1. If we went down there and told him that Captain Jack Sparrow is the best pirate we have ever seen and the hottest."
2. Livi accepted the offer and began to think. "We could:
3. Steal his hat
4. Swing a sword round and cry ‘I’m just trying to be like you’
5. Ask him to teach us to tango
6. Ask to play ‘Pirate and the Navy’. Tell him he can be Jack Sparrow
7. Walk up to him and comment calmly: 'isn't it a shame the intercepter got blown up?'"
8. "We could ask him if he's going to be the best man at Will's wedding or sing that song. You know: 'every party has a pooper that's why we invited you sir, James Norrington; party pooper'"
9. "Ask if his teeth are as white as his wig or ask why he wears tights, especially in this heat."
10. "Maybe he thinks it makes him look more masculine, How do you think he's react if we enquired as to why he has a broom wedged up his arse. Actually, we could just push him off the end of a peer - that would annoy anyone
11. Ask him why he doesn’t have a cool monkey called Gillette
12. Sell ‘I love Captain Jack Sparrow’ badges and T-shirts at his next promotion ceremony
13. say "I think you made a very wise choice sir. After all Gillette is the best a man can get!"
14. Shout ‘ Gillette fetch some irons’ ALL the time
15. At his next promotion ceremony sing ‘A commodore’s life for me’
16. Throw him a pirate theme birthday party.
17. Send Jack love letters in his name
18.Offer to give him advice on how to woo the men, say you think he needs it.
19. Ask if the Dauntless is so big because he is so small
20.Put his white shirt in the wash with Jack’s bandana"
21. Dye his wig pink
22. Put on a puppet show about his life and call it Norrington: the pirate erradicator
23. Fill his room with marshmallows"
24. Tell him You are obsessed with marshmallows" said Lano
25. Ask why he wasn’t brave enough to jump in after Elizabeth
26. Pinch his cheek and squeal about how cute he looks in his uniform - all grown up!
27. Introduce him to Sparrington
28. Ask him why he doesn’t wear pink - it really suits him
29. Tell him to chill out - frequently
30. Ask him to tell you all about his plans to capture Jack, then criticize them.
31. Tell him all the reasons the Pearl is better than the Dauntless.
32. Tell him he’d make a damn good pirate
33. Ask him if he is a virgin
34. ask him: When did you first realize you were gay?
35. Tell him he is holding his sword all wrong
36. Cough over him when he is trying to give out orders"
37. Rip the buttons off his jacket.
38. ask him biggrin o you wear thongs sir?
39. Knit him a navy jumper with the letter N on it
40. Put bird seed on the top of his hat, sit down and watch - we could do that right now
41. Slip laxatives into his food on long journies
42. Repeat every order he shouts - EVERY order
43. Send Elizabeth and Will a ‘best couple ever’ mug from him
44. Each morning in front of the navy, give him a couple of notes, wink and tell him he was fantastic
45. Ask him why he hasn’t got a lightsaber"
Maybe he doesn't want want. Get him one for X-mas
46. Call him Jamesy -Wamesy all the time
47. Apply kohl why he sleeps - I wonder what that would look like?
48. Make wanted posters off him dressed in pirate garb and post them around port Royal
oh i have some more
49. Film him while he works and frequently stop him ‘No no no, you’re doing it all wrong. How on EARTH do you expect to be a big Hollywood star like this?’
50. Grab his hat, grab a friend, play ‘Norry-in-the-middle’
51. Train a flock of parrots to fly at him every day, at exactly 4 minutes past 11
52. Ask ’what’s the time Mr. wolf?’ In a really slutty voice
53. Obvious, but place a woopie cushion on his chair at an important dinner party, people back then would not have ANY idea what one is so he wouldn’t be able to explain really.
54. Get him totally wasted, keep the rest of the navy sober, film it and play it to him a few days later to explain why they laugh at him when they see him.
55. Knock him out and dress him up as a hula girl
56. Pierce his ears with little heart earrings.
57. Hell, if you feel the urge piece any other part of his body.
58. Get him the Jack Sparrow tattoo.
59. Sneak up on him, blind fold him, tie his hands up, turn him round a few times, run off.
60.On his pirate theme birthday party pay Gillette to jump out of a huge cake dressed as a whore and sing happy birthday to him while stripping.
61. If you can, get Jack to as well
62. Again when he’s passed out (work out how to do it yourself) dress him up as an 80s punk rocker, leather and stuff - If you know who Jareth is DO THAT. speaking of Jareth would anyone like a 51 ways to piss off the king of the goblins?
63. ’oooooooh sir, you are sooooooo Norry-licious
64. Get him a pet monkey (name it jack)
65. Let all the pirates free from the jail. Tell Governor Swann he did it
66. yell CANNON FIRE and get everyone in the navy to duck at some point everyday.
67. Put his wig in deadlocks
68. Be incredibly nice to him all the time
69. Pat him soothingly on the head ‘you need to stop being so stressed sir’
70. ‘how come you live here but you don’t get a tan?’
71. Hug him at every chance you get.
72. Kiss him at every chance you get. (i would do this one)
73. Tell him he looks like a mardigra float
74. Throw marshmallows at him.
75. Spread rumours about his relationship with Jack Sparrow around the navy ‘oh yeah, why do you think he let him have a head start?’
76. Make ‘Norry-tastic’ badges, wear them at all times all over you
77. Waltz into his office drunk off your arse
78. Find his diary, read it, photocopy it, hand it out to everyone
79. Sniff him, act like he’s made you high
80. Inhale helium, THEN repeat everything he says
81. Trip him up all the time
82. Kidnap Gillette and demand that he kisses Jack in order to get him back
83. Buy him a pet Sparrow
84. Cut a hole in the top of his hat
85. Walk around the Dauntless with bare feet an complain loudly about splinters ‘You wouldn’t get these on the Pearl’
86. Strip off and run round shouting I LOVE JAMIE
87. Bring a flock of sheep on deck, tell him they will improve the economy.
88. Wax his legs while he is passed out. ‘Oooooh sir, I knew Gillette was good but that’s amazing!’
89. Change the flag of the Dauntless so when it goes up it is pink and says ‘proud to be gay’.
90. Call him Nockadore Commington as often as possible"
