CRITICS WANTED!!!

[Act of Random Kindness]

Okay, I wrote this poem in English class last week and wanted to know what y'all think of it. Please keep it constructive, but do give me your honest opinion.

What If…

What if the sky was blue
One plus one is two was true
What if a person said “cute” and
The first thing I thought of was you?

What if planes soared through the sky
Bumblebees flew and no one knew why
The square-root of nine was three
And for you I would gratefully die?

What if the grass was green
Watching a sunset was a beautiful thing
And seeing you smile the day before
Simply made my heart sing?

What if all lions roared
Snowdays were awesome and the rain poured
Whenever the sky was cloudy at night
And your laughter made my heart soar?

What if three lefts made a right
The worst part of summer was mosquito bites
A cloudless, blue sky was perfect and what if
My heart skipped a beat at your sight?

What if the sky was blue
One plus one is two was true
Ponies said “neigh”, cows went “moo”
And what if I loved you?

‘Cause I do

 

[Patron with a Mission]

Sounds like it could be a song.

My opinion is that it's great. biggrin  

[Lyonette]

One of the BEST poems I have EVER READ!

You're awesome.  

[darknessofanangel]

I liked it, but the beat seemed off at times like you were rhyming with the wrong line. Not that you were. Just that it felt that way. I wouldn't have ended it their either. I feel as if we have read a novel and the last pages were torn out for to never know how it ends.  

[Honeydukes Lover]

I love it! Can I put on my profile (with credit to you, of course)?  

[Demented_Duck]

I LOVE PURPLE!!
D<
It is really good!
-wants to keep it as a baby-

 

[Princess Tessa of Sailand]

That was beautiful. I heart purple.  

[Cherished Strawberries]

(I like brown.)

A very good poem! I loved it, especially how the last stanza started the same as the first. It does rhyme (in an AABA pattern), but I noticed that the meter is not always consistent. That's not necessary, actually, but that's my preference, heheh. sweatdrop I love it, though, because it so sweet.

However, I would leave out that very last line: " 'Cause I do". It sort of cuts the poem short and disrupts the flow of the rest of the stanzas.