|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 3:05 pm
This may be bad.....................
You make me BLUE,
Like the waves it's true,
I'm at my zenith then I crash,
I am empty in a flash.
My feelings make me RED,
Tripping over what you just said,
How could words affect me so much,
Those words killed me as such.
My despair has an aura of VIOLET,
My despair's made me so violent,
I'm drowning in my meloncholy,
I'm dying can't you see?
I've revived, and I am YELLOW,
Don't disturb me I'm finally mellow,
Rising to the climax of my destiny,
I'm finally going to be happy.
My life has grown GREEN,
The world is no longer mean,
If you saw what I had just seen,
you would know that I'm finally free.
My angers, were depressing,
my brain, it was a messing,
now my soul is finnaly blessing,
these colors are finally resting.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 6:44 pm
Just be glad that you didn't try silver or purple. XD
I think that one way to make it sound better would be to alternate rhyme lines, i.e. "abab" instead of "aabb." For a few of the stanzas you could just switch the lines around, but a few would require careful tinkering.
Then again, I love alternating rhyme.
However, I think that the last stanza sounds amazing as it is, without switching the lines around at all. Perhaps alternate rhyme for the color verses, but leave the last?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
