AFG Sallies

[Shaviv]

FogSage

How sickeningly simplistic for a children's book.

Well, it's for very small children. 4-year-olds or so.  

[shoki_de_nai]

FogSage

How sickeningly simplistic for a children's book.

That...is sort of the point of children's books. They have to be able to understand it and/or read it.  

[FogSage]

I hate being nice. I hate it with a passion. These morals and manners that have been programmed into me are preventing me from being totally and completely HONEST, not only with myself but with others as well.

I would give anything to be able to tell the whole truth, just for once, and to not be ripped to pieces because of it.

I would give anything to be an a*****e to people that piss me off, to piss them off as badly as they do me.

I just hate being so socially and emotionally impotent, because there's no going back now. It is so a deeply ingrained part of me that any deviation in the pattern would cause me to have a complete breakdown.

I just don't know what I'm going to do. I honestly think that somewhere down the road I'm going to have thoughts of suicide. Not yet, but someday I will.  

[Rainey_angel81]

I leave tomorrow morning for Switzerland and will be gone until March 6. I can't wait, I'm excited, yay.  

[Shaviv]

Hey Fog, it sounds like you are having a rough time of it. I am afraid I don't understand what you're talking about and I don't think I could, without knowing the context; yet it's not really any of my business. As for suicidal thoughts, often they are scary, but (depending on how you are), you can sometimes just shut them off by very deliberately telling yourself to stop it, and occupying yourself with something else.

Is there someone you trust, near you, someone you could speak with? A clergyman you respect (regardless of your views on religion), for example?

I came in here wanting to post some lines from a poem and ask if you had any thoughts about it (it's not my work, disclaimer), but this seems...

...strangely appropriate.

Quote:

We need something to kill the pain of all that nothing inside
We all just want to die a little bit.
We fear that pop culture is the only culture we're ever going to have.
We want to stop reading magazines, stop watching TV, stop caring about Hollywood,
but we're addicted to the things we hate...

-- Nicole Blackman

 

[Sunegami]

Good news, everyone!

My grandma's doing well. She's obviously going to be in the hospital for a while, and possibly a rehab/nursing center after that, but when we visited her she was pretty coherent (for having a partially-numb face), knew where she was, knew who everyone who came to see her was, etc. So I'm feeling good. heart  

[Shaviv]

Cheers, Sunegami.

I'd say "Give her my best wishes!" but that doesn't seem like it'd mean anything to her xD

That's tough to deal with but it's good to know she's both willing and able to keep toughing it out.  

[Hunter Morda]

Good to hear, Sunegami. It will take some time, but it sounds like she should be mostly fine now.

I'm back at uni (today is my 2nd day) and I only recently got the software to connect to the wireless network working, although I'm having one problem, but I'm about to go see someone about that problem.  

[FogSage]

Shaviv

Hey Fog, it sounds like you are having a rough time of it. I am afraid I don't understand what you're talking about and I don't think I could, without knowing the context; yet it's not really any of my business. As for suicidal thoughts, often they are scary, but (depending on how you are), you can sometimes just shut them off by very deliberately telling yourself to stop it, and occupying yourself with something else.

Is there someone you trust, near you, someone you could speak with? A clergyman you respect (regardless of your views on religion), for example?

I came in here wanting to post some lines from a poem and ask if you had any thoughts about it (it's not my work, disclaimer), but this seems...

...strangely appropriate.

Quote:

We need something to kill the pain of all that nothing inside
We all just want to die a little bit.
We fear that pop culture is the only culture we're ever going to have.
We want to stop reading magazines, stop watching TV, stop caring about Hollywood,
but we're addicted to the things we hate...

-- Nicole Blackman

It was an emo moment. I have them sometimes.

Honesty can sometimes be a bad thing. It's often painful and very cruel, but it is the truth all the same.

To be blunt, I just wish I had a backbone. I wish I knew when to say no, when to stand up for myself, to for a while not be bowing and scraping and begging your pardon and apologizing for just looking you in the eye.

I'm just pathetic and weak and clingy and picky and I don't know if I'll ever make any friends here at college.  

[Eddily]

Kinda depressed since I might not be able to talk to Jay for awhile so I'm just gonna be worrying about him.

Though I did just get a bit excited after hearing about Puzzle Quest: Galactrix. =3  

[J.Kougar]

I hate to come crawling back under these circumstances, but Krissim Klaw has been trying to get me to pop back in here again and say hello, even if I don't really think I deserve it after my abandonment of the AFG.

