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 Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:22 pm
They were leaving. Going. Going far away. Never to return. Never to set eyes on the desert of their family again. She would never hear their voices, hear them laughing. She would not get to look into their eyes and try to read what they were thinking inside.
And here she was, hating and loving them. Hating them for being different. Hating them for leaving. And loving them because what else was there between siblings who had no reason to fight? She hated this. This emotion she just could not understand. She wanted to retreat to an emotionless, hollow thing who did not feel sadness or anger. And yet, she knew that could never be. Her thoughts were wild and untamable and they drove her almost mad with their confusing frenzy.
Her golden pelt was growing distant now.
No. NO! She couldn't just stand here and let it happen. She needed to say something and the time for thinking was gone. She screamed, as if she had been mortally wounded, and then surged forwards across the sands, her step hindered as the compact sand became sweeping dune.
"WAIT!!" She called as loud as she could. "Wait my desert sun!"
And already the tears came streaming down her face.
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:29 pm
Mwako'Nakama wasn't sure how to feel, but at least she had Gaddith, She was walking a bit behind him now, wanting so desperately to turn around and plead to stay, say she would change her name even, dye her pelt, anything. But this was how it was meant to be. She swallowed her pride, her hidden desires, her sadness but the stinging in her eyes was burning, she bit her lip trying to keep them at bay.
Gaddith would always be there, and somewhere, whether by sand or grass, they would find themselves at a new home, trying to find their way in the world. How would she send word, how would she tell Mwako'Damu of all the stories they would share and adventures she and Gaddith would go through? Perhaps she could tame a hawk or falcon by the time they settled.
A calling voice stopped her, and she could see Gaddith's forms top to look as well.
She was running.
The whole time they were saying goodbye, her sister seemed so distant. Nakama loved her sister so much, felt closest to her, felt jealous of the color of her pelt, but loved her all the same. Nakama thought her sister wanted them gone, thus said nothing. "Give me a few moments, please brother?" he said nothing and she started racing towards her sister's form, they were beyond the firekin borders now, so it was safe.
Nakama stopped, silver eyes trying to search those of her sister, simply asking why? Why now? The stinging in her eyes grew hotter as she tried to stay strong.
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:33 pm
She drew to a halt a few paces away, shuddering from the effort of the sprint and from the tears that drew her breath short. She looked there across at her sister. Her ugly, beautiful sister who was both Firekin and not. Such an oddity. A creature that Naar-ehuka struggled to comprehend and had since the day they had been told...
...told of her fate.
"The desert sun...night comes but...but it returns. It always returns." She was spluttering, not really understanding what she was saying. She'd never been good with words...or actions...or anything, really. Yet she knew she had to do this. There was something to say. Something to do. And it had to be done now or never.
And suddenly it was too much. She broke into ragged sobbing and moved forwards to embrace her sister, afraid of what was happening and not looking forward to the future at all.
Not one little bit.
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:49 pm
"Naar what-" and she didn't have time to finish, her sister was speaking in tongues. Was she the desert sun? Nakama had always wondered why, if she looked at the sun over the dunes, why she was not true enough to the firekin colors and blood. Her sister broke into tears and it was strange, this feeling, having her sister show tears that were not shown before.
Why all of this emotion now, why could her sister not wish to embrace her moments ago?
Nakama slung her right arm around her sisters shoulder, pulling her close, her head on her sister's neck, breathing softly.
"This is not goodbye forever, I swear to you my sister," she pulled back slightly, but still in an embrace, her silver eyes shining with small tears streaking down her face, dampening her fur. "Somehow, someway I will return again, if merely for a visit out here, outside the pride's borders, but someday," she spoke softly, "someday they will see that I am as you are. I've always wanted to be like you Naar, always," she closed her eyes and held Naar closer, tighter, she didn't want to let go.
"Just, just promise me you will look after mother, the others, please don't forget me."
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:58 pm
Why Naar did things and did not do things was beyond anyone - even Naar herself. All she knew was that before, she had not been able to move, and now she could. Perhaps it was starting to dawn on her how real all this was. How very, terribly real...
She wept all the more as her sister returned the embrace, shaking with the fury and the grief of all of this. And then she was pulling back a little and the red sister moved to meet Nakama's silver-eyed gaze. "Of course you will." Naar spluttered. "Of course you will. You'll see. This is where the sun belongs. This is the home of the sun!" Sniffing sadly, she tightened her hold, not wanting to part.
