[PRP - West] Secrets. (Qián & Yi-Shi) -FIN

[[Eskimo]]

It was late evening, and there was no moon in the sky. Most of Tianxia was preparing for sleep. The stars were dull and the air was moist and chilled, nipping at Kleopatra's nose and urging her on faster.

The lioness trekked through a long line of trees, trying to be as stealthy as possible; trying to remain unseen. Her carefully-applied "mask" was smearing away from the wet air and from a day's work, and though she applied this "mask" on herself for small details, when it was all coming off...She needed the assistance of the apothecary.

Heart fluttering in her chest, Kleo blinked her eyes nervously, displaying certain emotions that were hidden in every situation, except this one. What would happen if someone saw her, she thought? What would they think? What would she do? What would they do? Though Kleo's routine visit to Yi-Shi was an ordinary occurrence to her now, those thoughts still plagued her mind each time she journeyed to the medic's domain.

Finally breaking through the trees, Kleo took a sharp breath and slipped into the shadows, blue eyes anchored on the tall, green grasses that surrounded Yi-Shi's area. She paused outside the clearing, catching her breath and calming herself down. She had made it thus far without interruption. She was here now. She had been through the worst of it.

With that thought, the brown lioness pushed through the grasses and stepped into the apothecary's clearing. Immediately she was filled with the scents of herbs. But it was a normal smell. She was used to it.

"Yi-Shi?" Kleo called hesitantly, squinting through the shadows.  

[Venexia]

Kifo'mwenzake, or Yǐ-shì to her new pride, usually stayed up late, in fact, some doubted the lioness slept at all. You always had to be prepared, situations could arise at any moment and the lioness never allowed herself to rest until she thought she was ready for such an emergencies. She still felt the burning need to prove herself, make herself worthy of staying in the House, and if anything went wrong, if she failed a medical task… She didn’t want to think about it.

Everyone had secrets. Kifo was a mystery herself. Her name, her past, she didn’t share any of it with anyone, leaving her pridemates to guess why the meanings of her two names are so different. Death’s companion and give life. Perhaps it was better that her Tianxia fellows only knew her “proper” name, Give Life. Wouldn’t one become nervous when dealing with a healer who was so closely linked to death? She figured so.

And she knew other’s secrets too, just a few. Tuō Qián came to mind first, as she mixed the lioness’ ointment for her scars. Sometimes secrets didn’t sit well with the lioness, especially when it meant hiding them from the Lord and Lady of the house, simply because she didn’t want to run into trouble with any of the rulers. But, everyone was intitled to their secrets, and Kifo wouldn’t betray anyone who had chosen to trust her.

Especially Qián, she could relate to the lioness. She only wanted to have confidence, to be liked. And that was exactly what Kifo wanted herself, they just went about it in different ways. Fudged different things – their looks or their opinions. They were just trying to achieve the same thing, and if there was shame in what Qián was doing, there was shame in her own actions as well. She didn’t want to admit such thoughts to herself.

At the sound of a voice, her head turned sharply to face the sound. Through the darkness she could see little, but she had been expecting the lioness, the voice was familiar. “Hello Tuō Qián,” she smiled into the shadows, regardless if her new company could see it or not. “How’re you tonight?” Her words were polite, starting the usual idle chat as she continued to mix the powder the lioness had come for.  

[[Eskimo]]

"Ah," the lioness breathed, stepping into the clearing more comfortably now that she had caught sight of the apothecary. "I didn't see you," she murmured clumsily, ears twisting. Clearing her throat gently, Kleopatra approached the white lioness, blue eyes watching as she mixed the rich-brown powders used to hide Kleo's scars.

Only the Lord and Lady, and perhaps some seers, knew exactly what had happened to Kleo in her past. They had seen her when she was at her worst; injured and nearing infection. But they did not know of the damage left after her wounds had healed. They did not know of the slashes and bite-marks that still remained; no hair growing there, and skin ugly and raw. But it only took that powder and those oils; it only took a bit of those rubbed into her fur and skin to blend her coat together. And her coat was not extremely short. She could easily brush some of her chest fur over the scars, and drape her bangs just so that the scars were even more covered than with the powders alone. If any scarring was noticeable, it would be the same color as her coat, and anyone would think it was just a little scar. And they wouldn't mind. Surely, Kleo thought. They would look at her normally.

Not like they would look at her if all of her scarring was visible...

"Good evening, Yi-Shi." she said politely, taking a seat not too far away from the apothecary. "I'm well." she answered, a bit of a lie considering how her nerves had acted up only moments before. "Would you...Like me to help you with anything?" she offered hesitantly, remembering that she had helped the other lioness by fetching things that she needed to save work for the apothecary.  

