used to. Getting up at 6:15 in the morning, working 8 hours, and then working 6 more hours until 9:30 in the evening at my first job, it's not convenient, nor fun. It kills me. Seriously, I can't even make it into 3 hours of the later shift because I'm already so tired, and those are always on Fridays or Saturdays where it's busy and I CAN'T sit down. It's becoming somewhat of a conflict of interest for my first job, which is the job I want to keep. I'm gonna give this some thought and a couple more weeks, but I'm seriously thinking of dropping the first job. It's just too much, and I can't handle the lack of time off. In the mean time, I'm gonna be putting my resume out. Hopefully something will bite...
Also, I'm going through a break up. I'm not going into details about it, but it has to do with what I posted a week or two ago. I thought I was okay, but I've become really bitter lately towards, well, people IN relationships, because they can make it work, and I just can't =/ I want to have something work out for once, maybe last longer than two months and actually develop true feelings for someone. Basically, I just want to really experience a relationship, instead of me just being there and not feeling anything.
I've been turning to my games a lot, but even then I'm getting pulled in 9 different directions. People want to play WoW with me, FFXI (Currently my choice), PSU (Another choice I've taken, and even then, been getting pressured on which version, when I already decided), and lots of other stuff. I like playing stuff with people, but I get so flustered when I get pressured to do something. It doesn't help that I'm paranoid everyday that I think my 360 is going to go RRoD on me and I'll need to fix it...
I'm also completely fed up with my living situation. ********, I can only stand one of my roommates anymore. The rest piss me off so much I can't even look at them anymore. I really hope I can make it to May, because at this rate, I think I'm going to just forget running their precious Changeling campaign because I don't want to bend over backwards for their stupid whims. I'm a GM dammit, not your god. I don't grant favors. That and I can't stand their characters
The times aren't without their good things, though. I've met another red panda and we've become fast friends, I've got money for AC lined up and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to make it (Even if I drop one of my jobs).
It's just in the end, I'm already getting burnt out on this time after graduation, and I want to just start over. I'm on the verge of snapping, and I really just need an outlet for my frustration
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:41 pm
Af Mas I'm really not feeling like myself lately. I've been really irritable, edgy, impatient, etc. lately. Too much s**t going on. I just got a second job, and I honestly think I've made the wrong choice. I can do 40+ hours a week, but I think I'd prefer them being 5 days in a row, 9-5, instead of all over the board, with only one day off a week for sure. That, and my second job starts way too early in the morning than I'm used to. Getting up at 6:15 in the morning, working 8 hours, and then working 6 more hours until 9:30 in the evening at my first job, it's not convenient, nor fun. It kills me. Seriously, I can't even make it into 3 hours of the later shift because I'm already so tired, and those are always on Fridays or Saturdays where it's busy and I CAN'T sit down. It's becoming somewhat of a conflict of interest for my first job, which is the job I want to keep. I'm gonna give this some thought and a couple more weeks, but I'm seriously thinking of dropping the first job. It's just too much, and I can't handle the lack of time off. In the mean time, I'm gonna be putting my resume out. Hopefully something will bite... Also, I'm going through a break up. I'm not going into details about it, but it has to do with what I posted a week or two ago. I thought I was okay, but I've become really bitter lately towards, well, people IN relationships, because they can make it work, and I just can't =/ I want to have something work out for once, maybe last longer than two months and actually develop true feelings for someone. Basically, I just want to really experience a relationship, instead of me just being there and not feeling anything. I've been turning to my games a lot, but even then I'm getting pulled in 9 different directions. People want to play WoW with me, FFXI (Currently my choice), PSU (Another choice I've taken, and even then, been getting pressured on which version, when I already decided), and lots of other stuff. I like playing stuff with people, but I get so flustered when I get pressured to do something. It doesn't help that I'm paranoid everyday that I think my 360 is going to go RRoD on me and I'll need to fix it... I'm also completely fed up with my living situation. ********, I can only stand one of my roommates anymore. The rest piss me off so much I can't even look at them anymore. I really hope I can make it to May, because at this rate, I think I'm going to just forget running their precious Changeling campaign because I don't want to bend over backwards for their stupid whims. I'm a GM dammit, not your god. I don't grant favors. That and I can't stand their characters The times aren't without their good things, though. I've met another red panda and we've become fast friends, I've got money for AC lined up and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to make it (Even if I drop one of my jobs). It's just in the end, I'm already getting burnt out on this time after graduation, and I want to just start over. I'm on the verge of snapping, and I really just need an outlet for my frustration At my college, we have a pre-finals watermelon smashing contest. You pay 5 bucks (for use of a sledgehammer and and two watermelons) and, after placing said fruit on a couple sheets of plywood, you go to town on those babies. It's fun and it helps you vent. Of course, I don't know if you have the time to go about smashing fruit...so I dunno what else to tell you. Everyone vents in a slightly different ways. You could try beating up abuse-friendly inanimate objects, or shouting and screaming until you go hoarse, even at the expense of being thought a complete psycho.
