I've posted this in the other guilds I belong to, just to widen the net.

First, I'll throw in some background info. I've been an Eclectic Neo-Pagan for seven years or so. For those first six years, I believed myself to be a Solitary Wiccan (I know, I'm not the first and I sadly will not be the last). Once I had this error pointed out to me in complete clarity, I still didn't fully accept it. I guess it was sort of a shock. Once I came to the realization that it wasn't my spiritual experiences that had been false, but merely a misnomer on my part, I was okay. I also realized that before I had been corrected, I had already been distancing myself from the title of Wiccan.

Now, the issue I have is this; because I obtained so much of my learning from books, and haven't been exposed to many other Pagan, Neo-Pagans, or anything under this particular umbrella term-and because all of these books have had differing opinions on one thing or another, I find that my own beliefs and practices are somewhat muddled.

In the first few years, I did a lot of experimentation. The problem I'm finding now is this: I can't seem to make up my mind whether I see my deities as A) One Goddess and One God, B) One Goddess and One God with many different "faces" and archetypes, who have physical forms but are also part of everything (this also seems like a contradiction) C) All different deities from different pantheons as themselves, or D) Not as literal Goddess and God at all, but as thought-forms.

I keep jumping around, which only causes more confusion when someone directly asks me these questions (and there seems to be a great deal of disdain for soft polytheists, which I find a bit offensive. If I do fit the description of soft poly, I can hardly help it. Everything I've learned has been from books, my experiences, and other sources. So naturally, of course I'm confused as all heck).

I really want to stick to one, because I feel my practices may improve if I have more clarity. The deity issue is the only issue I actually have. Everything else in my spritiual practice makes perfect sense to me. Sure, there are things I may add in as time wears on, things I want to try. I may even discard a bit of info that rings false with me (especially after learning a lot of my reading sources have derived so much from Margaret Murray, who gave false information-whether it was unwittingly or not, I don't know), but that's the thing about Eclecticism. As I mature, so too will my spiritual practices. The main foundation of what I believe will remain the same, and so will a lot of elements-but, other things will come and go.

Anyway, I wondered if anyone else had this source of problem, and if so, how did you manage to figure out what deities worked for you (if any?)

I'm hoping if I meditate on it long enough, it'll come to me, but in the meantime, any input would be much appreciated.