[Venexia]

“That’s good,” the Apothecary gave the lioness a small nod. “It’s always better when things are better,” she continued, her sentences not the most helpful of one. Kifo was good at that. The vaguer you were, the less offence one might take. Never voice an opposable opinion, never say anything one might find insulting; that was the lioness’ code. She had to be liked, wanted, needed in this pride. She could ruin this for herself.

Kifo didn’t know exactly what happened to Kleopatra, only that she bore markings she wished to hide. Quite frankly, the facts were irrelevant, in Kifo’s mind anyways. It was better not to worry about such things, to trouble oneself with such thoughts. It only lead to questions, and questions once voiced could be offensive. And, as usual, the last thing the healer wanted to do was offend another. So she didn’t prod, didn’t ask, didn’t look at her oddly, or inspect the scars – more than she needed too. It was better to act like the rest of the House, the rest of the pride, pretend that they weren’t there.

Though, a little voice inside of her couldn’t help but notice that the scars weren’t that bad. They were there, yes, they were flaws, yes… But they weren’t so bad. Insecurity, it was, wasn’t it? Or was it vainity? Kifo wondered what she would’ve done if she had bore such scars on her face.

“Oh, no, it’s almost done, I just didn’t expect you to come tonight…” She said absent mindedly, “I thought they would work a little longer…” There was a pause as she focused on the task at hand once more. “Should be ready now…”

“Anything interesting happen to record?” She asked, stepping backwards, silently she wondered if Kleo’s scars would be recorded ever, not that she’d ever ask that.

“It’s a nice night tonight…” She murmured, her eyes drifting outwards to study the stars. “Would you like to go for a walk, maybe?” It would be nice to get to know another House member.
 

[[Eskimo]]

The apothecary's riddling phrases always puzzled Kleo, but more than anything she was irritated by them. Because she remembered every strange word that came out of the girl's mouth, whether she wished to remember or not. And so she was twice as much confused by the lioness's words than any other, simply because she could never truly forget them. It was a very trying trait to carry with her; remembrance...

Sweeping a dew-covered paw over her face, the brown lioness rid herself of any remaining powder that may have been clinging to her. She smeared her paw on the grass, diminishing all traces of it. Now Kleo was mostly bare of her make-up. Her scars weren't lit up for the lack of moonlight, but Kleo felt that she could see them better than if they had been under sunlight. She averted her eyes from her chest, instead looking to the powder Yi-Shi had prepared for her. The brown colors glistened dully, smelling of sweet spices and some strange, subtly bitter smell. It was not at all unpleasant, however. Thankfully for Kleo.

Dipping a paw into the tree-bark basin, Kleo gathered a good amount of powder on her paw and began smearing it on her chest. Then she dabbed it in, taking her time in covering all the details.

"I thought so, too," the Historian said absentmindedly. "but it has been a wet evening..." Blue eyes hardened with displeasure at the moist air, as if it were alive and she was angry with it. Still, she continued applying the powder to her body and face.

"As for anything interesting, no. Normal, every-day things. But I suppose we should all be thankful for that." she said wisely. Besides, if anything startlingly-interesting should've occurred, Lord Zhōng Xíongwěi would've most likely told her not to speak openly of it.

"Ah, I..." she started, pausing in her work at the white lioness's question. She was never good with that sort of thing...Things like that were awkward. Kleo never knew how to handle them. She wanted to say no, for she never allowed herself true friendship with another, but at the same time she feared being looked at badly for her impolite refusal. Life was difficult for Kleo in that regard. But she knew full well that it was by her own doing.

"The...Air is very moist tonight. Perhaps I'd better finish up and go rest in a dry place for the night," she mumbled hastily, trying not to seem impertinent or rude. "But," she added quickly, "I will stay until the powder has set and I'm finished applying it. Has anything...Interesting happened to you lately?" she said. Though she knew nothing had gone on with the apothecary that Kleo didn't already know of; she was just desperately trying to keep up the small talk.

Being social was so very difficult.  

[Venexia]

Her phrases were meant to be dismissive. One nodded, one smiled and one forgot. But the lioness before her was different, she supposed. After all, the apothecary didn’t make cosmetics for just any lioness. She supposed Kleo had many traits – from her scars to her memory – whether good or bad, it certainly made the historian more interesting than herself, the apothecary supposed.