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 10:53 pm
Guess I'll post about what happened here.
In case anybody was wondering about my sig, he's a friend...and this weekend I found out that's all he can be. On Saturday night, I let out how I feel and that I wanted to be with him. That took him by surprise since he thought I wasn't interested and it kind of clicked in him with all that we've been through. So he proceeded to tell me that someone else asked him last week and said he'd give them a try once they meet, which is soon(not sure how soon though). Over the recent weeks I grew more and more attached to him though, and in a way, I already gave him my heart. So obviously that hurt to hear that from him. One thing that bothers me is that he liked me too, and I was good enough...I just had really bad timing. We're still remaining friends, but like what I did with Affy some time ago, I'm just taking some time off from him, to clear my head. I was thinking of starting back up on Friday(was originally thinking Thursday, but I'm not sure what I'll be like that day).
Something that's gone through my head a few times now is what could've been with him. Which kinda made me realize something. For 20 or 21 years I was fine being alone. Then I got a taste of love, now I can't seem to live without it. I get paranoid with when/who/if I'll be with someone ever again. I always hear people tell me I'm sweet, or a great guy and such, so where's my happiness? I know I'm still young, but I never have too many friends (only have a few people online I talk with consistently and the one person in real life). I seem to drift away from people after awhile. I guess it's the loneliness going away when I have someone, someone I get to be the closest to.
Wish I had someone around who I could just hug, I could really use one.
I realize this is my longest post in quite some time. Just stuff I wanted to get off my chest. I think there might have been more, but it's late and I've been up since around 5 this morning. Any comments would be appreciated(just don't be too harsh).
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:06 pm
Af Mas I'm really not feeling like myself lately. I've been really irritable, edgy, impatient, etc. lately. Too much s**t going on. I just got a second job, and I honestly think I've ...... RANT ....... getting burnt out on this time after graduation, and I want to just start over. I'm on the verge of snapping, and I really just need an outlet for my frustration You know, this stuff would make better journals on FA.
Anyways, I can empathize witht he multiple job s**t. I did that twice, and Ill never do it again unless Im absolutely ******** money wise. I really need time to myself. Its good though that youre taking a week to make a decision rather than just acting. Always good to think things out with jobs. Good luck with the resume by the way.
Meh, forget about ralationships, learn to be happy without them, and thats when youll land one. Happened to most people I know.
PSO is better than PSU in my opinion. Whats up with your roommates? Munchkins, weeaboos? They trying to make there own character self wank fest rather than play a game? Or are they the type thats just interested in gaming and no actual RPing? Which I think would be odd in a whitewolf system (changeling is WW right?), rather than say a more battle oriented system like D&D or a more abuseable system like besm.
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:12 pm
Eddily Guess I'll post about what happened here. In case anybody was wondering about my sig, he's a friend...and this weekend I found out that's all he can be. On Saturday night, I let out how I feel and that I wanted to be with him. That took him by surprise since he thought I wasn't interested and it kind of clicked in him with all that we've been through. So he proceeded to tell me that someone else asked him last week and said he'd give them a try once they meet, which is soon(not sure how soon though). Over the recent weeks I grew more and more attached to him though, and in a way, I already gave him my heart. So obviously that hurt to hear that from him. One thing that bothers me is that he liked me too, and I was good enough...I just had really bad timing. We're still remaining friends, but like what I did with Affy some time ago, I'm just taking some time off from him, to clear my head. I was thinking of starting back up on Friday(was originally thinking Thursday, but I'm not sure what I'll be like that day). Something that's gone through my head a few times now is what could've been with him. Which kinda made me realize something. For 20 or 21 years I was fine being alone. Then I got a taste of love, now I can't seem to live without it. I get paranoid with when/who/if I'll be with someone ever again. I always hear people tell me I'm sweet, or a great guy and such, so where's my happiness? I know I'm still young, but I never have too many friends (only have a few people online I talk with consistently and the one person in real life). I seem to drift away from people after awhile. I guess it's the loneliness going away when I have someone, someone I get to be the closest to. Wish I had someone around who I could just hug, I could really use one. I realize this is my longest post in quite some time. Just stuff I wanted to get off my chest. I think there might have been more, but it's late and I've been up since around 5 this morning. Any comments would be appreciated(just don't be too harsh). Whats there to be harsh about? Well, maybe you couldve spoken your feelings sooner, but thats about it.
