[LOG] a return to heart and home

[Lethrossen]

The green leopardess stretched her body along the thick branch of the tree she had taken residence in. It had been long since she had slept in a den, opting instead for the comfort of trees since the seeming disappearance of her mate. The strict-manner abiding cat couldn't bring herself to leave the Kusini pridelands, the pride had become her home even though time had not been too kind to her.

She was aging, a fact evident even as her children left her. Still she found herself bound to the pride she called home even as she desperately wished for the return of the pink maned lion she so desperately missed.

Too long had he spent away from his pride... but none of it could be helped. It was all such a great and terrible accident, Gin going missing... leaving before telling his mate the bad news. He thought for sure that Gin couldn't have gotten far, he had only been a little older then a cub. But time had seemed irrelevant that first night, and Rengo's stamina had been great. He'd traveled the whole night, madly searching without any sort of system. But when day had broke he realized he no longer knew where he was, and still there had been no sign of Gin. His heart had broken so many times, each day it broke and for hours he would rebuild it with reminders that he would find home, he would find his and Nafsi's son!

He could not say for certain how long he'd been gone, or if his beautiful precious mate would even be in the lands when he returned. And what of his other children? So many nights he blamed himself for all that had went wrong. So many nights he prayed for a way to fix things... He sighed heavily as he slipped through the Kusini woods. A tiny part of him was happy to see home, but that part was fleeting. Things would... forever be different now. He was different! He'd grown stronger... and the scars... oh ho he just wanted to nuzzle his Nafsi and grieve and apologize. "What have I done?" He asked, lightly at first as he slowed in the woods and slowly looked up. He shouted the words again, angry. Angry with himself, and angry with the gods.

 

[Lethrossen]

She heard his voice long before she ever saw him, and her ears perked up at the sound of it. She sat up, hesitating as she briefly wondered if she was simply imagining his voice. How long had it been since she had seen him? Months? Years even? She had lost count and at one point a part of her had assumed him to be dead. Yet she never gave up on him, she could never bring it upon herself to move on or seek the company of another. No, Nafsi had settled on remaining alone praying Rengo would suddenly reappear out of the blue.

Suddenly she thought she saw a flash of his pink mane and could remain idle no longer. She walked the length of her branch, jumping down gracefully before making her way slowly towards what she hoped would be the linoe she wanted. "Rengo?"

He had crumpled to the earth, moaning softly. So many emotions filled him... anger and pain, regret... grief... sorrow. Longing for touch of his mate. All of it seemed too much now that he was finally home, now that he would truly learn what had happened to everything he truly cared about most in his heart. His ears twitched and suddenly he froze. Rengo... that voice... had he at least been given the gift of the presence of his mate? But how could he face her? But how he missed her!

"... Nafsi?" He called softly, his voice shaking as he suddenly climbed to all fours, his light eyes peering around until they landed on the bright green pelt of the female he loved with all of his heart. "Weusinafsi!" He said, his voice almost broken as he rushed towards her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" He cried out, but he hesitated when he got closer to her. He stopped, gaze meeting hers. "I am so... so.. sorry Nafsi.." It seemed the only words able to spill past his maw.

 

[Lethrossen]

She was frowning at him even as she stared at him in full. It was really, truly him but she wasn't as elated as she had expected she would be. No, she was quite the opposite in reality. She was rippling with fury. "Rengo," she began her voice strained as she struggled to control herself. "Where have you been?" The questions came out accusatory, laced with venom. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been over you? How upset and alone I have been?" She struggled with keeping her tone even, to yell at him without raising her voice.

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt?"

His ears wavered backward and pain seeped it's way across his features. He almost whined but was able to contain himself, though he could not rid the painful expression from his gaze. "I'm sorry... Nafsi... I was lost... and Gin... and gods above I have missed you... and every day... I've been trying to get back here... asking directions and walking and... oh gods I couldn't find him..." What if his son was dead? And Nafsi! He'd let her suffer all alone this time... He wanted to keep explaining, but did not know what good it would do.