She watched as the lioness applied the powder. Guards, she supposed, wore their scars with pride, didn’t they? Each one a merit from fights won or survived. It made them seem stronger, tough, did it not? The healer mused over this, why did they not come to her for such a treatment when the historian did? Why did they only come to make sure nothing was infected and cause damage, when Kleo came to make it seem as if it wasn’t there…She wondered, if one day, the scars would ever be shown.

Kifo thought she might just be slightly proud of the lioness before her if that day ever came. Though, did you have to know someone to be proud of them? That was another thing to ponder.

“The weather often stands in one’s way, that’s how nature is,” she nodded at Kleo’s comment, looking not at her but at the herbs laid out here and there. It seemed as though someone has spilt them all, the way they were arranged, and yet in the girl’s mind it was as organized as could be. They were all clumped together for reasons only she knew – perhaps sorting and keeping similar ones together or ones that needed to be mixed together for whatever reason. Only she knew.

Though, in through, Kifo didn’t mind nature at all. When it was moist the herbs grew, when it was dry they blossomed in the warmth of the sun, though she supposed she liked it most at night. Didn’t everyone? Secrets could remain hidden in the shadows.

Perhaps that was what most disturbed her about the historians, they knew the secrets that the Lord and Lady kept from the House. Secrets that maybe they had the right to know – but they’d never even know that. Perhaps the House itself was full of secrets, when would they ever be exposed? “I suppose so, though sometimes it would be nice to have something exciting happen around here.” Wishful thinking, or words one day she’d eat.

She had expected the rejection, but she hoped for a better response anyways. She knew no one here, had no friends here, was it so bad to try and reach out for a companion? But, they both had their secrets and did becoming more friendly with one mean exposing such secrets? Kifo wasn’t sure.

“Nothing has happened, nothing ever happens… I do what I usually do, work as I usually work. It’s a system, a chain,” she mumbled abscent mindedly, sitting herself down. “I shouldn’t wish for such excitement, excitement has brought me nothing,” scenes of blood ran through her head, her mind flashing red, “But one cannot help wishful thinking…”

“Do you wish for anything?” She asked, quietly, though she already knew one thing the lioness wished for.

 

[[Eskimo]]

Secrets plagued society. Secrets plagued every individual on the face of the planet. Good secrets; exciting secrets, like a mother happily knowing she's pregnant while her mate did not. And bad secrets, like the one Kleo kept from everyone; how she had to kill her own adoptive family to save herself, and them, from their own madness. Such memories haunted Kleo; they were with her every day, every split second of her life. They would never leave. So as Kleo pondered the question the apothecary asked her, did she wish for anything, Kleo truly wished that she would forget that one thing; that one grave deed that made her feel so ugly, more than the physical ugliness of the scars which marred her delicate skin.

The lioness wished she wasn't ashamed of her scars, and of herself. She wished she had hated her adoptive family, so that she wouldn't feel pain from their deaths. She wished she was braver and liked who she was inside more, so that she wouldn't be so self-conscious of her outer-appearance.

Blue eyes flitting down to the grass, and working paws slowing down in thought, the lioness simply sat still, pondering her wishes. What good was wishing? Life was life. Things happened as they did, whether for a reason or simply because they happened.

Of course the apothecary herself had secrets. It was obvious just by looking at her. So often, she was by herself. So often, she was gazing at the sky, as if waiting for something.

Were there reasons for things? Was there such a thing as "destiny"? If yes, why had Kleo's life played out like it had? What was it for? Yes, she had found a beautiful place to live, a purpose in life, and, though she didn't really want to believe it yet, others that were looking out for her...But there was an emptiness in her. She wondered if it would ever be filled. No...She wished that it would be filled. Her deepest wish was for love; to feel it again. But a different kind of love...The love a female had for a male, and the love a mother has for her children.

Swallowing painfully in an attempt to rid her throat of a strange knot that had appeared, she put back on her mask; her emotional mask, and looked to the other lioness once more.

"...Yes," she answered, just above a whisper. Then she raised her tone, not wanting to seem unusually quiet. "everyone has wishes, I believe..." she flicked her blue eyes to the sky of black, picking out the stars.

And silently, she wished on one.  

[Venexia]

Did exposing secrets do any good either? That was why there were secrets, wasn’t there… And even though she wished to know them, maybe it was better if she didn’t. How could she know? She couldn’t, not until it was too late in most cases. It was better to be oblivious, if only she could be.

Her past. She hated her past, was haunted by her past. The smell of the dead was her first memory, waking up to see her world soaked in blood, to feel her mother’s warmth slipping away. To watch her eyes roll backwards, to hear her lungs, her heart, her mouth freeze. To hear nothing, and to know she had done nothing to spot it from happening. Only hide under the shelter of a corpse. How cruel she had been, her mother had defended her, but she had not stood up for her mother. How noble was that? It was not.

