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 Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 2:53 pm
Bangili = Venexia // Kosa = Sergeant Sargent She sighed.
The cub paced around the earth nervously, drawing out a circle in the ground. That seemed to be the only thing she could do here. Here, the word leaked venom from the girl's mind. Here, the swamp, her bed of loathing. She hated every little detail of it, loathed every inch of it. Nothing could make this new home a home, it just was horrible, absolutely horrible. 
She recognized the little lioness with drooping ears. Ah, little Bangili. Her granddaughter took after her in one special way: she never seemed to be happy. Of course, Kosa always tried to appear happy. She didn’t want to burden others with her unhappiness. They might start asking personal questions.
But Bangili wanted the world to know how she felt. Maybe she just needed a little attention. “Hello Bangili,” Kosa cooed, approaching from where the cub could see her. She smiled to show that she was happy to see her.
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 1:20 pm
Maybe she did want the world to know how she felt. But that was all - she wanted them to know, know but not fix it. It wasn't like her family could do anything anyways, they had brought her here; they had thrust this burden, this turmoil upon her. How were they to help her now? They all seemed so happy, so glad even blessed that this had happened. They wanted to be here, this was where they belonged or something of the sorts. She didn’t really know their thoughts, nor did she care.
She didn’t loathe the swamp for any pathetic reasons either – not because it might have a different smell or she’d get mud on her paws – no, Bangili wasn’t like that. She only hated it because it wasn’t home, and more so, because everyone could so easily forget their old home, their old memories, just within the matter of a few days. Bangili didn’t understand them, not one bit, and she wouln’t adjust, no sir. She wasn’t going to discard her childhood as they had, she wanted to keep it.
She head turned at the voice and she forced a little smile to play on her face. It wasn’t that she didn’t like her Grandmother, in fact, Bangili was fond of the lioness, it was just that a simple hello couldn’t cheer her up. Bangili was much too stubborn.
“How are you feeling today?” she cooed. In spite of the little girl’s stubbornness, she always liked Bangili better than her own children. Maybe it was that Bangili came from a marriage of mother and father where as Kosa needed to lie about her relationship to keep her dignity, or maybe it was the inner turmoil they shared. She just wished she knew why Bangili was so upset all the time.
She played coy for now, pretending that she hadn’t noticed Bangili’s pacing earlier. She didn’t want to upset her granddaughter by prying.
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 1:39 pm
Bangili grunted, but it was quickly stiffled, she didn't want her grandmother to think bad of her, that she was rude or otherwise. "Same as any other day," she couldn't help but sound slightly upset, it was no use to hide her feelings, they came through anyways. And Bangili was always more opened with her family than any other strangers, maybe that was why she wasn't so pleased with her current state, all these new, starnge faces. She didn't like it.
"How are you?" She added forcing another small smile, making sure to be polite.
Kosa sat down beside her granddaughter. She curled her tail neatly around her legs and squared her shoulders, looking regal. Like the rest of her family, she had no claim to royal blood. However, it was important for her to look dignified even when her paws felt restless. “I’m adjusting… slowly,” she sighed. “There are so many new faces to get used to. I can still hardly believe we’re all here together. Have you made any new friends yet?”
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 1:51 pm
"No," Bangili said, softly but still bold, as she sat down facing her grandmother. "I don't want to, I don't want to be here," she muttered, slowly releasing her thoughts from the depths of her mind. She sighed quietly, "There are too many faces I think...Too many." Her last words were a whisper, Bangili's voice beocming softer and softer with each phrase, she was worried she was saying too much and curious if that was a good or bad thing.
Kosa gave a slight nod. Her eyes appeared distant somehow. Too many strangers. They all had their own agendas, their own petty needs. She would be a fool to trust all of them. “Yes, change is difficult. It’s normal to be anxious about meeting new people. But we still have each other, don’t we?” She smiled softly. “You have your mother, father, uncles, and all your cousins here to support you. There’s no rush to meet new people. After all, our family is big enough for all of us, isn’t it?” she chuckled.
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 2:41 pm
"I'm not anxious," she said quickly, bluntly before the youth really knew what she was saying. Arrogant, that statement seemed and as soon as she had said it, the girl regretted it, wishing to swallow it back into the depths of her throat. "Yes, I have them," she repeated, softly, "So then why do I need any more? What was so wrong with home? Not this place, home home."