Like I mentioned in my wall of text to Af Mas, learn to be happy by yourself. And for whatever ironic reason thats when youll end up with someone.
That or do it for the sake of relaxing, and honestly, maybe it wont work out with whoever, and he'll swing back your way. At least it wasnt some awful rejection and you still have what Im assuming is a very good friend.
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:33 pm
Shadows sweet embrace- You did the right thing. Contacting the other woman out of spite or to be used like a tool by your parents would have been wrong. It shows you have a good head on your shoulders to not be bullied around even if the bullies are your family members.
I'm not sure by your post how far your mother and Richard went, but if it was far enough where you think the woman should be informed and it is eating away at you, just write an anonymous generic letter to her. Don't let anyone know you did it, and don't specify any names in the letter of those involved. Just keep it simple she can find out all the gritty details if she chooses to look into it. Chances are there have already been warning signs to Richard's wife and she can choose to continue ignoring them or deal with it on her own.
Af Mas- I would drop which ever of the jobs you like least. I know your excited about being done with school and want to start pumping in a nice income, but I don't think this is the best way to spend your time. Instead I would keep one job and focus all the extra time on finding the job you really want instead of dragging an extra job you don't. In the long run it will pay off far more.
As for roommates, yah they suck most of the time. I tried the roommate thing with a friend and we aren't friends anymore. It is sad considering how close we were beforehand, but living with someone isn't easy. Even married, supposed in love people break up 50 percent of the time. Tell them you need some alone time and a break from the GM stuff. Pull the I'm working two jobs card if you need to. Even better, try to talk with them. A real conversation. Don't accuse but use words like I feel and I'm so your not throwing the blame in any one direction. Just be honest and tell them your burnt out and need some space.
I wish I could help with the relationship problems, but at this point I think the best thing to do is take a break. You aren't ready for one right now. Your too stressed, tired, and your trying to get into one for the wrong reasons. I just don't want to see you hurt jumping into something right now. *hugs*
Eddily- I think taking a break from your friend is a good thing. Who knows, in a month he might have found out the other person isn't right for him and be able to think more clearly on trying something with you.
Outside of that, I also don't think you are ready right now for a relationship. Your afraid of being alone, but the truth is it is better to be alone than attach yourself to someone out of fear. Not only is it not fair to them, but it will mean your not there should the right person come walking by. Fear, guilt, paranoia, these are things you need to take care of before you start a relationship. It is hard enough to make one work when both people come to the table healthy, happy, and ready to work at it. I blame society at times for the way it makes single people feel like crap. It's okay not to have a mate.
I wish I could be there to hug you in person, I could use a real life person to hug myself right now. Just don't give up on yourself, or beat yourself into the ground. Everyone feels alone sometimes, but as long as you have even one person to talk to, your not. *offers the only hug she can over the internet*
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:36 am
King Kento PSO is better than PSU in my opinion. Whats up with your roommates? Munchkins, weeaboos? They trying to make there own character self wank fest rather than play a game? Or are they the type thats just interested in gaming and no actual RPing? Which I think would be odd in a whitewolf system (changeling is WW right?), rather than say a more battle oriented system like D&D or a more abuseable system like besm. It's the opposite, they focus too much on role-playing, and they all think they have such interesting characters, when really they're just offensive stereotypes or the same characters they've played before. Only a couple of them are really at all bearable. That, and they can never speak in turn, it's always a lot of s**t coming at me at once, as well as a major lack of focus. It doesn't help that a couple of them get really upset if they don't get any attention =/
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:48 am
King Kento You know, this stuff would make better journals on FA.
