New and Lost - Help and Assistance Appreciated

[Amorpheous]

Umm... I'm really new at this and to put it short, I've done research and some reading, but nothing extensive anything to go by. I'm not really sure where to start since I'm attracted to several different "fields" under the umbrella term, Paganism. One of my main problems is I don't know what I truly believe in since I was raised Christian, but I'm now questioning my faith and such like.

View on Paganism:

A way to view the world without the constant threat of being sentenced to eternal pain and torture. A way to get closer to the world and to help understand it. I see it as spiritual healing and enlightenment [sp?] that can help shape how you end up. The idea of Paganism is vague enough that I can decide by myself what I really am and has no set guidelines that say that I will be eternally damned for straying from one path to another. A belief, not a religion. A way of life, not rules on how to live.

The ability to choose what and who you believe in and how you live. A belief that doesn't pressure you to do things and a peaceful belief that doesn't contradict itself.

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The above is a very condensed and confusing description of how I currently see Paganism. I have a lot of questions that I would like some answers to, but I'm not exactly sure how to ask them. I guess getting to know a little about me would be useful and so, here's a little about me:

As said before, I am being/was raised as a Christian. I'm very young and inexperienced, but I have views on topics that other's my age don't. I have looked into Buddhism, Taoism, Islam, Wicca, Dianic Witchcraft and Neopaganism. I'm Chinese and I'm very Asian influenced.

I have been able to Astrally Project myself once and I sometimes experience lucid dreaming. I'm very sensitive to animal spirits/guardians and have managed to see three different dog spirits/guardians. I have also seen the spiritual body of a man that used to live with us [my family] and is emotionally/spiritually attached to my house. I’ve known him since I was very little and he is a “practitioner” of Buddhism and Taoism. My grandmother studies with him and he is her “master” though I don’t see that as the right term. Teacher is a better word for what he is to her. She is a good healer and does these messages that help your energy flow and she can cleanse your body. She often does one of her messages for me when I’m sick or in pain, and those messages are painful, but very potent. It’s odd, but she can feel your sickness of pain in a physical way in/on your body that corresponds with your sickness or pain. She describes it as a lump and I can only sometimes feel them, but most of the time not. His spiritual sight is a lot stronger than mine and he can see your sickness of pain in a physical form and can tell when there is a spirit inhabiting your house. He can help them find a place them to go to or he can banish them for people. I have only gone to a week long course of his when I was very little and I can’t remember much from it. I feel at peace around him and his house

I have also seen, I guess you could call them, semi-visions. I feel, experience or see things that happen to me before they happen, and so, I sometimes and caught off guard when I know what will happen next. Most of the time, they’re just everyday scenes and such, but it’s not like it’s because I’ve done it before, it’s a sense of knowing and doing, but not repetition. When I see these things, I’m mostly dreaming or half-asleep which results in me not remembering, but a feeling of recognition hits me when I experience what I saw. I always see it in my point of view in the exact angle I see things happening when it does happen. Wondering, is this normal?

For my view on deities, I believe there is more than one god and that to worship only one god/goddess is unfair to the others. I see them each as a beautiful thread of their own color that are evenly woven into an exquisite tapestry that hangs above us for us to admire and to seek advice from. I also see them as the sky to blankets over us, hanging above us, to help us live and thrive and to protect us. I see all gods and goddesses as equals with no ‘higher deity’ or god of the gods. Together, I guess I see them as a tapestry, the sky or as a large mountain or castle-lie shelter, all working together to keep the people of earth living. I don’t see the gods’/goddesses’ “powers” as good and bad, or light and dark, but as weights on a balance that keeps everything from falling into chaos.

I like the use of herbs, candles and colors. I see them as ways to help me connect. I haven’t performed any magic [magick] and so, I don’t know how they affect me, but I’m attracted to the idea of using them. I’m naturally attracted to shades of purple, purplish-blues, and grays. I also feel connected to black and pale/light shades of blue and pink. I’m not exactly why I like those colors, but that’s how I feel.

I have a very good sense of smell, taste and hearing. Something that might interest you is that I taste things in the air like carrots [that’s an odd one, but true], blood, hurt/pain, bread, soap, disinfectant [one of the reasons I dislike/am afraid of doctors], alcohol, ect. This isn’t my sense of smell; I actually taste it when I can’t smell it. I can smell blood though and I also scent things before others can. I recognize people’s footsteps and breathing patterns which is very useful, I can also recognize people by scent. I have bad eyesight, though and I’m afraid of becoming blind.

This probably won’t affect your answers or affect what I should start with, but I suffer from four different types of impulse control disorder: Dermatillomania, Trichotillomania, Onychophagia, and Dermatophagia. I also suffer from Periodic Limb Movement Disorder and Dysomnia, a very umbrella-like term for many different sleep disorders I show symptoms of, insomnia, hypersomnia and narcolepsy.

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Now for the questions.

What is ecclectic paganism and ecclectic witchcraft? More importantly, what’s the difference? I know that the word eclectic means covering a lot of different views, but the spelling is different and I don’t understand what ecclectic paganism or witchcraft is.