Things have been great for a while now, Sabastian and I were very happy together and spent all our free time doing stuff together and having fun, part of why I haven't been around here much at all in years, I was just too busy to do too much online because I spent all my time with him, and loved it.

Today, he left. He's got a great job opportunity a few states up, and the chance at a great car for very little money. Two things we need, but he had to leave and head up there for a while, looks like four to six months at least, but after that there will be some great opportunities opened up for us, and we will both be able to get the hell out of this horrid state once and for all. We just have to survive the time apart.

Sure, he'll be calling a lot and such, but he's got to keep the whole 'gay' thing rather hidden for a while, which makes things hard and uncomfortable. Still, if we can do it, it'll be worth it in the end. I'm just not sure how well I'll fair since he only left this afternoon and I'm still a mess. I really don't see me sleeping tonight, despite how much I've been drinking. He and I have spent every night together for over two years now, so being apart is really getting to me. I've never had the kind of connection I do with him, always knowing what each other is thinking, saying things at the exact same time, finishing each other's sentences, having all the same hobbies, likes and dislikes, and just connecting in ways I never thought possible.

We pretty much both spent the past few days a wreck, totally a mess knowing what was to come and that we needed to do it, no matter how hard, but separating was the hardest thing I've ever had to do... and I've had to stitch closed my own wounds before and reset my own dislocated joints.

So yea, even though I don't deserve to come back here and have everyone pay me attention for my plight, here I am anyway... just venting and hoping for the best.

 

[Crenn]

Eddily

Though I did just get a bit excited after hearing about Puzzle Quest: Galactrix. =3

*sniggers because of something he knows*

J.Kougar, it's going to be hard, but imagine when he come back to you. It's natural to miss your partner, but it only strengthens your bonds with him. If there is anything we can help with, just let us know.  

[Terra Omalley]

FogSage

Shaviv

Hey Fog, it sounds like you are having a rough time of it. I am afraid I don't understand what you're talking about and I don't think I could, without knowing the context; yet it's not really any of my business. As for suicidal thoughts, often they are scary, but (depending on how you are), you can sometimes just shut them off by very deliberately telling yourself to stop it, and occupying yourself with something else.

Is there someone you trust, near you, someone you could speak with? A clergyman you respect (regardless of your views on religion), for example?

I came in here wanting to post some lines from a poem and ask if you had any thoughts about it (it's not my work, disclaimer), but this seems...

...strangely appropriate.

Quote:

We need something to kill the pain of all that nothing inside
We all just want to die a little bit.
We fear that pop culture is the only culture we're ever going to have.
We want to stop reading magazines, stop watching TV, stop caring about Hollywood,
but we're addicted to the things we hate...

-- Nicole Blackman

It was an emo moment. I have them sometimes.

Honesty can sometimes be a bad thing. It's often painful and very cruel, but it is the truth all the same.

To be blunt, I just wish I had a backbone. I wish I knew when to say no, when to stand up for myself, to for a while not be bowing and scraping and begging your pardon and apologizing for just looking you in the eye.

I'm just pathetic and weak and clingy and picky and I don't know if I'll ever make any friends here at college.

eh, you're not pathetic... and that's the truth about honesty, and truth... sometimes it can hurt, or cause problems that you never saw coming. I'm learning this one myself, had an experience with doing that today.




and... I had an emo moment last week, actually said to a friend "why can't I find love?" long story made short, I'm single again... and moving on with my life.  

[Sunegami]

J, I know how hard it is to have someone you love leave for a while (my boyfriend travels a lot for business), and I've had full-blown crying myself to sleep episodes because he wasn't there. The only advice I can give is to keep yourself busy with pleasant things, and talk to him as much as you can. It'll get better with time.

And of course you deserve it! We all love you. *hug* heart  

[FogSage]

Was going down the stairs from my Geography class when I alighted on the second floor landing and my left ankle decides to go CRACK. It CRACKS, and I can ******** HEAR IT and it HURTS. I'm so horrified at hearing this noise that I don't know what to do. I don't have my cell phone on me at the moment, and even if I did, who would I call?

I just hobbled back to my dorm room as quick as I could. I really hope I didn't ******** it up somehow but I'm not going to be able to tell; the nurse practitioner won't let you in without an appointment and I don't particularly feel like limping my way all across campus for nothing.

Jesus, this is just ******** perfect.