Lines You'll Never Hear

[Sol Walker]

*Aboard the Hektor's Sheild, warning sirens and lights are flashing, the bridge is shaking, random control panels are sparking and exploding, and NPC's are dropping everywhere*

Borrill: Status report!!

Random Fleet officer: Sir! we've just lost the starboard shields! reactor one is going critical, theres a hull breech in decks 24 and 55, we've lost communications with the flight deck, and the British Accent Synthesizer is offline!

Borrill: What?! We cant be proper Imperials without the BAS! Damn that Kenet!! How could he possibly out maneuvered us like this?!

---

*Aboard the Conquerer, everything is running smoothly*

Yet another Random naval officer: We have the 12th Carrier Task Force on the Run, Sir. How should we proceed?

Kenet: (Reading out of book entitled "Spacial Warfare for Dummies") Hmmm...Fire a "Salvo" at them. Aim for the (Frowns as he struggles to pronounce word) Star...Bored side.  

[Nelowulf]

FP: Hapans, to war against the sith empire!

Hapes: Huzzah!

FP: We shall defeat the sith with inferior numbers, fake weath, and inferior technology!

Hapes: hu...zah?

FP: And then destroy all men!

Hapan women: HUZZAH!
Hapan Men: ******** this s**t.  

[Sol Walker]

*Freya and Angel are sun tanning on a Naboo beach*

Angel: *stretches lazily* Ah...this is the life. No work, no responsibilities, nothing but kicking back and soaking in some of that lovely Naboo sunlight.

Freya: Like, totally. *sighs contentedly*

*Silence for a few moments*

Freya: Y'know, I can't help but feel we're, like, supposed to be doing something...

*Quick Cut to Sullust: Scenes of Plague and Chaos*

*Then, Quick Cut to Perlemian Trade Route: Scenes of Kenet space forces getting asses handed to them by the Imps*

*Then, Quick Cut to Korriban: Scenes of Ferno laughing diabolically over his recaptured monster*

*Then, Quick Cut to Darth Zerosel Cutting down innocent civilians with glee*

*Cut back to the two girls*

Angel: I'm sure its nothing that can't wait until your vacation is over.

Freya: Like, you're probably totally right! Umbrella drink?

Angel: Absolutely.  

[Sol Walker]

*Mon Calamari Jedi Master Kalnar is ambushed by two Sith*

Sith 1: We have you now, Jedi!

*sabers are ignighted. Suddenly a trashcan, proppelled by the Force, slams into one of the Sith and knocks him down. Gunther Starsinger enters the fray and activates his lightsaber*

Gunther: Master! I'm here to help!

Master Kalnar: *Points at Sith* (In Nasally Zoidberg Voice) Haha! Now, the rubber band is on the other claw!  

[Darkened Angel]

Imp: My Emperor, the rebels have decimated our fleet, destroyed the Executor, killed Darth Vader, stampeded the women, raped the cattle, stole candy from some woman's baby...

( hours later )

Imp: ... 378,921 charges of damaging Imperial property, all but 2 in class action lawsuits, and... Emperor?
Palpy: Zzzzzzzz... * snaps awake * Huh, what?
Imp: My Emperor, are you alright?
Palpy: .............. * farts, scratches a** * I am now. Whew, don't eat 3 day old burritos.
Imp: My Emperor, what should we do about the rebels?
Palpy: Um...

* klaxon blares *

Stormie: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!
Palpy: Meh...
Technician: The reactor is going critical!
Palpy: ...
Imp: Oh, by the way, My Emperor, your mother is on her way over to visit.
Palpy: PREPARE MY ESCAPE POD!  

[Missing00]

Cale: Hello, I'm Cale Darksun of the Galactic Empire Guild on Gaia Online. I am here to tell you that every moment that you consider joining Legacy and dont, Link will kill an Ewok.

*Cut to Link with lightsaber at random Ewok's neck*

Cale: Thank you and enjoy your day.

Nelo:I approve this message.  

[Nelowulf]

Political message: Last year, FrozenPhoenix32 and Nospai deathous promised to increase gold revenue, and cut down on new duplicate threads. Yet they failed to do that, and failed to deliver new improvements to the guild.

This time, let's get it right. Vote Nelo and Cale for Head moderators this year. They're a bunch of Dicks. And Dicks ******** pussies.


Nelo: I approve of this message.  

[Missing00]

Palpy: anyword on Death Star completion?
Vader: no my lord but I did write a song about it.
Palpy: What?
Vader: Really check it out it's awsome. Ahem. (gets out guitar)
DEATH STAAAAAR!

DEATH STAAAAAR!

Death Star was a ship,
maybey it was a space port,
no, maybey it was just a battle station,

but it was still
DEATH STAAAAAR!!!

DEATH STAAAAAR!!!

Obliterating the outer rim,
obliterating the rebels
obliterating all the peoples on planets!
ON THEIR PLANETS!

And the Death Star comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Palpy: Most impressive.
Vader: Indeed.
(sung to the tune of TROGDOR!)  

[Apotheis]

Grievous: I need a hug.  

[Darkened Angel]

Re-election ad - Palpy: I'm Emperor Palpatine and I approve this message. Tacos rule!  

[Theris Faan]

Palpy: *playing with his Vader and Luke action figures*
Palp as Vader: Mwhahaha!!! I have you now, son!
Palp in high-pitched Luke voice: Double you tee eff?
*Palp makes some lightsaber SFX. The Luke is cut down by Vader*
Palp as Vader: All your base are belong to us!
*evil cackle*

I don't even know if this makes sense...  

[NickCpointless]

*after palpatine is killed on onderon*(that was the last time he came back who don’t know that )

Palp:ha i made it im in leias child now to get back to ruleing th.. wait this isn’t a baby’s body
Guy: sir, sir you’ve done it
Palp: done what?
Guy: you won the election your the new president of the USA
Palp: im what
Gay: sir you address the people before we begin
 

[elvisnake]

Palps: You know, Vader, I didn't want to be an emperor, I wanted to be... a LUMBERJACK! Leaping from tree to tree as they...
*Vader stabs Palps with saber*
Vader: Shut up! This Monty Python reference has gone too far! Plus, the idea of you as a transvestite is just creepy...  

[Sol Walker]

Jedi Master Hiko Shin: Link Darksun, you have passed the trials. No longer are you my Apprentice, but a Jedi Knight, a defender of the weak, upholder of the law, and servant of the Living Force.

Link: Thank you, Master. This one will do his best to adhere to the virtues you have instilled in him.

Hiko: Before you go off into the Galaxy, I have something that you might find useful in your travels.

*Hands Link a wooden sword*
(LoZ Item aquisition tune)

Link: stare .....What the Hell is this?!  

[Missing00]

Link: Hey what planet are you taking me to for my training?
Hiko Shin: a little place on the outer rim called Eluryh.
Link: Oh.....wait a muinet that's-
Hiko Shin: We're here (drops Link off and balsts off.)
Random person: Please sir will you help save the princess Adlez?
Link: Oh Force.