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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:26 pm
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:50 pm
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:54 pm
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Xiac oOGarrettOo Please read the rules and guidelines for story posting and repost. Else I'll be forced to remove your thread. I apologise sincerely, I really didn't want to make a bad first impression Dx A link to the writing is acceptable, is it not? A link is fine. Just be sure to follow the rules.
Also, and this has nothing to do with the rules, but we could use more people who read other peoples' work 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:01 pm
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oOGarrettOo Xiac oOGarrettOo Please read the rules and guidelines for story posting and repost. Else I'll be forced to remove your thread. I apologise sincerely, I really didn't want to make a bad first impression Dx A link to the writing is acceptable, is it not? A link is fine. Just be sure to follow the rules. Also, and this has nothing to do with the rules, but we could use more people who read other peoples' work 3nodding
If I have the time, I shall do! I do enjoy to read =P
If a link is fine, I think I've sorted it all out xP Thanks for putting me straight, and I apologise for the hassle created by not taking a look at the rules Dx
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:24 pm
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Xiac If a link is fine, I think I've sorted it all out xP Thanks for putting me straight, and I apologise for the hassle created by not taking a look at the rules Dx Always read the rules wink
Xiac Anyway I can improve this? All feedback much appreciated ^_^
Okay, so, the idea/concept is pretty good. I tend to like things that deal with darkness being a tangible thing or that hides tangible things that can consume (I'm working on one myself).
Work on utilizing a larger variety of words. Thesauruses are a writer's best friend. The problem with using the same word over and over is that sometimes the brain can start to focus on that "sound" and sometimes it will actually break up the sentences and cause some mental stumbling. In some cases it can also make the story rather boring to read, regardless of how unique and interesting the plot is.
Using a larger variety of words also helps with the flow and the overall attraction. It keeps the reader interested. I'm not talking about using massive, unfamiliar words all over the place, just a variety of them so that, again, it's not the same thing every other word smile
Also, pay attention to your usage. I don't want to call it grammar, necessarily, but there are some places where the wording is awkward or incorrect, and again causes some stumbling.
So, great story, great idea. Really all you need to work on is smoothing and polishing. Don't be afraid of using different words or experimenting with a structure you've never used before. smile
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 2:04 pm
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oOGarrettOo Xiac If a link is fine, I think I've sorted it all out xP Thanks for putting me straight, and I apologise for the hassle created by not taking a look at the rules Dx Always read the rules wink Xiac Anyway I can improve this? All feedback much appreciated ^_^ Okay, so, the idea/concept is pretty good. I tend to like things that deal with darkness being a tangible thing or that hides tangible things that can consume (I'm working on one myself). Work on utilizing a larger variety of words. Thesauruses are a writer's best friend. The problem with using the same word over and over is that sometimes the brain can start to focus on that "sound" and sometimes it will actually break up the sentences and cause some mental stumbling. In some cases it can also make the story rather boring to read, regardless of how unique and interesting the plot is. Using a larger variety of words also helps with the flow and the overall attraction. It keeps the reader interested. I'm not talking about using massive, unfamiliar words all over the place, just a variety of them so that, again, it's not the same thing every other word smile Also, pay attention to your usage. I don't want to call it grammar, necessarily, but there are some places where the wording is awkward or incorrect, and again causes some stumbling. So, great story, great idea. Really all you need to work on is smoothing and polishing. Don't be afraid of using different words or experimenting with a structure you've never used before. smile
Yes! Some actual feedback! biggrin
Much appreciated, I understand that I use the words "beat" too much, and I can understand where my writing starts getting... meh xP
I really appreciate this, thank you ^_^
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 2:01 am
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:04 pm
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