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 Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 3:56 am
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Note: This is just a joke interview I posted on www.myspace.com/draxsis, my band's page. Let's see how long it goes up before one of my bandmates delete it.
It has been several years since we've been granted an interview with the legendary non-legendary bass player Tony Jenkins. Today we sit down and get the follow up from the missing blog of so long ago. Follow along in this work of fiction to get an outsider's look at the greatest not so great bass player of all time, Sid Vicious! Oh burn! Kidding, kidding. I'm talking about Tony here. Remember that.
Where last time we interviewed Tony the setting was dark and bleak, lit candles of various sizes and found in black and purple surrounding him, we now see him sitting in a cardboard box with a newspaper roof. Side note, look for sports section of today's paper...
Tony: So Tony, it's been a long time since...
The Bassist: Shut up. First, you'll refer to me as The Bassist. And unlike that bearded guy from Guitar Hero I actually say something. And did you bring the bean and chee?
Tony: Bean and... chee?
The Bassist: Of course you didn't! How about you get the f$$k off my lawn then?
Tony: Um, "The Bassist", I'm not on your lawn. In fact, we're nowhere near any grass at all.
The Bassist: I knew that. I was testing you, Jack Black style. But you're too stupid to get that. Go on, you have my permission to ask me questions.
Tony: Thanks... I think. Let's begin with how your bass playing is going.
The Bassist: It's terrible. I go to the computer stores to watch youtube videos and all I see are bassists playing pop and slap. It's a real dampener on my mood. Or maybe it's the rain on the way home to my even more wet cardboard box.
Tony: So you're saying that you're feeling inadequate as a bassist?
The Bassist: No, you're putting words in my mouth. Sorry, not everyone has to have a d$$k in it like you do. I'm simply saying that I don't do pop and slap, so therefore everyone thinks I'm a terrible bassist.
Tony: But I don't think...
The Bassist: Everyone thinks I'm a terrible bassist.
Tony: Right... Moving on, any new influences, or things you would care to share?
The Bassist: Yeah, Death.
Tony: You're now suicidal, or are you emo?
The Bassist: I've got it. You want to die, and I'm going to help you.
Tony: I don't know what you're talking about.
The Bassist: That's the problem! I said Death, the f$$king band! They've had a few great bassists over their career. Also Alex Webster of Cannibal Corpse. He's coming through to me now. I've been reviewing Rex Brown's stuff with Pantera too. Jaco also, looking at Victor Wooten's licks. John Myung, Paolo from Trivium. I've added several. Joey Demaio of Manowar, Steve Harris has come to the forefront. But like Cliff Burton, I let guitar players inspire my writing styles.
Tony: Care to name some?
The Bassist: If I name them, that means they're my kids. And... I'm kidding. I suppose this is where I plug my band. Guitarists Jim Phillips, Branden Stone and Nathan Phillips are great inspirations. Hm, that's a good question. Guitar players lately have been Dimebag Darrell, Tony Iommi, Zakk Wylde. By far though the biggest is Brendon Small as Skwisgaar. The guy is a god in my eyes. Not for his show, and no, he's not the first death metal band I've heard. The music is very melodic, and comes equipped with great skill. Awesome sweep picking, hands down. It's just... sploogey good.
Tony: That's nice. I'll be sure to tell Branden you said hi.
The Bassist: You know Brendon?
Tony: No, I said Branden. But of course I know Brendon. Who doesn't.
The Bassist: Introduce me to him!
Tony: Here, have a copy of Dethalbum II. I think you'll get to know him fine.
The Bassist: You motherf$$ker.
Tony: Yeah, well... Hate to wrap this up, but do you have any plans in the near future you'd like to share with the fans you don't have?
The Bassist: You can take whatever fans I have, and shove them up your a$$! If I had any. But sure, I'll share a few ideas. Practice, practice, and oh yes, practice. I'm playing more guitar again. Definitely better at it now than when I quit to play bass over these last three years. May add some more stuff to personal musician page. And... I may be showcasing my death metal riffs I've been working on, though I've always been more into melodic things. In particular melodic black metal, and some symphonic stuff. But yeah, that should be about it. Oh, and I might change my pants. I don't think they're wet from the rain we're having, if you get me.
Tony: You disgust me. We'll just stop right here. Have a nice day!
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