And what would see say if she knew that no one would care about her secrets? Would she ever say that was cursed, a bad omen? She thought herself that, they had told her that, drilled it into her mind. And whether she truly was or not no longer crossed her mind, if they said she was cursed then surely she was cursed. They would know about such things, she didn’t. She trusted them, trusted them even as they clawed at her, taunted her, teased her.

Perhaps that was what she wished for to be, to think herself, normal, not a bringer of death, not a curse. But a normal healer in a normal pride. She wished that she could’ve stood up for her family in their time of need whether than hiding behind them.

And, maybe, she wished the same thing that her company longed for. To be whole, to have someone love her and not taunt her, to have someone accept her and not turn away. This pride, it was a step, but there was something greater she longed for. How could one not desire to be whole? Destiny, she didn’t know about. Was she destine to bring this plague with her wherever she went, was she destine to be viewed as scum unless she lied about her past, unless she adopted another name? Was she destined to remain here in Tianxia? Who was she to know, she certainly didn’t control fate. If she had, she would’ve changed so much.

She could only nod at Kleo’s words. “Wishing ruins the heart,” she muttered, looking past her fellow lioness and longingly into the night sky. Sky, it was endless, full of hope and possibility. She wished the same for her.
 

[[Eskimo]]

Rubbing in the last of the powder, and gazing at her reflection in a pool of water the apothecary kept, Kleo inspected herself. Yes, all the scars were covered. She patted a few spots she saw she missed, successfully blending in the last of her marred features with the rest of her brown-colored fur. Relief washed over the lioness when she was finished, knowing that she would be fine in the morning; knowing that her carefully-applied powder would last her for, hopefully, a good, long day.

Sighing shortly, Kleo stood and gave a taut bow to Yi-shi, showing her deep appreciation. She was the only one who had only seen her scars so close-up...In that sense, she was closest to that lioness than any other member of Tianxia. Yet they were distant from each other; like strangers. Doctor and patient. Perhaps, Kleo thought silently, perhaps one day they would really be...friends.

Kleopatra gave a light smile. But she seemed as though she were unsure of her own expression. "Thank you, Yi-Shi." she said gratefully, wiping off the remnants of the powder in the grass with her paw. "I should let you get some rest, now." she said, signaling her departure.  

[Venexia]

The apothecary was like that to everyone, she supposed. Doctor and patient, lion and lioness, bound by the their House and their pride, so similar but never that close to one another. Friendship was dangerous, some thought it a game while some were sincere. How was one to separate those too? It was safest to be alone, even though she wished not to be, but her time here had been devoted to being just that, safe and nothing more. Still, if there was anyone she could be friends with… She supposed it was the lioness before her. The historian had opened up to her, shared with her a deep secret, which meant she trusted the apothecary to some degree, or so Kifo liked to think, and they were similar, she supposed, to some degree.

“I…” She mumbled, not quite sure to say at first. She had expected the lioness to leave as soon as she could, but was it wrong to wish that she could’ve stayed a little while. Maybe not even talking as pitifully as they had, just sitting in the silence. For now, she really didn’t feel like spending the night alone. Loneliness finally seeping into her, as the shadows were soon morph into her only company, to the lioness it was an unpleasant thought.

Still, she too attempt a quivering smile, “You’re welcome Miss Tuō Qián,” she bowed slightly in return, out of formaility. Rest, perhaps she should take a small indulgence of that. Though, when pale eyes gazed back around her the herbs still needed organizing and some needed to be further treated so they were ready too loose. Rest, maybe she’d have some of that later.

“Wishes taunt, and wishes scorn, Qián, but I hope yours come true,” she whispered, and Kifo thought she really meant those words for the lioness. The historian deserved something nice to happen to her once in awhile, she figured.

 

[[Eskimo]]

A faint smile played on Kleo's lips at the apothecary's words, and her emotions were clear in her blue eyes. She bowed her head, perhaps bashfully, and turned her ears back.

"You too," she said quietly, truly meaning it. The apothecary had done so much for her. Kleo wanted some way to repay her; one day, maybe. If she could ever think of anything the lioness wanted or needed in her life. And she'd have to get over her social awkwardness. When that day came, if it came, she would repay the girl for everything. And perhaps then, they would be friends.

It was a nice thought, at least.

Turning around, Kleopatra slipped through the long grasses and departed from the apothecary's lair. Ears up and tail stiff, she made her way back to her own quarters.

Her wishes would haunt her dreams that night.