wicca my mother does not understand

[PixieBlackrose 22]

i have followed the path of wicca for a year going on two and my fauther has resentley found his path too. my mother feels that i have brain washed him. i haven`t i know that you can not force your beliefs down others throats and they must follow their own paths intune with their moral compass and he found his so why is my mother trating me like i am evil. she says wicca is satenism but saten is not a wiccan ethic . do any of you have any idea? sweatdrop

blessed be
merry met and merry meet again  

[TheStarlessSkye]

My advice would be sit down, talk, and explain. Tell her codes, ethics and morals general Neo-Pagans/Wiccans go by. Show her what you do. Help her ease her fear of you. Tell her you respect and revere nature, and believe the Goddess and God are within it all. Their life, energy, essence, runs through all nature. Tell her you don't believe in Satan.

Basically, prove her wrong.  

[Katefox Tarnagona]

manerva sparks

i have followed the path of wicca for a year going on two and my fauther has resentley found his path too. my mother feels that i have brain washed him. i haven`t i know that you can not force your beliefs down others throats and they must follow their own paths intune with their moral compass and he found his so why is my mother trating me like i am evil. she says wicca is satenism but saten is not a wiccan ethic . do any of you have any idea? sweatdrop

blessed be
merry met and merry meet again

Your father resently--oh, recently. xd Sorry, I read that originally as "resentfully", and was wondering how someone could be resentfully Pagan, and if he was somehow resentfully Pagan, I could see why your mother was upset. But now that I've straightened out my own confusion...

I assume your mother follows some variant of Christianity? For the very fundamentalist Christians, anything that isn't Christianity is evil/Satan-inspired by default. Ergo, if (Neo)Wicca is not Christianity, and it is not, then it must be Satan-inspired, by the same logic. Is this uninformed? Yes. Is it fair? No. But it helps in dealing with people to know where they're coming from. And, as you're the one who knows your mother, only you can really say how deeply held this belief is.

If it seems like she can be convinced otherwise, finding her something things to read about your path, and asking her politely to read them, might help her understand where you are coming from, and that your path is not evil just because it isn't Christian. I stress that "politely" because being emotionally worked up, or defensive, is going to cause your mother to react in kind, instead of listening to you. (Think of your reaction if a friend asked, "hey, did you borrow my book?" vs "hey, you stole my book!" In the first case, you'd probably reply politely, but in the second case, angrily, yes?) I'm a big fan of written materials, either you explaining yourself, or something someone else wrote that explains your position, because it gives you a chance to explain everything without interruptions, as long as they're willing to read the whole thing. But let your mother ask questions, too, because there may be bits in the explanation she doesn't understand, or things she's particularly worried about.

If, on the other hand, it doesn't seem like your mother can be convinced your path is not evil, don't bother. Have respect for her, and don't practise around her, or shove it in her face that you're a Pagan. If you can, just let it be one of those things where you agree to disagree and don't talk about it. Especially if you're living with her, it's probably just better if you hide away your books and athame, and wait until you're moved out before you practise openly. Otherwise, you'll just get into pointless arguments. Maybe you could ask her to stop treating you badly if you agree not to practise, or talk about Paganism where she can see and hear?

Annnd, I'll leave the explaining of what is, or is not Wicca to the more Wiccaly knowledgeable members. (Did your High Priest, High Priestess, or other coven members not have any suggestions for you on how to deal with your parents? If you haven't asked them, they might have some useful suggestions.)  

[Ren LehCrow]

Before I feel comfortable advising you, may I ask a few basic questions?

First, how old are you?
It could be that your mother just doesn't think you're at an age where your mature enough or informed enough to make a spiritual decision simply for spirituality's sake. She could be viewing your desire to be pagan simply as normal youth rebellion.

Secondly, do your parents live together or are they separated?
If your parents are separated then your mother has no right to say what religion your father can or cannot believe in and practice. Of course, she has no say in his belief even if they were living together, but living together they would still have to find a compromise as far as practicing at home is concerned.

If they are separated, which of your parents do YOU live with?
If you live with your mother and she does not want you practicing a pagan religion in her home, then you have an obligation to respect her wishes. This does not mean that you have to stop believing what you believe, it just means that you should wait to practice your beliefs. Even if your parents are living together and your father is also some variation of pagan you (both of you) should still respect her views and try to find a compromise that all three of you can agree on and live with.

And, my final 2 questions:

Could you please explain to me (in your own words) what you think "Wicca" is?

And, are you aware that the phrase "blessed be" is ritual language and has a very specific meaning?

 

[Morgandria]

I surmise that you are perhaps a minor, if you still live under your parents' authority. I also surmise that you're not a member of a coven, from that fact. For Wiccans, a coven would be the first place to go for this kind of advice. However, avoiding these kinds of situations is the primary reason Wicca only initiates adults under their own authority, and does not involve itself with minors.

I'd suggest reading our Wicca FAQ thread before trying to explain your path to your parents. You'll be doing yourself, and Wiccans, a disservice by passing around misinformation when you do so. Make sure you know what you're talking about before you try to educate others.

Chances are your mother is not well-informed on the subject, and is reacting with her own religious viewpoint, and concern for your well-being, and perhaps concern for 'appearances', to other people. It would be worth making a list of her concerns or main issues, and addressing them point-by-point.

Your father is an adult who makes his own choices. You should not be having to defend his choices to your mother. Neither should he be deflecting her criticisms of that choice onto you. I'm not saying that he is, but in any case, he should not.

If you are a minor, you will in all likelihood have to wait until you are legally an adult before being able to openly practice your chosen path. A parent has the legal right to choose a child's religious education while they are still responsible for them. Also, please respect your parents' hospitality, if you are living under their roof. Asking you to not have certain objects or books in their home, or to not do certain activities, is their right - to act contrary to their wishes is very rude, and some pagan paths consider it dishonourable as well.

Also, it is worth noting that Gerald Gardner, the founder of Wicca, believed that 'Satan' was none other than the Greek God Pan, twisted and maligned to be the scapegoat of medieval Christianity. But
you are also correct that Wicca has nothing do to with Satan - in that it has little to do with Pan, either. The Gods of Wicca are British in nature.  

[DarqMoonz]

I am unsure of your age, but I started studying all forms of paganism at age 13. I personally feel that people of any age should be able to choose their own religion or beliefs.

I am not saying to deliberately disobey your parents, but from my own experiance, being who they want you to be isn't always who you are destined to be. Although, chances are, the more you fight with your mother about it, the more she will push her own views on you. It's hard for most parents to allow their children to make their own choices. It's wise to keep your beliefs to yourself and follow your code. If she sees that you are making wise decisions, making good grades, being the best that you can be, she may be more accepting. When you move out, you can practice your beliefs openly. Just remember, there will always be someone who disagrees with your choices.