Dreams To Follow, E

[Dark Doe Alysse]

I'm putting an E, well, because this is really an 'Everyone' story. There's no vulgar language, or violence or any of the like, hence 'parental guidance' is not even needed XP

Just so you know: I wrote this in a very short period of time for a school project a while ago, so it's not my best work (also hence why it's rated E). However, I would still like feedback on it. You are welcome to criticise it however you wish, but if you do so, please make sure your criticism is CONSTRUCTIVE! Just saying 'I sucked, I didn't like it' won't help me improve at all, now will it? As long as any and all criticism is constructive, you can say what you like.

Thanks~  

[Dark Doe Alysse]

Dreams to Follow

“Remember son, you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up.”

“Can I be a fire truck?”

“No… no you can’t be a fire truck. You can be a fireman like your old da though.”

“Really? Alright! Imma be a fireman like you when I’m older!”

Marco sighed as he recalled memories of happier times. He had really looked up to his father when he was young, and it wasn’t to say that he didn’t look up to him now, he just didn’t understand him. What was so wrong with him wanting to work as a Wind turbine technician?

Marco had first decided to become a Wind turbine technician when he was in grade 10 after doing an extensive research project on climate change and the importance of renewable energy resources. After that project, he had known that he wanted to contribute to developing these sources, and since he, regrettably, wasn’t much of an inventor, he figured that the best way to do this was to work on the machines themselves, learn to figure out what was wrong with them when they broke and fix them. And now that he was finally graduating, he could finally fulfill that dream.

There was only one problem: his dad.

For some reason, his father didn’t want him to become a Wind turbine technician. It wasn’t as though he was holding out for his son to be a firefighter either, he just didn’t like wind turbines and didn’t want his son working on them. Marco didn’t really understand his reasoning either: something about aesthetics and how the whole ‘global warming’ and ‘green-house gas’ issue had just been blown way out of proportion.

“How can he say that? Hasn’t he seen all the studies they’ve done?” Marco grumbled as he packed clothes into his suitcase, “I know I’ve shown him, he just doesn’t get it!”

From the doorway there came a giddy voice. “Marco~ Are you really going to live Edmonton?” his little sister, Iris, asked, her head tilted in question, her straight blonde hair falling over one shoulder. Marco grinned and nodded. “Yeah.” He said, shutting his suitcase and walking over to his sister.

Picking her up, he spun her around before carrying her over to his bed and placing her on top of his suitcase. “Here,” he told her, “sit there so I can zip this up.”

“You don’t need me to do that! You never pack a lot!” she exclaimed.

“Do it or I’ll tickle you!” Marco told her, ruffling her hair. With a shriek of delight, the younger girl jerked away from his hands, but remained on top of the suitcase, drawing her legs up and hugging them to her chest so that they were out of the way.

As soon as Marco was finished zipping up the case, Iris jumped off. “Say hi to mom for me, alright?” she demanded as he left the room.
Marco nodded. “Don’t worry! I will!” he promised, ruffling her hair once more as he exited the house.


The drive to the train station was a completely different matter. His father, Manfred Riley, was an intimidating man. He had been working as a firefighter for almost 25 years now. Manfred’s wife – and Marco and Iris’s mother – Gloria Sutton, were estranged, and had been for several years. She worked as a lawyer in Lethbridge, and it was her that Marco was going to live with while he went to school at Lethbridge College.

“I don’t see why you can’t go to school around here. There are plenty of good colleges around here.” Manfred grumbled as he drove, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight they were white.

“None that have the program I want.” Marco replied, staring out the side window. Not to mention it’ll give me the chance to get away from your obvious disapproval. He added in his mind.

“I don’t see why you have to take that program.” Manfred continued.
Marco didn’t reply, choosing instead to stare out the window at the buildings passing by and pretend he hadn’t heard. His father made no move to continue the conversation either and an uncomfortable silence fell over the occupants of the car.

Finally they arrived at the train station and Marco got out of the car and grabbed his suitcase. He barely had time to raise a hand in farewell before his father was gone, already driving away. Gritting his teeth in annoyance, he made his way to the platform, having bought his ticket well in advance. He was immensely glad that he wasn’t stuck in the car with his dad for the five hours it would have taken to drive to Lethbridge. Of course, he was only taking the train to Calgary, where his mother would pick him up, but his mother was also a much easier person to deal with.

The loud whistle of the train announced its arrival at the station, and as he stepped on to the train, Marco sighed in relief. His dad had been right, he could be whatever he wanted to be, and he would do it, no matter what his father thought of his career choice.  

[Dark Doe Alysse]

Bump?  

[oOGarrettOo]

Not the kind of fiction I generally read, but overall it wasn't bad. The imagery is pretty good, which is good for shorter stories. There's less time to aquaint the reader with what's going on, so I think for the length, the imagery was decent. It focused on the main point well. There were a few runon sentences here and there, and some of the wording caused a little stumbling, but it wasn't much, so that really isn't anything to be all "OMG" over.

Also, as a personal note, I find it rude to bump your story, expecting others to take the time in reading and commenting, when you yourself haven't taken part in aiding the other users. To be honest, I wasn't to keen on giving a review.