Leaving you

[Garret Issacs]

I am worse then ever. Everyday gets worse and worse and nothing I do makes it any better. I get small distractions here and there but once they’re over it’s just back to nothing, back to an apartment that has nothing but walls and a view I have come to hate. I hurt yet another friend last night and I hate it and I know I’m hurting them but I don’t know what it is but I just can’t stop. Almost everything that’s left of me is saying I need help yet I keep refusing it.

When I said death kept ringing me out and everyday it gets closer and closer it’s small things that I’m normally very careful of. Traffic, machines, electricity things like that things that I know can kill me I was always very careful about and now either I’m ignoring them or I’m just so far out of it I don’t even see or hear them until a moment before it’s too late.

I know that I must let her go. Everyone says if I let her go and she comes back then she is mine but if not then it was never meant to be. I hate that thought but I guess I have to follow it. I do not support her decision. I do not support her and him but I do support her and since it is not my choice I have to let her go even though I can’t. I do not want to let her go I cannot let her go but what choice do I have? She’s way over there and I’m way over here and she knows I cannot go there.

It hurts that she thinks of it as she was willing to give up everything for me and I wasn’t. I’ll be honest I wasn’t willing to give up everything. I wanted her to move up here with me because it was better up here. There’s more here with me then she may realize. I was willing to give her back so much and more, my own life even if it ever became needed. I wasn’t giving anything up but she was. Her home. Her friends and family her place. She would have lost her home yes but she would have had one with me. One she would have been happy in. she still would have had her friends and family no matter what I always insisted that she keep in touch with them hell even visit them on some occasion. She could have had a house with the one she loves most. A good job, More friends and family, her own restaurant that I was going to help her open. Someone for her to come home to every night and cuddle with. Someone to share the world with.

I don’t see her ever coming back to me anymore. Not if she knew what has happened to me. It is far to late to do anything that matters and it will kill me if he asks for her hand. She had already promised to be with me. She didn’t want to hurt anyone badly so instead of hurting someone she knew liked her she hurt the one she loved and loved her back for her.

I don’t know why I’m telling all you this. It is not your problem and yet here some of you are trying to help me. I don’t know why you are and I don’t know why I refuse help even though I know I need it.  

[Sonic Butterfly]

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

Well, we try to help because we care. You're apart of our little society now, and it would be awful if we thought anything bad was happening to you. >.<

As for everything else, I've said my piece, and I don't think there is much to add. Just know if you need to talk about it more, we'll be here.

Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

 

[22Tsuji22]

I wish i could help...i never know what to say in these types of situations...more of the comic relief person ;-;

I would just take sometime off...everyone needs sometime but not too long then you get stuck in a rut and thats no good... then go out and do something you love<3 to do

Garret Issacs

me? well I can say I live a rather interesting life. you name it chances are I've done it for fun. I do video games, books, I make my own music, write some of my own story's, Wilderness survival. I like to do a little UE (urban exploration) as well as general exploration (caves old mines and abandoned towns)

Self taught sword play (with a katana) Dungeons and dragons (I'm a bit of a nerd as well) I'm big into travel as long as I'm with someone. I enjoy building computers and fixing them and fixing things in general. I obviously enjoy computer games and forums such as Gaia. I run several role playing forum boards including a Resident Evil forum a War based forum. I also lead a group in a zombie game called urban dead named Tactical Area Rescue.

I'm a bit of a movie lover (almost all kinds) I also like to do landscape photography. I've also developed with a few friends of mine our own form of CQC or close quarters combat. the list goes on and on. I'm sure most of you wouldn't be that interested but if you have any questions or want to hear more feel free to ask

go do one of these things!

sorry i can't be much of help...>.<  

[Garret Issacs]

you've all been a great help in this.

I still cannot say goodbye to her because I know she wanted to be with me. if I have to work that much harder to make her happy then I'll do it. she's the only person in my life who means more to me then my own life and she knows that.

She lives 866 miles away from me and I'd walk that if I had to. I do not like to travel alone especially to places I've never been but I'd do it for her if it meant I could be with her. I do not like the thought o leaving my home as I'm sure neither does she but she was willing to give it all up for me and she said I wasn't willing to do the same. I won't lie that is true but I was willing to giver her everything I could especially my life. I know she'd be happy with me we have been through so much and still been there for each other.

She has said so herself she wants to be with me but she won't even talk to me now. I don't get any emails, no calls she never logs on anymore or at least not when I'm on. if she's willing to hold on a little longer I know I can get the future we both wanted.

but if I cannot reason with her I will not play the guilt card, I will die with that card in my hand. if I have to I will say goodbye even though it will likely kill me inside. I was dead before and it scares me I will go back there. it's not a question of I might, I know I will and not by choice but should it come to a goodbye she will know that my heart and door will always be open for her. always  

[Garret Issacs]

well. I ******** up as per normal. I'm just too ******** tired to do this anymore. I lost her for good today and I'm as good as dead. I'm sorry to all those I didn't pay back for helping with this guild. EmeraldFury is to be made guild captain and I will show myself the door. I'm tired of setting myself up like this all the time only to be lead to disappointment. I've got nothing left in this world and I want nothing more from then to leave but even that won't come for a long time to come.

I thank you all for the help you've given me but it looks like it was all for nothing. I'm going to go back to the way I was before all this s**t happened, at least there I may be dead inside but I won't feel any pain not anymore.

do what you can with your life and make the best out of it. I'm just too dam tired to try anymore. Bye  

[Sonic Butterfly]

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

Wow. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry and a little disappointed to see you give up like this. But, you got to do what you got to do. Maybe we'll see you around sometime?

Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

 

[Garret Issacs]

Sonic Butterfly

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

Wow. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry and a little disappointed to see you give up like this. But, you got to do what you got to do. Maybe we'll see you around sometime?

Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

believe me. I tried. I always tried. I gave it my all this time and still failed. I don't blame people for being disappointed in me. maybe I'll come back sometime. one never knows. it's possible. unlikely but possible  

[Gunr]

It sucks, having a love like that taken away. But, Garret, you can't just give up your life. If you ever look back at this thread, don't give up on your future just because of one girl. If she's with someone else, then it simply was not to be. If she comes back to you, then it was. Don't put your life, socially or physically, on hold waiting. The future is still yours to make, with or without her. I am much like you used to be. I've had a shell around me all my life. Only in the last year or two has it started to crack. Three years ago, I felt the pain of having a love, and of losing it for an unknown reason (though I admit that it wasn't as serious as your relationship sounds). I was dead inside for about six months. I started getting sick more often. I actually had a therapist for a while, but it didn't help. I still can't eat breakfast. But, now, after enduring that pain, I have learned the value of interacting with the world around me. I have met more wonderful people, and I hardly ever think about her anymore. Even if you never meet another like her, you should be thankful that you were able to share even a portion of your life with her, because some people don't even get that lucky. Still, don't give up on finding happiness, because you just never know when it might creep up on you. Move on, it's the best thing you can do for yourself; and if she's already done the same, then it's the best thing you can do for her. Loving anybody is a risk, and sometimes you'll lose. But remember, even the lottery can be won.

I know it's kind of cheesy, but I think I found a theme song for you to reflect upon if you get over her. Anthem