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 Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:01 am
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Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 3:43 pm
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Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 9:19 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 11:36 pm
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Darkened Angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:16 am
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Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:10 pm
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Little Anikin: ********, ******** ******** skip to Vader)
Vader:*singing* ******** ******** ********, mother mother ********, mother mother ******** ********, mother ******** mother ********, noinch noinch noinch. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, noinch noinch noinch. smokin weed smokin weed, doing coke drinkin beers, drinkin beers beers beers. Rollin fatties smokin blunts. Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts! Rollin blunts and smokin-
Trooper: Uh let me get a nickle bag.
Vader: *singing* 15 bucks little man, put that s**t in my hand. If that money dosent show then you owe me owe me owe. My jungle love, yeah O-E-O-E-O, I think I wanna know ya know ya, yeah ********: The hell are you singing?
Vader: *not singing anymore* you dont know Jungle Love? That s**t is the mad notes! Written by God herself and handed down to the greatest band in the world. The mother ******** Time!
2nd Trooper: You mean the guys in that Prince movie?
1st Trooper: Yeah Purple Rain.
2nd Trooper: That s**t was so gay. ******** 80's style.
(from this)
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 8:18 am
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:43 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:16 pm
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SOMEWHERE IN THE SULLUST SYSTEM, PRIOR ROTJ
Zendia Starsinger enters a REBEL ALLIANCE STARFIGHTER CORP officers' mess and takes off her helmet.
Azure Amatruse: Morning, Squadron Leader.
Zendia: What-ho, Squiffy.
Azure: How was it?
Zendia: Top-hole. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's your father. Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie.
Azure: Er, I'm afraid I don't quite follow you, Squadron Leader.
Zendia: It's perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy. Bally Jerry...pranged his kite right in the how's yer father...hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie.
Azure: No, I'm just not understanding banter at all well today. Give us it slower.
Zendia: Banter's not the same if you say it slower, Squiffy.
Azure: Hold on then. (shouts) Icharus!
Orrin "Icharus" Wulf: Yes!
Azure: Bend an ear to the Squadron Leader's banter for a sec, would you?
Orrin: Can do.
Azure: Jolly good.
Orrin: Fire away.
Zendia: (draws a deep breath and looks slightly uncertain, then starts
even more deliberately than before) Bally Jerry...pranged his kite...right in how's yer father...hairy blighter...dicky-birdied...feathered back on his Sammy...took a waspy...flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie...
Orrin: ...No, don't understand that banter at all.
Zendia: Something up with my banter, Mates?
A siren goes. The door bursts open and an out-of-breath Owen Kurn rushes in in his flying gear.
Owen Kurn: Bunch of monkeys on the ceiling, sir! Grab your egg and fours and let's get the bacon delivered!
General incomprehension. They look at each other.
Orrin: Do you understand that?
Zendia: No, didn't get a word of it.
Orrin: Sorry old man, we don't understand your banter.
Owen: You know...bally ten-penny ones dropping in the custard...(searching for words) un...Charlie Choppers chucking a handful...
Orrin: No, no...sorry.
Azure: Say it a bit slower, old chap.
Owen: Slower banter, sir?
Orrin: Ra-ther!
Owen: Um...sausage squad up the blue end?
Zendia: No, still don't get it.
Owen: Um...cabbage crates coming over the briny?
Zendia: No.
Others: No, no....
Stock film of an Imperial bombing raid.
Voice Over: But by then it was too late. The first cabbage crates hit Sullust on July the 7th. That was just the beginning....
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:34 pm
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(Cont.)
Cut to an Imperium war office conference room. Nelowulfl is on the Comlink. Four other Mods sit there.
Nelowulf: Five Credits a dozen? That's ordinary cabbages, is it? And what about the bombs?... Good Lord, they are expensive.
Elvisnake rushes in.
Elvisnake: Sir!
Nelowulf: Yes, what is it?
Elvisnake: News from the Gaia Forum Front, sir.
Nelowulf: Yes ... ?
Elvisnake: Big enemy attack at dawn, sir ...
Nelowulf: Yes ... ?
Elvisnake: Well, the enemy were all wearing little silver halos, sir ... and ... they had fairy wands with big stars on the end ... and ...
Nelowulf: They what ... ?
Elvisnake: .. and ... they had spiders in matchboxes, sir.
Nelowulf: (in disbelief) Good God! How did our chaps react?
Elvisnake: Well, they were jolly interested, sir. Some of them ... I think it was the Band of Vode, sir, they ... well, they went and had a look at the spiders, sir.
Nelowulf: Oh my God! All right, thank you, Angel.
Darkened Angel emerges from under the table...
Elvisnake: Sir!
Nelowulf: (to a stormtrooper) Get me Thrawn!. (the stormie opens the door,Thrawnl stands outside) Not that quickly! (the stormie shuts the door) Gentlemen, it's now quite apparent that the enemy are not only fighting this war on the cheap, but they're also not taking it seriously.
Celestia Whitesword: Bastards ...
Nelowulf: First they drop cabbages instead of decent bombs ...
Elvisnake: The crates were probably quite expensive, sir.
Nelowulf: Quiet, critic! And now they're doing very silly things in one of the most vital areas of the war!
Celestia Whitesword: What are we going to do, Shirley?