She held so many emotions for her sister, but right then she squashed all but one away. She really wanted to be like her? Like Naar? Naar who would not think beyond her emotions? Naar who was ruled by them and confused by them? "No. No, Nakama. You should never wish that. Never. I'm not a good person, Nakama. I think bad things. Bad things all the time. I might be red but...but it means little. You are leaving, Nakama...and I am leaving too. My heart, here." She patted her chest softly. "It's leaving."
And her tears refreshed, washing over her. She was both touched by her sister's words and ashamed of herself. She had hated Mwako'nakama. She still did. And the shame burned in her all the more.
"I'll never forget. Never. Never. Never. Never."
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:01 pm
"Despite what you may think of yourself, I've always wanted to be like you, always wished to try and dye my pelt the same color as yours so we could be closer, so we could almost be one. But Naar, no, your heart is still within you,keep it close, let the fire I hold burn inside your heart as well, let my firekin spirpit still reside here in you and in your heart."
Nakama offered a small smile, bit her lip and looked to the ground, there was one more thing, just one more.
"I only wish for you to do one thing for me, but you must swear you will do it first before I tell you what it is, do you swear sister? Please? For me?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:05 pm
She patted her chest again, slowly and sort of trance-like. She'd keep her heart here? But how? How when everything seemed to be falling apart. She hated this. The confusion it spread. The anger it invoked in her. She said nothing on that, keeping her paw to her chest as if she might physically keep her heart from going - which of course, physically, it couldn't.
And she would never understand why Mwako'nakama wanted to become like Naar-ehuka. She would rather it was her leaving right now and her sister staying. Somehow she felt being here didn't help her confused state of things. Sometimes she wanted to break free of rules and boundaries and take flight.
"One thing?" She uttered softly. Suddenly she grew afraid. What did she want? Should she promise before she knew it? She supposed she ought to, else ruin this whole farewell.
"I swear." She replied, her eyes somewhat glazed
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:07 pm
"I-I want you to go where mother paints on the slates," she began. She knew the stone slates all too well, how Nakama wanted to secretly change her place on the stone slabs in hope they would let her stay if she was painted with the rest of the pride. "I want you to go when mother is not there, I don't want her heart to break anymore than it has."
Would he sister do this for her, would she not agree?
"I want you to dip your paw in water and go to my picture, your paw still damp, even if partly sandy, I-" she stopped, looked to her sister's eyes, "I want you to run your paw over my form, make it seem as a ghost on the slate. Please sister, will you do this for me?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:11 pm
She listened, her body tense, her heart thudding (so it was still there after all!) And she listened to her sister's words, both afraid and angry at what she was saying! To smear her image upon the slabs? To ruin Mother's beautiful drawings!
She choked. "N-no." She squeezed her eyes closed an dhot tears ran free. "Not your picture. Not you." It would be like wiping her paw over her sister, wouldn't it? Smearing her shape, taking her away. She couldn't do it, could she! One could take back a promise, couldn't they?
"The little you should stay, Nakama!"
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:13 pm
"Please Naar, please?" she pleaded, "I am leaving for now, and will be a ghost to the pride. I will still linger but merely in spirit, my form, it was never welcomed here by color. Gaddith's could, yes, but his name was the reason for his coming with me. His image can stay, but mine cannot, not until I return, please Naar, your promised!"
She was trying to hold in the tears, not let them fall.
"You promised Naar, do this for me, please. My picture will not disappear, I will come again, you will see."
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:17 pm
"Fine!" The words were blurted from her as if she could not contain them much longer. She turned her head away, the tears still falling - though they had slowed now. "I'll do it. I'll do it. But Mother won't like it and neither will I."
She looked down at her paws - as if blaming them and hating them for an act they had yet to commit. "But I'll do it. And when you come back, Mother will draw it again." She seemed adamant about that.
There was silence and then...
"I love you!"
And that was it. That was all that really need to be said. And as if she were ashamed of admitting it, she burst into new tears and turned and fled back to where the others were already dispersing. Back home to her cold, dark den to cry out her last remaining tears.
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Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:21 pm
Nakama knew Naar would be upset with her, her wanting her sister to do this. But Nakama felt like her image should not show strong, no, not until she found a way to return here and stay here for good, not until he form could be readily accepted. Until then, the desert sun would keep walking until she found her home somewhere beyond the horizon line.
With Naar's last words before she fled, Nakama watched as her sister tore over the dunes to run away from her, this, those words, and tears were shed from her eyes.
Nakama craned her neck back and roared as loud and strong as she could, she was leaving, when she'd return she did not know.
But before her eyes were turned from the Firekin lands forever, she smiled, closing her eyes, her heart aching, "I love you too, sister."
And she and Gaddith were off like the setting sun.
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