“Always asking such difficult questions,” Kosa said proudly. She laid herself down beside Bangili, sensing that they would be talking for a while.
“There was nothing wrong with our old home, Bangili. It just wasn’t where we belonged. Our pride is descended from Mama Bwawa, the Goddess of Swamps, as am I. As are you. We are all her children. Even though it may take some getting used to,” she pawed at the moist earth, “this is where we all belong. The Goddess wants us here.”
That felt like something her father would tell her, had he lived long enough to see the rebuilt pride.
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 7:12 pm
"We belonged, always we," her anger seeped out of her slowly as the cub found herself unable to contain it any longer, she had to tell someone, anyone. "This is not where I belong, I do not belong here, I belong back home." Even in her rage there was something very quiet about the child, her voice hushed but at the same time loud and full of anger.
She dismissed the comment about the goddess quickly, not wishing to speak ill of that figure - least of all in the presence of her grandmother - even though her heart pulled her against her wishes.
Kosa sighed and reached out to Bangili with her paw. “Give it a chance, dear. I am. Why don’t you go find your cousin Dama? I’m sure he’s having a fun time.”
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 7:25 pm
"I don't want top find Dama, especially if he's having a fun time. He can have all the fun he wants, he can have all the friends he wants, I don't care, it doesn't make anything better." She whispered, the traces of venom in her voice.
There’s just no pleasing her, is there? She felt tired of trying to coax her to smile or hope. Her words did nothing and her granddaughter’s dour expression only reminded her of the sadness she felt inside, but hid so well. If only Bangili could learn to hold things inside, too. Sometimes you just have to put aside your own feelings if you’re going to survive. She tilted her head at her granddaughter as if to aks a question that only Bangili could answer. She didn’t look accusing. Whatever the solution to Bangili’s problem, it had to lie within the cub’s own heart.
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 7:42 pm
Bangili paused, looking her grandmother in the eye. "How do you feel about this place then? Are you happy with Goddess?" There was no poison in her words, only pure interest in her grandmother's thoughts.
Kosa smiled slyly and stood with a shrug. “Too wet, too dark, too cold at night. But you know what they say about the grass always looking greener on the other side.” Purring loudly, she bent to nuzzle her granddaughter. “One day you’ll have to go on your naming quest. Then you’ll see what I mean.”
When at first you don’t succeed, pretend to be mysterious and let them figure it out on their own. She told herself that when Bangili went on her naming quest she would realize that the swamps weren’t really such a bad place to live. Even though she felt out of place among all these strange lions, she knew she could get used to these lands eventually, even call them home one day. She dearly hoped everything would turn up roses for her young granddaughter. Kosa did not want another reason to be sad.
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 7:56 pm
"Really?" Bangili whispered, "That's all you feel. I suppose Mother and Father are happy though and that's important..." Perhaps not as important as her happiness - though she'd never admit such thoughts - but it was important nonetheless. And then her grandmotehr said the magic words - naming quest. It seemed so mysterical, exciting and now - especially trapped in the swamp - Bangili couldn't wait to set off on hers. Here the air tasted bitter, but there she was sure it would taste of freedom. "What was your naming quest like?" She asked, wide eyes peering up curiously at the older lioness, "What happened? What did you do?"
Bangili’s question sent a pang of anguish through her heart. Must she tell this lie again? “That was a very long time ago, dear,” she whispered, her eyes looking suddenly dull. She started to walk in the direction of the family den. “I could use a nap. Maybe some other time.”
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 8:15 pm
She caught a hint, a hint of pain in her Grandmother's eyes, and perhaps any other cub would've let it go. But Bangili couldn't. Quietly she followed her grandmother. "...What happened Grandma?" She echoed her question before added softly, "Things are alwasy better once they're no longer only your stories to bare..."
They needed to cross a log over the swamp water to keep their paws dry. Kosa gave the log a distrustful look as she mounted it, using her claws to keep her grip firm and watching her paws carefully, avoiding the slippery moss. Danger, danger, danger. This swamp was aggravating. When she reached the other side her heart was still pounding in her throat. Bangili was still behind her. She glanced at her granddaughter with a flicking tail and smiled sagely, half in warning. “I’m weary of it now, I’ve told it so many times… Why don’t you ask your father about his name quest? It’s much more interesting.”
She lay on her side in the cool den with her tail curled around her chest and rested her head on her paws, facing away from the swamp.
((End~))
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