Nelowulf: Well, we've got to act fast before it saps morale. We're going to show the Chinese ...
Cale Darksun: Great Convergence, sir.
Nelowulf: The Great Convergence ... we're going to show them that no Imperial soldier will descend to their level. Anyone found trivialising this war will face the supreme penalty that military law can provide. (he holds a heroic pose; there is a pause during which we expect to cut; we don't; suddenly he breaks out of the pose into informality) That was all right, I think?
Cale Darksun: (getting out drinks) Seemed to go quite well.
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 3:36 pm
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Anyone:
Anakin's mom's a b***h, she's a big fat b***h,
She's the biggest b***h in the whole wide world,
She's a stupid b***h, if there ever was a b***h,
She's a b***h to all the boys and girls.
On Monday she's a b***h
On Tuesday she's a b***h
On Wednesday thru Saturday she's a b***h
Then on Sunday just to be different,
Shes u super king kamehameha b***h
Have you ever met my friend Anakin's Mom,
She's the biggest b***h in the whole wide world,
She's a mean old b***h, she has stupid hair,
She's a b***h, b***h, b***h, b***h, b***h, b***h, b***h
b***h, b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h
She's a stupid b***h, Anakin's Mom's a b***h,
And she's such a dirty b***h.
Talk to kids around the world,
It might go a little something like this...
[Sung in three different languages by other children]
Have you ever met my friend Anakin's Mom,
She's the biggest b***h in the whole wide world,
She's a mean old b***h, she has stupid hair,
She's a b***h, b***h, b***h, b***h, b***h, b***h, b***h
b***h, b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h.
She's a stupid b***h, Anakin's Mom's a b***h,
And she's such a dirty b***h;
I really mean it,
Anakin's Mom, she's a big fat, stinking b***h
Big old fat ********' b***h, Anakin's Mommmmmmmmmmm
Yeahhhhh, Chaaaaa
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:50 pm
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((Since Basic isnt Link's native tongue, heres a little thing i cobbled together: Yet another Python skit.))
IN 130ABY, THE GALACTIC ALLIANCE LAY IN RUINS, FOREIGN NATIONALS FREQUENTED THE STREETS - MANY OF THEM FROM HUTTSPACE (NOT THE STREETS - THE FOREIGN NATIONALS). ANYWAY, MANY OF THESE HUTTESE WENT INTO WEAPONSHOPS SHOPS TO BUY WHETSTONES...
Enter Link Darksun with phrase book. He is looking for the right phrase.
Link: I will not buy this Datachit, it is scratched.
Iust Zalera: Sorry?
Link: I will not buy this Datachit, it is scratched.
Iust: No, no, no.This is a Weaponshop.
Link : Ah! I will not buy this weaponshop, it is scratched.
Iust: No, no, no ...weapons...er, vibroknives?
Link: Yes, Vibroknives. My motorcar is full of eels.
Iust: What?
Link: (miming sharpening a sword) My motorcar is full of eels.
Iust: (ponders Link's motions) you want a… whetstone? (showing one)
Link: Tagwa, Tagwa. (he takes a vibroknife and the whetstone and pulls out loose change; he consults his book) Er, do you want ... do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?
Iust: Um, I don't think you're using that right.
Link: You Scruffy nerfherder.
Iust: .......That'll be six and six, please.
Link: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I am no longer infected.
Iust: (miming that he wants to see the book; he takes the book) It costs six and six ...(mumbling as he searches) Costs six and six ... Here we are ... Tah sneeftah thonk bantha poodoo.
Link hits him between the eyes. Archaras Seraphim, clad in Imperial Knight armor, walks along the street, then suddenly stops and puts his hand to his ear. He starts running down the street, round corner and down another street, round yet another corner and down another street into the shop
Archaras Seraphim: What's going on here then?!
Link: (opening book and pointing at Iust) You have beautiful thighs.
Archaras: Why thank you.
Iust : He hit me!
Link: (Points to Archaras) Drop your panties, General Kenobi, I cannot wait till lunchtime.
Archaras: Right! (grabs him and drags him out)
Link: (Confused) My nipples explode with delight!
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:56 am
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And now, the Galactic Empire brings you a moment of family bonding between Cale and Link
[The two are sitting at the counter of the Dead Space. Link is nursing the same Lum he ordered when he came in while Cale is on his seventh Corellian Spiced Ale...]
Cale sad Not all that sober) So, Like...Like I was saying...there're three types o' people in da Galaxy...(Counts them off on his fingers) Dicks...pussies...and assholes...
Link: sweatdrop Ancestor please...I don't think-
Cale: Quiet boy, I ain't done talkin' yet! (Downs his ale and orders another) So like I was saying afore, theres Dicks, Pussies and assholes... Pussies think everyone can get along....and dicks just wanna ******** all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck.
Link: This one's name is Link...
Cale: Right then, Chuck. And all the assholes want is to s**t all over everything! ....So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because... pussies get ******** by dicks. But dicks ********>, Chuck.
Link: Link.
Cale: Ted. (Chugs half his ale) And if they didn't ******** the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your d**k and your p***y all covered in s**t! (Tries to take another swig of booze, but leans too far and falls off his stool)
Link: *Sigh* Check please.
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 8:15 am
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Reply
