Where do I begin? Help?

[StellaLuna SkyWind]

I'm going to say, I'm quite lost with everything right now. I believe i've lost all my paths and anything else that has kept me grounded for the longest time. And things are just falling apart. I'm regretting almost everything I'm doing, and I need some help.  

[Morgandria]

Taikiko

I'm going to say, I'm quite lost with everything right now. I believe i've lost all my paths and anything else that has kept me grounded for the longest time. And things are just falling apart. I'm regretting almost everything I'm doing, and I need some help.

I don't really have enough information or background on your situation to give you any sort of useful advice. Could you elaborate?  

[StellaLuna SkyWind]

I'm falling more and more submissive to people because honestly i can't find a place where i'm happy enough to decide things by myself. So i'm doing stupid things to please people that shouldn't matter, and I'm only hurting myself. I don't feel connected to anything. I can't choose a pantheon or just one deity to start myself with, and every bit of practicing that I tired doing seems to have fallen to pieces as i have no space anymore. My life just seems to be falling to pieces. i have no guidance or any way to see what's coming. Things are happening that I can't control, and i'm just falling deeper into depression because of them.p/size]  

[Pixie Pasha]

⊕--------

I'm sorry to sound harsh (I really am) but such is life dear. Things happen to all of us every day that we can't control. No one can have complete control over there life. It's not possible. You'll worry your self to death trying. Feeling pass and it might be hard to see but there is life after sorrow. In fact we can't know happiness without it.

-------⊕

 

[meow_musicbox]

I went through the same thing about a year ago. Try taking a warm bubble bath and meditate. That really helped me and my deity found me.  

[Morgandria]

Taikiko

I'm falling more and more submissive to people because honestly i can't find a place where i'm happy enough to decide things by myself. So i'm doing stupid things to please people that shouldn't matter, and I'm only hurting myself. I don't feel connected to anything. I can't choose a pantheon or just one deity to start myself with, and every bit of practicing that I tired doing seems to have fallen to pieces as i have no space anymore. My life just seems to be falling to pieces. i have no guidance or any way to see what's coming. Things are happening that I can't control, and i'm just falling deeper into depression because of them.p/size]

I'm sorry that things are rough right now. A few thoughts:

Don't -ever- make yourself something you are not, simply to have people around you. You do not have to submit yourself to others to be acceptable. It sucks, but sometimes the best thing you can have is time to yourself - especially if you're being used by others for their own ends. Friendship is a two-way street. If it's one way, and you're the one getting driven...time to take a different street.

Nothing says you must pick a pantheon or deity for yourself as a starting place. Simply leave yourself open to experience, and do as much reading and learning as you can. You may be surprised by what comes to you in that open state. Find things that interest you, and things you want to learn. Don't fixate on an end or a goal.
Simply see where you end up.

I speak from experience, because this is how I started. I simply took things as it came, learned as much as I could, and started having experiences. My allies and guardians, my pantheon and patrons chose me along the way - something I may have blocked out or missed if I had set my sights on something particular to start.

Love yourself. Like yourself. Honour yourself. As someone else recommended, cleanse yourself spiritually. Strengthen your aura and your skills. When you feel better about yourself, you may find that your sense of connection will also become stronger and clearer. .

And know that even if you do end up hitting the bottom, you will find your way out again. Depression falls into many lives, but it doesn't have to be the end. And if you think it might be, talk to someone.

I wish you well.