|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 11:33 pm
Well, it seems I've come to this. Finally splurging my emotional, pixel guts all over you guys here in the Guild. It's just been eating at me and the panic alone is really starting to take a tole on me. Here is my predicament:
As I've stated in my opening post to the Guild, I am a nineteen-years-old male and have been experiencing problems for quite some time. From my adolescent stage in life, I had been treated less than most would treat an infestation or a pest in their home. I was the result of an unwanted pregnancy, you see, and was thus treated that way from then on: Unwanted. So throughout these learning and development stages in life, I've tried my best to claw and scrabble my way to the top of whatever pit of disgusting despair my parents attempted to toss me into. Often times succumbing to their obscene ways of twisted tricks and cruel emotional torture. My elder siblings; twin brothers, would often times try and defend me from their actions but we never spoke a word to authority figures or anything of the like.
My culture is of the Japanese orient. We're taught since childhood that our personal problems should remain just that - personal. So even when we moved to the states around the time I was eleven, the damage had been done. Adjusting had been difficult: Cultural shock, dissociate mannerisms, subtle indications even at this time of my developing Schizophrenia, and the neglect only seemed to worsen the more we moved about the states due to my dad's rather finicky career.
From the moment I could branch out and obtained a job, things seemed alright. At this time I had only hit my early teens and was quite successful surprisingly at doing what I had been hired at - working counter and janitorial duties at the local ColdStone Creamery. It felt nice to get out and away from my lunatic parents. It felt great to be earning pay. However, with my mental illness soon flourishing into activity and my sexuality becoming known to my parents things soon plummeted around me.
Medications and constant venting from a mother in denial about her son being a homosexual - as are my brothers, but she didn't know this at the time - I had succumbed further into a depressive state where I resorted to bodily harm. What harm did it do anymore, I had wondered then, as my parents did most of the scar tissue that was painfully aware across my upper body. What more would this have done? And thus I crippled inward on the euphoric effects of the damage.
Even beyond that fateful day I had been removed from my parents' household - two years ago - and moved in with my elder brothers, nothing felt right still. I had adapted so well to the abuse and trauma that anything calm and collected felt alien, wrong, and just plain tricky. It felt as if the moment I would relax the next instant something would spring out and grasp me by the throat. This hadn't happened for a long time, though.
It did happen. It finally did.
My job relocated after a while and was outside of my driving range. My brothers had become sick and tired of my presence, despite my constant help and participation around the house, and my healthy insurance ran out the moment I hit the age of eighteen. I had been attending school, yes. I remained within those walls, yes. But my parents decided enough was enough and evicted me from the plan. Thus my medications ceased in their refills. I had no money at this time anymore to purchase more. Though somehow I had managed to graduate with top grades in my class.
Now within this last year I had managed to get a job at Target, moved out of my elder brothers' house, obtained a small white kitten, made a small hole for myself in the vacant room at a friend's house, managed to only have to pay really cheap rent from their mom, and had gotten really cheap health insurance.
Along with that, though: I've lost my job due to discriminatory reasons, found out my health insurance was absolutely useless in my district, had been refused residency back into my brothers' home - which was fine since I wasn't prepared to go back anyway -, have placed out every sort of application I could for any sort of job out there, have not received yet any calls, have been hiding and skipping out on rent, cannot afford any groceries of my own and have been leeching off friends sadly, and I just don't know what to do.
I have to come up with rent here soon or I'm going to honestly end up homeless in the middle of winter. I live in Minnesota and it is hellishly cold here.
Everything just seems to have been smacking me in the face since childhood and I know things could be worse, but really, it all now has just been building and I'm at that one point in my life finally where I just do not know where to turn. I'm still clawing and struggling to do anything I can to obtain cash, which really has been me lying about my sexuality in order to sell plasma for sixty bucks a drawing. It's not enough though.
Nothing's enough.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. This is finally the one thing that has me stumped and panicked and just backed into a frightful corner. There's no relatives for me to call. I cannot go back home because of the court and because hell, they abused me since I was a child. I cannot go back to my brothers' since they started doing the same. I cannot go to friend's houses because, well, I've only really got acquaintances and am currently living in a friend's house.
I don't know what to do. I'm so home-sick for my home country. I'm so home-sick for a right home.
What should I do? What the hell should I do?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 12:32 am
Uhmmm.. join the Peace Corp?? From what you've described there is not much holding you to where you are now, nor does it sound as if you've the resources to stay where you are. So this could be a viable option. Though I wasn't able to obtain information about whether your medical condition would affect your application due to the list of conditions being a PDF.
I'd look into it more for you but I have to be up in three hours for work, and seriously need some sleep.