His head hung, he could no longer meet her gaze. "I never meant..." He'd never meant this, he'd struggled so hard to return. In reality it had been perhaps a year, and never would he know how he could have been gone that long. But had just just said alone? His gaze drew back up to her, worry suddenly overtaking the pain an guilt. "The other children?" He choked out, wondering what alone exactly had meant. So many things he wanted to ask and know and tell her, but he was not sure in which order or how or if she cared at all... and how could he ever understand how hurt and alone she was... and equally how would she be able to know of his own sorrows, his own pain and guilt?

 

[Lethrossen]

She sighed, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she sank down onto her haunches. "You know I dislike it when you don't complete your sentences," she scolded him, tail curling around her paws."If you have something to say then spit it out," she instructed knowing that her words were harsher than neccesary but she was upset with him. Correcting him in his manners was one of the only ways she knew how to hide her hurt.

"Do not get me wrong Rengo, I missed you. Terribly so, but really. How could you have been so thoughtless?" She shook her head. "If Gin went missing you should have just informed me and we could have found him together. There was no reason for you to run off alone," she sighed, pink eyes looking away. "The other children are fine, though only Kayonga remains." She finally moved towards him. "I swear, if you ever leave me so rudely again," she trailed off a low purr rumbling from her throat as she pressed her head against his chin.

He winced at her words, but thought only of trying to appease her. Still, she seemed to have understood the gist of what he'd said... but he only felt more horrible with each response she gave. He'd never been so foolish in his life, not even when he was young and tried to weird the other males out until breaking point. Once he'd met Nafsi he'd settled into someone who was kind and intelligent, who thought threw things... he did not dare open his mouth at all, but when she said that she missed him he could not help the tears starting to fill in his eyes. Oh he was being a big dope! "Truly I thought I would only be gone for a few hours Nafsi... truly I did not think of my actions at all..." He sounded like a cub who'd just had a bad scolding, and truly that was how he felt as well.

He was glad to hear their children were safe, though sad to have heard the other two boys had left the land as well. He would need to visit his daughter... but as Nafsi moved closer to him the thoughts of his children faded, ever so slightly. When her head buped so fondly against his chin he was done for, he pushed into her, nuzzling his large head and mane against her throat and shoulder, his own purr rumbling from his chest. "Never again.." He whispered, promising her in an instant. He would never set foot out of these lands, in fear of again losing the family that he loved. "Nafsi I've missed you for so long..." And his children. Children he'd never see again... and a daughter he'd never had the chance to see fully grow to an adult. "I'll never leave you, or this place or Kayonga.." He elaborated, praying that his daughter at least would stay here in the kusini lands with them.

 

[Lethrossen]

Nafsi sighed as he tried to explain himself, she knew he had not meant to be gone for long but life was unpredictable and things did not always go according to plan. "Rengo," she began carefully pressing her body into him. "You don't want to know what would happen if you left me again," she warned him pulling away just long enough to give him a look that meant she was very serious about the whole thing. He was lucky that she hadn't given up on him or moved on, very lucky indeed.

"Kayonga is preoccupied with her own mate troubles," she explained carefully licking her mates cheek. "Don't you ever leave me again. Ever."

"Never, never." He repeated softly, not knowing what else to say. He wanted so much for things to just be normal, instantly and blessedly normal. Of course, life was not as easy as that. But, things would slowly work back into something of how they used to be. He loved Nafsi too much for it not to, and he knew that she loved him just as much. The fact that she hadn't given him up for dead or just given him up period... that proved it. He hoped it proved it.

He nuzzled into her face, grooming the top of her head slightly as a deep purr rumbled in his chest. He frowned softly when he heard his daughter was having trouble with her mate. A mate! Rengo had been gone too long... all of it was very heartbreaking. He was not sure what to say, what to ask. "I... I'm sorry to hear that. She has a mate now?" Curiousity licked his tone very slightly, surprised. "I... wow.." He breathed out the last words, though he knew his mate did not often like when he did not express fully what he was thinking. He shut his eyes tightly, leaning his forehead against her own. "I've missed... so much... everything feels so horrible Nafsi... I feel like I've failed you... and I've failed our children.." He felt horrible still, and it would take a long time to rid himself of the guilt and sadness.