*slaps*
No, stuff like this is exactly what this thread was made for.
I don't ever want to see you make a comment like this ever again.
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:52 am
You know, people say that out there somewhere is "the one", the person who will inevitably become their significant other someday. I don't believe that for a minute. After seeing some 200, hell, maybe even 300+ years of people leaving each other, getting divorced, cheating, et cetera, I'd have to say that people are at their best when they're whoring around, getting their kicks from whoever is best, both sexually and emotionally. Sure, you're cheap and you'll go with anyone, but at least you're happy and that's the important part, isn't it?
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 6:47 am
FogSage You know, people say that out there somewhere is "the one", the person who will inevitably become their significant other someday. I don't believe that for a minute. After seeing some 200, hell, maybe even 300+ years of people leaving each other, getting divorced, cheating, et cetera, I'd have to say that people are at their best when they're whoring around, getting their kicks from whoever is best, both sexually and emotionally. Sure, you're cheap and you'll go with anyone, but at least you're happy and that's the important part, isn't it?
Many people in their younger years believe that is the best way to live and handle relationships. However, it has been my experience that it is only a matter of time till those with that kind of life-style learn just how alone they really are.
Temporary happiness and instant gratification will never out do long lasting happiness built up upon a strong foundation.
Most of us seek companionship, I have met very few people in my life that are content in being alone. Hell, most people that post on the internet are just looking for some attention.
The problem is that most people are just clueless on how to enter a relationship, or when in one to maintain it. A great deal of people look at relationships as a steady source of sex rather than the emotional support they should be. A relationship built on sex doesn't work, but sex can also be very important. Beyond sex itself, physical contact and affection is a very large part of any relationship. Unfortunatly, people often confuse sex with affection. They really are not the same thing, it is just that sex can be affectionate of the deep feelings are there.
I see so many get into and stay in relationships for the wrong reasons. People get lonely and often attach themselves to the first person to show them attention, tricking themselves to thinking they are falling in love when the other person is just being a friend. A lot of people believe that they must be in a relationship at all times to quickly bounce from one to the other, not giving themselves enough time to sort out their true feelings. Others still cling onto a relationship they know is not working out and while they usually say they don't want to hurt the other person, the truth is they are just afraid of being alone again.
They there are those that have fear of commitment, these are often the people that make claim to sleeping around a lot while never getting serious. These people want to have their jollies but have no consideration for other people's feeling and the reason they remain out of a serious relationship is because they know they are going to cheat in the first place.
Then there are those that have multiple sex partners at the same time and try to claim they are in a serious relationship. Truth be told they are similar to those above, they don't want to commit because they would rather be able to have sex with whomever they want, but at the same time they are also deeply afraid of being alone so like to seek out people they feel they can lean on for emotional support and not just sex. Basically, they create themselves a safety net, if a relationship with one person falls through they always have another lined up.
I have also ran across people that are afraid to be alone but at the same time are deathly afraid of being in a serious relationship. They will get into relationships that are either doomed to fail from the start or find ways to get out of the relationship by sabotaging it. They often feel great about being in a new relationship and appear to be happy, but overtime they feel they have made a mistake and the person they are with is not right for them so either end it themselves or do something to make the other person break up with them.
People do not spend enough time actually dating before trying to create a seriously relationship. Take your time, get to know the person, sort out your feelings for them and let them do the same. Just spend time together, become friends and after awhile see if both agree there is any deeper feelings there. Don't rush into it, don't call them your boyfriend/girlfriend/mate after only a couple of dates. Don't have sex too early, sex too soon in a relationship can doom it from the beginning. You should probably not even be physically affectionate till after at least three dates and from there you take your time, exploring each other little by little as you get more comfortable with each other till you feel that you truely want to be with that person.
My personal opinion is that unless all those involved can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that they want to be together for the rest of their lives than you are not really in love with each other and the relationship was just not meant to be.
I do applaud Ed for telling this other person how he feels and gave them a chance to absorb and respond. Perhaps Ed is confused about his feelings and is latching onto this person because they have been a good friend and he simply desires to have someone in his life he knows he likes and believes he can trust. What I fear is that this other person may agree to push things beyond friendship out of guilt, or curiosity over any actual deep desire to be in a relationship. If that is the case than it will not end up going well and there is potential for a friendship to be lost. They may be better off just being good friends.