Here's the site
http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm
Good luck mate, I'm rooting for you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
PitifulSoulLostInDarkness Captain
|
Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 1:06 am
Have you tried applying to college?? Because you can get financial aid...and you can live on campus....*huggles tight*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 1:20 am
@-ScrippyPaws-:
Thanks graciously for the suggestion. I'll check into it and make a couple calls if I have to. My condition very well may hinder my chances in anything since it already kind of has - especially since I'm not on any of my medications at the moment, which sucks.
I really appreciate this. Thank you.
@PitifulSoulLostInDarkness:
College in itself costs money. Even to apply costs money. And I have none currently. The economy is so bad. Everyone is either losing their jobs/laid off or having their hours drastically cut in half.
It's difficult these days, but I want to feel as if I can do this. I don't want this to be the one thing to push me off the brink.
Blaaargh!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
PitifulSoulLostInDarkness Captain
|
Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 1:35 am
XxTwisted-Suicide-AngelxX @-
@PitifulSoulLostInDarkness:
College in itself costs money. Even to apply costs money. And I have none currently. The economy is so bad. Everyone is either losing their jobs/laid off or having their hours drastically cut in half.
It's difficult these days, but I want to feel as if I can do this. I don't want this to be the one thing to push me off the brink.
Blaaargh!
More reason to come to Mississippi...basically everyone here is poor so colleges dont charge to apply....if you got your high school diploma than your are accepted...XDD its kinda sad really
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 2:00 am
PitifulSoulLostInDarkness XxTwisted-Suicide-AngelxX @-
@PitifulSoulLostInDarkness:
College in itself costs money. Even to apply costs money. And I have none currently. The economy is so bad. Everyone is either losing their jobs/laid off or having their hours drastically cut in half.
It's difficult these days, but I want to feel as if I can do this. I don't want this to be the one thing to push me off the brink.
Blaaargh!
More reason to come to Mississippi...basically everyone here is poor so colleges dont charge to apply....if you got your high school diploma than your are accepted...XDD its kinda sad really Sure is motivation enough to get me to want to pack my bags and get my ungrateful butt down there. Especially since you guys now own me, haha. I'm seriously going to have to consider what I'm going to do now with these new opportunities here to help me.
And yup! I do have my High School Diploma. Graduated highly surprisingly. I've got exceptional test scores and a US Legit IQ test of one-hundred-and-seventy. You'd think that would be enough to get a scholarship, right? Wrong. The school I went to only had sport scholarships. I didn't like sports.
Jerks.
gonk
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
PitifulSoulLostInDarkness Captain
|
Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 2:26 am
XxTwisted-Suicide-AngelxX PitifulSoulLostInDarkness XxTwisted-Suicide-AngelxX @-
@PitifulSoulLostInDarkness:
College in itself costs money. Even to apply costs money. And I have none currently. The economy is so bad. Everyone is either losing their jobs/laid off or having their hours drastically cut in half.
It's difficult these days, but I want to feel as if I can do this. I don't want this to be the one thing to push me off the brink.
Blaaargh!
More reason to come to Mississippi...basically everyone here is poor so colleges dont charge to apply....if you got your high school diploma than your are accepted...XDD its kinda sad really Sure is motivation enough to get me to want to pack my bags and get my ungrateful butt down there. Especially since you guys now own me, haha. I'm seriously going to have to consider what I'm going to do now with these new opportunities here to help me.
And yup! I do have my High School Diploma. Graduated highly surprisingly. I've got exceptional test scores and a US Legit IQ test of one-hundred-and-seventy. You'd think that would be enough to get a scholarship, right? Wrong. The school I went to only had sport scholarships. I didn't like sports.
Jerks.
gonk
T.T with good trascript and you dont even have to have a high IQ but since you do that would gladly accept you here with a full paid scholarship ^^ and you can go to college with me and moon....and yesh chu are owned hehe....though there arent that many places to work...at the colleges here....idk about anywhere else .... but we have work study where you work for a professor and get paid..not much...but money is money biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:50 am
apply to every college you can where there is no application fee. If there is a fee, call them to see if it can be waived if you are poor, an emancipated minor, have mental conditions, are a 2nd gen immigrant, have good grades whatev.
With those grades, you can get a scholarship somewhere...
plus there are disability scholarships like this
http://www.disabilityscholarships.us/disability-scholarships/unknown-disability-schizophrenia-scholarships-grants-for-college/182/
How old are you? still under 18? Well emancipated minors get larger stafford loans than dependants. Stafford loans are awesome because they do not accumulate interest until you graduate college.
The best part about college is......Affordable health insurance that you cannot be turned down for! yay!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
