Oh, tommorrow's gonna be interesting...

[Black_Angel_Flowne]

*Paces around*
... I... I think I may have completely destroyed the relationship between my best friend and I. But I won't know until tomorrow...
This friend of mine is the same one whose transgendered... The thing is, I've have... some very deep feeling for her/him. Just being around her makes me feel better than it does in any other way. I just want to stay as close as I can to her, no matter what. I don't have any interest in marrying her or have an intimate relationship with her... but still, I just can't control these feelings for her.
I guess you would call it an asexual crush... because I only want to remain close to her/him... and nothing more... but still, it's been absolutely eating me alive for the last few days...
what's worse, my friend has feelings for another boy, but.... arrrrrggggh!!!! *slaps herself a few times* cry

sigh... I just sent her an e-mail admitting everything... my feelings, my confusion, everything... which she probably won't be able to read until after work around 4 in the afternoon... sigh, I think I may have really screwed up... cry

We've been together for almost 10 years now!!! She's like sister to me!!! We've been through a ton of stuff together!! and now I feel like I've just messed up her life even more... Was I wrong to even tell her everything? She tells me to talk to her about everything, as I say for her to do with me, but still... I think I went way too far... I'm going to be worried about it until I get a message back... if she'll talk to me again...  

[Zizzykitty]

Oh, that sounds rough.
I hate it when you send some defining message and you need to wait a while to get a reply.

I fail to see how you screwed up though.
As long as you explained how you feel, like you said you don't want to have an intimate relationship you just want to remain close to them, then how is that messing up?
(I'm also not quite understanding what you mean though, is this like intense sisterly love or you do want a relationship with her but you're not interested in sex with her?)

You weren't wrong to tell her at all.
I don't know how to judge a reaction though because I don't know your friend.

I'd wait for a reply and if it goes a while, like until tomorrow because that would give her a second day to reply, without one then maybe try giving her a call.  

[Black_Angel_Flowne]

It's not the sisterly thing, though certainly it would make my life more easier if it was. I wouldn't have even bothered telling her about it if that was all it was. sweatdrop

Deep down, I WANT a relationship with her, and more than just "Hey, we're best friends" and all that rot.
But I don't have those feelings of wanting to be in an intimate relationship. I don't know why, but she's the only person I've ever felt this way for, and I've had several crushes in the past... I always assumed that love and lust just kinda went hand and hand, and then, all of a sudden, these feelings just start coming out... (Well, they came out with abomb. They've been around for a while, but I figured it would eventually die out...)

Does that explain it a bit further? My apologies if it was really confusing. I was half asleep when writing this...

As for why I feel like I've said the wrong things, we've just had such a close bond in the past, and well, she always said she'd never date me cause I'm more like a sister to her.... sweatdrop
I feel like, well... I've kinda went and violated the already really good relationship I have with her... if you get what I mean... Like I may have really overstep my boundaries....
Anyway, she doesn't get off of work until about 4 tonight... and i have classes till about 7 tonight... so, it's still gonna be a long wait... sweatdrop  

[Moonlight_HuangHou]

Ooh!! Gotta hate waiting. I hate sending important emails and then wondering what the response will be. ^^ It's so stressful!

I don't understand it quite so either. It sounds more like best friends/ sisterly love kind of relationship since you're not feeling for an intimate loving kind of relationship.

Are you sure it's just not best friend or sisterly love and the jealousy you feel when you think of her with another isn't just...jealously like having someone you're close to taken away from you? 3nodding
Maybe it's love but more like a "I love you like family and want you always closer to me" kind of thing. The thought of her with someone else is bothersome since you won't be her center of attention ...maybe?  

[Arch Angel Neko]

@ Black_Angel_Flowne - oh.. I know the feeling.. the wait is what's gonna make it hurt.. the reply will be the *boom* part.. i just know it.. neutral

and personnally I think. You love her more like a family. like how a father or would feel if her only girl has a crush on a boy or when his little girl has a boy who's courting her. Something like that. Plus, don't feel down. smile *pats your head and shares cookeh* we all get that feeling once in a while. smile  

[Black_Angel_Flowne]

Thank you for the cookie biggrin
Perhaps that is all it is... but still it's pretty weird... honestly, I don't think I care about being the center of attention or not, I just... I dunno...
I don't wanna be the center of anyone's world. I want to be the one there for her no matter what the hell goes on... I'd be happy if she found love, yet at the same time... I wish I was the one she was with, but at the same time, seeing us together in that whole traditional fall in love sequence... aggghhh... I think I'll go bang my head against a wall. *yeesh, now I think I went and confused myself... sweatdrop *

I think I'm majorly confused. rofl
I've even talked to fellow college classmates about it, and they have no friggin idea what the heck I'm going through sweatdrop
Not like it's easy for people to understand me. It's tough actually explaining what I'm feeling half the time. sigh....  

[Black_Angel_Flowne]

UPDATE!!!
My friend and I just talked to each other... she knew about my feelings. (how the hell...???) Anyway, she understands, and she just wants to be friends... which is fine, I think... I'm just glad she doesn't hate my guts... redface  

[Moonlight_HuangHou]

So is everything OK now? ^_^
You're maybe still in the confused state but it's better to get it out huh?  

[dragontamer363]

*dispenses support hugs*

i'm gald she's being understanding smile  

[Black_Angel_Flowne]

lol, yeah, everything seems to be doing ok, now...
She doesn't seem to mind it at all. She even posted how great she felt having someone like me around redface

She's been depressed for a long time, so it's nice to know I made her day... I guess I need to just try and focus on being friends with her more than anything... hopefully, I'll find love in someone else. 3nodding  

[Zizzykitty]

Haha, you must be like me.
I think I'm really sneaky but I'm not.
(When it comes to trying to pretend I don't have feelings for someone at least)

That's good you guys don't seem like you'll be affected by it though.
I'm sure you'll eventually find someone else.
And I'm sure that she'll always be by you as a friend.