Mind you, I am all for friends with benefits, but even with this there is a right and wrong way to establish that kind of friendship. First of all you need to make sure that those involved to not have any deeper feelings and will start to confuse the sex with affection. Secondly, if after time deeper feelings start to come forth than one needs to speak up and share those feelings right away. Sex can change things, often in undesirable ways. A lot of people try and dismiss sex as being purely physical and that others take it too seriously, what they feel to realize is just how sex affects one emotionally. It is serious, it is part of being in a relationship and as with all things a proper balance must be kept or things fall apart.
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:11 pm
To all that are having relationship problems, let me offer some advice that Tyler Perry/Madea has given me.
"Take the time between relationships to work on yourself. If you can't be happy by yourself how are you gonna be happy with someone else? Your social life is like a tree with you being a trunk. Now some people are leaves. They go this way and that at the slightest wind blow. These people are there for a season and gone. There are also people who are like branches on a tree. They seem trustworthy until you need to step out on one then they break. But if you can get a few people in your life, that are like the roots of a tree, then you are truly blessed."
Just some advice that has helped me in the past. I hope it can help you.
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:07 pm
Diana Vulpes King Kento You know, this stuff would make better journals on FA.
*slaps*
No, stuff like this is exactly what this thread was made for.
I don't ever want to see you make a comment like this ever again. *shun*
However I watch him on FA, and his journals (despite a header warning otherwise) are often a paragraph at most, and dont really get much into what he does.
Therefore itd be nifty if he made use of that.
I dont ever want to see you asterix rp with me in a thread again. xp
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:15 pm
Af Mas King Kento PSO is better than PSU in my opinion. Whats up with your roommates? Munchkins, weeaboos? They trying to make there own character self wank fest rather than play a game? Or are they the type thats just interested in gaming and no actual RPing? Which I think would be odd in a whitewolf system (changeling is WW right?), rather than say a more battle oriented system like D&D or a more abuseable system like besm. It's the opposite, they focus too much on role-playing, and they all think they have such interesting characters, when really they're just offensive stereotypes or the same characters they've played before. Only a couple of them are really at all bearable. That, and they can never speak in turn, it's always a lot of s**t coming at me at once, as well as a major lack of focus. It doesn't help that a couple of them get really upset if they don't get any attention =/ So its option weeaboo. Everyones dark and mysterious I take it? What kind of plot/adventure hooks do you use? That or maybe go to a more game focused rule set like D&D or something?
Fogsage: I personally think "the one/soul mate/and love at first sight" stuff is all pretty much s**t people like to tell themselves to explain away problems (or in the case of love at first sight, lust).
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 7:45 pm
King Kento *shun*
However I watch him on FA, and his journals (despite a header warning otherwise) are often a paragraph at most, and dont really get much into what he does.
Therefore itd be nifty if he made use of that.
I dont ever want to see you asterix rp with me in a thread again. xp
I apologize for my harshness. To me it sounded as if you were belittling Affy for posting about his problems here rather than someplace else. I see now that you only meant it would be nice to see it posted on FA.
*pokes sides*
As for asterix rp's... I'll do those as much as I damn well please. twisted
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 7:57 pm
King Kento - Yeah he is, I don't want to lose that. The other person sounds pretty great, so I just expect them to be together for quite sometime.
Kriss - You're probably right, I'm not ready. Although the good thing now is that I can actually save up for flights to see the other person, or them to me. Figures the one day where society rubs it in your face is tomorrow. It may be ok not to have one, but I just don't want to end up like my brother. Over 40 and living in my parents basement. At least I don't really drink or do drugs, so I'm safe in that respect. *gratefully accepts hug*
Diana - I think that 5th paragraph of yours describes me good. He was there for me after my last breakup, just like I was there for his. We both wanted to take a nice break (and I honestly think he should take alot more time actually), but it seemed like a nice time to show how I feel. Not sure I totally agree with the paragraph about me. This may be a bit personal, but after all he's been through(and he's told me alot of stuff about that) he has real problems trusting people. So for him to consider me enough, that's pretty amazing.
Hex - That sounds like a great saying to me. Thank you for posting.
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