What branch of Paganism seems to be right for me? I’m interested in many things and I enjoy learning about everything, but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.

What are the benefits of having a totem animal or spirit guardian? This is just a topic of interest to me and I’d like to learn more.

I’m introverted, but I also want to be part of a coven when I older. Is there a way to have coven experiences, but still work alone?

I want to be able to experience as much I can, how do you suggest I do this?

Do you sometimes bring knowledge from your past life to the one you hold now? I’m wondering because I want to know if this is possible and I’m curious if my past life is affecting my current life.

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That’s all for now. I’d probably ask more, but I don’t want to dump everything on you guys all at the same time. Sorry for writing so much.  

[Starlock]

Well, first a few clarifiers. The word "Pagan" can be unwieldly sometimes because it has a tremendous variety of definitions. Google up "Religious Tolerance" and their website has an excellent overview of the ways in which the word is used. To discuss it briefly here, the term pagan as typically used today simply refers to someone whose belief is not Abrahamic; in this context it becomes a term used to designate an 'outsider' if you're Christian, Jewish, or Muslim. This definition isn't very useful, though. When modern Pagans use the word 'pagan' more often they mean something else (usually NEOpaganism, or modern Paganism).

A more useful definition of Paganism is any belief system whose conception of deity is polytheistic, pantheistic, or animistic in nature. Typically these systems are nature-based and traditions themselves vary widely. A modern practitioner would more appropriately call themselves a NEOpagan, meaning new pagan,a s they are reconstructing and reviving asepcts of old Pagan systems or have no direct lineage ties to a currently existing Pagan system (such as Shinto).

But ask ten Neopagans what 'pagan' and 'neopagan' means and you'll get at least ten different answers. Get a feel for how people use the term and build something that works for you. Find Isaac Bonewitz's personal website and look at how he classifies the various types of Paganism; his I think is pariticularaly interesting. Also take a look at places like Religious Tolerance and BeliefNet or Wikipedia. See how various authors use the term, both popular and academic.

A really great intro book to Neopaganism... nothing else in its class... is Paganism: An Introduction to Earth-Centered Religion by Joyce and River Higginbotham. Unlike other authors, they actually bother to talk about the philosophy and theology. They'll help you sort out how you view the Divine (something most books really skimp on), how you see magic, and other core topics.

But more to address your questions... Ecclectic Neopaganism vs. Ecclectic Witchcraft... both of these terms have varying definitions so it gets complicated. One thing that can definately be said is that Witchcraft is a subset of the Neopagan movement (and according to some, may lie somewhat outside of it and into part of the broader occult movements). Witchcraft often refers to the practice of magic in a non-religious context, but it is also used as a synonym for Wicca or can refer to a more religious practice. At any rate, if you call yourself "Ecclectic Neopagan" you're basically saying you're Neopagan and do not adhere to any formal tradition. If you call yourself "Ecclectic Witch" you identify in some way with one of the uses of the word "Witch" ... whatever that may mean to you.

Which branch of Neopaganism is right for you? Only you can really answer that, so just take a look at what's out there. Ask yourself what it is about Neopaganism that draws you the most, and that's probably your answer. For me, it's that real focus on Nature, so I'm drawn more to traditions that emphasize this aspect.

Benefits of spirit guardians/totems? I can speak more to spirit guardians as I have MUCH more experience with those. They're often refered to as guides more, a name which alludes to why they're useful. They guide you and help you in life, on your path... often they are just like friends or family. It's another support you can use to help get through life. For totems, they could help you connect to an aspect of Nature more strongly, but also can be very similar to spirit guides. Do be aware though that Totemism was a term originally applicable to a specific culture and Neopaganism uses the concept differently (some ethnic cultures might be upset by using the term, so I like to at least let people know!).

Coven experience but working alone? There are groups that are more open, sometimes called circles, that act as community resources. They might gather to celebrate solar festivals or lunar festivals but not really impose any doctrine on their members. In short, there are ways to be involved in the Neopagan community without adhering to a specific coven or tradition. Just look around!

Experiencing as much as you can? Look for inspiration anywhere. And I DO mean anywhere. I might watch some movie and see something in it that reminds me of a mystery of my path. I research academic disciplines across the board to find information that relates to the path, from folklore to science, from history to psychology. Don't limit to that New Age section - for to be frank - it rather sucks compared to digging elsewhere. sweatdrop Network with some other communities, such as New Agers, Occultists, or Environmentalists. Each may have something in common with you and inform your path. Take classes and workshops. Participate in forum discussions. Be open to whatever the Spirits may throw at you that's interesting. I've had profound moments doing nothing but staring outside a window for an hour.

Past life knowledge? I can't speak much to that as I have difficulty with the concept of past lives for various reasons. For those who DO believe firmly in the concept, by all means they believe the past life influences the current life. If it didn't... how could you possibly know you even had a past life? Personally I worry about attributing something to 'past lives' when the real problem could be much more mundane. Always go with a traditional psychological explanation; if that fails, then consider those other possibilities. That's just to keep you safe. I've seen enough people making bogus paranormal claims about illnesses when in reality they just don't take care of themselves that I'm weary of that sort of thing.